6. Carter

SIX

CARTER

I stopped before the tower of the Sages, giving Lo a dirty look.

"This is where the Sages dwell?"

The tower was obviously a thruster cone which had been toppled and broken during the crash. Their exterior bore rows of planted herbs and crops in flower boxes molded directly into the cone's metal side. As I watched, a man in a brown robe pushed his way past a beaded curtain and onto the street. His eyes flicked over to me and widened in alarm.

"Well, Lo? Make the introductions."

Lo stepped forward.

"Good morning, Ignio. I know you remember your old friend Lo. I've got great news for you today."

"Great news?"

The apparent Ignio flicked his gaze between me and Lo.

"And what is this good news?"

"I have a prospective new member for the Sages. I thought you might want to shore up the numbers after what happened with the cultural exchange envoy you sent to Grhoma Jank."

Ignio's eyes widened, and his nostrils flared.

"You would bring that up to me, when his body is barely grown cold?"

"Whatever, Sages go, but they also come. I've got one right here who will probably be a lot sturdier than the last one."

Ignio turned his gaze on me and swallowed.

"My apologies, mighty Warrior, but I don't believe that you would be a good fit for the Sages."

I sighed in exasperation.

"I have no time for this verbal dance. You have trials for prospective Sages, yes? Let me take the trials."

Ignio swallowed, hard.

"The trials involve the activation of devices, and are, ah, difficult."

I heaved a long sigh. Gro's reputation had grown beyond inconvenient.

"I promise that I will not hurt you if I fail to pass the trials. But I will not fail regardless."

Ignio's tail twitched back and forth like a metronome. He looked at Lo for some reason, and Lo shrugged.

"Very well. I will speak with the other Sages and we will prepare your test for tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? What's wrong with today…"

Ignio cringed. I forced myself to sound less aggressive.

"Tomorrow will be fine. Have a nice day."

I turned and strode from him, and after a moment Lo followed.

"You are confusing everyone, Gro. But not in a bad way."

I grunted. Frustration boiled in me, but I knew that a single day's delay was logically not a big deal. As long as I figured out a way to return to my own body before Grhoma Jark assaulted the Starlost village.

Jark was a problem. He presented a countdown clock on the time I had remaining to figure out a way back to my own body.

It seemed to me that some sort of parley would be the best option. Even if I had to sell out the Starlost to do it. They were, after all, merely aliens.

Yet, my stomach turned at the thought of stabbing them in the back. I tried to tamp it down, told myself that empathy for aliens was akin to having sympathy for a wild animal.

It's all I can do not to rip my flesh right off of my bones.

I wanted to escape my fleshly prison. The thought of being surrounded by aliens was bad enough. But to be an alien? To inhabit its skin? It drove me mad.

"You look ill, Gro. Do you need to sit down or something?"

I covered my eyes and shook my head.

"I will be fine. I just need time to think."

"Watch where you're going, unless you want to run people over."

I looked up just in time to avoid knocking over a thick bodied female and her vegetable stand alike. She looked up at me and gaped, long strands of hair sticking to her face.

"Long hair," I murmured.

"What was that?"

I glanced over at Lo and grimaced.

"I was just thinking, most of the women have long hair, let Arael shaves her head."

Lo stopped cold. I took several steps before I realized he no longer strode beside me. Returning to his side, I found him utterly flabbergasted.

"You don't remember. I keep forgetting that you have amnesia."

"What have I forgotten now?"

Lo licked his lips and shifted his stance uncomfortably.

"Lo, I am not a patient man."

"You did it," he blurted.

I stared at him in confusion for several moments until my comprehension sunk in.

"I did? I mean, Gro did it? Why?"

Lo dropped his gaze to the ground.

"Arael is friends with Jord the Miller. They've been friends since childhood, but when you saw them talking...that is, when the old Gro saw them talking, jealousy drove him to cut off Arael's hair."

"Why?"

"So that she wouldn't be pretty, I think. Or maybe to teach her a lesson."

I clapped a hand over my face and groaned.

I am branded a villain no matter where I go. At least Gro earned his evil reputation. All I did was some scientific research for Blue Dawn. It's not like I ever hurt anyone…

A phantom scream tore from the vestiges of memory and ripped through my conscious mind. I thrust my fingers into my ears.

"Stop. Stop. Stop."

I grew aware of someone tugging on my arm. I looked down to Lo as he squinted into the morning sun. The screaming stopped. I wasn't at the Blue Dawn facility any longer. I was in the present. In an alien's body, on a world circling a distant star, but at least there were no screams.

"Gro, are you alright? Stop what?"

I shook my head.

"I must go."

I took off at a dead run. Gro's body ate up the terrain with long, athletic strides. I moved at speeds beyond even Olympian standards on Earth. Yet it didn't feel fast enough.

I raced back to Gro's dwelling, and found it empty. No sign of Arael.

My nostrils flared. Her scent hung heavy in the air. I could almost taste her fear, her despair.

These aliens have keen olfactory senses. I can probably track Arael.

Following her proved easy until I reached the center of town. The village roads converged like the spokes of a wheel in the town square. Nearly everyone who lived there would pass through the square at one point or another.

I looked about, but didn't see her. I found a stall filled with feathered lizards on thong strings, apparent talismans of some sort. The man sitting behind the merchandise shrank back as I leaned in close.

"Arael. Have you seen her?"

He nodded, then pointed toward the spoke which led toward the southern edge of the village.

"Thank you."

Relief and guilt battled across his features. Perhaps he feared that I was looking for Arael so I could lay another beating on her. My intentions were quite the opposite.

I took the southern spoke, and after I left behind the hubbub of the central market her scent grew sharper. I moved through a dense patch of vegetation, what passed for trees on the floating rock. Their purple fronds bent easily enough. The stalks proved more resilient, though they only measured as thick as Gro's wrist.

She left the path, squeezing through a copse of the strange plants to reach a clearing. Here water sprang up from the rock, impossibly streaming out into a babbling brook that soon plunged off the side.

Since we rode a floating island, I could not fathom where the water's source could possibly be. I soon grew distracted from this conundrum when I spotted Arael's purple and white form near the edge of the waterfall.

She stood dangerously close to the edge, staring down to the distant land below. We passed over a white, wispy cloud as I drew near. I didn't want to startle her, and make her fall off the edge.

Arael didn't look my way, but her ears moved, and her breathing grew faster. She knew I was there. I sat down on a waist high boulder about ten feet from where she stood and waited.

When she remained silent for several moments, I cleared my throat.

"What are you doing here, Arael?"

Her face contorted with pain, but she did not answer with words.

"I know what you're thinking. It's hopeless, and it's better to end it all rather than suffer another moment."

She turned a sharp glance my way. I couldn't tell if she was more angry that I'd interrupted her thoughts or that I'd guessed them so accurately.

"I know what Gro has put you through, and I'm sorry. I would never strike you, nor shave your head for simply talking to another man."

She covered her face with her hands, shoulders shaking with sobs. I stood halfway up, intending to offer comfort, but she suddenly thrust one of her palms in my direction.

"Do not come near me!"

I stopped, then settled back onto the stone.

"Do you not believe me, Arael? Do you not believe me when I say I will not hurt you?"

She pulled her hand from her tear streaked face and met my gaze. Her deep purple eyes swam with agony, but I detected a twinge of hope as well. Then, her gaze hardened as she stomped out the ember of hope of her own volition.

"I believe that you will not hurt me. That is, the Gro I am speaking with now."

She returned her gaze to the ground far below the floating island.

"But if the other Gro returns, if your memories are restored, then things will go back to the way they were. I would rather die."

"That Gro isn't coming back."

"You don't know that. You can't know that, you are not a Physicker."

She took a deep breath, and I could tell she was on the verge of stepping off the ledge. I shouldn't have cared, since she wasn't even human, and yet, terror seized my heart.

"No, don't do it, please. I am not a Physicker, but I am a man of science."

She turned a confused look my way.

"What if I told you that I don't have amnesia? What if I told you that my mind, my consciousness, is just inhabiting Gro's body?"

Her eyes went skyward and she let out a miserable groan.

"You have gone completely mad. I don't know if that's worse than being beaten or not."

"I'm not mad. I am a different person, and I will not hurt you, Arael. You need not fear me."

Arael sneered.

"How can you possibly prove your claims?"

She had a point. Thinking quickly, I remembered my scheduled audition with the Sages.

"Tomorrow, I will take the trials to join the ranks of the Sages. You agree that Gro would have no hope of achieving this?"

"What?" she sputtered. "You truly are mad."

"If I pass the trials, will you at least admit that there is a possibility I am not mad? That I speak the truth?"

"I…suppose that has some logic in it."

"Good. Then promise me you will not kill yourself until then. I can't watch you every minute, nor do I have the time nor the inclination to try."

She shook her head.

"Whether you've forgotten me, or we've only just met, I am a stranger to you. Why would you care if I choose to join the Wind on its endless journey?"

I opened my mouth, closed it. Why did I care? She was merely a stranger, and an alien at that. And yet…

"I don't want your last moments to be spent in misery."

I stood up and strode away from her.

"Wait until after the trials. That is all I ask."

With that, I left her there on the cliff. I was aware she might step off at any moment, but I knew that it had to be her decision. As I'd spent so much of my recent time as a prisoner of the Alliance, I well understood her need for self-determination.

I understood that much. I did not understand why I cared what happened to her.

"You know why. You care because you've always cared."

I gritted my teeth and refused to look at the young man in the IHC military garb walking beside me.

"Go away, figment! I've not the time nor the wherewithal to deal with you today."

"So you don't care?

I stopped and glared at the phantom of my psychosis.

"No, I don't care at all."

"Then why do the screams haunt you still?"

An animalistic grunt tore from my mouth. I flung myself at him, but caught only empty air. I looked about, embarrassed, hoping no one saw me. If they did, I would have to blame it on Gro's recent injuries.

Fortunately, no one had witnessed my tirade. If I had ever wondered if my hallucinations had an organic or psychological root, I needed to wonder no longer. I was using Gro's brain with my memories and personality ingrained into it. My issues were clearly not organic in nature.

I would challenge anyone to live my life and not wind up just a little bit crazy. At least I am a useful madman. I will return to my body and then I will redouble my efforts to stop the alien threat.

I returned to the home I shared with Arael and nibbled on leftovers. Gro's caloric intake needs were much higher than my human body. I then went to the living space and brooded while pretending to prepare for the Sage trials I would face in the morning.

After some time, perhaps several hours, Arael returned. She did not speak to me, nor did I speak to her.

Yet, she prepared our evening meal and served it to me. We ate in silence, and she did not seem to even be able to meet my gaze.

She did not speak all evening long, in fact. Only when she paused at the foot of the steps before retiring for the evening did she look at me.

"I am uncertain if you have lost your memories, your mind, or both. But I can easily believe that you are not the same man as my lifemate. I do not think hate can grow in the soil of your soul."

With that she went upstairs. Instead of feeling reassured, her words filled me with turmoil.

Hate can't grow in the soil of my soul? But I hate aliens. And justifiably so. I hate them so much. My soul is, in fact, quite fertile ground for the sowing of hatred.

I grow more confused by the minute. The sooner I am back in my own body and away from this wretched alien world, the better.