13. Mal

13

MAL

I t was her.

There was no way it could be anyone else.

Not when her face was forever etched onto the contours of my past and unwontedly appearing in the present.

No one compared. Eyes the shade of mahogany and hair that could only be described as the sun, she was always there in the back of my mind. Whether I wanted her to be there or not.

And while my heart went into a frenzy, my soul had splintered off into a million little pieces. I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to know how she was, or what these past ten years had been like for her. It was an asshole thing to say, but I couldn't bear the thought of having her in my life.

Because all I saw when I looked at her was Hayes.

A cruel reminder that it should've been me instead.

As the game neared its ending, I found myself watching her every chance I could get.

Subtly, of course, and the more I did, the more irritated I became. Still standing in the same damn spot with a camera in her hand, I was entranced just like I was all those years ago and I fucking hated it.

I hated myself.

She's not yours.

And never will be.

Skin on fire and my muscles throbbing, I told myself I could take one last glance at her, and when I did, she was gone. Part of me felt relieved, while the other felt desperate.

What if I never saw her again?

Did she even recognize me?

Of course she did, you idiot.

Fuck.

This was why I didn't want to see her again. She created a mixture of emotions and feelings inside of me that I wasn't equipped to handle.

The rest of the game went by without any hiccups from any of the players, besides me.

I played like shit. Couldn't defend for shit. And couldn't focus for shit. And of course Vince had nothing good to say to me after the game even though we had won. He could tell my head was elsewhere, just like everyone else who watched me fucking play tonight, but that wasn't the point.

The point was he didn't like me, whether I played good or bad.

It was a lose-lose situation, but right now, I had other pressing issues to tend to.

I was frustrated, confused, and already planning to hunt her down before I had gotten to the locker room. It couldn't have been a coincidence that I saw her tonight.

Not when it came to her.

She was my kryptonite. Even after all these years she still reigned supreme in that category over any other girl I may have been with.

Fucking pathetic.

As we were all now in the locker room, preparing for either celebrating the win by going out, or celebrating with our families, I began to get dressed.

"Dude, have you seen the new chick yet?" Jenson, our winger, announced to the guy beside him. I was half-ass listening, mainly focusing on the need to escape.

"Nah, but I've heard good things."

They both laughed.

"Saw her tonight before the game. Had these long braids in her hair," he boasted, instantly causing my eyes to roll. "Fucking perfection." Jenson groaned.

I was the oldest one on the team. Most of my teammates were in their early-to-mid twenties. While pussy and fame were high priorities for most of them, I tended to stay away from the two.

"You thinkin' about asking her out?"

I was mostly dressed now, shoving my feet into my shoes when Jenson responded.

"I fuckin' want to, but you know the rules. She's our new social media manager."

I started to listen more closely now, my stomach churning in a way that I didn't like.

"You know her name?"

Just as I was about to close my locker, he answered.

"It's a cute name, I think it starts with a W… uhh, Wren. Her name's Wren."

My whole body went rigid. Heart halting in my chest, every muscle and nerve I had twitched.

Wren.

Braids.

Fuck, I was seconds away from combusting.

I didn't know whether I wanted to wrap my hands around his fucking neck for talking about her, or go find the newest Orchids employee and demand answers.

What the fuck was she thinking and why the hell was she here?

I was already out of it. Completely zoned out with the rage of an army flowing through me as I slammed my locker closed. Then turning to face the prick standing in from of me with a smile plastered across his face and Wren's name on the tip of his tongue, I lunged at him.

"You ever say her name again, you ever look at her, or try to talk to her, I'll have you off this team and scrubbing the shit off the stadium floors with a fucking toothbrush."

He looked at me like I was insane for coming at him as he cowered back into his locker.

"Dude, what? Do you know her or something?"

He tried puffing out his chest, but my six-four frame made him appear microscopic. He was the rookie, so he knew he had no pull or sway as all the guys were oblivious to what was transpiring. They were all too busy with their own conversations to be bothered by us.

But of course, Vince noticed and watched us closely from his locker.

"Doesn't matter. Just do as I fucking say," I growled and leaned away before storming off with the sole purpose of tracking her down.

Bypassing the media and all the others, I went searching. Like a bull, my nostrils were flared and heaving with smoke.

She had to be around here somewhere.

I went on a wild-goose hunt for nearly fifteen minutes when I found myself nearing the training room. The crowds were clearing out and as I glanced over to my right, my eyes caught a flash of blonde.

Wren.

But she wasn't alone.

There was a door separating us and quickly I had flung it open and purposefully made myself known.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I snapped, while scared, nervous eyes captured mine.

Shit.

Up close and personal, she was actually here. She wasn't a figment of my imagination. She was real and for the second time in my life, she stole the breath from my lungs.

There wasn't a single word that described Wren's beauty. Maybe for others there would be, but for me, she was unlike anyone I have ever come across. I'd been to a lot of places, and been with many beautiful women, but no one compared to Doe.

Even if I hated admitting it.

Her eyes searched mine and all I saw was a reflection of my own. Pain, torment, I wanted to bring her in close and never let go, but I couldn't.

I tried like hell to ignore the fact that someone was beside her, but once he opened his mouth, it was all over.

"Jesus, Mal, calm down." Trevor stepped forward with a weariness in his tone and a half-tilted smile that did nothing to calm me.

Of course he was the asshole I found her with. It couldn't have been anyone else.

"Trevor, it's fine," she spoke, her voice somewhat softer than I remembered. Her lashes fluttered as she smiled reassuringly at Trevor before focusing her attention back to me.

My blood pressure spiked. Trevor got smiles from everyone, and right now knowing that he was able to get one from Doe made me fucking crazy mad. He didn't have a chance with her. No one did and I'd make sure of it.

"It was nice meeting you but I'm going to need to talk to Mal alone."

I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. I was noticing every change and shift from the girl I once knew, to the woman that stood in front of me now. Her hair was longer, fuller, and hung past her chest in two thick braids. Jenson's comment earlier pulsated in the back of my head, but I quickly shook it off as my anger began to billow.

"You sure?" He glanced between the two of us, eyeing me cautiously as if he was hesitant to leave her with me. My back went ramrod straight as I hit him with a glare.

"Yes, it's fine. I'll, uh, see you around, I'm sure."

Fire ran through my veins the longer I looked at Trevor. It was obvious he was captivated by her, but as long as she was here in Seattle, Doe would be off limits.

To everyone.

"Well… All right, it was nice meeting you too, Wren." He grinned on a short nod before peering up at me. Uncertainty spread across his features, something foreign in his usual, "I want to be buddies" fa?ade. He cracked a smile, one that didn't reach his eyes.

"Mal." He used that overly friendly tone of his and stepped around me. His footsteps seemed never-ending but once he was out of the room, I pinned Doe under my stare.

"You work here now? Why?" I demanded.

Her small frame never wavered as I took a step closer toward her. Instead the widening of her eyes gave away her worry.

"I do." She lifted her chin. "I'm the team's new social media manager." She reached for the camera around her neck and shrugged her shoulders like it was no big deal.

Did she not realize just how big of a fucking deal it was that she was here? After ten years of no communication, she was standing in front of me.

Now working for the team I played for.

And acting as if it was another day for her.

Just… indifferent to it all.

"I heard," I grumbled. "Why here? Why for this fucking team?"

Out of all the teams. Out of all the professional sports out there, she chose this one.

It didn't make sense.

"Why not? It's a great organization."

I searched deep into her eyes for answers. For the truth, but I didn't believe her.

"No," I simply stated. I had no other words besides no.

Fuck no.

"What do you mean, no?" Her blonde brows bunched together. A slightly amused-slash-confused look stared back at me

"No, as in, no. Not fucking happening. You're not working here." It came out harsh, but I had no other option. I couldn't have her here. I wouldn't survive it.

Even just the look she was giving me was tearing at my insides, but she seemed to have quickly recovered.

"What makes you think you can decide whether I work here or not?" She crossed her arms over her chest, challenging me in a stare-off that had my heart hammering.

Fuck, she was beautiful when she was mad.

"Because I said so." I leaned in closer, causing her to shift backward. "Now, go tell whoever it is you have to tell that you quit, because this…" I pointed my finger in her direction. "Is not going to work for me."

"No," she answered with the same one-word response as I did. "You can't just expect me to quit because you don't want me here."

Jesus Christ.

Why was she being so fuckin' stubborn about this? Did she really have the strength to see me every day? Wasn't I just a reminder for her too? I wanted inside her head, her brain, and figure out her ploy.

"You're right. I don't want you here. Either you do it, or I'll find someone who will."

Her eyes narrowed. A pinkish hue spread across her cheeks as she closed her eyes on a sigh.

Was she about to cry?

Only seconds ago, she was holding her own, refusing to listen to me. But now, she looked defeated. Her eyes now opened, but avoiding mine completely.

"Why… Why are you being like this?"

As her voice cracked, so did a piece of me. She'd already been through enough in her lifetime, and I was only adding to her torment. Or at least, it seemed like I was.

"I don't want you here, Doe."

I tried softening the blow by using her nickname, but it only messed with my head even more.

Her eyes shot up toward mine. Wide and searching, she looked almost lost and confused.

"I left and haven't come back for a reason. The last thing I need is a reminder of the past and looking at you, that's all I fucking see."

The need to look away overwhelmed me. Every part of me ached to focus on something other than her and the way she was watching me.

Like my words had wounded her.

"I'm sorry that my being here is not what you want. The last thing I want is to bring up memories of the past for you, but… I'm not going anywhere, Mal." Her chin lifted defiantly, causing my treacherous cock to thicken. "And your tactics of trying to scare me aren't working. I can't be scared of you, when I feel nothing for you."

Her words sliced through me and before I knew it, she was rushing past me and out of the room. My jaw went painfully tight and the need to chase her down haunted me.

Goddammit.

I was left standing in the middle of the room even more pissed off now with a confused, intimidated Trevor staring at the ground like he had no fucking clue on what to say or do.

Of course he had to fucking witness that. So, giving him a "Don't say shit to anyone" look, I quickly spun around and stomped out of the room with an unwanted wounded ego and heart.

Fuck.