25. Aiden

CHAPTER 25

Aiden

I stood on Nicholas’s porch, my bags at my feet, my stomach churning like I’d swallowed a storm. The Christmas lights inside cast a warm glow, and for a moment, I almost turned back. What was I doing here, running to my big brother like I was twelve again?

Before I could talk myself out of it, the door opened. Nicholas’s face went from surprise to concern in an instant. “Aiden?”

I swallowed hard and forced the words out. “I… I need to crash here for a bit.”

Nicholas didn’t ask questions. He just stepped aside, motioning me in. “Of course. Come in. Markus just made hot chocolate.”

Markus appeared in the hallway, his expression warm but curious. “Hi, Aiden. Let me grab your bags.”

“I’ve got them,” I mumbled, dragging them inside.

The house smelled like cinnamon and cedar, and the warmth hit me like a hug I didn’t know I needed. Nicholas guided me to the couch, while Markus disappeared to the kitchen. A steaming mug was in my hands before I could protest.

Nicholas sat across from me, his gaze steady. “What happened?”

“It’s nothing. Just… needed a change of scenery.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You don’t show up on my doorstep with bags for nothing. Spill.”

I stared into my mug, watching the marshmallows melt. “It’s Levi. We… I screwed everything up.”

“Start from the beginning,” Markus said gently, taking the armchair.

And so I did. Every word felt like pulling teeth, but I laid it all out. How I’d pushed Levi away, how I’d been so stuck on my plans and fears that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. By the time I finished, my throat felt raw, and my hands trembled around the mug.

Nicholas sat back, his expression unreadable. Then he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “You’re cutting off your own chance at happiness,” he said, his voice calm but firm. “You know that, right?”

“I have plans,” I protested. “Things I’ve wanted to do for years. Getting into a relationship changes everything.”

“Does it?” he asked. “Or is that just what you’re telling yourself?”

Markus stood, giving Nicholas’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll give you two some space.”

When Markus was gone, Nicholas’s tone softened. “Aiden, you’re not running toward your plans. You’re running from something else.”

I looked away, my throat tight. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Nicholas sighed and leaned back. “You know what Mom used to tell me about love? It’s more than trying to be perfect for someone; it’s about showing up for the imperfect moments.”

I managed a shaky laugh. “She said that to you?”

“More times than I can count.” Nicholas smiled faintly. “Now that I look back on it, I think she was giving me the space to come out to her in my own time. She always had a way of simplifying things.”

His expression grew somber. “But you know, I almost ruined it with Markus. I was scared. Scared of being vulnerable, scared of opening my heart to him, scared of letting him take care of me, be my Daddy. I often think of nuggets of wisdom she dropped, like the fact that love isn’t safe—it’s worth it, but it’s not safe.”

I looked at him, feeling the air shift between us. “Do you think she would’ve been proud of us?”

Nicholas’s eyes softened. “I think she already was. She told me the night before she…” He swallowed hard. “The night before the accident, she said she was proud of the young man I had become, and the man you were shaping up to be. Said she couldn’t wait to see where life took us.”

The room fell quiet, the weight of his words pressing down on me. “I called her that night,” I admitted, my voice quiet, more air than sound. “I was upset you left for college and she said she was planning to do a double shift and she was about to organize for her best friend Sharon to stay with me. I begged her to come home. Started crying. She left the hospital early because of me. If I hadn’t?—”

Nicholas leaned forward, his face etched with understanding. “You were twelve, Aiden. A kid. Mom loved us, and she’d never want you to feel guilty.”

Tears welled up, blurring my vision. “But what if she wasn’t as careful on the road as she usually was because she was thinking about me? What if?—”

“Don’t do this, Aiden,” Nicholas interrupted gently. “What if I told you I’ve spent years wondering if I could’ve done more, taken the car to Bill the mechanic to fix the damn brakes, been there that night? But I learned from my therapist that guilt doesn’t bring Mom back. It just keeps us from living the lives she wanted for us.”

His words cut through the fog of guilt that had hung over me for a decade. “I’ve been so scared,” I confessed. “Scared to love someone, to lose them. Like we lost her.”

Nicholas nodded, his gaze steady. “I know. I felt the same way. But love doesn’t come with guarantees. It’s a helluva scary thing. But you know what? Keep showing up anyway.”

I shook my head. “What if Levi leaves? Or something happens to him?”

“Then you’ve got Markus and me to face it with,” he said simply. “You can’t let fear keep you from living… or loving. If you love Levi, or you might love him, you owe it to yourself to try. Mom wouldn’t want you to shut yourself off like this. She loved Christmas, remember? She loved love. She’d want you to have love and be loved, too.”

The weight in my chest shifted, a small crack forming in the wall I’d built around my heart. “I think… I think I already love him,” I whispered. “And that scares the hell out of me.”

Nicholas smiled. “That means it’s real. Sleep on it. In the morning, you’ll know what to do.”

I nodded, exhaustion pulling at me.

Nicholas’s smile softened, and for a moment, I saw the big brother I used to look up to, the one who always knew how to make me feel safe. He stood and reached for my arm, pulling me to my feet. Before I knew it, his arms were around me, strong and steady. I froze for a second, then melted into the embrace.

“I love you, Aiden,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

My throat tightened as tears spilled over, and I hugged him back just as fiercely. “I love you too,” I choked out.

Years of tension, of physical and emotional distance between us, seemed to melt away in that moment. For the first time in what felt like forever, I wasn’t just standing next to my brother—I was connected to him, really connected. The constant bickering, the unspoken resentments that had grown between us over the years, all of it faded into the background.

When we finally pulled back, both of us were wiping at our faces, embarrassed but lighter somehow.

Nicholas gave me a lopsided smile, his hand still on my shoulder. “You’re gonna be okay, you know that?”

I nodded, the weight in my chest easing further. “Yeah… yeah, I think I will.”

By the time I climbed into my bed at Markus’s house that night, exhaustion pulled at me, but one thought kept playing over and over in my mind: I wanted Levi in my life. I just had to hope it wasn’t too late to fix what I’d broken.