Chapter Seven

Vale

Was it odd that as soon as Jack opened the door I wanted to scream "Daddy" and run into his arms? Though I did still run into his open arms, I managed to keep the use of Daddy in check.

Daddy, handler, tomato, tohmato.

None of that was relevant.

"Little Monkey, it's far too long between our visits. Though I must admit I had a ton of fun last night."

"Me. too. But are you sure I didn't look ridiculous? I mean, the suit was super patchy, but I did my best with what I had. At least it didn't fall off." Thankfully I wore underwear underneath it, or it would have itched like hell. It needed to be washed, but I was afraid as soon as water touched it, it would either shrink or disintegrate.

"No, sweet boy, you did not look ridiculous. In case you didn't notice, all eyes were on you. Even the pets stopped playing to watch you. The crowd was enthralled with the silly monkey and on edge to see what he'd do next."

"I hadn't really picked a spirit animal but when I saw that costume, it all clicked into place. With the amount of energy coursing through me, a monkey swinging around, jumping from branch to branch seemed fitting. It was like a furry version of me."

Jack laughed. "Yes, I must say that choice was spot on, and I may have bought a thing or twelve for you for once you get back home. That is if you still want to see me when you get back."

Was it Jack's turn to exert uncertainty? "I do, I do, I do. I'm having so much fun, and you've opened a whole new world to me. Did you say you belong to a club where they have pet play?"

"Yes, the one in Seattle that's overseeing the dungeon, pet playroom, and littles' room on this very cruise as a matter of fact. It's called Blush."

"Do you think we could go there together sometime?"

"I would love nothing more. Now, have a seat and let's eat."

"Okay, Da-err." I nearly freaking said it. Never once had I called a single, solitary man Daddy. Hell, not even my own whom I'd never even met.

"Well, I think that near faux pas brought about our next topic of conversation. I would like to date you, exclusively, and in doing so I would be your handler, though I prefer to be called Daddy. But it's up to you how you wish to introduce or think of me. Whether that be your boyfriend, Daddy, partner, or your handler. Whatever makes you most comfortable. Point being, I have zero problems with you calling me Daddy. I know it's new to you, but please do whatever you're comfortable with. If you want the same thing as me, that is." A rambling Jack was too cute.

"I do. I'm still afraid of screwing it up. I'm not interested in dating anybody else. I absolutely love what we have, and I know it's my fault that we only get a little bit of time together, but I look forward to every second of it. Can we play again tonight?"

"I'd love nothing more, sweet boy. How did you sleep last night?"

"It was wonderful. As soon as I showered and lay down, I fell right to sleep. Which was a nice change, although usually I cat nap right when I lay down for an hour or two. But then I wake back up until around three or four, and then I'm down for round two." There goes my mouth again, running a million miles a minute and sharing stupid shit no one cares about. "Sorry," I sighed, frustrated. "Lost the brain-mouth filter." Jack smiled, completely unbothered by this. "I would have slept longer, I think, had our alarm clock not gone off. But in saying that, it was a solid five hours of sleep. I didn't even get up to use the bathroom before the alarm clock blared."

"That's fantastic news I. knew pet play would be the right fit for you." Jack genuinely cared. It showed in every question. He truly wanted to know how I was. Not once had anyone asked that of me outside of Mom and Darcy. "Plus, I know you're working a lot of long, hard hours. Once we're both back on dry land, well, as dry as Seattle can get, it'll be a true test to see how pet play works for you. Do you plan to sign another contract with the cruise line when this is over?"

"Honestly, no. I'm aware Darcy pulled a lot of strings to get me this job. And while it is keeping me busy and out of trouble, which is a miracle, it's not the job for me. I'm starting to believe there will never be a right one." I'd gone through them like toilet paper. No matter how hard I tried I never fit anywhere.

No truer words had come from my mouth. Did that make me a loser? The fact that I didn't know what I wanted to do for the rest of my life? I had no interest in numbers. I was good with people except I usually pissed them off when I talked too much.

"Care to explain where that handsome head of your just ventured off to?"

"I don't want you to think I'm lazy because I'm really not and I know you're young and you've got your whole life planned and you know what you're gonna do and you've been doing it. But I've never had any plans. I've just kind of lived every day as best I could. I mean, my mom always worked, but she's a schoolteacher. At times she had to work more than one job just to make ends meet and I hated that. I would love more than anything to someday make enough money to pay all our bills, so she'd never have to work again. Although knowing her, she'd probably go crazy if she wasn't doing something at least part-time. For me I guess I haven't found where I fit. Nothing has stuck with me for more than a few months. I'm so scatterbrained that anything that takes a lot of concentration, like being a nurse or taking care of other people, wouldn't go over well."

"Don't sell yourself short, Little Monkey. You'll find your niche and it'll come to you when you least expect it. Or maybe not at all. But don't think less of yourself for that. It is my opinion that there's too much pressure put on youth these days to go to college, make money, buy a house, get married, have kids. I mean, those days are kind of behind us. While I get the point of making money to survive, it doesn't necessarily mean that there's one job for you for the rest of your life. Take me for example. Yes, I'm doing well, but I also have my hands in many pots. My money is invested in multiple avenues and businesses. Not one of them produces the same thing. They're all different startup companies. My interests lie all over the place."

"That's actually kinda cool, because you get to learn new stuff all the time by doing that. I mean, I suppose you research each one before you give them your money. At least I hope you do." Wasn't that how it worked, or did he have a separate wad of cash he just threw at a board to see where it landed? Disposable income or something like that.

Jack smiled again. "Sweet boy, I do. But I'm interested in what they do, just not in doing it myself. Does that make sense to you? I'd rather give them my money for them to keep doing it and then I'd move on to the next venture that caught my eye."

"Given the way my brain works, that's easier for me to absorb than just about anything else we've talked about. I don't know, I guess someday it'll come to me what I want to do. At least I hope it does or I'm gonna be living in my car when I get back home. That's a joke, by the way. My mom would never allow that to happen, but I refuse to mooch off of her for the rest of my life."

"From what you've told me about your mom, I can't see her thinking that poorly of you. Nor do I. Let's not spend what small amount of time we have together pondering things that can't be fixed now. Why don't we table that discussion for when you return then we can sit down and weigh your options. Does that sound fair?"

Jack was right, and clearly a list man, but it was engrained in me to always put my best foot forward. "It had been a dream of mine that there would come a time in life where I could afford to take Mom on vacation or a fun shopping trip. Just do something nice for her for a change." She'd more than earned it taking care of me.

Jack got a twinkle in his eye. "I understand that and I love the fact that you and your mom are as close as you are, as I am with my parents. I can't wait for you to meet them."

He had an uncanny knack for triggering choking fits in me. "You want me to meet your parents? Are you sure about that? Isn't that moving a bit too fast? You don't even know if you like me. You haven't had the pleasure of dealing with my highs and lows. I may drive you crazy." My heart raced and my palms sweated. The familiar panic increased. Could it be possible that someone actually liked me for more than my ass? Sixteen days. That's all Jack had with me. Was that enough time? Was it hot in here or was it just me?

"Deep breaths, sweet boy. And yes, I have thought that far ahead, and I've thought many other things. Based upon the fact that I just sent you into a deep, panic-filled spiral, I'm going to keep those thoughts to myself for now. But trust me, they're all good and I like you, Vale. A lot."

My face heated and I squirmed uncomfortably. "I um, I like you a lot, too. I'm just afraid of being me and driving you away."

"Sweetheart, it will take a lot more than endless energy to push me away. I have it, too, just my outlets differ from yours. You'll get there. We'll figure it out together."

"Promise?"

"I promise. Now, finish your lunch before the Daddy in me starts feeding you. Oh wait, I have something for you." Jack pulled a bag out from under the table and handed it to me. "Here."

"What is it?"

"Silly Monkey, open it up and see."

"Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's a stuffie! He looks like my costume." I hugged him tightly. "The only other stuffies I had my mom got me when I was younger, and they'd seen better days. I'd been sleeping with them all my life, and even Mr. Bear lost his nose and one eye. It wasn't pretty, but I still loved him. Thank you so much." Mom packed them away years ago with my baby stuff for safe keeping.

"You are very welcome. Now, what are you going to name him?"

I thought about it, then thought about it some more, then thought about it again. "Diego. Diego the Daredevil."

Jack laughed so hard I thought he might fall out of his chair. "Diego the Daredevil it is. All right, it's nice to meet you, Diego."

Diego sat perfectly on my lap, and I tucked a napkin into his tiny shirt in case I spilled anything. I didn't want him to get dirty. "He looks so cute with in his tiny rainbow t-shirt." None of the guys I dated ever gave me a gift. Not that I expected any, nor had I asked for one. This was super sweet of Jack. I'd sleep with him every night, even after Jack was gone.

"Why so sad, Little Monkey?"

"Nothing. Just bad thoughts that need to go away."

"Well, if they're bad thoughts about me, you must share them so I can make them go away. I just want you to be happy, Vale."

"I'm happy when I'm with you. I'm just afraid that once you step off the ship, that'll be the end of it." And away would walk my one chance at happiness. I guess having it briefly was better than not having it at all.

"Little Monkey, I promise you that will not happen. You'll see. I'm probably gonna send you so many emails that you block me.."

"Nope, not a chance. I'll be so excited that I'll be rushing through getting all my rooms done. Which probably won't go over well just so I can run to the computer and check for emails from my Da—"

"Little Monkey, what did I tell you?"

"Sorry. It's just gonna take a while for me to remember and to figure out why I want to call you Daddy when I've never had a boyfriend nor a Daddy before. For some reason, it just feels natural, and it keeps wanting to slip out."

"I'm a firm believer in there's a reason for everything. Don't question it, if it feels right go with it. If it doesn't, then don't. Either way, I'm still your boyfriend." Daddy got a smug look on his face.

Shit. Now I just thought out the whole word. Did that mean I had to say it? What's wrong with me?

"You've got that whole lightbulb look on your face. Did you have an epiphany of some sort?"

"You could say that." Jesus, what the fuck was wrong with me?

Lunch went by way too fast, and I'd returned to running my ass off, getting people towels, cleaning up spills, vacuuming carpets, all the fun stuff. Not! Through it all, my mind lingered on the parting kiss Jack and I shared.

Desperately, my heart strived to believe he was as into me as he said. Jack hadn't given me any reason to question that. In fact, he'd given me every reason to believe him. Unfortunately, my past dictated otherwise. Out of sight, out of mind and all that. Moving forward and leaving the past behind was the correct thing to do, but that was easier said than done. I was a work in progress, doing my best to push the demons aside and believe there was a chance for Jack and me.

How fast was too fast to fall for someone?

"Hey, lover boy." Darcy walked by and smacked the back of the head.

"Ouch! What did you do that for?"

"You were too busy daydreaming. Now, come on, let's go fold towels."

I'd taken Diego to our room and tucked him in before I met up with Darcy for the rest of our shift. Diego's adorable face poked out above the cover, waiting for me. It was nice that I'd have something from Jack while I finished my contractual obligation.

"You're not gonna sign on again, are you?" she asked when we got back to our room.

"No. I'm sorry. I appreciate all you did but honestly, I feel trapped. We can't talk to the passengers, there are days we don't even see the sun. It's just…a lot. But at least I gave it a try."

"You did and I get it. You're a hard worker and I'll give you an excellent recommendation to any future employer. If you don't screw up during the rest of your contract."

"I'll be good. Pinky swear." I held the finger up and she wrapped hers around mine. "Best friend promise."

With several weeks to go, I had plenty of time to piss her off, though I'd do my best not to. If anyone could handle me it was Darcy. The job wasn't hard, just time consuming and quite honestly, lonely and boring at times, but at least I'd have a bit of money in the bank while I looked for another job later.

Jack and I had made a date to meet in the playroom at the same time as last night, and he said he'd wait if I ran late. He did understand that my job came first, and I was at the mercy of it. How anyone did this for years on end 'd never understand.

I clock watched all night and drove myself mad. When it was finally time to clock out, Darcy and I returned to our room, and she helped me get changed into my monkey suit.

Ha-ha, a monkey suit that didn't have a tie. I cracked myself up.

"I envy you, Vale," Darcy said as she helped me with my mask. "I'm not brave enough to go down to the littles' room, and even if I did I couldn't do anything more than watch. There's no way to cover my face like you can."

"I hate that for you, Darcy, I just want you to be happy." My heart ached for her.

She shrugged. "It sounds like Jack is really into you. Just make sure and tell him if he does anything wrong or if he hurts you that he'll have to deal with me."

"LOL, my big, bad, protector Darcy, but I'll tell him. Thanks for helping me get ready."

I kissed her cheek and off I went, speed walking down to the room. Right as I entered there stood Jack, talking to the same attendant from last night.

"Hello, Monkey, do you need help getting strapped in tonight?" the attendant asked and I glanced at Jack to see what he wanted me to do.

"Maybe just show me one more time how to do it so I can make sure I don't miss anything. Then, after tonight, we should be able to handle it," Jack winked at me as he replied.

I was ready to run and jump and swing and wondered if Blush had something specifically for monkeys. Jack would know, or maybe we could find a place with a playground. I used to love to swing from those bars overhead. I missed those days and thought they were long gone. How silly it was of me to believe I was too old to have that kind of fun again.

Focused on future events, I hadn't realized they'd suited me up and I was ready to go until Jack touched my shoulder.

"Are you with me? Monkey?" My nod soothed his concern. Was I supposed to talk when in costume? I guess I did when I was done last night but I'd ask Jack later. I was inn and out of a weird, floaty dream state when I played the first time. Like slipping in and out of a headspace that was me yet not me. If that made any sense? Like warm and fuzzy and content, kinda hard to explain. Maybe that is the subspace I read about online.

Off I went into the awaiting maze before me. It was fun to be this free, no worries and Jack below prepared to catch me if I fell. This was all for me. I'm sure some people at the end of a shift only wanted to relax, but I had all this energy pent-up inside me that needed released. This was perfect, a way to be me without being the me who annoyed everyone. I was one with the monkey, moving gracefully like the wind from object to object. The monkey didn't have to think about clocking in or if the bed sheets were perfect and the towels were folded. Monkey served monkey only and I loved it.

There was a certain freedom that came along with adopting such a free persona. And to have the right person to share that with? Nothing compared and that alone had its own freedom to let go and be me while someone else worried about what came next.

I wondered if there was a job for professional obstacle course or playground testers ‘cause I was pretty damn good at this. Swinging on newly erected sets to see how they held up, if they had a net below to catch me, I'd be down for that. Ooh, I wonder if Jack would take me bungee jumping? He'd probably freak out and worry I'd get hurt. It was nice to have somebody else to worry about me besides Mom. She needed a Vale brain break. There came a point in your life where you needed to find the one that loved you enough to worry.

Had I found that in Jack?

Whoa, Vale, don't get ahead of yourself.

One could always wish…