Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Tallie ~ Soul Searching

With eyes wide open, she stared at the dark nothingness that was space. There wasn't a planet in sight. She took a few deep breaths, willing her heart rate to slow. Glancing back at the door to make sure it remained closed, she pulled her cape closer.

She didn't speak.

It was quiet for so long—she hoped he went away. But no.

She heard a rush of breath. A sigh. And he called her name again, "Tallie."

He didn't stop this time. "I know you are there."

She heard the humor in his voice when he said, "Because where would you go? I am sorry, Tallie. So, sorry. For everything. For not listening to you. For scaring you. For so many things. I wish... we could go back and start over."

Pressing her lips together. She considered those words and wondered, "What would you do differently?" She clapped her hand over her mouth. She hadn't meant to speak to him. Tallie was embarrassed that she had put herself into this position with the gladiators. She just wanted it to go away.

"I'd wear the kilt. Like I'm wearing it now. Wondering why I let such a little thing become so big. It isn't an excuse, and I will work to figure things out, but I didn't think about how it would make you feel. Afraid of us. So, I'd wear anything you wanted. Make the others wear clothing. As they all are now. Even LeChar. And I am going to admit that I need help. We all do. I thought..." his voice dropped off.

Frowning, Tallie considered his words. Even LeChar? What did that mean? And what did he mean they all needed help? She bit her lip. And in her mind... stole all the Earth women's cuss words. Damn, shit, fuck. She couldn't let him go silent. She had to know what he meant. She cleared her throat and prompted, "You thought?"

Zandhor sighed. "It wasn't a conscious thought. I reacted—the way I have since the day I was captured. If the creature who owned us wanted me to fight, I'd say no. Until he beat me into submission, and I fought. If he wanted me to eat, I refused... until he started hurting those in the nearby cages to prove a point.

"So, I ate. My life has been one rebellion after another until I was forced to comply with whatever they wanted. And some of the things my owner made me do were truly terrible. I don't care if I wear clothes or not. I said no because I always say no. And to be perfectly honest, I also liked your reaction to my cock. Whenever you looked at me, your skin went all pink. But I think, no... I know... that I was waiting for you to force me to put on clothing.

"I was forcing you to prove the lie of freedom and claim ownership of us. Because if you owned me—and I had to do what you said—I wouldn't be responsible for everyone."

She didn't respond right away. Tallie thought about the rhinoceros-looking male who kidnapped Kaitlyn. Creature summed it up. Then she replayed those few words in her mind and her brain kept repeating some of the phrases over and over. Forced to comply, prove the lie of freedom, ownership, wouldn't be responsible. Tallie rubbed her forehead. She was getting a headache. Her hand slipped down to her stomach. Faken Batch. This time she swore silently in one of the Universal languages that she'd been taught as an ambassador's daughter.

Tallie had a choice to make. She could fall silent. Her gaze raked over the controls in front of her. She realized that with the open communication between the bridge and the hall, Zandhor and anyone else standing nearby had heard her conversation with Kaitlyn and the others. She sighed. So, she should figure out how to turn off the damn communicator and not talk or hear anything he had to say. She could ignore the pain and what probably would be an ugly history behind his words.

Closing her eyes, she pictured Zandhor in her mind. The gladiator was tall. Probably close to seven feet. She was taller than her Earth friends, and the top of her head only reached the gladiator's chest. His bare, massive, and dusty blue chest. The dark, grey-blue tone of his flesh somehow made his muscular arms and legs look bigger. The startling deep brown eyes, small ears, and the humongous curved horns on the side of his head... appealed to her in a way she wasn't entirely comfortable with.

"Tallie, did I lose you?"

His deep, gravelly voice was a thing of beauty. It just reached inside of her and yanked all her female bits to attention. She wasn't sure yet if she wanted those bits paying attention. Whatever race Zandhor came from, he was humanoid. Just as Tallie was humanoid. If she listened to his story, she would have to share some of hers. And... she would be compelled to help him.

When Tallie was a captive of the Siloth, she had been abused. But during that time, she also found herself. Learned certain things that her parents didn't understand. One, she didn't want or need a mate to complete her life. If she ever fell in love, then and only then would she consider a mating ceremony. Two, she liked helping people. And sometimes she was smart enough to figure out what they needed. But she hadn't tried to do that with the gladiators. She hadn't thought about what they needed, only about her problems.

Tallie wouldn't lie to herself. She knew she was attracted to Zandhor and if she spent time helping him, she would probably become more attracted. She realized now that her plan to help the gladiators find new homes—had limits she didn't know she'd set. She wanted to help them physically. To move them along, out of their cages, and drop them off around the universe to find new lives. Like they were pets.

She thought she was helping them, but she was just going through the motions. Moving them around to make herself feel better, to say she was helping the emancipated slaves, and yet she never once considered what they might truly need or want, versus what she was willing to give them. Worse, she wasn't doing it to be nice. She wanted something in return. She wanted their protection until her ex could be dealt with or he turned out not to be a threat.

Her plan for this trip was to get to know the men. To become friends. Superficial friends. She wanted to discover how each of them ended up being a captive in the alien zoo. Then she thought they'd talk about where to go when her trip to Megoth was finished. But she hadn't planned to share any of her past or her problems. She wanted them to be a team for the short term, and then she'd just scatter them across the universe. Tallie's pet project.

Now she felt ashamed. Sad that she hadn't seen what she was doing. If she did this, if she spoke to him and asked questions, she had to do it for the right reasons. Not because he was cute and made her body hum a happy tune, but because she truly wanted to help them.

Tallie took a deep breath, leaned forward, and asked, "How old were you when you were captured?"