Chapter Thirty-Four

Ash

W hy is it that when your life is finally going well, something comes along and ruins it? As we drive home in silence, my head is on Gage's lap, eyes closed, pretending to be asleep. This tactic serves two purposes: avoiding unwanted interrogation and giving me a chance to process the shit show that just transpired.

Internally, I curse myself for being a fucking idiot. In hindsight, I should've seen the signs that it was a setup. Deep down, I had a feeling, but I ignored the uneasy sensation in my stomach, hoping against hope that it was all just a figment of my imagination and Mom was actually leaving Rich. That she chose herself and maybe me this time. Yeah right.

Stupid.

Fucking.

Idiot.

The truck comes to a stop. My anxiety intensifies. I fear that this is where I lose Gage. Once he knows about my fucked-up life, it'll be the final blow to my relationship with him. Who wants to be with a loser like me? I might as well make it easier for him and save him the trouble of kicking me out. I'll just grab my things and hit the road. I've done it before, I'm sure I can do it again, although it will be a lot harder this time. Because I actually love the life I'd be running from. But I can't stay. I can't watch him look at me with disdain and regret. Regret that he let a fuckup like me into his life. I won't be able to bear him pulling away from me as he perhaps tries to let me down gently.

The van still has all the camping gear, and I'm sure Jaxon will drive me back to pick it up. I have more money now than when I left Perry. I'll be fine. I'll be—"Ash," Gage calls out with a gentle shake. It hits me that this might be the last chance I have to hold him close, so I squeeze him tightly, trying to imprint the feel of his embrace into my memory. "C'mon babe, time to go in."

Babe , that's a good sign, right? But that's because he doesn't know anything yet. Opening my eyes, I turn my head to look up at him. He's smiling. My Gage . Sitting up, I follow him out of the truck, feeling his arm resting along my shoulders, guiding me. I keep my head lowered, hands tucked in my pockets, as we make our way inside, with Max leading the way.

Once inside the apartment, I immediately head to my room, only catching fragments of Gage and Max's whispered conversation before I close the door. With limited time before Gage comes and wants answers, I hurriedly pack up my belongings, stuffing them into any available bags or boxes. Just like I did when I left Perry.

The sound of his knock on the door startles me, but I don't respond. Gage cautiously opens the door. The surprise on his face is clear when he sees me standing there with a bag and a box in my hands.

"No, you're not leaving me," he says urgently, rushing toward me. He takes the box from my hands and carefully places it on the floor, then puts my bag on top of it. He squeezes me tight in a bear hug and I can't resist wrapping my arms around his waist. "Please don't leave, Ash," he whispers in my ear. "Please, let's talk about this. That's all I ask. I just want to understand."

"I'm sorry," I croak, my eyes pooling with what feels like decades' worth of tears.

"I don't want you to be sorry, baby. I want you to tell me what's going on." Pulling back, his hands cup my face. "Please."

I owe him the truth, and if he decides we aren't meant to be once he knows, then I'll accept his decision. With a nod, I settle on the edge of the bed, feeling a mix of anticipation and vulnerability. He drops to his knees, positioning himself between my legs, and gently grasps my hands with his. It's now or never. Taking a deep breath, I muster the courage to tell him about my childhood; the words spilling out like long-held secrets.

Painful memories of abuse and neglect come flooding back, suffocating my thoughts.

I tell him about the time when I came home from school at age 11, only to discover that Rich had sold my bike. When I confronted him, he accused me of being selfish for not wanting to help pay the bills. I detailed the first time Rich laid a hand on me, as well as every subsequent one after that. I explained how he would startle me awake when he was high by pouring water over my body, leaving me with no choice but to spend the rest of the week sleeping on the floor until my mattress dried. With money from Jim, I bought myself a lock for my door, but that just encouraged him to find other ways to hurt me.

With tears streaming down my face, I share with him the painful truth about the nightmares and birthdays I missed out on. All the desperate efforts to help my mom, and the heartbreak of repeatedly seeing her ruin herself. I tell him all the promises she made and broke, the way her love for me transferred to drugs and alcohol.

The abuse left physical wounds, but it's the neglect that has left a lasting emotional scar, making me feel worthless and broken until I just accepted that this was my reality.

I share every small detail of my life before Hope with Gage, pouring out my tears until I have none left, and he cries alongside me, sharing in my pain.

"So, now that I've poured my heart out to you, do you still feel the same love for me? Knowing how weak I am?"

The feel of his thumbs, rough against my skin, provides a small comfort as I nervously wait for the verdict.

"Ash, you're anything but weak—you're so fucking strong. You're the strongest person I know. You've endured a life filled with unimaginable pain and suffering, and yet you've managed to not only survive but thrive. You, my beautiful, green-eyed boy, possess such bravery and courage, along with resilience and kindness. Your caring nature and desire to help your mama make me immensely proud. But sometimes we have to let people fend for themselves. It's no longer your responsibility to fix her."

My heart squeezes in my chest. Gage fills all my empty spaces, all the holes inside me that Mom and Rich created, every punch, every kick, every hateful, hurtful word thrown my way. Gage patches them up and fills them with something positive. A smile, a laugh, a touch, kind words, and tender kisses. His love.

"I love you. I'm in love with you. I'm so fucking grateful that our paths crossed and that your life is now tied irrevocably to mine," he tells me. "We're bound, you and me, you understand, sweetheart? I know you feel it too, Ash." He places my hand on his chest so I can feel his heart pounding. There's a vulnerability in his eyes that tells me he needs me in his life just as much as I need him. There's no sign of pity or doubt; just honesty and unconditional love.

He's right; I feel it, too. There's conviction in his words, and I believe every one of them.

No one has ever stepped in to protect me before. It's a strange feeling. I know I had Jace and Jim for support growing up, but to have someone stand up for and believe in you, believe in your word, and not need any proof. Well... that means everything.

I thought I had no more tears to cry, but he's turned me into a blubbering mess. "I love you too, Gage. More than you'll ever know."

"You're mine now, baby," he whispers, his voice filled with a mix of possessiveness and protectiveness. "I'll keep you safe, I promise. No one's ever gonna hurt you again."

I pull him toward me and kiss him by sealing my lips onto his. "Show me. Show me your love," I murmur amidst our fiery kisses. "I need you, Gage. I need you to show me."

We shed our clothes in a hurry, material flying everywhere. Gage places a condom and lube on the side table and then we lie down, side by side. His finger gently traces the contours of my face, mapping out every curve and line. Slowly, he leans in and kisses me, his lips gentle and his beard bristly, creating the perfect combination.

Softly, my fingers dance along his torso and brush over his hip, eliciting a shiver from his body. He flips me over, his heavy weight on top of me, but today I need to touch him, so I roll him onto his back while trying to keep my lips attached to his. With him beneath me, I straddle him, bending at the waist, lavishing him with affection. My lips and tongue caress his neck as I slowly make my way down, exploring his body. His hard cock presses into my chest as I bite his nipple. Not hard, just enough to extract a moan from him. His large hands explore the contours of my back, firmly grasping and spreading my cheeks. Craving more, I sit up and spin around, finding his erection at the perfect height for my mouth while my butt rests against his chest.

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about," he crows behind me. Suddenly, the warm, wet feeling of his tongue is slicking up my needy hole.

Taking him into my mouth, the licking on my ass momentarily falters as I engulf him and suck on his crown. My skills in taking Gage all the way down my throat are improving. Despite the occasional gagging, he seems to be thoroughly enjoying it.

I hear the flick of a lid, then feel the coolness of lube on my hole. We've been working our way through the bottles Jax gifted me. The scent of strawberries greets my nostrils, and while my mouth and hand work in tandem, up and down his shaft, his finger breaches me. Despite the burn, I push back, savoring the delicious pain, knowing that soon I'll be open enough to indulge in the beast I'm currently devouring.

Once I'm breathless and trembling, my body craving his touch, I can't resist any longer. As I push up, I find myself in a reverse cowboy position on Gage's chest. The spin that follows brings me back to face him, and I can feel the playful bounce of my arousal.

Gage knows exactly what I need. Him . With a quick motion, he reaches for the condom and covers himself.

"I want you like this. Need to feel you deep," I tell him. I want to be left with an ache that lingers long after we're finished. A reminder of him. Of us.

"You can have me any way you want, sweetheart. Come here and kiss me."

Bracing my arms on either side of his shoulders, I lean down, feeling the warmth of his body beneath me as I guide his cock into position. When it's nestled against my slick entrance, I push myself back, moans muffled by Gage's mouth as he pushes through the tight ring of muscle. Fuck ! He feels so big, but takes his time, allowing me to adjust as I slowly sink onto him until I'm resting on his groin.

"I love the way you feel inside me, so full and stretched." With a renewed sense of vitality, my body awakens, leaving behind the worries and heartbreak of the day, as they slowly dissolve into the background—as if they never existed.

Sitting up, I feel Gage's hairy chest beneath my open palms as I raise myself up and revel in his incredible fullness. From this vantage point, I can witness his gradual unraveling. Strong hands firmly grip my hips, guiding me in rhythmic movements. When I'm feeling relaxed and comfortable, I kick it up a notch by placing my feet on the bed next to him and bouncing on him like my own personal trampoline.

"Fuck yeah," he growls. "Take what you need from my cock. Let me feed that hungry hole. That's it, baby. Fuck Big John, he can take it. He loves tunneling deep inside you."

" Aghhh , you're… so... deep."

"Damn right I am," he says, forcing himself deeper to make a point. "When you're ready, we'll do away with the condoms, and I'll fuck you till you can't take it no more, then I'll fuck you some more, anyway. Then I'll come inside you so hard I'll be dripping out of you for days."

Fuck, I love it when he uses that filthy mouth of his. The slap-slap-slap of my cock as it hits my stomach, combined with our moans, makes the precum drip from me.

My poor legs are getting sore, not used to this kind of workout. I reposition myself so I'm back straddling him and collapse on top of him.

Gage chuckles but takes over, rutting upwards into me, harder and faster, and my dick gets the friction it needs from its tight confines between my chest and Gage's.

"More, I need more," I mumble into his neck.

Gage stops and I whimper. "Get on your hands and knees for me."

Once I'm positioned on the bed, his hands trace the curves of my back before firmly gripping my cheeks and spreading them apart.

"Such a pretty hole. You need my fingers too?"

"Yessss. I want it all. Fuck me with your cock and your fingers," I whine, spreading my legs more. Gage's big cock slides back in, and I fall forward onto the bed, my face hitting the mattress beneath me, arms stretched out in front. He continues to thrust into me forcefully, then gradually eases his pace, hand firmly gripping my hip as he adds a finger alongside his throbbing cock.

"Fuuuuukkkkk, Gage, yessss." I feel so damn full. Who knew I'd be a needy dickslut?

"God, you feel so good, darlin', sucking me in. Such a good boy. The way your ass is just taking everything. It's so greedy."

His praises set me and my body on fire. I'm so fucking full. "Think you can handle more?" he groans.

"Mhmm, stretch me, Gage. Fuck me hard. I can take it. I need it. Aghhhh fuck ." I'm a blabbering mess, but I'm beyond caring. This is messy and filthy, and I wouldn't want it any other way. This is about more and harder and closer, so who gives a fuck about romance? I bet we get a fucking 10 out of 10 for dedication and effort.

His fingers drive into me, pushing through every layer of resistance, and I revel in the euphoria. My breaths come in rapid bursts, my heart thumps against my chest, and an overwhelming surge of pleasure courses through me as my orgasm crashes over me. I release onto the bed—untouched—each rope of pleasure spurting from me.

"Fuck," Gage cries out, his voice filled with pleasure as he pulls out of me. The sound of the condom snapping off reaches my ears before warm cum lands on my back and ass.

So. Fucking. Hot.

Collapsing onto the bed, I completely disregard the fact that I'm lying in my own bodily fluids. Gage follows close behind and falls on top of me, readjusting his position to avoid crushing me. We both pant heavily, sounding like dogs after a strenuous 5-mile run.

After a few minutes, he shifts his position, and we face each other again. I reach out and tuck his hair behind his ear. "Gage?"

"Yeah, sweetheart," he rasps, his voice filled with affection.

"I love you."

With a sigh of contentment, he breaks into a smile and whispers, "I love you, too."

"I... I wanna stay here in Hope... with you." My eyes meet his. "I'm thinking of cutting down my days with Marie at the store, so I can help run the bar and play here on the weekends, if that's okay with you?" Please say it is.

"Humm, I dunno, I might have to think about that," he says teasingly.

But is he teasing? Shit... The sound of his laughter brings my thoughts to a standstill, and I find myself on my back again, with him positioned snugly between my legs.

"So serious," he says. "I can hear your cogs turning! Of course, I want you to stay with me and be by my side, supporting each other. I'm here for you in anything you want to do, except leaving, because that's not even up for consideration. Ever! There's only one condition," he states firmly.

"Anything," I say, running my fingers through his hair and pulling it back to reveal his face.

"You move all your stuff into my room. Everything I have I share with you as my partner. My room is your room. Maybe we can turn this one into a practice studio for you."

God, I love this man. He sets off the butterflies in my stomach. "You've got yourself a deal, Mr. Miller."

"Fuck," he groans. "I won't be able to get anything done around the bar with you there all the time, will I?"

"Probably not," I chuckle against his lips. "We'll make a schedule. Work time and playtime."

We seal it with a kiss that, of course, goes from zero to three thousand in seconds.

"I hope you have no plans for the rest of the day," he says eagerly, his stomach growling audibly. "Because my craving for pizza is reaching a point of no return."

With a laugh, I ask, "What about the bar?"

"Max and Jaxon are taking over tonight, giving me a well-deserved break to enjoy some quality time with you. We can indulge in a feast of pizza and ice cream while we catch up on the latest episode of The Gay Bachelor, and later tonight, Big John and I have something special planned for you."

My poor asshole clenches. Despite being used and abused in the best way, I refuse to pass up the opportunity to enjoy more of Gage. Future me will worry about the awkwardness of walking with bowlegs and painful friction burns.

"Sounds perfect," I tell him.

"Good, you stay here while I go order food and text the guys that they can take the padlocks off all the exits ‘cause you're staying!"

"You made them lock all the doors?" He gives me a look that says, yes, yes he did. Pulling on his underwear, he leans down and gives me a quick peck.

"Hurry back," I tell him as he walks out of the room.

Upon reflection, the day started out as a disaster but ultimately turned into the best one. The realization hits me—it's time to leave behind my old life and embark on a new journey. I'll always love my mom, but for now, I'm going to keep her and the memories locked in a box and set it aside on a shelf. Hope is now my home, where I have amazing friends and a man I'm deeply in love with. It's finally my turn to give myself the attention and care I deserve.