9. Wren

9

WREN

Blue's Words

Blog Entry #2:

I officially made it to my destination. I'm staying with my best friend from college and her husband while I try to "persuade" Mr. Hockey to come back home. We devised a plan that I'm not so sure will work yet, but it may be my only chance for him to hear me out.

I haven't seen him in years, so I'm not sure how he will react when he sees me. Most likely I'll take things slow, not by choice, but because I know how he is.

Starting tomorrow, I'll need all the luck I can get!

Talk to you all soon!

I was going to vomit in James's car.

Not sure what would come out since I skipped breakfast, but right now, that was the least of my concern. In a matter of less than thirty minutes, I was going to be entering Mal's domain.

"You good over there?" James questioned with a quick peek over in my direction.

No. I wasn't good. At all.

In fact, I was quite the opposite of good.

I was currently going over in my head all the reasons why I shouldn't do this and what kind of excuse I could come up with to tell Greg and Shelia. I thought I was equipped enough to handle this, but I was severely wrong. I hadn't even seen Mal yet and I was already regretting my decision.

"Hey, you'll be okay," James reassured. "I'll make sure I'm with you when he sees you, so you don't have to worry so much."

James really was a good guy. The best, actually, but even with him beside me, I didn't think I was ready to face Mal. I didn't think I would ever be ready. Even after ten years, it felt like yesterday when our palms were locked together in the hospital and our worst fear became reality.

"I don't know if I can do this," I admitted.

With my hands clutching tightly onto my knees, I felt a surge of queasiness overwhelm me.

Oh god, please don't puke in this ninety-thousand-dollar vehicle.

"Wren, you need to relax," James tried calming me down but it was easier said than done. I couldn't relax even if I tried.

"I can't," I mumbled as my eyes locked onto my hands that were currently digging puncture wounds through the tight fabric of my jeans.

"I promise you, it'll be okay. You just have to get the initial part of seeing him over with."

Yeah, and that was the part I'd been dreading the most. The unknown of how he would react. I was entering his space. His new life, and me, someone from his past who I'm sure he wanted to remain there, interrupting that… I could almost guarantee it wouldn't end well.

"He won't be happy."

Again, his eyes wavered over to me.

"How do you know?"

I laughed—sarcastically, of course.

"I just know."

With the subtle sound of music playing in the background, James spun the small dial on the dash until all that was left to be heard was our steady breathing.

And the awkward tension I was creating.

"He's never happy, Wren."

I expected to feel indifferent after hearing that, but instead, I felt the pressure of my heart cracking. Just because I despised him didn't mean I liked hearing that.

"He needs this," he said firmly. "He may not agree or like it, but he needs you."

My throat was clogged with emotion.

He needs you.

"Well, I'm not doing this for him. I'm doing it for Greg and Shelia."

I didn't want to be seen as the one who could save Mal. I wanted no part of it.

"I know." I watched from the corner of my eye as he nodded. "And I don't blame you for not wanting to do this. Just know that I appreciate it."

Casting my eyes in his direction, I noticed the raw reaction in the way his throat contracted.

"You know, when the Orchids drafted him, he wanted nothing to do with me," he confessed on a chuckle. "I guess he still saw me as the loudmouth kid he knew at Sutton."

"Let me guess, you broke down all those walls he had up and now you're the best of friends."

"Not exactly." He laughed. "I think he more so just puts up with me, but out of everyone on the team, I'm the one he's closest with."

The words Mal and close didn't exist. The only person to ever penetrate those walls were Hayes and even then, it felt like he wasn't being his true self. Like he was hiding from the world and those who cared about him.

"Why was he drafted in the first place?" I questioned. I remembered seeing something in the news about it a while ago, but I hadn't bothered to look any further into it.

I wasn't interested.

"Problems with this old team, I guess." He shrugged. "Everyone in the league knows he's a hothead and I think they all just got fed up with him."

"And the Orchids wanted him? Why?"

"He may have his issues, but he's a hell of a player. He's someone who you want out there to have your back."

Huh. I guess I couldn't disagree with him there. His size and temperament must have had some teams flocking.

"And does he, have your back?"

"Always."

His response had come quick and sure. As much as I didn't want to believe him, I did. Mal's protective-like talent on the ice was well known. Always throwing himself into fights and taking hits for his teammates.

I hated how much I knew about him.

"Is he any different?" I asked, not really understanding why I did. "I mean, is he any different than he was at Sutton?"

"I think most people would say no, but only because they don't really know him. On the outside, he's the same old Mal, just older and a lot more tattoos. But on the inside, the man is still hurting."

Soon after, James pulled us into the Orchids' parking lot. A variety of cars were there, some lavish beyond belief and others that resembled my modest vehicle.

"You ready?" James asked as he pulled into a spot.

No.

Not at all.

But would I ever be ready?

With my stare on the large arena in front of me, I took a much-needed breath before I responded.

"As ready as I'll ever be."