Prologue

PROLOGUE

Mal

I was holding her hand.

Tightly.

It felt like the right thing to do as both our minds were on the verge of collapsing. That at any given moment one of us would detonate and let the fear we had been holding in for so long out. Every now and then my hand would tighten around her small one whenever the sound of the emergency room doors opened. Out of the corner of my eyes, I would catch her tiny little frame go stiff, but when we both realized it wasn't them, we'd relax.

Though we looked anything but relaxed.

Wren looked tired as hell with red-rimmed, bloodshot eyes, and an empty stare that broke my goddamn heart every time I glanced at her. I hated it.

I hated that we were here.

I hated why we were here.

I couldn't let my mind wander, though. I couldn't let my scarce hold on reality slip because I knew I would break.

And I couldn't let that happen. Not when I had someone who needed me just as much as I needed her right now. When she cried, I held her. Tucked underneath my chin, I would try my best to comfort her. I wasn't used to being the gentle type or had the right words to say like Hayes would, but thankfully what had come out, had worked.

Even if it was just to tell her to breathe. Or that everything was going to be okay.

"Hayes hates hospitals," I blurted out, instantly regretting it but continued anyway. "He fell off his bike one day when we were kids and got a nasty cut on his knee."

I could feel her stare heavy on the side of my face, but I refused to look at her. Already, I could sense the strain in my voice as I struggled to get the words out and I could only imagine just how worse it would get if I caught a sight of the brokenness.

"He begged not to go to the hospital, but his cut was deep as hell, and we all knew he needed stitches. Cried like a baby the whole way there." I chuckled but instantly regretted it as I let my laughter die down. "He complained the whole time he was here and refused to go back to the hospital."

And he thought I was stubborn.

She didn't respond, but instead gave my hand a soft squeeze in acknowledgment. I didn't need her to say anything, hell, I preferred it that she didn't after all her crying and screaming. Her poor throat had to have been so damn sore.

For a second, we just sat in silence. Nothing but chatter from patients and beeping sounds filled the emergency room until I broke the quietness once again.

Abruptly.

"You think he knows he's here?"

She flinched.

Fuck.

"I… I don't know. I just hope he's not suffering." Her voice came out hoarse and shaky, causing my head to twist and to find her eyes focused on the ground. Even in her broken state, she was still the most beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on, but it was the last fucking thing I should be thinking about right now.

If ever at all.

But, then suddenly, I was torn from my thoughts when the sounds of shoes approaching captured both of our attention. At the same time, we both tensed as our eyes latched on to a nurse who appeared to be coming straight toward us. Everything seemed to have stopped around us. The sounds, the now dying tempo of my heart, I centered my focus on what we were about to be told.

Good or bad.

With a reassuring squeeze to my hand, I tried my damn hardest to prepare myself the best I could. Until a voice I recognized tore through the solid hold on reality I had and completely shattered it.

"Mal?" The one shattered voice I dreaded to hear materialized, causing my body to shoot out of the chair and rush toward her.

Hayes's mom.

The sight of her helplessness nearly made me drop to my knees. A knife to the fucking heart and before I knew it, I had her in my arms as she broke. Painful sobs were drowned out in the hoodie Doe had already soaked with her tears.

"Shh… it's okay, Mom," I tried soothing, but the words came out strained. I too was on the verge of breaking and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Nothing I could do to prevent it as the thought of all my people, the ones I cared for, were currently suffering just as I was, but only worse.

Over her muffled cries, I glanced over her shoulder and watched as Dad made his way over to Wren. A sense of relief washed over me knowing that someone was going to stand with her, but I had a feeling seeing him would only cause her already fragile heart to splinter even more.

I then watched as they embraced each other. He pulled her into his arms as her eyes closed tightly in pain. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the heart-wrenching scene. Wren was barely holding on. Her small body was shaking uncontrollably. Though her face was pressed against his chest, I could see her mouth moving frantically.

I'm sorry.

Repeatedly, she was apologizing. The words that shouldn't be coming out of her mouth were and it took everything in me to not shake those thoughts out of her head. Just the thought of Doe blaming herself made me want to destroy something.

It made my lungs throb painfully with each breath I took.

"Mal, I need…" I was drawn back to Shelia as she pulled herself out of my arms. "I need to find a nurse… anyone."

I opened my mouth to respond back, but she had walked away before I could say anything. I was about to chase after her, but the sound of Doe's voice caused me to shift my attention over to her, and that's when I noticed her frantic movements.

Her desperate cries and hopeless wails.

I didn't think twice, I charged over to her.

"Wren!" I shouted, hoping she would hear me and pull out of her current distressed state, but she didn't. Greg then noticed me coming and as if realizing I was coming for Doe, he released his arms from around her, giving me the opportunity to pull her into my embrace.

Her arms instantly latched around my waist as she stuffed her face into my chest.

"Breathe… I need you to take deep breaths for me."

Her poor body wouldn't stop shaking. Her tears wouldn't stop falling and I felt frantic to help her. To heal her fucking pain any way I could, but I was just a hockey player. A moody, pissed-off-at-the-world hockey player who had no fucking clue how to deal with a crying, heartbroken woman.

I wasn't the comforting type, but yet here I was, doing everything in my power to help her though this all the while dealing with my own anguish.

Then as is if hearing my words, she took a long, steady breath until her cries slowly dissipated.

"There you go. Breathe." I dropped my chin onto the top of her head and for the longest time, we just sat there. She burrowed into my chest while I refused to let her go.

Suddenly, she pulled her swollen face from chest and tried looking around me. I loosened my hold, but not entirely.

"Mal… The nurse, where is she?" she asked and as if her eyes found something terrible, her whole body had gone still in my arms.

Deathly still.

I watched closely as her breathing began to escalate again and on the widening of her eyes, I realized something was wrong.

"Oh god… No… No… Greg, he can't be…" Recognizing that voice, I released my arms from around Doe and immediately spun around. My heart sunk in my chest when I saw Mom on the ground, her body slumped and shaking through her tears.

"Mom." I rushed over toward her and dropped down onto my knees beside her. "What's going on? What's wrong?"

Her hands found the fabric of my shirt as she clawed at my chest in desperation. Her knees rocked back and forth, only increasing when her sobbing turned more frantic.

I was desperate to ask her what was going on, but deep down, I had a feeling I already knew the answer.

"Hayes… My boy… My sweet boy is gone."

My initial reaction was disbelief. Like all the air had been violently stripped from my lungs and in its place was a newfound rage that I couldn't contain.

I didn't believe it.

I fucking couldn't.

Hayes wouldn't leave us, not like this.

Not so soon.

I peered over at the doctor who was currently comforting Greg the best he could and instantly, I took offense to that.

Hayes wasn't dead.

There's no way my best friend was fucking gone.

And here was this doctor, who knew nothing about us, knew nothing about Hayes, telling us that he didn't make it. The fucking audacity.

The nerve.

I wanted to tear apart this whole hospital until I found him alive and well.

But as if I could sense trouble, the sound of Doe brought me back to reality. Chaotic screams. Painful cries.

My whole body went into panic mode.

I jolted up onto my feet and without a second thought, ran over to her. Standing beside a few nurses who appeared sympathetic for the poor girl who was falling apart right in front of them, she began to raise her voice.

"He's not dead!" she screamed, causing me to flinch. "He's not… He's not gone. He can't be…"

There it was again, but this time, every nurse, every doctor in the vanity, was staring at us. Watching us. Pitying us.

No…

I shook my head, hoping that this was all just a dream. That I would wake up any second, but when nothing changed, it all came crashing down.

Every last humanly part of me had shattered.

Heart, soul, fucking everything that I had left, was now obliterated into nothing.

Just like that.

In the blink of an eye.

And that's when the shock of reality hit me. Like a freight train. That from this moment on, nothing would ever be the same anymore. And I immediately sought out the one person who I knew I needed.

"Doe…" I called out from behind her.

At first, she went eerily still. Her crying softened but then seconds later she spun around so fast that she crashed directly into my awaiting arms.

"Mal… Please tell me it's not true. Tell me he's okay. Tell me he's not gone," she begged, her eyes telling me she knew the true answer but didn't want to believe it just like I didn't.

My anger flared.

"He's gone, Wren."

And from that moment on, I knew nothing would ever be the same.

Not anymore.