10. Ancient History

Iam glad my mates know about my pregnancy. Kronos and Atlas are incredibly attentive. Foot rubs, massages, as many cuddles as I can tolerate. Kronos has me cuddled up in his arms on one of this poor planet's natural wonders, a geothermal hot spring with sparkling effervescent water that feels lovely and tingly against my skin. The spring is located on the side of a mountain, which would be out of range for me, but Kronos carried me up here, refusing to allow me to walk on my own.

"Are you angry at me?"

I risk the question, which feels so natural to me even though there is less than zero indication that Kronos is even capable of being annoyed at me. He is the kindest, sweetest, most incredibly nice person I have ever encountered. I'd be concerned it is too good to be true, but his every action backs it up.

"I thought you'd be disgusted if you knew I was pregnant to someone else, but you know it really wasn't my fault. I didn't…"

I trail off, not wanting to explain the circumstances of the conception. I have done nothing but try to forget about it since it happened. I've been running from it since I happened. But you can't run from a baby, and I don't want to.

"Nothing you do or happened to you makes me think you are disgusting," Kronos says. "You are one of vanishingly few human women capable of existing in this lawless sector of the universe. And though you may have caused trouble in attempting to deceive those who bid on you, I can tell you believed it to be a necessity. I do not judge you."

I lean my head back against his shoulder and look up into his face. I really think he is telling the truth. He doesn't judge me. He never has. From the beginning of our association, he has always thought well of me. I don't deserve it, but he doesn't care.

"How did you get so nice?"

"I saw enough suffering to realize that when someone is running, and struggling, and fighting for survival there's no point in judging them. Every living thing does what it needs to survive. None of us are any different."

"And you don't mind that I'm pregnant already?"

He wraps his arm around me more tightly and snugs me close. "I'm actually very happy."

"Why!?"

"Because it means you can have a pregnancy. And it means one day you will bear one of my heirs. A baby is a good thing, always."

"Sheriff didn't think so."

"Sheriff knew of your condition?"

I pause on the precipice of a revelation I know there will be no coming back from. But there is something about the warmth of the water and the absolute acceptance emanating from Kronos that makes me want to confess my darkest secret, the one that propelled me across uncharted space in the mad attempt to survive.

"He did," I say. "Because he caused it."

Kronos' arms snug tighter. He doesn't say anything right away. He does not reply in a horrified manner. He does not exclaim loudly how terrible and disgusting it all is. He simply holds me and allows that revelation to sink through our bodies.

He knows my secret. And I know that my secret is safe with him.

For a long time, nothing is said. I get the impression he is giving me space to have feelings and such. Maybe he wants me to say something else, elaborate on the horrible series of events that led to this predicament. For now, there is a soft swell to my body that hints at the truth inside it.

"We should get back before night falls," Kronos says gently. "I do not trust the hunger of the valkers after dark. They are running out of food on this planet. They will have to move on soon."

He's right.

Soon these valkers will go their mostly separate ways. Emrys will keep his royal entourage, of course, but the others will return to a solitary, predatory lifestyle. They will each stalk the local planetary systems, looking for suitable victims to feed upon. They will consume where they can. They will prey upon the weak. They will amuse themselves with mind games and physical torments. And they will trust that their king is going to produce an heir with me.

My womb has its work cut out for it, that's for sure. The number of designs on it are almost too many for any organ to bear. I am thoroughly intimidated by how often I will be bred, and how many strange infants will emerge from me, each with the traits of a father I might love… or very well loathe.

Kronos and I leave our volcanic bath and proceed back to Emrys' temporary palace. From the volcano, it is a series of pyramids and temple-like structures all inhabited by his loyal subjects.

"Please don't tell the others."

Kronos looks at me sympathetically. "I will not tell them if you do not want me to, but I think they deserve to know. I also think you deserve to have them know. You deserve to know what it feels like to be entirely supported by those who love you."

He talks like a hero out of some movie about feelings. I reach out and poke his chest, making him rumble with laughter.

"What was that for?"

"Just checking you're real," I say, narrowing my eyes ever so slightly at him. "You're too good to be true."

"That's your past hurt talking," Kronos says. "Atlas, Emrys, and I adore you."

"Emrys does not adore me," I laugh. "That's why Atlas beat him. If he is not under threat of imminent physical destruction, he'd treat me like a farm animal and breed me until he got what he wanted."

"He already has what he needs from you. You have completed the homecoming ritual together. That was all he really needed, but he still wants you. Each of us would do anything to have you to ourselves, but we have agreed to share you because the alternative is killing one another. We want you. We want you for our own. We want you to bear our babies. We want you in every way it is possible to want someone." Kronos stops me for a moment, crooking a finger underneath my chin and tipping my head back a little so he can look down into my eyes. What he says next makes me bubble with intense feelings. "There is absolutely nothing you could ever do to change that."

"I don't believe you," I whisper.

"I know," he says, his eyes creased with kindness. "But you will. Give them a chance. Or give one of them a chance. Or give both of them a chance."

"Feels like you really want me to give them a chance," I smirk.

"I do," he says, swinging me up and onto his back where I cling like a monkey as he carries me down the rough scree of the volcanic slope as surely as a mule. I think about what he said as we go down, wondering what would happen if they knew.

I come to the conclusion that there's nothing to really lose. Emrys is going to be an ass no matter what, and Atlas, well, I find him hard to read. He's more like Kronos, but with some kind of… I don't know. You can't forget when a man, even a handsome one who will defend your honor with his blade-sharp fists, tells you his ideal plan for you is to imprison you in a simulation designed to control you for the rest of your existence.

We return to the suite we are sharing. Emrys has been patched up to an extent, and Atlas has a new handsome suit on, and the general vibe of the men is welcoming.

"Maybe I could tell them?" I whisper the half-question to Kronos as I slide down off his back.

"Maybe you could," he says, drawing me around the front of him.

"You can tell us what happened," Kronos says, running his hands over my shoulders. "You can tell us anything. None of us will judge you."

I feel as though I can hear Emrys' disdain, but he is not making a single sound. He still looks pretty bruised up from the beating Atlas gave him. Maybe he's going to keep his mouth shut. Maybe not.

"I really don't want to say."

"Then do not say," Emrys says. "You don't have to say anything. Just have a baby and tell us it is ours, and we will take care of the bloodthirsty little thing no matter where it came from. That thing is going to be linked to me regardless. It might have come from another male, but it was made by me."

"But it wasn't. It was made by…. Sheriff."

Atlas and Emrys stare at me.

"How is that possible?" Atlas asks the question in very reasonable tones.

"About twenty years ago, he was a soldier. He was part of a unit that attacked our colony…"

"I fail to see how that could lead to conception…" Emrys' muttered words are cut short by a look from Atlas.

Flashback…

I am small and scared. Explosions have been going off around me for so many days I can no longer trust silence. I am used to the world vibrating and crumbling around me. Buildings aren't solid objects anymore. I've seen too many of them crumble into dust to see them as permanent structures.

Everything has been taken from me. My father died first, when the numahn invasion began. He went to try to repel the aliens and from what we hear he acquitted himself bravely before he was destroyed. My mother was killed while trying to get food from one of the aid vehicles. I have survived by scavenging in the dead of night, but food is getting harder and harder to find. And now the numahns are coming through on foot, killing everything that moves.

I hide among the dead, but I am not good enough at hiding. I can hear a soldier getting closer and closer. I am trembling from head to toe, so scared that my teeth are chattering.

A big hand pushes through the dead, takes hold of me, and pulls me free. He lifts me up like a pathetic little animal and inspects me. I stare at him with terrified eyes. He is so big. He is armored. I cannot see his face because there's a mask in the way.

I just know he is going to kill me. I have seen soldiers just like this one kill others just like me. My youth and weakness and vulnerability will not save me. I hope it will be quick, but the way he is dangling me from my bloodied rags makes me think it will not be. The stench of death clings to me, and though I am too young to understand it, I yearn for it.

Three other soldiers come up behind him, flanking him. He swings me around and hands me to one of them.

"Clean her up and give her to the woman," he says. "She's small and pathetic. Matise will enjoy her."

"Iwas given to his mistress," I explain. "She had wanted to have a baby, but he couldn't risk having one with her because he was already married. Numahns do not tolerate infidelity in any form. The penalty is death."

"Why was he still alive then?"

"Because it's the woman who dies, but only if she produces a bastard. It's not illegal for a male to sleep with any woman he chooses, but a woman who sleeps with anyone other than her legal mate will be executed. So the only way for a woman like Matise to have a baby would be to be given one, but there are no unwanted babies because nobody dares have them to anybody who isn't their husband."

Altas, Emrys and Kronos all look at one another with inscrutable expressions. The inequality of numahn law is not unheard of. Almost all species and cultures have shitty customs associated with being female.

"Anyway, she was nice to me. She took me and she raised me as her own. I didn't really see Sheriff much when I was growing up. He usually came over when I was already asleep. As I got older, he stopped coming around because Matise got older and he moved on to a younger mistress. But then, about six months ago…"

Iam standing outside on a cool numahn night. I can only go out at night when people can't see me. I'm not supposed to be on this planet. When I was younger, I looked like a numahn child, but the older I got, the more apparent it was that I wasn't numahn. First rumors started swirling, and then Matise told me I had to stay indoors now. She told everybody else I'd gone away. So, for the past year, or maybe more, I have only seen moonlight. If I want sun, I have to open a window and lie on the floor like a cat in the sunbeam. It is a depressing way to live, but as I have been told many times before, I am lucky to be alive at all.

"Well, well, well…"

I jump, gasp, and try to run, but the numahn enforcement officer who has me by the scruff of my neck is holding me firm.

"Don't you remember me?"

He swings me around to look at him. At first, I am so afraid I don't remember him at all. Then some very old memory comes rising up through me, a deep old knowing that comes from when I was so small I couldn't do anything but form picture impressions of things. This is a very, very bad man. This is the one who found me in the human wreckage. This is…

"I'm Sheriff," he says. "And you're little Emily, aren't you?"

I nod, wordlessly.

"I'm not going to hurt you," he promises me. "I'm even going to let you go. But when I do, don't you dare run, and don't you go making a lot of noise either now. Last thing we want to do is attract attention to the fact there's an illegal alien in our midst."

He releases me, and I freeze, just as he intended me to. I know I am in a lot of danger. Sheriff could kill me right where I stand, and not only would he not get in trouble for it, others would praise him for eradicating me. I am a human, and to these creatures, I may as well be a cockroach.

"You're a very pretty girl for a human," he says. "You know you won't find a mate among the men here. You're going to be burdened with virginity for a very long time. That's going to be frustrating, isn't it?"

I smile shyly, surprised by the compliment. "Maybe."

In the moonlight, Sheriff has a certain rough charm. He's handsome, I guess. The fear that spikes through me at the sight of him is not very far from excitement in some ways. He makes adrenaline flow through me. He makes my breath come faster, my pulse race. There is something in the way he is looking at me now, in the light nightgown I am wearing, that makes me feel like something important is about to happen.

I remember how excited Matise used to be when he would come around. In the wake of his visits, our food would be better, and sometimes we'd get new clothes. Once or twice, he even brought me toys that his children had grown out of or become tired of. He never wanted to see me. He demanded I stay out of his sight, but there were those small acknowledgements of my existence.

Now he seems to enjoy looking at me. I am fully grown, an adult in my own right. I am not as tall as Matise or any of the other numahn women, and I don't have colorful hair or eyes. I am small and dark-haired and dark-eyed. I am simple and I am plain, but he is looking at me as if he wants to devour me.

"On your knees," he says.

I crouch down, not having any idea what he wants from me. Matise has kept me sheltered from everything, and numahns do not talk about their mating rituals. Sex is a shameful thing on this world.

"Do you know the only reason you are not dead is because I protect you?"

I know that I am isolated, lonely, and hated by the entire population. I also know that this numahn knowing I exist is a threat to my continued existence. I do owe my life to him. I owe it several times over. I used to wonder if he was going to come and kill me, but I think Matise's attachment to me, and whatever lingering fondness he has for her means that he's allowing me to live.

I know I am supposed to be grateful to him. Matise always tells me that I am very lucky, so I know that I am. My gratitude has been waning of late, though. My existence has become one long experience of looking out the window and occasionally sneaking out late at night just to feel what it is like to be out of the house. My life was saved when I was small, but it feels as though it is over now. Whatever he wants from me, I have to hope that it means more freedom.

"You are under my protection," he reminds me.

"I know. Thank you."

I have been well trained to be polite. It helps to stay underneath the radar.

He looks down at me, his eyes hooded with dark intention. He's handsome in this moment, in the way that any man is handsome when you are isolated and afraid of the world.

"Open your mouth."

He growls the words in a lusty tone.

I do as I am told, still confused. I watch as he lowers the fastener on his pants and an appendage I have never seen before emerges. It is a thick rod of male flesh with a flared head at the end, and it is pointed at me with great intention.

"Keep it open. Don't bite down."

That is all the warning I get before he pushes it inside my mouth. I am still confused, even as his cock slides over my tongue and he lets out a groan of what I assume must be pleasure.

"Good girl," he purrs.

He strokes it in and out of my mouth over and over. I am not sure what he is getting out of it, but I can tell he likes it by the way his big hand clamps over my head and pulls me down so his cock goes all the way to the back of my throat. He is using my body. He is making me take every inch of his thick dick deep inside my mouth, even though it is too much, and it is too deep, and I start to gag and fight for breath.

He does not relent at first, not until I really start to wriggle and pull back and my teeth start to get a little too close to grazing what must be a sensitive appendage. Then he pulls free and gives me another one of those blunt orders.

"I want you on your hands and knees."

He doesn't wait for me to do what he told me. He grabs me by the hair and pulls me forward on my knees until I catch myself on my hands. He throws my dress up over my waist and keeps me in position by leaving his hand in my hair as… One. Two. Three hard smacks land on my bare ass.

"You're soaked," he tells me, rubbing his palm between my thighs. "Do you like having your mouth fucked, human? Are you a wet little hole just waiting to be fucked?"

His words are crude and exciting. I am confused. I am being used. I am on my hands and knees, my face in the bush. I think he did that on purpose. I think he likes that my nightdress is getting muddy on the knees.

He moves around behind me, and I feel something very hot and hard and long run along the length of my sex.

"You are a filthy little girl," he growls. "A dirty human little fuck toy. It's about time you were fucked. Shown what you were made for."

I feel my pussy spread around his cock, my virginity being speared open by his big, authoritarian cock. It hurts and I cry out, but he does not stop. He pushes onward until I am filled up all over again, now in a place I never knew could be used so roughly and so casually.

He grips my hips and holds me still and for a second time he simply makes me take his cock. The twigs and leaves of the bush scrape along my face as my innocence is ripped away from me with rough, harsh strokes of his alien cock.

He comes quickly, and without regard for my pleasure. I am left with an ache and a burning sensation, and a shame that will taint every thought and deed I have for years to come.

"Be here tomorrow," he says. "I want more of that ass."

He leaves me lying in the dirt, dripping his seed.

"Igot pregnant," I explain to the three alien mates who are clearly struggling to school their expressions into some kind of composure. I can see little pinpricks in Atlas' suit already, though. He's trying to contain his rage at this tale, but it only gets worse from here. "And that's when he set me up to die. He never let Matise have a baby, because he was supposed to be faithful to his wife. Having one with me was even worse. I wasn't even numahn. He had to get rid of me. So he set me up…"

"You have to go!"

Matise is still a very handsome woman, though now there are graying streaks in her hair and wrinkles around her mouth and eyes which she blames for Sheriff not wanting to see her anymore. She took being discarded by him with true grace and dignity. She even took discovering that he had changed his affections to me with equanimity. A woman who has known a lifetime of powerlessness can be confused for being elegant when in truth she is simply shattered in every way possible.

She wakes me up from my nap with this urgent declaration. I have been getting tired for a while now, and kind of sick a lot of the time. I nap a lot, especially as Sheriff's nocturnal visits seem to take more and more out of me. I am groggy with sleep as she starts packing things into a little bag for me and tossing new clothes at me. These are pants, and boots, these are the sorts of clothes that are worn in the great outdoors.

"What do you mean I have to go?"

"They're coming for you, Emily. Sheriff noticed that your monthly did not come, and he knows what that means. They're going to arrest you, and they're going to execute you."

I am now properly, entirely awake.

We have planned for this day, because she knew it would come. Matise trained me as much as she could to one day survive on my own. She taught me to fly ships in flight simulators. She would take me out when I was small and perhaps plausibly numahn and teach me how to interact with the world. She made sure I'd have everything I needed when the worst happened, and that makes her the best parent I could ever have asked for.

I scramble into the clothes she's provided, and I tie my hair back behind my head. My stomach is churning, but I won't let that stop me. I can't. This is a very real matter of survival.

"What about you? Won't they be angry you let me escape?"

"Don't worry about me," she says. "I know how to take care of that man. There is a shuttle waiting to take you to a port just outside his jurisdiction. Go, and never look back. I love you."

"I love you too," I tell her, trying to process the notion that I am never going to see her again. I know I won't be able to come back to the numahn homeworld. I know that I am going to have to make my way among the stars, probably by heading straight to illicit space. I'm already starting to plan for survival as I walk toward the door.

"Take this," she says, pressing a very small weapon into my hand. It looks unassuming, but it is a reverse polarity device, and it is devastating in effect. "Use it if you need it. You matter more than anything in any world. Never hesitate to defend yourself again, Emily. You've suffered enough."

"And that's how I ended up selling myself on the Owned Mates site."

There's a long silence following my story. I find myself shifting my weight nervously, my hands over my belly, protecting the little life who has the extreme misfortune to be coming into the middle of this absolute mess. It deserves better. I deserved better. But the universe doesn't care about what you think you deserve. All it does is test you to see what you can survive.

Emrys is the first to speak, and when he does it is in a tone of pure venom. "I wish I could bring that bastard back to life so he could be killed again."

Atlas also curses, but mostly because he has now really involuntarily spiked his human suit by literally bristling with rage.

Their reactions confuse me without the benefit of words. I wish I knew what they were thinking. I know they are angry, but do I seem more pathetic than ever now? Was it better when they just thought I was some inept scammer with a murderous impulse? I think I might have liked it better then.

"You don't have to keep me," I say. "I just need a ship, and I can be on my way. Sheriff's dead now, so my main problem is over. I can go and find a nice little corner of the universe somewhere and raise this kid on my own. I don't mind, really."

"You're not taking my baby anywhere," Emrys says.

"Your baby?"

"I have spoken with our physicians since the revelation of your pregnancy and confirmed what I had already suspected. The baby will not have the genetic material of the father. The infection, the sacrifice, it turns flesh. The baby will be born addicted to blood. He will be born mine."

I don't really care about what sounds like entirely insane biological processes. What I do care about is that Emrys is accepting the baby with unreserved approval. I feel a wash of relief running over me.

"And he will be mine," Kronos says. I smile at him, knowing already that I could trust in his kindness and acceptance.

"He… or she, will be mine," Atlas says, acknowledging the potential for a girl to be born.

His acceptance makes the others hurriedly they would also accept a girl, though Emrys seems less impressed by the prospect of a girl, which makes me think it will be a girl. Life… finds a way — to annoy Emrys. And so do I.

"You are safe with us. The baby is safe with us," Atlas says. "Both of you will always be okay. Forever."

I smile, relieved. I guess I should have trusted Kronos when he told me this would all be okay. I catch his eye and he flickers a little wink at me. Maybe I'm not in such a terribly dire situation, after all. Maybe, somehow, I've fallen on my feet. And maybe it's possible to be properly, truly loved by three dominant aliens.

"Why don't you have a nap," Atlas suggests. "You look tired."

The volcanic pools, and the strain of telling my story, not to mention reliving it while I recounted it, has made me quite tired. A nap sounds like a good idea. I suppose, in some ways, all my worries are over now. I can finally rest knowing that I no longer have to run, or hide, or lie.

Iwake up to hear my alien owners talking about me in a nearby room. Their voices are hushed and it sounds as though the conversation is very serious. I stay still, not wanting them to know I can hear them. The door between the bedroom and the sitting area where my mates are sitting is open. I suppose they wanted to keep an eye on me, but it means now that the conversation is getting a little louder, I can hear every single word of it.

"She's been through so much," Emrys says.

"Too much," Kronos agrees.

"She shouldn't have to remember that. None of it. She should be free to be happy." Atlas' voice holds a certain note of conviction that makes me hold my breath with concern.

"How could we achieve that? It's not as if you can wipe her mind…"

"My species has developed a way to keep humans in simulated space," Atlas says. "They can be made to believe whatever you want them to believe, and they are very happy. There is also the added bonus of them not being able to simply run away whenever they feel like it."

"Sounds like a prison for the mind," Kronos says.

"A prison is the wrong paradigm," Atlas replies. "When you love something, you want it to be safe. You ensure that terrible things cannot happen to it. She is a magnet for tragedy. She makes terrible decisions, ones that could very well lead to the end of her and this baby. Look at the mess she has already made. A human has to be raised well in order to be responsible, and she is simply incapable. I am suggesting we put her somewhere she will be entirely safe. Somewhere she can live out her life with us without ever being in danger again. We can take turns in the suit. She will believe she is in the ideal human relationship, with a single husband who loves her, and a baby she never has to worry about being safe. We can give her everything."

"Would she still be able to breed inside this simulation?" Kronos wants to know, of course.

"Of course. She will be physically unaffected. The simulation technology only affects the mind. She will live inside a contained environment with a set of assumptions that mean she will never question it. Humans have very simple, programmable cortexes. She won't be harmed in any way. She will be happy."

My stomach churns at the casual way Atlas talks about taking my free will away from me. I know he wants the best for me, but his idea of fixing me basically involves removing me from me. I am a part of everything that has happened to me, and I've never wanted to forget.

"Then I agree," Kronos says. "She has been through far too much pain. She has to carry that every day, and when the baby comes, she will be reminded of how it came to be, how her family was taken from her when she was still too small… this is the only way to wipe away that terrible tragedy forever."

"Then we are in agreement," Atlas says. "It would be best to start the process while she's sleeping."

"No!" I exclaim, sitting up in bed. "I don't want to be simulated. I don't want my memories taken. I want to suffer. It's the only way I know I'm alive."

"But it doesn't have to be that way," Atlas says. "You could be happy in a way you cannot believe right now. It is going to be for the best."

I don't believe that for a second. I slide out from the sheets, knowing that once these aliens get an idea in their heads, they don't give up on it easily. Atlas wants me under his complete and total control. It's not enough for him to hold me captive. He wants every neuron in my mind to be beholden to him.

He moves toward me, his bulk taking up all of the available exits. There's no way out.

There's no way out…

"Shhh, it's okay," he says. "I'm not going to hurt you. This will feel good. This will feel better than anything has ever felt before."

"Let me go!"

I shout the words before he even touches me, but I know what the outcome is going to be. Sure enough, before I know it, he has hold of me. He's trying not to be rough with me, but I am fighting for more than my life. I'm fighting for my mind. I'm fighting to know exactly how bad my life is. I'm fighting for the first and last little bit of freedom I ever had…