Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

Alfie Scott

“ D on’t slow down,” he gritted out, his breathing labored. “You keep fucking yourself on that toy.”

Almost gagging around his cock, I pulled away and buried my face against his pelvis to catch my breath. Holy fuck, my lungs were burning. I gasped for air and coughed. The air was humid and smelled of my body wash, and the hot water pelted down on us.

“But yours is better,” I croaked.

He was clearly rock hard again; I’d just had him in my fucking throat, so why was I railing myself on a dildo attached to the wall when I could be getting it from West?

I mean, I enjoyed a good spit roast as much as the next guy, but as I’d already freaking told him, that was when I hadn’t gone without him for two years. And as much as I loved for him to fuck my throat raw, my ass’s needs were greater. Okay?

Beg him.

“Please—” I eased away from the dildo and plastered myself to West, arms around his neck, my mouth fused to his skin. I kissed every inch I could reach. “I need you, papi. Please fuck me. I only want your cock.”

Before he could respond, my mouth found his, and he rolled with the punches so quickly that I lost my grip on reality. I registered the way he clenched his jaw and how his grabby touches were laced with punishment, but I didn’t know what the result of my begging was going to be until I was suddenly pressed up against the wall and he was glued to my back.

I sucked in a breath that I almost choked on, and then I lost my ability to breathe altogether when he pushed his cock inside me from behind.

Mother of fucking horsecocks, you bastard!

He was punishing me.

It sent me in three separate directions, where one part of me was just greedy as fuck for his perfect cock, another part was so damn wounded that I wanted to cry, and the last… I gnashed my teeth together and screwed my eyes shut, and I met every thrust. I pushed back, I groaned, I cried out, I kept begging him, I took the pain, I fucking rolled around in it, because it set my pleasure on fire. Meanwhile, I was like…come fucking get it, papi. I saw a potential light at the end of the tunnel, and I wanted to reach for it. Our ties hadn’t been severed. They were just frayed and in need of mending.

He was going to be mine again, and I was ready to play dirty.

By dirty, I meant going back to acting like a husband. I was going to show him how things could be without my split personality and old insecurities burying me in order to fit in.

If tonight had shown me anything, it was that we weren’t over.

West yanked my lower half away from the wall, and he pounded into me with a tight grip on my hips. Until he let his right hand slip around me, and he grasped my cock.

My breathless moan echoed around us, and he cursed under his breath.

“Is this how it’s gonna be?” he panted. “You ask for something, and I come running to give it to you?”

I won’t ask for much. Just a lifetime.

“I’ll answer when we’re cuddling it up in bed later,” I bit out. Just to put that image in his head. “I’m not sure you can handle the answer right now anyway— oh my fuck .” I groaned and slapped the wall as he rammed his cock so hard and deep inside me, I could almost taste him. Jesus fucking Christ! “You’re clearly busy treating my ass like your personal war zone.”

It might actually be on fire.

He slowed down a little, said nothing, kept stroking my cock, all of which fucked with my head. I didn’t know how he did it, how he could create a messy dance with pain and freaking euphoria like that. He did the same thing with my state of mind. Insecurities met confidence, determination mingled with doubt, and resignation battled with hope.

The latter surged when he slowed down a bit more, pressed a lingering kiss to the spot below my ear, and whispered, “I can’t escape you.”

Shivers ripped through me, and those words were enough to catapult me right to the edge of coming. And before I could even think about answering, he slipped a hand up to my throat and applied pressure. Deep fucking, a hand on my throat, the other stroking me off—I was fucking done for.

I let out an embarrassingly loud groan as the bliss took over, and he spurred me on with pure filth.

“That’s it. Come all over the wall.”

“So goddamn tight.”

“Milk my cock, boy. Just like that.”

“I’m gonna come. Christ, you’re a fucking drug.”

Black spots filled my vision whenever I opened my eyes, and I wasn’t gonna be able to stand up much longer. My orgasm drained me of energy and turned my legs into jelly. Panting and whimpering like a lunatic, I clamped down as hard as I could around his big cock, and he groaned his way through his own climax.

My fingers ached, and I realized I’d been trying to dig them into the mosaics. My ass—let’s not even go there. My thighs protested, my lungs burned, and the air was too hot.

Motherfucker, he was stripping me of all my defenses. It was one of those orgasms that turned me into a sensitive mess afterward, and I felt a bunch of raw emotions welling up.

I blinked and gulped in some air.

West went still behind me, and he pressed his mouth to my shoulder. His heart pounded furiously. So did mine.

He brushed his hands up my arms, toward my hands, and he brought them down to my sides. He ghosted his thumb over my watch too.

More and more lately, I’d caught him observing my tattoos.

“I need to lie down,” I rasped.

He nodded against my shoulder before carefully pulling out of me, and I flinched at the sting that flared up. Man, was I gonna be sore for a while.

I was ready to scrub off quick, but West had other plans. He took charge and soaped me up once more, and I actually had to lean against the wall. I was so spent. And honestly, hungry. I might order us some takeout. I could go for Vietnamese. West’s building in LA had had a Vietnamese restaurant on the ground floor, which sadly closed shortly before I moved in. But we’d ordered from there many late nights.

I hissed as he gently felt around my ass, and he furrowed his brow.

“I’ll inspect that in great detail in bed,” he muttered.

“Maybe not with your cock for an hour or two,” I suggested.

His mouth twisted a bit. “No. With my tongue. Unless I caused a tear.”

I fucking hoped not, ’cause I wasn’t turning down his tongue. He was magic in that area too.

“I don’t think you did. I’ll take the tongue, please.”

He smiled and dipped down, and he brushed his lips to mine. “I haven’t told you yet, but I like the beard. It’s incredibly sexy on you.”

Aw, shucks. I grinned like an idiot. “Look atchu, warmin’ up to me.”

He snorted softly and reached out to turn off the water. “And then you ruin it by opening your mouth…”

He didn’t mean that. He loved my mouth.

“What if my mouth suggested I get Vietnamese delivered?” I asked.

He looked to me sharply and definitely didn’t like having to admit he was hungry. “Fuck, that sounds good.”

I grinned triumphantly.

Let Operation Win West Back begin.

“I like this,” he admitted, placing his takeout container on the wall. He peered down on the street first, then up at the nearby skyscrapers. “It’s a small sanctuary in the middle of chaos.”

I wouldn’t call Center City chaos, but sure, I got what he was getting at. It was never really quiet in downtown Philly.

I liked my roof deck too, though. Especially now when the floorboards were in place and I’d had the new furniture delivered. With a canopy and lighting and everything. Ellie had picked out the bistro lights, and Trip had chosen the cushions for the chairs.

Mom had bought me the lemon tree in the corner, and I’d promised Ellie we’d get more flowers and plants by next spring.

“Food’s getting cold, honey. Come eat,” I said. I stuck a crispy spring roll in my mouth and opened the fourth and last container. Fuck yeah, the beef stir-fry with noodles.

West returned to the table with his favorite dish, this fantastic pork belly stew with fried rice and vegetables.

I could probably sleep out here tonight. It wasn’t too hot at this hour, the food was spectacular, and the company even better. Introspective and cautious, but better. He wasn’t as closed off, like he’d been earlier. He sat down next to me instead of across from me, for starters. That meant something in West’s language.

He let out a sigh of contentment and tucked into his food, and I side-eyed him. He looked more at ease now that the food had arrived. Not to mention sexy as fuck wearing only boxer briefs.

He had to become mine again. I would never find all-consuming happiness without him by my side.

“Good, huh?” I smiled knowingly. It was the one thing he missed out on in the suburbs. Late-night takeout.

“Very.” He nodded and reached for his soda. “It might actually be better than the place in LA.”

“Right? Although, their sweet chili…”

“I was just gonna say,” he chuckled. “We could inhale that.”

I smiled. This was great. Good memories to warm him up properly.

Next step was good-natured ribbing, and I had just the topic for it.

I shoveled more food into my pie hole as I thought of a nice segue, though that’d never been my forte. West was way smoother that way.

I chased down the food with my Coke. “So, are you ever gonna tell me why you went behind my back and offered Colby a place to live?”

He stopped with his fork in midair and shot me a quick scowl.

I smirked.

It’d come as a surprise, of course, except…in retrospect, it’d made more sense. West was a kindhearted man who wanted to be helpful. But yeah, when Colby had told me in the car, about ten minutes after we’d left West’s house, I’d almost turned around to demand answers.

“You’re not allowed to get mad about that,” he told me.

“I’m not mad,” I laughed. “I’m curious about why you’re inviting a li’l wiseguy to live with you. Am I next? Is there a line I could get in?”

“God, where do I begin,” he muttered, stuffing his face with food.

I waited him out while he took his time chewing and stalling.

He could be too fucking cute sometimes.

“First of all, he’s sixteen,” he said. “He’s not a mobster. He’s misguided and in desperate need of better role models than the Sons of Munster could ever offer. And second, I don’t know why you’d get in a line to a place you hate.”

I didn’t hate his house nearly as much as I loved him.

Was now a good time to tell him I loved him, by the way?

Maybe I’d wait another hour or so.

“I wouldn’t get in line to see the castle so much as the Prince Charming who lives there,” I replied and grabbed another spring roll. “But anyway. He’s considering it. Colby, I mean. He asked to stay with his cousin and his family this weekend to think it over.”

He watched me as he chewed another mouthful of food. “You’d be okay with it?”

“Well, yeah.” I shrugged. “Now that my house is set up like Fort Knox in terms of security, I won’t feel the need to sleep on the first floor when the kids are home, so I was gonna give him the guest room down there?—”

“Slash office,” he interjected. “You mentioned it was a study too.”

Right. How that detail mattered, I had no idea.

“It is. But either way, this might work out better,” I went on. “For starters, he’ll get enough privacy in the garage apartment, which any teenager would want, and more importantly, I’ll have to pick him up every day before he gets his license. So I’ll be able to see you all the time. I’ll obviously be in the mood to arrive early from now on, and a cup of coffee while I wait for him to get ready will be much appreciated.”

It would give me time to dig a little. I hadn’t been lying earlier tonight when I’d admitted to thinking about offering to cut professional ties with the Sons if it meant I had the slightest chance with West. That said, I believed him when he’d said he wouldn’t want me to change for anyone. But there was a compromise to most things in life. Maybe there was a way to find a happy medium. I didn’t want to lose what I had now; it was just…at the end of the day, West mattered more.

He cleared his throat and set his takeout container on the table. “Is it such a good idea that we see each other more often?”

Yes. I mean, I thought so, and if he didn’t, it was going to hurt like a bitch until he changed his mind.

Oh fuck. I was gonna blurt shit out again, wasn’t I? No, no, no, no, I had to learn how to shut the fuck up!

The air around us suddenly felt stifling with misery, and I couldn’t take it. We’d suffered for years now; when was it going to end?

I swallowed around a lump of unease, and I lost my appetite.

“I’m always going to want more, West,” I admitted. “I can’t sit here and pretend I don’t miss you. Hell, my heart’s still in pieces because I fucked it all up.”

He’d started turning away from me, probably to hide the pain in his expression, but something I’d said toward the end made him do a double take, and he scowled at me.

“I thought we established the blame wasn’t all on you.”

Fucking whatever. “I still betrayed your trust with my bullshit lies and insecurities that I tried to cover up.”

He drew in a breath and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Alfie, I—” Then he exhaled in a deflating way and let his hands fall to his lap. “Imagine us getting back together, and when the authorities find out you’re a Son, my father finds out, maybe rumors will travel in certain fields—I could lose my job. What if I get ostracized from a community where we want our children to grow up? Will this ever affect them ? What if?—”

“So I’ll quit.” I rushed out the words as panic rose within me. I didn’t necessarily believe all his worries were valid, but he didn’t have the knowledge of these things that I did. Not that it mattered. If this was what he was afraid of, I’d fix it. “I’ll talk to Kellan tomorrow and?—”

“No,” he said firmly and shook his head. “For the first time tonight, I saw where you belong.”

“I belong with you !” Tears welled up, and I felt everything slip through my fingers again. The sheer pain that seared through me felt like it sliced my chest open, and I couldn’t fucking cope.

The same hurt flashed in his expression too, but he’d made up his mind. “Alfie, please be real. Your entire identity can’t be summed up in you belonging to a partner. You clearly didn’t see what I saw tonight. That guy—Liam? He isn’t just a mobster to you. He’s your brother . They’re all family to you. Everyone needs family, regardless of what it looks like.”

“We were a family,” I whimpered. I wiped at my cheeks, and the stupid tears just kept falling.

“And I wouldn’t be able to sit by and watch you miss them,” he insisted. “Alfie, you must realize that if you left the business side of that family, it would have consequences. I may not fully understand what the modern mafia looks like, but under no circumstances will they be as inclusive toward you if you’re not part of the syndicate.”

I managed to hold back a pathetic sob as I stood up and went to grab my smokes from a hidden side table behind the door. I kept them there for emergencies, and this was clearly one of those.

As much as it killed me, he had a point. There was no way Finn, Liam, and Kellan would be as open with me at family gatherings if I wasn’t part of the inner circle. But motherfucker, I could bear it if I had my own family back together.

I sniffled and lit up a smoke, and I remained standing a few feet away from the table.

So this was it? What kind of fucking idiot had I been to even think I’d get him back?

Operation Win West Back.

What a joke. I was such a loser.

And now… Now, I had to close myself off again. If I was going to survive, I had to die emotionally.

“You should probably go,” I croaked. “You don’t want me with the Sons, and you won’t let me leave. What the fuck can I do? What the fuck can I do, West?”

He dropped his napkin into the takeout container and rose to his feet. Then he walked over to me, and I saw the way his eyes glistened with unshed tears.

West wasn’t a particularly emotional person, at least when it came to crying, so whenever that happened, it hurt me too.

“I once played a part in making you feel forced to become someone else,” he said quietly. “I won’t do that again. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

I screwed my eyes shut, and he pressed a kiss to my temple before I heard him walking back inside the bedroom.

I’m sorry, sweetheart.

I’d waited all fucking night for him to surrender to the point where he let his old terms of endearment for me slip out. Baby and sweetheart were the grand prizes, followed by “my little hellion” and “sweet boy,” though the latter two were reserved for bedroom activities. And I got it. I got one of them as a parting gift.

I’m sorry, sweetheart.

Alfie and West will return in Part 2 of 2

Preorder available here.

“Your mother’s in the hospital. She was assaulted last night.”