4. Wren

4

WREN

Blue's Words

Blog Entry #1:

Today is the start of something new/different. As you can see above, this is a whole new page dedicated to the start of a new journey. Not sure whether I'll make this into a continuation or if it'll even go long enough for that, but to simplify what is going on, I'm going on a mission of sorts.

I don't exactly have any details yet, but it's in regard to a certain grumpy, old acquaintance who I will call "Mr. Hockey", and he is in need of a reminder that life is too short.

Hopefully I'll be able to "get to him" but I fear he might already be a lost cause.

So, wish me luck.

I'll update as much as I can.

" Y ou're sure James won't mind me staying there for a while?" I asked Kate over the phone as I sipped on my coffee.

"Oh, absolutely not! I talked with him last night about it."

Great.

"And what did you tell him, exactly?"

There was a brief pause.

"Just that… You're, uh… Okay, I told him everything, but I had to. I couldn't lie to my husband."

A rush of air fell past my lips. I wasn't upset. I actually was expecting her to tell him my plan, but I just didn't want it getting out.

I already felt unsure and uneasy about the whole thing, and the last thing I needed was everyone to find out.

"That's fine. Is he… How does he feel about it?" I asked.

"He thinks it's a great idea and he wants to help any way that he can."

Relief swarmed me.

"Oh good, okay. Did he say whether the chances were good or not?"

Anxious for her response, I began to pace.

"Not exactly… But, I think if anyone could bring him back, it would be you."

The shock of her words hit me like a freight train. I even had to sit down to process them.

"I don't know about that. I think I have the same chances as just about anyone."

"I think you underestimate yourself."

There was a short pause. Tugging on my bottom lip, I struggled to respond back. Not because I didn't agree with her, but because I did.

I had doubts. It would be hard for me not to, but it seemed nearly impossible to have any confidence in myself.

Especially in dealing with things about my past.

"It's been ten years, Wren. You're not the same naive, closed-off woman you were all those years ago. Give yourself some grace for all the obstacles you had to overcome to get where you are. You're strong, independent, and if Mal is smart, he'll listen to you."

I wanted to cry.

Never have I thought or seen myself as a strong, independent woman until now.

Until hearing the honesty in Kate's voice as she told me.

"Now, go tell the Deckers that you're going to bring their stubborn son back."

I couldn't help but laugh.

When in doubt, always call Kate.

After a few back-and-forth comments, we soon ended the call and I began to prepare for my trip over to Greg and Shelia's. A fresh shower and a few mental pep talks in front of the mirror later, I was finally ready.

Then with a quick wave to Alice out my passenger side window, I was off.

T he Deckers weren't expecting me.

I knew they were home, though, and almost immediately after knocking, the door was swung open.

"Wren? What are you doing here?" Greg asked as he looked at me suspiciously and stepped to the side to let me in.

"I'm hungry," I lied.

"You're hungry," he repeated as if he didn't believe me. Removing my shoes, I smiled up at the full-bearded man who was watching me with his arms crossed. He looked good today.

Healthy.

"Yes, and I didn't feel like cooking tonight."

It wasn't exactly a lie, but I couldn't come right out and say that I wanted to talk about… him.

Mal.

"Huh," he grunted. "Well, you're in luck. We've got some steaks cooking out on the grill." Shuffling past me, I followed him into the delicious-smelling kitchen where Shelia was busy at work chopping up some vegetables and potatoes.

"Wren? I didn't know you were stopping by." She peered up from what she was doing and smiled.

"She's hungry," Greg answered over my shoulder as he made his way out onto the back patio where the grill was.

"That right?" Her brow lifted in question like she didn't believe it.

Shrugging, I took the spot standing next to her and reached for a knife to help.

"Somewhat, yes," I admitted.

"Somewhat," Shelia mumbled on a chuckle as she moved over to the sink. With the knife in hand, I reached for a carrot and began slicing.

"Well, is something wrong?"

"No. No, nothing's wrong. I just…"

Nerves shot through me almost instantly. I thought I had prepared myself enough but when I found myself in her presence, doubt and uncertainty came flooding in.

What would his reaction be to seeing me?

Would he be mad?

Would he even listen to me?

Taking a much-needed breath, I shook off those unnecessary thoughts because this was not about me. His feelings and reactions toward me wouldn't matter. I was doing this for Shelia and Greg.

To get him back home.

"Are you okay? You look a little pale," Shelia noted as she tossed a rag over her shoulder and took a step toward me.

"Yes, I'm fine." I nodded, hating the fact I couldn't just come out and say it. I was a thirty-one-year-old woman, for Christ's sake, and was letting a man I despised wreak havoc on my brain.

He wasn't worth the headache.

"I've… I've been doing some thinking," I confessed.

I could feel her eyes heavy on my hands that were currently carving too small of slices into the carrot.

"About what?" She chuckled in amusement at the hack job that I had just created and slowly took the knife from me. Then shoving my hands into my jean short pockets, I lazily walked over to the cabinet beside the sink and grabbed a glass.

Rolling the cup in my hands, I couldn't meet her eyes. Not that she was looking at me anyway. Probably because she knew me too well and didn't want me to have an anxiety attack.

"About what we talked about the other day." The words came out thick and strained, so immediately after I swallowed down the lump in my throat.

Then walking over to the fridge, I shoved the glass under the water dispenser and filled it up about halfway.

Jesus, I wasn't even thirsty but I needed a distraction.

"Wren, it's okay. I shouldn't have brought it up with you."

Sighing, I spun around until I was now facing her.

"I'm glad you did, though. I want you to tell me things like that. It just… shocked me is all and I didn't know how to respond."

Setting down the knife in her hand, she slowly turned around until her back was against the counter. She looked torn. On what to say and what to do.

"I thought about it. I thought about it a lot, actually."

Her eyes softened. She didn't respond for a few moments as if she were taking in what I was saying, what I was about to, agree to and before she could say anything back, I continued.

"I hate that you two are hurting," I admitted. "I hate that I never asked or cared to know how you guys felt about Mal leaving. And I hate more that I never offered to help get him back."

"Wren…"

"You lost Hayes, but you lost Mal too. And I want to bring him back. Despite how I feel about him. Despite how badly I want to scream and shout at him for cutting off all contact, I realize that he deserves this just as much as you guys do."

A slow stream of tears began to fall from Shelia's eyes. They coated her freckled cheeks until she took the back of her sleeve and wiped them away with one stroke.

"I can't let you go any longer wondering what you may have done wrong or why he chose to do what he did. It's not fair, and I think it's time for him to see that."

With the glass still in my hand, I set it down beside me on the counter without taking a drink. My emotions were running high and all I could focus on was Shelia.

"God, Wren… You don't." She stumbled through her words as she continued to wipe profusely at her face. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to put…"

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. I want to do this for both you and Greg. I talked with Kate and she's letting me stay with her as long I need to," I explained while taking a step toward her. "I'll try my best to have him come home. He may not like it. He might not even listen to me, but I don't care. I'll make him listen."

If it took a week or month, I'd try everything.

Before Shelia could say anything, the sliding door was shoved open and Greg walked in carrying a tray of sizzling steaks.

"Steaks are re—" he started before noticing his wife wiping away the tears on her face. A frown replaced his smile as he set the tray down onto the kitchen table and walked over to us. "What's going on?" He glanced between the two of us.

"Oh, Greg, these are just happy tears." Shelia chuckled as he wrapped an arm around her waist and brought her in close to his chest.

"Happy tears? Why?"

Not knowing whether I should answer that or not, I waited for Shelia.

"When I went over to Wren's last week, I brought up Mal."

Instantly, Greg's eyes shot down toward hers and a painful gleam in his stare struck me to the core.

"Shelia, I told you we could do that together…"

Her hands found their way to his chest as she slowly rubbed along the buttons of his flannel.

"I know, and I'm sorry I did it without you. I just… I couldn't wait any longer." Shelia's chin dropped.

"Hey, it's okay." Greg lifted her head with a single finger beneath her chin. "I know you're hurting. We both are."

"It's time that he comes home."

Their eyes were secured on one another. Unwavering and sharing a plethora of emotions that only they could decipher. It was beyond powerful and for a moment, I found myself watching them.

Smiling and wishing.

Smiling because I loved them beyond words and wishing that I could have that myself one day.

You did have that.

"I'm going to bring him back," I declared, causing Greg to shift his focus to me. "I don't know how long it will take, and I might need you to check on the house and cut the grass while I'm gone…" I couldn't help but laugh. "But I promise, I'll do my absolute best to bring him back to you."

"Wren, are you…" Greg watched me intently with hazy eyes that never left mine. "Are you sure you're up for that? It's a lot to ask and we know how… difficult it will be."

Difficult? It would be nearly impossible, but I already made up in my mind that I wouldn't leave without him.

I wouldn't leave without him hearing me out.

"Trust me, I've done a lot of thinking. I already know it won't be easy, but I don't care."

"He might listen to you, Wren," Greg said as a short scoff had blown past my lips.

"Maybe." I smiled sadly, not wanting to shred their only hope of getting him back.

I wanted to be optimistic. I really did, but I was prepared for a battle.

"You don't have to do this for us, we already had planned a trip to go out there for one of his games," Greg went to say as he peered down at Shelia. "I just… I don't want you to feel like we're putting this on you…"

"I don't feel like that. I promise you, I don't. If anything, I feel like it's something I need to do. Not just for you both, but for myself too. And Hayes." My eyes felt heavy, like a floodgate had opened and every emotion I had held back came rushing out. My heart throbbed. "He wouldn't want this. He wouldn't want Mal to be distant for you guys."

They both then looked over at me. Fresh tears now staining their cheeks.

"Wren…" Greg released Shelia and soon they were both approaching me.

"Please," I pleaded. "Please let me do this for you."

My eyes began to water and in seconds, I was pulled into Greg's arms, his tight embrace giving me the answer I needed.

"Thank you," he whispered, and as if he knew Shelia needed a hug, he released his hold as Shelia threw her arms around me.

"We love you," she softly cried into my hair. "So much, sweetheart."

Then closing my eyes, I reveled in this moment before I'd finally have to face my past.