Chapter Fifteen

Today was the day. The opening of The Keith Hart After-School Community Center had arrived. The result of months of meetings and phone calls and more meetings and many late nights now revealed itself in the final product.

Luke didn't mind those late nights now that they were spent with Jordan. He shifted in his seat and checked his watch for the third time in half an hour. Restless and fidgety, Luke paced the open space between his desk and the conference table, only pausing once to gaze in the mirror to make sure he looked okay.

Charcoal-gray suit, light blue shirt, and his favorite cartoon tie. He grinned at his reflection, thinking back to the first time he and Jordan had gotten dressed for work together, and Jordan seeing his collection of cartoon ties.

"Who'd have thought that under that dark and serious frown, you're really a big kid at heart?" Then Jordan had kissed him, undoing the tie and the shirt, and made them both extremely late for work.

"I'm smiling too, looking at you."

Jordan's teasing voice broke into his reverie. He spun around to see his smirking lover leaning, with that negligent grace he possessed, against the doorframe. Valerie gave him a big smile as she passed by him.

"Come on in and have a seat. We have time." His gaze took in Jordan's sinewy body, and a fresh wave of lust rolled through him, remembering how he'd woken up this morning. Nothing compared to Jordan's hot, wet mouth on his erection, coaxing him to completion with small sounds and wispy, tickling touches.

Kicking the door shut behind him, Jordan then stalked over and grabbed him around the neck, crushing their lips together and thrusting his tongue into Luke's mouth. They stayed that way until Luke's phone buzzed, the loud noise jarring in the silence, causing them to spring apart.

He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and, still panting, answered the phone. "Conover." It took a second for his racing heart to steady itself.

"Mr. Conover, I'm sorry to interrupt, but Wanda Grant is on the phone for you." In an effort to break out of his shell, Luke had told Valerie he and Jordan were in a relationship. It only made sense, since she knew more about him than anyone else, considering how much time they spent together. His revelation opened the floor for her to confide in him that her brother was also gay, but they hadn't had a chance to have any further conversation.

"Wanda. Are you and everyone else set for later?" Wanda and her staff had worked tirelessly to make Keith's dream become the reality he'd never get to see. From the corner of his eye, he caught Jordan frowning at his phone, then shutting off the screen with an almost angry jab of the button.

"Baby doll, we are more than ready. Everyone here is so excited about working there and helping out." A note of pride crept into her voice. "I always knew you'd do great things."

A slow burn heated his face. "I didn't do anything, really. It was all because of Keith, and then Jordan's helped so much."

"How is that fine-lookin' man of yours?" Wanda had been overjoyed when he confided in her how he and Jordan had taken a step toward a relationship. They'd had her over for dinner several times at Jordan's town house, and the two of them had hit it off so well she'd even shared her secret for her famous peach cobbler with Jordan. Sometimes Luke wanted to pinch himself to make sure life actually was as good as it seemed, and yet he couldn't shake the fear that it would all vanish and he'd be left alone once again. After coming out from the shadows, he didn't know if he could survive it.

"Jordan's good, waiting impatiently here for me, as a matter of fact. We're going over to the center a little early to make sure everything is set up the way it should be."

At the mention of his name, Jordan glanced over his shoulder and raised a brow. "Who is that?"

Luke covered the mouthpiece. "It's Wanda. She's asking about you."

A smile broke out across Jordan's face as he crossed the room. "Let me speak with her." He plucked the phone from Luke's grasp before Luke had a chance to answer. "Wanda, how are you? I'm sorry I missed you the last time I stopped by."

Luke leaned his hip against his desk, contemplating his lover. Jordan's outlook on life, the gentle, loving side of him he rarely showed the public, coupled with his devastating looks and natural self-confidence, made him impossible to resist. These past few months showed Luke the world he'd missed by secreting himself at home, hiding out and immersing himself so deep in his work that life passed by without him ever noticing.

Jordan laughed, throwing his head back with abandon, his cheeks flushed and blue eyes sparkling. Luke couldn't help comparing him to the emotional wreck he'd been when they'd first met, right here in this office. Thank God Jordan had come through his darkness with little lasting trauma. His strong will and determination had made his addiction to pills short-lived. For the life of him, Luke couldn't understand how someone could get addicted to drugs, especially a person as strong and confident as Jordan, but it no longer mattered.

"Where's your mind at, that has you so lost in thought?" Jordan's voice penetrated his musings. He jerked back to awareness and the heat of Jordan's body pressing up against him. Luke slipped his arms around Jordan's waist and pulled him closer.

"I'm thinking about what used to be and how happy I am that I'm no longer that man." He cupped Jordan's jaw in his palm to stroke the angled line of his cheekbone. "And how you were the reason for the change."

Unusually serious, Jordan shook his head. "No, it wasn't me. No one can make anyone change. You have to want to do it and be ready to embrace it. I was merely lucky to be there at the right time; that's all."

Luke eyed Jordan with curiosity. "You don't believe people change because they know it will make someone else happy? That they want to better themselves because the person they care for would be happier?"

Jordan's face pinched tight.

"But then it's not real. It's never right to change because it would make someone else happy. That's not being true to yourself; it's for the wrong reason. You can only ever really change for you."

It was on the tip of his tongue to question Jordan further when the phone rang again. Luke hit the speaker button.

"Mr. Conover, Dr. Drew Klein is on line two."

"Hold on a minute, Valerie." He hit the Hold button and Jordan's eyes flickered. "Are you going to take that? I'm sure I know what this is about, don't you?"

He most certainly did. Drew had been practically begging Jordan to arrange a meeting between Ash and himself, and he'd flat-out refused. He'd bet his last dollar Ash hoped that tonight they could talk, and would think nothing of using the event to further his own selfish needs.

Jordan's thin smile unnerved him. "Even if I asked, no, begged you to try with Ash, for me, because it would make me happy, would you do it?" His finger hovered over the Hold button on the phone.

Luke couldn't keep Jordan's gaze. He shook his head and stared out of the window. "It's not the same thing."

"That's what I mean. You can't because you aren't ready in your heart." Luke pushed the button, and Drew's voice came over the speakerphone.

"Hello, Luke? Are you there?"

Luke sighed. "Yeah, I'm here and so is Jordan. You're on speakerphone."

"Hey, Jordy, I tried calling you first, but your phone is off for some reason. Look, guys, the reason I'm calling is that I was wondering if, after the celebration tonight, the four of us could go somewhere and talk."

Jordan raised his brow and gave him a pointed stare. Luke's jaw clenched so tight he thought his teeth might crack.

"Jordy, Luke, are you there?"

Drew's anxious voice stabbed an arrow of regret through Luke, but he knew his answer. "I'm sorry, Drew. The three of you can meet, but I'm not going. I told you all before, I've got nothing to say to him."

"Luke, look—"

"No, you look." Heartsick and exasperated, Luke couldn't help but lash out, even though it wasn't Drew he was angry with. "I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to hear his excuses and stories about what happened. I'm glad you two are happy, but leave me alone." He strode past Jordan. "I'll wait for you by Valerie's desk."

The door closed behind him with a soft snick of the lock. He didn't even realize how affected he was until Valerie put her hand on his arm and offered him a glass of water.

"Come sit down." Her warm eyes held no judgment.

Luke drained the glass and handed it back to her. "I'm fine. I'm waiting for Jordan to finish up with his friend; then we're off to the Center."

"It's going to be a wonderful place. My brother's even heard about it where he works."

"He's a psychiatrist, right?" Valerie had told him her brother ran a clinic somewhere in the city.

"Yes. Tash works with people who struggle with their identities as well as those who've been abused or have addiction problems."

Luke shuddered. Not a fun job. "Tash? That's an unusual name."

She laughed. "It's Sebastian, but when I was a baby I couldn't pronounce that monstrosity and called him Tash. The name stuck."

The door to his office opened and Jordan walked out, calm and unruffled. "Ready to go?" He smiled at Valerie.

Only Jordan could sail through the awkwardness of a conversation between his lover and his best friend and emerge cool as ice.

"Yeah, I guess." He tried to catch Jordan's eye, but one thing he'd learned these past few months together was that Jordan was as good at evading issues as he was. "We'll see you later tonight at the Center."

"I wouldn't miss it, gentlemen." Valerie smiled a farewell.

They walked to the elevator banks.

"You do realize that Ash is coming tonight to the opening?" Jordan eyed him as they stood waiting.

It wasn't ever a question in his mind. "Yeah."

They rode down the elevator in silence.

~ ~

Tears stung Jordan's eyes as he watched the sign placed on the building. "The Keith Hart After-School Community Center." He whispered it to himself, waiting for the usual pain to slash its way through his body. Surprisingly, though, it didn't happen. A warm steadiness, a sort of peace descended over him. It reminded him of Keith's embrace. And now, of Lucas's touch. He raised his eyes to the sky. One thing he'd never been was a religious person. It had nothing to do with his homosexuality being accepted or not. As a physician, he saw things too clinically and scientifically to believe in a higher power.

Yet today seemed different than all the days prior. The clouds continued their lazy hang, puffing along in a slow-motion samba against a sky that looked a little bluer. He leaned back, face upturned toward the heat. It was the culmination of a dream—one Keith had spoken of often. One they planned to work on together, but Jordan carried on alone.

A gentle breeze ruffled his hair. The warming fingers of the late-afternoon sun caressed his face. Keith's presence was overwhelming.

"I feel him too."

Startled, he dropped his gaze to stare wide-eyed at Lucas. "You do? I thought—"

"No. He's here to tell you how proud he is of you and what you accomplished."

Not alone. Not anymore. He held the back of Lucas's neck and dragged him in for a swift yet devastating kiss. "We accomplished it. I never could've done this without you."

Bits of green and gold glittered in Lucas's hazel eyes. "Thanks, Prep School."

Feeling around in his pocket for a minute, Jordan pulled out the key. "Success." He opened the front door and turned on the lights.

The construction crew had gutted the entire space and painted it a bright and cheerful yellow. The floors were a shiny, easy-to-clean laminate with colorful rugs scattered about. Ten rooms with glass windows and doors were set along the back wall, each outfitted with a bookcase, desk, and computer workstation. The large and airy main room had round tables with chairs set about. Shelving was built along the wall, holding every type of board game, as well as art supplies. Pictures of happy, smiling children and familiar landmarks from all around New York City hung on the walls.

A full library, complete with all the classics as well as fairy tales, mysteries, and romances, occupied the second, somewhat smaller room in the back. Plump-cushioned low sofas and chairs waited for kids to lie all over them. All of Jordan's friends had spoken to their local libraries, and they'd agreed to have one of their staff come by for weekly readings.

"What did you and Drew talk about after I left the office?" Lucas dropped into a chair at one of the desks set up for quiet reading.

Jordan sat next to him, smoothing his hand over the shining surface of the new bookcase. "He wanted to plead his case for Ash with me, to get to you. Ash is desperate to talk to you, and Drew loves him, so he'll try to do anything to make it work." In his heart, Jordan wanted Lucas to make up with Ash, but it was a decision Lucas had to make on his own. It had to come from Lucas's heart, not Jordan's. "Are you certain you won't meet with Ash, even to merely hear his story?"

"Forget about it. He has his relationship; I have mine. He needs to let it ride and stop trying to make up for a past he can't change." Lucas's arm came around Jordan's shoulder in a slow slide, pulling him close to his side. "I admire your sense of friendship."

The warmth of Lucas's mouth pressed against his, heating his blood. They stayed that way for several minutes, their leisurely kisses intensifying until Jordan dragged himself away, gasping for breath. The steady thump of Lucas's heart soothed him. "He's like my brother. I can't imagine my life without Drew in it."

"I can't imagine my life without you, Prep School. You mean more to me than I ever thought possible."

Lucas's quiet declaration nearly undid Jordan. He cared so much for Lucas, but the deception he'd created of his life tore him up inside. He desperately wanted to give the pills up; lying to Lucas, to his friends went against his nature. Guilt chased its tail around his heart. In the two months since Lucas had come home from his European trip, Jordan had cut down on the pills but hadn't been able to let them go completely. The kid he'd bought from kept pressuring him to buy, and Jordan resisted, but even as he sat, his hand shook slightly. Whether it was from emotion or the pills, he didn't know anymore. When had he lost control of himself, sliding down this never-ending slope of lies?

A pill would be so easy right now. His blood sang for it. Like The Tell-Tale Heart , the little yellow lifesaver pulsed in his pants pocket, though he tried desperately to ignore it.