Help

“Autumn? Are you okay?”

Snapping my head upwards, I was greeted by Lexi’s concerned face. She was wearing her black hoodie again, probably so that no one noticed her. Her bodyguards were standing about a foot behind her.

“I missed my flight,” I pursed my lips together and shrugged hopelessly.

“Do you want to ride with me? I can drop you off at LAX,” Lexi offered.

Ride with her? Was she serious?

This can’t be happening.

“Wait. Are you offering me a ride on your private jet?”

“Yes,” she smirked while biting her lip. “Get off your ass and let’s go.” Lexi motioned for me to follow her as she turned around and headed in the opposite direction. Rushing to stand, I grasped for my bag without looking behind me.

I kind of figured Lexi and I had become somewhat close when we talked in the bathroom, but I was expecting, like, maybe a few conversations on Instagram or a free ticket to one of her concerts, not a free ride across the country on her plane. This felt like too much to ask for when I had only known her for about an hour.

But she offered anyway.

And despite only knowing her for an hour, it felt like I’d known her for my whole life.

I sped off to catch up to them.

“Are you sure this isn”t too much trouble?”

“Autumn, shut up and accept help when it”s offered.”

“Thank you. Like seriously, thank you.”

“Anytime.”

Was this just like a common thing for her—taking people on her private jet just for the hell of it?

“So,” I clicked my tongue. “How many other fans have you given a ride to?”

“Zero.”

“Oh. Why me then?”

“Honestly, you remind me a little bit of myself.”

“That is officially the best compliment I”ve ever received.”

“Then remind me never to call you smart, or amazing, or beautiful—”

“Eh,” I shrugged. “I prefer to be your twin.”

“Okay, Autumn. Whatever you say,” she laughed.

We walked through the airport in silence for the next few minutes as I tried to keep pace with Lexi, only following slightly behind her, so that I could be sure I was going in the right way. I watched as she walked in a stride with her head held high. Her two bodyguards mirrored her strength and confidence. I had no idea where we were going or how to get there, but for some reason, I trusted these two men to guide us. They both looked like they could convince anyone of anything at any given time just by using their words. It wasn’t common to see someone walk around in a way that never made you question them. Even at twenty-one, I still hadn’t learned how to comfortably exist in my own body. Sometimes it felt like I was simply borrowing my current body while a new one was being tailored to fit the image I so desperately desired. In my head, I was a slim model who stood at 5’7 and had legs for days with a thin waist. In reality, I was nowhere near close to that. Looking at Andrew and Brian, I couldn’t help but wonder how they moved around without a care. Somehow, they had conjured the perfect recipe for how to live without shame. Suddenly we were all characters from SpongeBob, and the two of them were Mr. Krabs because they had the secret ingredient, and I was Plankton because I was so desperate to figure out what it was. Maybe it had something to do with them being white males, or maybe it just had something to do with me being depressed. Whatever it was, it sucked. For the first time since meeting them, I finally took note of Andrew and Brian”s appearances. Andrew was a few inches taller than Brian and had medium-length blonde hair that combed back into a bun. Brian, on the other hand, was a tad bit more tan than Andrew and had dusty brown hair that was buzzed short. They both wore the exact same suit—a black jacket cuffed at the wrists with a white dress shirt tucked into black slacks. A thin black belt was also buckled around both of their waists, despite the fact that their pants fit perfectly, which was more than I could say about most of the other men I passed today whose slacks looked painfully too tight. As I scanned the room, I saw way too many people to count who were dressed as though they were on their way to a business meeting or maybe even a funeral of their own.

“This way,” Brain said with an outstretched arm.

We took a left and continued making our way through the airport. The earthquake had caused a building that once seemed so large to become so small as people rushed back and forth in a frenzy. For every person that we passed, I could hear bits and pieces of their scattered conversations. Everyone had a distinct voice, so it was easy to decipher one conversation from the next, but eventually, they all started to blur together. After a while of what felt like aimless wandering, I slowly faded out the noise, and my mind became blank. I was simply moving one foot in front of the other without thinking about my past, present, or future. That is, until, in the distance, one person in particular screamed so loudly that it brought me back to reality.

“Oh my God, it’s Lexi Harlow!”

“Shit!” Lexi whispered while pulling her hood over her head and tugging the strings until the fabric cinched tightly around her face.

I looked back and saw a hoard of people running toward us. “Uhm, is this normal for you?”

“Autumn,” Lexi mumbled, “Run.”

“What?” I asked with wide eyes.

“Go!” Brian yelled, pushing me forward.

All four of us took off in a sprint, running as though our lives depended on it, and for all I knew, it very well may have. I mean, who knew what a bunch of crazed fans would do if they got close enough, especially with the whole mob mentality thing they had going on.

“Keep up!”

“I’m trying! I didn’t exactly dress for running a marathon today!”

I forced my legs to move faster as I followed behind Lexi and Brian while Andrew trailed behind, trying to keep himself between us and the screaming fans.

“Lexi, please, just one picture!”

“We love you!”

“Can you spit on me?”

“Uhh,” I smiled. “That’s…new.”

“No,” Lexi laughed. “Definitely not new.”

“Seriously?” I glanced back at the crowd while still running, only to almost bump into a stranger in the process. I swerved out of the way at the last minute and brought my hands to my chest.

“Shit!”

“Don’t look back!” Andrew scolded. “Just go.”

We must’ve passed dozens of people, some of them looking confused, and others realizing who Lexi was then deciding to join in on the chase. What started out as a group of maybe ten people had practically tripled by this point. We had run all the way to gate 36. I could barely breathe as I parted my lips and began panting heavily. We rounded a large corridor and came upon a door with a large sign that said “STAFF ONLY.” Andrew took out a key card and swiped it as the door clicked. The four of us dashed inside, and Andrew slammed the door behind us, causing the automatic lock to click into place.

“We almost died!” I heaved while bending over to rest my hands on my knees.

“Oh, don”t be so dramatic,” Lexi panted while removing her hood. She lifted her hands and began to run her fingers through her hair, trying to eliminate the static.

It didn’t work.

“Aren’t celebrity jets usually in private airports or private hangers or whatever?” I questioned while standing back up and looking at her. “You know, because of situations like this?”

“Sometimes,” she shrugged. “This actually isn’t my jet. It’s just a rental for now.”

A rental jet? Must be nice.

“Come on, let”s go, guys,” Andrew said.

The contact of our shoes against the carpet bounced off the walls as I listened to the pitter-patter of our footsteps while we walked down the narrow hallway. Another door stood in front of us, blocking the way. Andrew again swiped his key card and pushed the door. The hallway then opened up into a small boarding room that was more secluded than its counterparts found in the main lobby. They opened a final door, and this time we were immediately thrust outside, where we descended a short flight of stairs before we were finally met with pavement. The wind blew fiercely as the sky was still gray with anger from the day”s previous storm. Lexi walked confidently behind Andrew and Brian as she glanced back at me, taking note of my awestruck expression. Without meaning to, I stopped walking to take in the breathtaking view in front of me—a large private jet, still shining as though it hadn”t been touched at all by the rain that had doused the whole city.

“Close your mouth. You”ll catch flies,” Lexi poked fun while grabbing my hand, forcing me to begin walking again.

Her hair blew across her face as she looked back at me through her long, black tendrils. I smiled down at our interlacing fingers as all of us climbed the stairs into the jet. After stepping on board, I immediately became entranced again. Inside, the plane was decorated with shades of grays and blues to add a pop of color. When we walked in, we were met with a large open area. There were four conventional airplane seats, separated into groups of two, situated next to a large lounge area with a flat-screen TV mounted to the wall. The lounge was complete with a white seating area that was strategically placed in front of the TV, accompanied by a small mini fridge in the corner. Toward the rear of the plane was a large table, set beautifully with four more seats grouped around it. I spun in a circle, inhaling deeply while taking in the scenery.

Is this really happening?

“So, this is the plane,” Lexi stated while doing something like a Vanna White demonstration with her arms. “Up toward the front of the plane, behind this blue curtain, is where the pilots are. Right behind the cockpit are four seats for extra passengers and flight attendants. It”s also where the kitchen and bar are situated.” She walked further back, listing each section as she passed. “There are four main seats for takeoff and landing near the lounge. Then we have a TV and couch over here, which I consider the heart of this room. There’s also a dining area with some extra tables and chairs.” She pointed toward the rear of the plane, hidden behind a closed door. “Back, there are three small bedrooms and a bathroom. Oh, and the communal bathroom is by the flight attendants at the front of the plane.”

“Wow.”

I had never been so captivated by something so strange yet so amazing. My typical flying experience consisted of being crammed next to sweaty men with kids kicking the back of my seat and a loud, obnoxious woman yelling at the flight staff. I felt so out of place here.

Lexi walked back toward me, seeing as I hadn”t moved from the spot I started at. Brian then came up to her and whispered something, causing her to nod in response.

Turning to me, she briefly instructed, “You can sit in one of these.” She motioned to the four main seats and continued, “But once we are in the air, you can move around if you want. I just have to go do something real quick, but I”ll be right back.”

“Thanks.”

Lexi retreated into one of the back rooms, along with Brian. Andrew sat in one of the four available seats situated on the left side of the plane, and I then took the seat closest to the window on the right side. Sitting down, I dropped my bag to the floor and kicked it under my seat to keep it out of the way as I began to fasten my seatbelt. I glanced out the window and looked back in the direction of the airport, wondering how many others were completely oblivious to the large private het right outside. I turned my head back toward my lap as I stared at the phone lying in my hands and contemplated checking the texts my mom had sent me earlier. I knew I needed to, but how could I even come close to apologizing for what I had said on the phone while talking to her earlier?

Hey, Mom, sorry I was an asshole earlier, but don’t worry, I’m on my way to the funeral. Oh yeah, and I”m taking a different plane to get there because I missed my flight AND the person I was stuck in the bathroom with earlier turned out to be a celebrity who offered me a ride on her private jet.

Yeah, that was not going to cut it.

I opened my messages as I began to read the series of texts my mom had sent.

Mom: You better be on your flight at 11!

From New York to California, it was a six-hour flight. I would land at 2:00 p.m. and my dad”s funeral would be at 3:00 p.m. I had planned it that way—so I’d have just enough time to make it to his funeral but not enough time to sit with the fact that I was attending the funeral.

2 MISSED CALLS FROM MOM

Mom: I will call you all day until I know for a fact you’re on that flight!

Mom: Your dad wasn’t perfect but that doesn’t mean you get to miss his fucking funeral!

4 MISSED CALLS FROM MOM.

Mom: Autumn! ANSWER YOUR PHONE!

Mom: AUTUMN! 2 MISSED CALLS FROM MOM

Mom: Pick up the damn phone!

1 MISSED CALL FROM MOM

Mom: Please…

Mom: Can you at least text me back so I know that you’re okay?

Mom: Autumn

Mom: Are you okay?

Mom: Please come to the funeral…I can’t do this alone.

She was worried.

I hadn”t spoken to her since I told her about the earthquake. What if she thought I was still stuck in the bathroom? What if she thought I was hurt? What if she thought we had another earthquake? What if she thought the building collapsed? What if she thought I was dead, just like Dad? Not only was she worried, but she was also scared. My mother, who I thought was unshakable, was actually scared to go to the funeral alone. We constantly talked about the pain I went through when Dad left, but we never talked about her pain. What if she struggled just to get out of bed each day? What if she never moved on in hopes he would return? What if she was afraid of what attending his funeral would mean? Was this my fault? Why did I insist on trying to grieve alone?

With shaking hands, I hesitantly began to type out a message.

Autumn: Mom, I’m so sorry for what I said earlier. I was letting my anger cloud my judgement and I shouldn”t have yelled at you like that. The girl I was stuck in the bathroom with overheard our conversation and helped me realize that going to dad’s funeral is something I have to do…but since we were trapped for an hour, I missed my flight…now comes the crazy part…the person who I was locked in the bathroom with was…drum roll, please…

Autumn: Lexi FREAKING Harlow!

Autumn: HOW INSANE IS THAT?

Autumn: She offered me a ride on her jet to LAX. As soon as I land, I will rush over as fast as I can. We are taking off now. I”ll explain the rest in person.

Autumn: And mom…I can’t do this without you either.

Lexi’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts as she sat down next to me and explained why she left so suddenly.

“Sorry, the medic had to check me out before take-off,” she stated calmly before yelling the next sentence, “Even though I said I was fine!” Just then, a young man dressed in scrubs appeared and nodded toward us before exiting the plane abruptly. I watched as Lexi fastened her seatbelt. She had taken off her hoodie. After she finished securing herself in place, I saw her gaze shift to my shaking hands. Offering a sad smile, Lexi lifted her hand and rested it on mine. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Just a nervous flyer.” I don”t know why my immediate reaction was to lie.

“Autumn, you”re a shit liar,” she sighed. “Seriously though, it’s not like we didn”t just pour our hearts out to each other like fifteen minutes ago. What”s really wrong?”

“My mom,” I began. “I was so focused on my own feelings about the funeral that I never considered how my mom would feel about going, especially if she had to do it alone.”

“Well, you”re considering her feelings now, aren”t you?” She pondered.

“Of course.”

“Then that”s all that matters,” she shrugged while looking down at our hands. “It doesn”t matter that it took you a while to understand her pain, so long as you realize your mistake now.”

I squeezed her hand in response. “Damn,” I shook my head. “Are you some kind of omniscient God who knows the answers to all life’s questions?”

“I’ve unlocked my third eye,” Lexi chuckled back.

“Tell me, what is the meaning of life?”

“Food,” she joked back, prompting us to both break out into laughter.

The flight attendant then came over to the loudspeaker as Brian took his seat next to Andrew. “Please fasten your seatbelts as we are beginning our ascent,” the flight attendant instructed as the sign illuminated above our heads.

The plane began speeding forward as we hurdled down the runway.