Chapter Fourteen

Standing in the gravel, Heddy's hiking boots on, I stare out at the lake.

What a joy it must be to be nature. Everything you're supposed to do comes to you effortlessly: swaying, rocking, growing. You don't have to think about the pressures of societal life. You get to just be a tree. I close my eyes and listen to the relaxing sound of their dry leaves gently crashing into each other.

Then comes the shouting.

"I don't want to wear shoes!" Alice cries.

"You have to, we're going hiking!" Francesca insists.

I turn around and offer, "I'll stay back with her."

"Nice try." Francesca scoops up her kicking and screaming child, and I open the car door. Alice immediately finds a stuffed doll beside her car seat and the crying stops. As Francesca buckles her in, she says to me, "You love to be outside, and you love hiking."

"One of those things is half true and the other is not at all."

She exhales, shutting the door. "You go for a run almost every day."

"Running is not hiking."

"Well, it's like the same thing." She ties an elastic around her hair and watches the boys come out of the house with water bottles and a bag of snacks.

"Running is not at all like hiking." I cross my jacket-covered arms. "That's like saying swimming is the same thing as…walking."

"No. It's like saying swimming and fishing are the same thing. They both happen on a boat."

"I'm not in the water when I'm fishing. It's more like –"

"Please stop," David begs. He opens the driver's side door. "Please don't do this, it's too early."

Kate bounds down the stairs in her cropped puffer and skin-tight leggings. Caroline follows behind, tying the strings of her stained joggers.

"Do I need a bigger coat?" Caroline asks, looking at her sister's attire.

"No, we're going to be moving, you should be warm enough," Francesca answers instead, touching the sleeve of her thin sweatshirt. "Move briskly."

David claps his hands after guiding Grayson into the car. "All right, everyone in. The neighbors haven't left yet but there's only three of them, so they're bound to get ahead of us."

I say, "Calling them ‘the neighbors' sounds like they're the ominous stalker family in a horror movie."

He thinks on that. "Well, we don't actually know them that well."

Francesca says, "According to Vienna, we're all strangers ready to push someone off a cliff."

"So, watch your back," I reply.

Caroline and Kate climb in after Grayson, and Francesca buckles up in the passenger seat. I stand on the outside of the open van door, looking at the blank space beside Alice's car seat. A bucket seat should go there. It's missing. Everyone else is settled in the back.

I gesture to the opening. "It looks like I'm staying here after all."

Francesca turns around. "Ah, shoot, I forgot we took that out to fit the cooler."

"Go grab a ride next door," David suggests, turning the car on.

"I'll go!" Kate announces.

"No," Francesca snaps. "The way you came on to him yesterday – no way. You're practically a predator." She rolls her eyes. "Vee, go next door."

I say, "Really, I'm happy to stay."

"This is a family vacation," she urges. "I'm asking you for this one thing. I never ask you for anything . Come hiking with us. It means so much to the kids. Right guys? You want Auntie Vee to come hiking, right?"

Crickets from the back row.

She waves her hand dismissively. "Anywho, you're not getting out of this."

Too late, anyways. David's already standing half out of the van, hands cupped around his mouth, calling across the yard, "Hey! Can we send someone to ride with you?"

I listen to Diego's agreement, keys jingling, doors opening.

Fran ducks her head and asks me, "What's the big deal?"

The thought of being in a confined space with Adam makes my stomach hurt.

We once took his old red truck out for a drive in the middle of the night. He didn't have to sneak out from his parents, but Heddy had a strict curfew, so we went up the street with the lights off at a crawling speed, more for the thrill of the secret than anything.

He'd slid me tightly to him when I sat too far away in the passenger seat, no gears or levers to get in the way.

"Smooth move," I joked. His right arm curled around my shoulder.

"One of the perks of this hunk of junk."

The truck rolled quietly down the silent street until we reached a stop sign.

Adam turned his head and tilted his chin toward me. "God, you're pretty in the moonlight," he whispered.

"There's no moonlight," I whispered back with a half-smile. "It's a new moon."

"I'm bad at science," he said. "But you're definitely glowing."

"Layers of sunscreen."

He smiled. "Maybe it's my luminous reflection bouncing off of you." His warm hand reached around for my chin and drew me in for a kiss.

When we pulled back, I murmured, "So, you're the sun and I'm the moon?"

His eyes caressed my face, thinking it over. "If that means I get to have some part of you all the time and you're always in my orbit, then yeah."

I remember shuddering from his breath just as much as his touch. I tried to understand what that meant.

"You mean, like, after the summer?"

He shook me a little and said, " Yeah ." His perfect mouth tilted into a smile. "I mean, like, after the summer."

A leaf falls on my shoulder.

"Okay," I tell Francesca, brushing it off and swallowing my memories. "It's no big deal."

She settles, and I step around the back of the car. I walk across the woods. When I approach the blue sedan with Diego at the helm, the backseat window rolls down.

"Howdy," I begin.

"Partner," Adam finishes. His face is passive. He looks tired. "Can we help you?"

I swallow, focusing away from his eyes. "Yeah. Can I ride with you guys?"

Maggie turns in her seat. "Of course! We've got plenty of room! Ads, move those long legs. I hope you don't mind the dog."

Copper reaches his face out of the window, but Adam pushes him back down.

"No problems here," I say. "Thanks."

Adam glances at something beyond me and rolls the window back up while I move to the other side of the car. Copper tries to stand, but Adam keeps him restrained in the center seat.

"Definitely cleaner in here than the mom mobile," I comment, running my hands through the dog's smooth fur.

Maggie says, "My husband's the cleanest man alive."

The subject twists to look at my attire. "Are you going to be warm enough, Vienna?"

"Oh sure." I tug the covered arms under my fleece-lined vest. "It's warmer than it looks. Plus, I always have sarcasm to keep me toasty."

Adam mumbles something, and Maggie insists, "What was that?"

He clears his throat. "She doesn't know how to dress for outdoor activities."

"I go outside," I reply. It comes out quiet, forced, uncomfortable. Every time I have to address him, I'm reminded of water trying to run through frozen pipes.

"You're not adventurous. It's fine," he says. A lock of hair falls over his crinkled eyes when he stares back out of the window. Copper climbs onto his lap.

I exhale. "My idea of adventure might not be the same as yours, but that doesn't make me… not adventurous."

"Just surprised you're here, is all."

Maggie remembers, "That's right, you said you're not a big fan of hiking."

"Yes," I agree, "but that's not a personality trait." My voice warms up. Copper reaches for me, sticking his tongue out for a lick.

I add, "I came out to be with my family."

Adam's eyes cast my direction, not at my face. "Look, I didn't mean – "

"Forget it," I whisper.

In the corner of my eye, I catch the sight of something red parked beside the detached garage, its windshield covered in brown leaves. I shift in the small backseat as Diego drives forward and my knee moves past the thin middle seat.

"Sorry," Adam grumbles when our legs touch.

I pull myself inward and say, "No, I'm sorry."

The environment whips past, Maggie turns on some music, and I listen to the sound of singing in the front seat. She takes Diego's hand.

I'd made a face the first time I heard this song, fourteen years ago.

"What is this?" I had asked Adam.

His jaw dropped as he climbed back into the bed of his truck. "You don't know Fleetwood Mac? Stevie Nicks? Wow ." He leaned back beside me. "Trust me, your ears are begging to take a break from The Black Eyed Peas."

The sunlight shined off the front of my phone screen. "This is my music playing device, Mr. Flip Phone, so you're not allowed to shame my music tastes."

"All right little rich girl," he waved his hands around. "Just surprised Daddy didn't buy you any decent music."

"My dad doesn't listen to music."

"Because he's too busy robbing children?" He laughed. "What? What you just said doesn't make any sense. What kind of person doesn't listen to music ?"

"The kind that spends his whole life in a business meeting to get away from his daughters," I mumbled. My new phone didn't feel like a win. The updated gadgets and money and expensive gifts never did.

Adam had purposefully bumped his knees against mine then. I loved every time he touched me, with his eyes or his skin, and I loved the moments we snuck out just the two of us. He reached for my hand and drew his fingertips along the lines like I did to him in the treehouse.

"Does your father know how clever you are, pretending to run errands with me?" he asked. "Fran and David didn't think it was weird at all."

"I wasn't being clever."

He frowned.

"I genuinely need tampons," I laughed. "It just so happens to be one subject Dave won't question, but if I was lying, then Fran would know."

Adam nodded. "So…you're really just using me for a ride into town?"

"Does it look like we're in town?"

He glanced around at the scenery of the mountain. The overlook on which we parked only had a single other car and we watched those hikers set off already.

"Nope," Adam said, breaking into a smile. "So that doesn't mean we have a lot of time to ourselves. Heddy will send out a search party soon."

He wrapped an arm around my lower back, and I giggled as he sank his mouth into the ticklish part of my neck. We fell back against the hot metal and closed our eyes against the sun.

"Vienna?"

I blink and turn away from the window. "Sorry?"

Maggie says, "We were talking this morning about doing something in town tonight. Do you have any ideas?"

"Oh." I stare at the back of her seat. "Um, well there's some decent restaurants. Romano's and The Plumhouse are really good. I don't know much about the bar scene, but we used to get into The Wayfarer as teenagers and it was a mixed crowd. More casual. There's a dancefloor."

"Oh!" She turns the rearview mirror to spy me in it. "That sounds like a lot of fun!"

His face smushed into the window, Adam says, "Won't Diego feel left out if we go dancing, Maggie? Oh wait. That'll be me ."

She adjusts hair from underneath her knit beanie. "I'm not thinking about making anyone a third wheel. We should all go! Do you think one of the sisters will babysit the kids?"

Yes and no.

"Caroline will," I reply. "She's saving up money for a backpacking trip this summer."

"Let's ask her!" Maggie claps her hands together. "That would be so much fun!"

I smile so the mirror sees it, but all I think about is extra wheels. Wheels without partners.

Diego and Maggie. David and Francesca. Adam and Kate.

Me.

Maybe I should babysit.

We drive around the mountain's curve, and sunlight bounces off the tops of parked cars on the very familiar overlook. I watch it pass by through Adam's window, where his face doesn't change, nor does his body language alter. Like there's no significance to this location or the act of sharing a car with me at all.

Chapter Fifteen

I extra-wheel-it pretty fast.

Caroline takes Alice in hand and Grayson walks between them and his parents, who have had Diego and Maggie's ears during the entire hike. Kate got her manicured claws into Adam from the jump. They walk in front of me, so I lag considerably behind. Even Copper doesn't stop to make sure I'm alive.

"Grayson, get down!" Francesca shouts.

She snatches him off a tree.

David waves his hand. "He's fine, Fran." He takes an inhale. "Whoa, I am out of shape."

Maggie plants her walking stick into the dirt and steps over a tree root. "I was just thinking the same thing about myself."

Grayson grumbles, "You don't let me do anything. Dad, she won't even let me climb the treehouse!"

"It's a safety hazard," his mother argues. "That thing is a million years old, and the man who built it was half blind."

Kate's coat swishes when she walks past their argument and bumps shoulders with Adam. Her ponytail bounces. Her eyeliner never creases. She's got to be hot, but she hasn't released a single drop of sweat.

As much as I tell myself not to, I can't help but stare at them. She and Adam look beautiful together. She's the golden goddess to his dark and rugged, but the way they fall in step, I know she'd look perfect on the red carpet of an award show or in a paparazzi photo at a coffee shop. Adam's fame has its sweet spot where he's not Post Malone, but he's not unknown either. Looking the way he does, it's only a matter of time before he reaches a greater fandom.

Walking away from him was the correct move. I wouldn't complement him the way Kate would. I wouldn't enjoy the attention the way she would. She has ambitions to be of the crowd in which he operates, but I would be awkward and out of place.

He smiles at her, too, and I think that's what hurts the most to watch. Any idiot would find her beautiful. Laughing at her jokes, listening to her thoughts, finding her enjoyable to be around – that's the real gut punch. Adam used to do those things with me, and it felt so much more intimate and special than him telling me I was pretty.

"Ally needs a break," Caroline calls out.

David stops. "Yes. Ally needs a break. We need to stop. For the children ."

We're going back down the hill, near to the cars which had been parked mid-mountain. The plan was to go all the way up and all the way down, but it wasn't my plan. I step down the path a little way, plant my butt on a cold rock, and take a swig from the stainless steel bottle that keeps hitting against my kneecap.

Voices erupt from above me.

"Let me try!" Grayson says, staring at Adam hanging from a tree branch.

"No," Francesca insists. "You will fall and roll down the mountain to your death."

"Why does he get to do it?"

"Because he's a grown-up, and his mother isn't here to see him."

Adam drops his hands and his boots hit the ground. "My chiropractor says it's good for your spine to hang like that."

Diego argues, "Chiropractors are quacks."

"Says the psychologist." Adam shares a smile with Kate, and they walk back down the path a little way, Copper sniffing in the dirt.

I wonder if he's walking with her or if she's following him. Or if they've fallen into step together and I should expect a wedding announcement in the spring. She'd make me help her plan it. I'd offer to do calligraphy on the envelopes.

Oh God. Why can't I stop thinking about this? If they start touching each other, I am going to be sick.

Down the hill, just in front of me, Kate steps over a log. Her boot rests on a rock, her chest and neck pressed out toward the sun. She must think they're alone. There's no way she could see me from my spot hidden in the bushes.

She says to Adam, "You know, I remember you from that summer."

He's crouched on the ground. "Hmm."

"I remember being so impressed with your backflips off the dock."

"I'm an impressive guy." Adam stands upright, and I see that he's holding something in his hand. He turns it around for inspection. It goes in his jacket pocket.

Kate makes an annoyed face that he can't see. She shakes it off and continues, "It's so weird that we would all meet again this week. Like, what are the odds?"

Adam picks up another stone from the ground, tosses it in the air, and catches it. "I can do backflips, but I can't do that math."

"Feels like…I don't know…fate."

Did she just say that?

Kate tightens her ponytail. "I almost didn't come this year. I was going to go to my friend's house in L.A., but Fran insisted we come at the last minute."

Adam frowns, staring at the collection of stones in his palm. He flips them over and his eyes flicker back up to the path. "We should go catch up with the others," he muses.

"I only agreed to come this week because Vienna was coming," Kate rambles through his attempts to walk away. "I knew I'd need a Fran buffer."

Adam pauses. He asks, "You like her?"

"Fran?"

"No." His eyes cast down. " Vienna ."

Hearing my name on his lips sharpens my hearing. I'm careful not to move a muscle or make a single sound. From above, David calls to Alice to put her shoes on so they can continue hiking.

Kate makes a surprised sound. "Yes, Vienna ," she answers Adam. Her hand falls on her hip. "What's the face for?"

"Nothing."

‘Tell me."

He makes a scoffing sound. "It's just…she just doesn't seem very interesting."

Kate looks tilts her head, eyebrows drawn in confusion. "You just don't know her."

"Well, I knew her a little that summer."

"She's just been oddly quiet today. Her job stresses her out. This is, like, the first break she's had in a few months. God, if I had to spend the day with six-year-olds, I'd lose my mind."

He tugs and releases Copper's leash, but the dog stays close by. Adam says, "If she went after her dreams, she might be more fulfilled. I think it's so stupid when people want something but don't go after it."

My hands are shaking, and I only notice it when my leg slips.

"What is your problem with her?" Kate's mouth curves into an amused smile.

He shrugs. "She's just kind of boring."

My throat clogs. My stomach ripples, clenching at my breakfast, trying to quell the emotion that's rising to the surface.

"She is not boring," Kate insists. "Look, Vienna might not be the first one to hike a mountain or backflip off a dock, but she's the best person I know. She's funny. She's kind. She's easy to be around. I can tell her absolutely anything."

"I shouldn't have said anything."

Kate says, "If I was stranded on the side of the road at three in the morning, I would call Vienna. Even if I was in another state, she would somehow get me help. She'd organize everything."

My eyes close, my nose itches.

The familiar sound of Adam's deep exhale runs through the trees between us. He says, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." He pauses. "It's just that she doesn't seem like the same girl I remember from fourteen years ago."

"She's the same as she's always been."

"When she was eighteen, she seemed more…full of life."

"That's probably because she was eighteen," Kate comments. " Everyone's free right out of high school. Vee's just not a wild child. And her family are not adventurous people."

"I guess I just got a different idea about her back then."

"I won't hear anything bad about her!" Kate insists.

"I don't even know her," he says.

They walk up the path, past me. Kate's voice drops. "My mom said that Fran was a mess when their mom died. Vienna was the only one who could calm her down and she was, like, eight. Their dad practically abandoned them. Vienna always has to be calm so that she can manage the crazy people around her. Grayson had pneumonia when he was two, and Fran convinced Vienna to cancel her trip to Italy to stay home and help take care of him. Who asks that of someone? And Vienna just does whatever Fran tells her to do."

Their voices trail off, and I wipe rogue tears from my cheeks.

So, I'm dependable, giving, and practical, and he thinks that's boring. That I'm boring. Boring . He shouldn't have a single thought about who I am now. We've barely been in the same room this week, let alone spoken to each other, and he doesn't know anything about me. But…boring?

Damn that word stings.

For the record, I am not boring. I keep myself pretty entertained, that's a skill. Grayson likes me when you catch him on a good day. I bake things that people love to eat. I know how to play chess. I can do a headstand.

I can juggle for god's sakes.

Kate's not wrong about my sister, but I don't know any other way to be. The minute I think of telling Francesca "no," all I see is her sad, scared blue eyes. Adam didn't know that part of my personality. He and I lived in a bubble. He couldn't have ever really loved me, not knowing how I behaved in the real world. If we had gotten married, he could have landed on the same conclusion he has now, and we'd have wasted years of our lives pretending to be eighteen, sun-kissed and in lust.

I shake out my head and slap color in my face before standing. My sleeve catches some snot and tears. Hearing what he thinks of me really sobers up that heavy feeling in my core. He's not so hot and broody to me now.

Besides, who cares what Adam Kent thinks? Not me.

I don't care because he and I are not involved anymore. Everything has turned out as it should. We are strangers, that's all we ever could be and possibly ever were.

Francesca calls out my name.

"Coming!" I take a deep breath and my boot catches a tree root. My hand slams into the ground as I catch myself, my leg coming into contact with a rock.

"Fuck," I mutter. Blood drips down from my palm and a cut below the knee, through my leggings.

Francesca shouts, "Vienna, we are leaving you! Pick up the pace!"

I groan, " Okay !"

My thirty-two-year-old body doesn't love being slammed into the ground any more than the skin around open wounds love an infection, so I continue carefully down the hiking trail, where the others are a decent way ahead of me. With the water left in my bottle, I clean my leg and hand while walking.

"Auntie Vee is hurt!" Grayson calls out.

I look up. "No, I'm fine," I yell back.

Francesca chuckles, "Our outdoorsy girl strikes again."

Blood flicks out through the tear in the fabric as I shuffle along, leg burning.

Francesca doesn't turn her head when she asks, "Vee, what are you making for dinner?"

My heart on a platter.

"My kneecap," I growl.

She says to Maggie, "She's so good in the kitchen."

We reach the overlook on which we parked, and David cheers, "Down the hill we go! We're halfway there."

I watch, longingly, at the people piling into their cars. Especially the ones who brought picnic baskets. My walk turns into a hobble, and I end up considerably far from the children and elder members of my party, all of whom show zero sign of slowing down.

Then, Maggie stops. Adam holds her arm and mentions something in her ear.

"You know what," she says. "I'm getting kind of tired. Diego, do you think we can head back?"

He cocks his head. "Sure, honey, if you're not up to it."

I reach the paused group, and Maggie looks me up and down. "Vienna, come back home with us."

Francesca smirks. "You're her knight in shining armor."

I glance at the eyes surveying my injury. "No, I'm fine," I repeat. Boring, tired and injured, but fine.

I expect one more insistence from Maggie that I would try to refute, but it's not her voice I hear. Or push I feel.

Adam comes up beside me and mutters, "Don't be a hero." He places a hand on my back, and I flinch. His eyes on the ground, he insists, "Go with them. Get cleaned up."

I don't have time to argue. He's guiding me toward the cars, and Maggie and Diego follow behind. I try not to allow his closeness to affect me, but my skin remembers this touch. My breath hitches. My feet stumble.

Remember what he just said about you. He doesn't like you or care about you anymore.

Adam's light pressure shifts to a firm grip on my hip. He holds me upright then, after a thought, places my left arm around his neck.

"What are you doing?" I breathe.

He hoists me into his arms. I fall back against the buttons of his jacket, my right hand pressing into the flannel shirt underneath.

That summer, he scooped me up like this a hundred times and tossed me in the lake or held me to him while he talked in lantern light in the treehouse. On nights when the back door got stuck, when I'd be forced to climb out of my bedroom window, he'd catch me in a cradle on my way down.

He looked me in the eyes then, which he won't now. His expression is blank.

When we get to the car, I'm set on the ground. He opens the door, but his warm hand remains on my back.

"I'll need a ride back, I know they don't have room in their car. I'll text you when we're about done," Adam says to Diego.

My door closes, and Maggie waves goodbye. She snuggles down into her seat and awes, "I don't think I could have made the whole hike. Those kids have boundless energy."

Diego lightly laughs. "Yeah, and it looks like Adam's enjoying the long hike, too." He puts the car in reverse.

"Kate's so beautiful ," Maggie comments.

I notice it's directed at me. I nod. "She's always been."

"She's definitely got him in her sights," Diego says.

"That makes her sound conniving," Maggie scolds, shoving his arm. "He didn't mean it like that. She just…knows what she wants."

Diego adds, "And he doesn't mind it."

I lean back in the seat. "He's too old for her, though, right?"

"No," Diego shrugs. "Ten years isn't too much at this age. It's probably just weird for you because you've known her your whole life."

Yeah. That's why it's weird.