Chapter Twenty-Five

We sit with our plates of food in the living room. Barbecue chicken, macaroni and cheese, coleslaw and cornbread. I crouch down to set my beer on the coffee table and a body slides in behind me to steal the last seat on the couch.

"I'm sorry," Adam breathes into my ear. "You're smaller than me and you probably sit on the floor a lot. Can I sit here?"

"I have a teacher chair," I whisper back.

"Well, you're also so much younger than me," he murmurs.

The recollection of memories flies back into mind and reproach floods his face. We just shouldn't mention birthdays anymore.

Over my shoulder, I reply, "Fine. Since you asked so nicely."

He sighs, relaxing into the cushions. After a beat: "I always ask for things nicely."

Am I reading into his words, trying to find a double meaning? He said the thing about hitting him where it hurts and now this.

"I know what I want, and I made a good proposal," he adds.

That felt purposeful. With the others settling into seats, I spin around and my arm lands across his knees. I did not misread that one.

He bites into a chip and looks innocent. "What? That's how I got Grayson to share his chips with me. I proposed that we share them."

Slowly, I drop my arm and turn back toward my food.

We went from not talking at all, to dancing, to him yelling at me, to him apologizing, and now he's comfortable making jokes about our secret two-day engagement. What a 180 this day has turned out to be.

Kate makes a noise for attention.

I catch her eye and see it wander to Adam's face.

"Did you want to sit here, Katie?" I ask.

She glances around her cozy armchair beside the fresh fire. "Nope." She puts her drink on the mantel. "Did you want to switch places?"

This spot, where my back falls into the foot of the couch, between Adams open legs, is too intimate. I scoop my legs underneath me and sit upright on my knees. "No, no, I'm very comfortable," I reply.

We all chat easily for a few minutes, getting a head start on dinner before the last game of the night. There will be awkward dancing, painful singing and shadow puppetry, and as much as I want the games to end, I don't want this night to be over. Adam and I don't talk during dinner, but I listen to his voice and feel his energy behind me, just as I did for months, but under different circumstances.

That summer, I loved pretending not to notice when his arm needlessly brushed against mine or when he sat beside me. I always turned my head when he told David and Francesca about something he heard at the store that morning or saw in the lake, as if he experienced those things alone, when I was right beside him.

Caroline eventually gets up, brushes crumbs from her lap and stands in front of the fireplace, twirling her fingers in front of her body. Her cheeks redden.

"Okay, so usually my game is an impromptu talent show," she begins. "But I thought I might change things up this year."

"Hear, hear!" David cheers. "I didn't have time to brush up on my shadow puppet research. And my arthritis is acting up."

She rolls her eyes. "Since we have new players to game day, I thought a get to know you game might be fun. How about Never Have I Ever ?"

With Alice in her lap, Francesca picks an apple slice off her plate and says, "I like that, Care. Good choice."

"Okay!" Caroline claps her hands together. "I know it's hard because we're eating, but everyone puts up five fingers. We'll go around the circle and say one thing you haven't done and if you have done it, put a finger down."

I squish my barbecue sandwich in one hand and hold up the other.

Caroline says, "I'll go first." She glances around thoughtfully. "Never have I ever…been on a cruise."

I throw Francesca a nasty look that she's oblivious to as her thumb closes and she calls back, "This game is easy. I'm a woman of the world."

David scoffs and straightens his back. "Oh really ?" With an air of intensity, he calls out, "It's my turn. Never have I ever been to Disney World."

Grayson gasps.

Francesca whips her head around and growls, "Really, Dave? You're even saying those words in front of him?"

Grayson jumps to his feet and screams, "Are we going to Disney World?!"

"No." David looks around, confused. "Why would you think that? How did you get that from what I said? This is just a game!"

Grayson sinks back into the floor with a pout.

Diego holds up a finger while he finishes swallowing and then starts, "Never have I ever…" He pauses. "Oh! Been skydiving."

Adam makes a sound with his teeth.

Maggie laughs. "Put it down Adsy."

I wait to hear the next question, but instead spit my food and jolt alive when skin makes contact with my outstretched hand. Hot hands meld into mine.

"Oh, sorry," Adam pretends, leaning over his plate. I meet him nose for nose. His hand folds over my fingers. "You were wiggling all five fingers over there, I thought you wanted a high five."

I wipe my chin with my other hand, and I sneer, "One more reckless stunt and you're going to be flipping us the bird." I hinge toward him, taking our joined hands with me to my shoulder. "That's a whole dollar in the swear jar."

He drags his eyes down my face, too close for comfort, and glances at our hands, which I've managed to settle against my chest. His wrist bone touches my now flaming hot nipple. He releases his hold.

"I've got a one," Maggie sings. "Never have I ever sang a duet with Taylor Swift."

The group laughs, and Adam whines, "Well now you're just ganging up on me."

I assume it's my turn, but before I can speak, Kate scoots to the edge of her chair. "Oh, if that's how we're going to play, then never have I ever been engaged ." She shoots a laugh and begins to tick with her finger those that should come down.

It shouldn't, but my skin goes cold. I hold my five open fingers low on the coffee table, munching my food, Adam looming large behind me. I feel sweaty. Only he and his sister know I'm lying, but I still feel caught out. That's only if – after the cloud of lust dissipated, now that we're in the cold light of day – if he considers his question and my answer to be an engagement.

"Adam!" Francesca's jaw drops.

Oh no. He didn't.

Adam emits a breathy laugh behind me and the sound of it scratches my skin. As though right into my ear, he admits, "Five fingers down. I guess I win. Or lose."

I stare at the swirling wood grain on the table.

"Who?" Kate demands. Her blurry image burns with jealousy. Her head cocks confrontationally. " When ?"

His leg shifts, pressing lightly into my straight, nervous spine.

"Years ago," he answers, his voice heady. He continues, "When you ask someone to marry you and they say yes, that makes you engaged, right? There wasn't a ring or anything. I mean, there would have been, if I had the chance."

Maggie and Diego remain quiet, but no one saves me from this pressure.

Francesca says, "You still think about it?"

"Sure. It was short, but it was real."

"Aw," Francesca sighs. "She broke your heart?"

Adam's leg moves further into my skin. "Yeah. Yeah, she did."

"Where is she now?"

I swallow.

"She's off being the best version of herself she can be." I hear the smile in his tone. "I can't fault her for that. It wasn't the right time for us."

The fire cackles. Francesca asks, "Vienna? Are you okay?"

I raise my head.

She cocks her back with disgust. "You look like you're going to be sick."

I stammer, "I think I just – I ate too much – I just ate too fast." I use Adam's knee to help me stand, unconcerned with anyone noticing the touch. "I'm going get some water." I offer a half smile.

The conversation continues as I enter the kitchen, but I'm not far enough away. I continue down the hallway, my stomach clenching involuntarily, into the powder room where the door locks behind me. Flipping on the light, I assess my pale face, glossy eyes, and nervous shake.

He just told the truth, it's a part of the game, and he has nothing to hide from his family. They know our secret. If I dared to admit that I experienced the kind of love that would lead to an engagement, my people would riot.

Francesca would be angry I didn't tell her. David would demand names and either find this guy to murder him or organize a meet cute. Kate might put two secret engagements together and equal them for my Thanksgiving nightmare on a platter. She's one of the sharper minds here.

I can't stop the barrage of images flooding my brain and tears prickle my eyes.

Stop, I beg my body. I don't want to do this, to be this girl, to feel this way. I just want it to stop. I want to go back to last week's wistful sadness, to a memory free of sensory overload. I don't want to remember how loved I felt with Adam while he's in the same room. I don't want to relive how sad I felt leaving him when he's still beside me.

The things I did. Things I don't have anymore. Things I can't want.

There's a knock on the door. "Vienna?" Caroline calls out. "You've been in there a while, you okay?"

I sniffle and wipe my face. Sitting on the closed toilet, I respond, "Fine." It doesn't sound convincing. "I'm feeling better."

"Okay. Well, we have one more game."

Sweet Jesus.

I hang my head. " Great . Be out in a minute." I collect myself as noises in the kitchen pull me back to the group.

"What's going on?" I ask, watching Diego and Maggie gather the uneaten food they brought and sneak outside.

Diego hoists the crockpot in his arms and assesses my clothes. "Can you get that outfit dirty?"

I cock my head and prepare to question them further when Alice comes into the room giggling and wearing a purple plastic poncho. Francesca follows, barefoot with her raincoat zipped to her chin.

"Is it raining?" I wonder.

Grayson jumps into the kitchen yelling, "It's cloudy with a chance of meatballs!"