22. Carter

TWENTY-TWO

CARTER

W e buried her on Old Starlost, near where our house used to be.

I moved into Pages' old place, though it had fallen into disrepair. Despite my children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren's best efforts, I refused to leave. Pageus' house had one unique qualification.

I could look out the window and see my wife's grave.

I spent the better part of a year like this, waiting to die. But one day Ajax showed up with my youngest great grandchild and told me that I had to live for them, even if I couldn't live for myself.

I didn't move out of Pageus' place, but I did become more sociable. I even got into politics again, albeit strictly on the local level.

The Physickers gave me more and more pills to swallow, more and more treatment plans to follow. No one wanted to admit the truth, except for me, of course. My body was breaking down, and science just couldn't stop it.

Not that I wanted to stop it. I was ready for my life to be over. Yes, my children, my family, gave my life meaning. But I was tired. Everything hurt, but I could have dealt with the physical pain. It was the terrible, empty hole left behind by Arael that I could not abide.

So I stopped taking my pills. Not completely, I just didn't put that much effort into taking them on time, or getting more when I ran out. I didn't show up for all of my appointments, either. I didn't want to waste my time.

One day, my chest tightened to the point I could barely breathe. None of the remedies helped, saved an emergency inhaler that could only be used two, maybe three times in a single day without serious side effects.

Once I could breathe, I eschewed my hoverchair and instead hobbled down the hill on an old fashioned cane. I sat down on a rock beside Arael's headstone, and rested my hand against the smooth gray surface.

"Well," I rasped. "I think today is the day, my love. Today is the day we are reunited I'm sorry it took so long. I just hope…no, I pray that when I die, I go to the Masari version of the afterlife and not the human one. I have to see you again, beloved. I just have to."

"Don't worry, you will."

I turned my rheumy eyes toward the speaker.

"Who's there? Spoke punk kid playing games…"

My voice trailed off when I saw my father, now literally a century younger than I.

"Oh, it's you. I suppose this means I'm losing my mind again. The end must really be near."

"Every ending is a beginning, Carter. Or should I call you Gro?"

I snorted.

"I suppose I prefer Gro. Will I see my lifemate again?"

"Oh, yes. Absolutely. It might not be in the way you expect, not at first, but it will happen."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

My father turned to me and smiled.

"I suppose you'll find out, if you live long enough."

I laughed, hard enough it set off a coughing fit. I struggled to drag air into my lungs, as darkness edged in on my vision.

For a time, it seemed as if I didn't breathe at all. I didn't breathe because there was no air, and I had no lungs to breathe it with if there had been. My conscious mind existed as a tiny spark in endless, ineffable blackness.

Then, I felt something punch me in the chest, or so I thought. All I knew was I could breathe again.

"He's back. And he's awake."

The voice sounded strange to my ears. Not a deep, resonant Masari voice. A thin, reedy…human voice.

I focused my eyes on the wizened face of a bespectacled doctor. He didn't look too thrilled to see me.

"Do you know who you are?" he asked.

"Gro, Chief of Starlost village."

The doctor frowned.

"What language is he speaking?"

"I don't know. The translators can't make heads or tails of it."

The doctor turned back to me, looking more concerned than ever.

"Can you tell me your name, son?"

Son? I was many times his elder…only I was not. I was young again. Human again.

I was dreaming again, and I wished that I could wake back up into my real, Masari life.

"Carter Reed. That's what you think my name is, so let's go with that."