Chapter Thirteen

Christ, it felt good to be home. Luke pushed his suitcase into the living room, then slammed the door behind him. After being away so long and living in so many hotel rooms, his apartment seemed enormous. He was a little afraid to open his fridge, remembering too late, when he stepped on the plane over a month and a half ago, that he'd forgotten to throw out whatever food he had.

A quick toss into the trash remedied that situation. He'd deal with the rest of the cleanup later. First he needed a shower, then a power nap. Funny, he'd never received an answer from the text he'd sent Jordan earlier after the plane had landed. Hmm. Maybe Jordan was in surgery or with a patient. Shedding suit jacket, shirt, and tie as he walked to the bathroom, Luke gazed with longing at his bed. He couldn't wait to relax, but he first needed to wash away the travel dirt and feel clean again. Then Luke would call Jordan and see how the final arrangements for the center had worked out and how Jordan was feeling now that he had given up the pills. Surely by this time, he'd made significant progress. After all, Jordan was an incredibly strong-willed person, and he hadn't been taking them that long.

After his shower, Luke settled into bed, relishing the smooth sheets and familiar comfort. Nothing like your own bed after a long trip, even if he slept alone. His mind wandered back to that afternoon with Jordan. The sex had been nothing short of amazing, but that wasn't what kept his interest piqued. Something about that man, all skin and bones and blazing arrogance, had intrigued him from the moment Jordan had walked into his office. Secretly, he'd been a little envious of Keith since he'd first seen a picture of Jordan. Luke had always had a thing for the blond-haired, blue-eyed Nordic type, but it was more than his looks that intrigued him so about Jordan.

Self-confidence with a touch of ego was a huge turn-on for Luke. He never went for the helpless type or a man who needed to cling tight. When they were young, Ash, fearless and arrogant, had been Luke's hero. He shook his head angrily. No way would he allow Ash to intrude on his thoughts, especially where Jordan was concerned.

Even from their first meeting, when Jordan lived in his darkest, most sorrowful place, his natural leadership qualities and pride had shone through, making him a damn sexy man. Luke thought about all the times he'd wanted to call him this past month, simply to say hello or maybe engage in a little transatlantic raunchy phone sex, but hadn't found the right moment. Later, after his nap, as his mind was too clouded now by sleep to think anymore, he'd call Jordan and arrange to get together. He turned over on his side and hugged the pillow close as his eyelids drifted shut.

~ ~

The room came into focus, shrouded in darkness. A quick glance at the luminous dial of his bedside clock showed the time at nine thirty. Shit . He'd slept for almost eight hours. He rolled out of bed and stretched. Damn, he'd really needed it, though. Energy now hummed through his body, and his stomach growled.

Predictably, the food had been lousy on the plane thus he'd had very little to eat the entire day. Maybe Jordan would want to catch a quick bite, even late as it was, so he reached for his phone to call him. Thinking maybe Jordan had called or texted him while he was sleeping, he checked his messages first.

Nothing. Hmm, that was strange. His stomach clenched at the thought that something might've happened to Jordan while he was away. Maybe the drugs…shit no. He would've heard something, right? Without stopping to think, he hit the button for Jordan's phone. It went straight to voicemail. Now more than a little concerned, he scrolled down to the lesser used landline number. It rang three times; then finally, someone answered.

A dog barked in the background, and Luke couldn't help but smile. He'd missed Sasha too.

"Hello?"

That didn't sound like Jordan's voice. "Uh, hi, is Jordan there?"

"Who's calling?"

The voice sounded familiar, but he still couldn't place it. "It's Luke."

"Oh, hey, Luke, it's Drew."

Luke relaxed. Right. Drew. Why wouldn't he be there? Jordan and he were best friends, and even though their friendship had been strained, Luke was glad Jordan still had his friends in his life to support him.

"Is he there? I got back a few hours ago." Wow, he was smooth. Could he sound any more like a bumbling idiot?

"Yeah, sure, hold on a sec." Luke heard Drew call out. "Jordy, Luke's on the phone." Luke could only make out a low murmur of voices; then Jordan came on the phone.

"Hello."

The curt, almost unfriendly tone of Jordan's voice surprised him. "Hey, Prep School, didn't you get my text before? I got home earlier and fell asleep for the whole afternoon."

He laughed, then stopped as he realized he was laughing solo. "What's the matter? Is everything all right?"

"Everything's fine."

Yeah, right . Ice cubes radiated more warmth than Jordan right now. "Bullshit. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Thanks for calling, but I'm a little busy right now."

"But—"

Click.

What the fuck?

"Son of a bitch." The walls echoed with his angry growl. "That bastard hung up on me. Who the hell does he think he is?" He picked a pillow off his bed and threw it across the room, unable to fathom why Jordan would be angry at him. Luke stormed across the room and picked up the pillow to place it back on the bed. Since everything looked better on a full stomach, he decided to bring the mountain to Mohammed.

A little more than an hour later, he waited on the top step of Jordan's brownstone, a bag of Magnolia Bakery cupcakes in one hand, the other holding takeout from his favorite Italian restaurant. He pressed the bell and waited. A grin spread over his face as he heard the frantic barking of Sasha and Jordan pretending annoyance, shushed her. The curtain covering the glass part of the door parted, and Luke met Jordan's eyes. The curtain fell back.

When the door didn't open after a moment or two, Luke rapped on the glass. "Come on, Prep School, let me in."

Another few heartbeats, then the door opened. Sasha jumped up on him, whining and licking whatever part of him she could reach. Luke couldn't help but laugh as he made a fuss over her, then followed her into the house after kicking the door closed behind him.

Faint moonlight streaming in through the kitchen windows outlined the silhouette of Jordan's body standing by the center island. As Luke walked down the hallway to join him in the kitchen, he had the chance to admire Jordan's broad shoulders, tapering to a narrow waist and slim hips. Muscles that hadn't been there before now rippled slightly under his tight white T-shirt. Luke's entire body hardened as Jordan tipped his head back, draining his drink.

"Jordan." With a muttered curse, Luke dropped the bags on the island and pulled him close, his mouth hungry for a taste of Jordan's lips. It was as electric a feeling as before, their mouths coming together in a clash of lips, tongues, and teeth. He palmed Jordan's firm ass as he rubbed himself against the tight body he'd dreamed about these past weeks, lying alone in his hotel room. He could feel the thick length of Jordan's erection through the thin sweats he wore. "Damn, I've missed this."

It took him several moments to realize that Jordan had stopped responding. He wasn't hugging Luke back, and after that heady kiss, his lips had gone hard and unyielding. Luke pulled back, confused at Jordan's withdrawal.

"What's the matter with you? Is anything wrong? I thought you'd be glad to see me." His knuckles brushed along the fine bones of Jordan's cheek. Jordan shivered in response but stepped out of his arms to circle the center island in the kitchen, placing the wide slab of granite between them like a great divide. He dropped down onto one of the stools and splashed some vodka into his glass. Straight vodka, Luke noticed.

"I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?" His tone, in direct contradiction to his words, spoke volumes. It came out cold and clipped, not at all the way you sounded when you were happy to see a person after he'd been gone for so long. With the practiced ease of a long-standing drinker, Jordan downed half the glass.

"Well, for starters, I texted you hours ago, and you never responded. Then earlier when we talked, you hung up on me." Luke busied himself by taking out the food—baked ziti and chicken parmigiana—from the bags, arranging it on plates as he spoke. "I brought us some food and dessert. I figured we could catch up." He grinned, hoping Jordan would smile back at him.

No such luck. Those pale blue eyes remained as flat as when he'd first seen him months ago.

"I'm not into playing games, Lucas, nor am I here for you to have a quickie whenever you want your itch scratched." He picked up his glass and drained it, but Luke saw the slight shake in his hand.

"Are you okay? You're trembling."

Jordan slammed his glass down with such force Luke couldn't believe it hadn't shattered. "Don't play this bullshit with me. You leave and all I get are e-mails or calls asking how I physically feel from the withdrawal. Have I given up the pills? Not one single time did you ever call simply to talk. You're the first man I've touched since Keith. Do you know what it meant to let you into my bed?"

Damn . With hindsight, Luke now understood he should have made the time to talk to Jordan about things other than the center or his drug use. "I'm sorry. I should've realized it." Even to his own ears, that sounded like a fumbling excuse.

"The only thing you care about is the drugs. Now you walk in here and expect what? A quick fuck?" He pushed up off the stool and advanced on Luke, his blue eyes now alive, blazing with anger. "For the record, listen well. No one uses me."

"That's not true. You couldn't be more wrong." Luke defended himself, shocked by the anger and hurt on Jordan's face. "I wished I could've called more. I tried as best I could, but I was busy. I was running from early morning until late at night." Never in his wildest imagination had it occurred to him that Jordan might be hurt by Luke's constant questioning about Jordan's withdrawal. Luke thought he was showing concern for Jordan when he asked about the drugs. Didn't that show he cared? Then again, what the hell did he know about this relationship thing? Luke never had anyone who gave a damn where he was and what he was doing. "I'm not playing games. I-I didn't know it mattered to you, that I mattered. I've always been on my own."

Jordan's anger deflated. He turned away and braced his hands on the top of the island, head bent, but his shoulders remained tight with anger. "I'm sorry I snapped. I guess it's that you're the first man I've been with since—"

"Since Keith, yes, I know." Luke walked up to Jordan and slipped his arms around him, laying his cheek on Jordan's head. "I should've been more sensitive to that fact, and I'm sorry." He kissed the top of Jordan's head, inhaling the unique scent of his warm skin and aftershave. Intoxicating. His senses reeled, desire spilling through his veins like water rushing into a dry riverbed. The hard ridge of muscles on Jordan's stomach clenched underneath Lucas's splayed fingers.

A shudder passed through Luke's body as he nuzzled the heated space where Jordan's neck curved to meet his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I've thought of nothing else these past days, knowing I was coming home and you'd be here." With frantic hands, he pulled off Jordan's T-shirt, revealing his pale, golden skin, then turned him around so they were finally face-to-face. "You've been working out, Prep School, huh?" He touched the soft flesh of Jordan's shoulders with his fingertips and traced the defined swell of muscles that hadn't been there a month earlier. Luke's fingers dug into Jordan's bicep to yank him closer so their lips were but a breath apart. "I feel the difference. Your body's harder than it was before."

"You have no idea." Jordan gritted the words out before thrusting his hips forward.

Luke staggered slightly, then planted his feet wider to stand firm. The heaviness of Jordan's erection continued to rub against Luke's own straining cock. "So am I forgiven?" Their gazes locked, his own need reflected in the fire kindled in Jordan's eyes. "Say it, so I can give you what I know you want. I feel it, right here." He reached down between their bodies and cupped Jordan's cock. It swelled further beneath the thin fabric, which grew damp even as he held him. In one swift move, he yanked down Jordan's sweatpants and, without breaking their intense eye fucking, took Jordan's now-exposed cock in hand and began to stroke.

It came as no surprise to him when Jordan reciprocated by unsnapping Luke's pants, letting them fall to his ankles. "I'm sorry too. I'm pushing too hard. We need to get to know each other better." A wicked smile curved his lips. "How's this for a start?"

Luke's breath caught as Jordan took their cocks into his strong yet elegant hand. He collected the wetness seeping from the tips and spread it over their shafts, all the while continuing the friction, which soon had Luke swaying on his feet, his head buried in Jordan's neck. "God, Jordan, what you do to me."

Frantically, they both stepped out of their pants and kicked them away, then Jordan continued the stroking and rubbing of their cocks together and whispered in Luke's ear. "You matter more than I can say, so I'm going to show you. I'm going to make sure you'll never be able to forget me again."

Before he could stop himself, Luke blurted out, "I could never forget you."

Jordan's hands faltered, then proceeded to perform wicked twists and turns, his fingers dancing and stroking up and down the lengths of their hard shafts. Luke knew it was only a matter of time before he blew up and incinerated. The heat of their bodies and the sounds of their naked skin, slick and wet, set his blood on fire. "Oh God." His breath rasped in his throat as his body tightened, and his cock began to throb.

"I didn't know where I stood." Jordan's lips rested against the corner of Luke's mouth, planting small kisses on his lips. "If what you said is true, it means everything to me."

Unable to speak with the conflicting emotions running through his mind, Luke bent and captured Jordan's soft, yielding mouth. Everything melted away: his fear of commitment, the self-imposed loneliness, and the walls he'd built so strong and high to keep everyone else out. Nothing else mattered but this man and how right he felt in his arms.

The scent of Jordan, mingled with the warmth of their bodies and the sharp tang of sweat and sex, melded together into a concoction he didn't mind being addicted to. The kitchen walls swam before his eyes as his vision blurred. Strong hands continued to massage his cock and his balls. That soft skin over his hardness felt tender, each touch sending waves of aching pleasure through him.

His orgasm barreled down on him, splintering him, and he came apart, jetting streams of creamy ribbons overflowing onto their stomachs. Unable to stand, he sagged into Jordan's arms. To his shock, tears rolled down his face. He found himself gasping for breath.

"I've got you, Lucas. Let go of everything and hold on to me. I won't let you fall." Jordan held him, slipping his arms around his waist, heedless of the sticky mess that lay between them.

"I'm okay. I didn't know. I didn't…" Embarrassed at his outburst of emotion, he tried to pull away, but Jordan refused to let him go.

"What didn't you know?"

How could he put it into words? All the sex forced on him at such a young age had crushed his dreams. The nights spent with those anonymous truckers had shattered his illusions even further about sex and love. Sex for him revolved around the moment, the hard flash and burn, the want and need that came and went with the wind, leaving no mark of remembrance. And love? There was never any thought or mention of the word. Love wasn't present in the dirty back roads and dimly lit truck stops where Luke had been shaped into the man he'd been for the last ten years.

"I've never been with someone I've wanted as much as you. And even now, now that we've had sex, it's not enough. I…I want more. I want to be with you again and again, and it fucking scares me to death because I don't know what to do." He sank into a chair, his legs still wobbly.

"What we do is take it as it comes, one day at a time. I want to be with you too, and believe me, that scares me almost as much."

"Are you sorry for what's happened between us?" Although it hurt his heart, Lucas needed to know. "Because of Keith and it being too soon?"

To his relief, Jordan smiled and bent over to kiss him on his mouth. "No, I'm not. It's more than two bodies having sex for me, and I think for you as well. But we don't have to go there yet."

Once again Jordan kissed him, a sweet brushing together of their lips. He smoothed back the curls that Luke could never keep out of his eyes. "I count myself lucky beyond words to have found you, but no one knows where time will take us. For all those months after Keith died, I lived in a black void, unable to move forward. And while I'd never give up what I had with him, I think it's time for me to live again."

Jordan played with his hair, winding the curls around his fingers. Luke never would've suspected the man could be as gentle and loving as he was right now. The facade of pride and arrogance had to be strictly for show, for work purposes.

"I don't think anyone should ever make you try and forget him; yet, selfishly, I'm glad you want to move ahead." Luke gulped. "With me."

This baring of souls was hard. It was easier to stay home every night in his apartment and watch television, pretending his loneliness didn't exist, venturing out only for occasional, hurried sex to satisfy a physical need, nothing more. But now he'd had a taste of what he'd missed all these years. Companionship, family, friends.

Love.

Luke's thoughts came up short. It was way too soon for that emotion to rear its ugly head. He went searching for his pants and pulled them on. Jordan handed him a warm, damp dishtowel to wipe himself up with. "Thanks. How about we have that late dinner now? We'll have to reheat the food, but it'll still be good."

Jordan nodded, and side by side they puttered about in the kitchen, Luke learning where everything was kept, taking orders from Jordan about what to do. He was surprised at Jordan's adeptness as he watched him chop greens and prepare a salad, complete with homemade dressing. "Hey, Prep School, I thought you'd only know how to make a reservation. When did you learn to cook?"

"I always enjoyed it. Frees my mind after a stressful day." Jordan swept the vegetables from the cutting board into the large bowl and mixed them with the salad greens.

There was something sensual about the way he handled the knives, a strength and sureness that Luke understood came from Jordan's surgical abilities. It mesmerized him, and he didn't even realize it until Jordan snapped his fingers in front of his face.

"Lucas, Lucas , what's going on? I've been speaking to you, and you're in a daze."

"Hmm, what? Oh, sorry." Not really. He'd been thinking how quickly they could eat and then maybe go upstairs. To bed. "What is it?"

Jordan had already put away the knives and set the salad on the table. All that was needed was for the food to get hot enough. After wiping his hands on a dish towel, Jordan sat next to him and took his hands. "Tell me what happened between you and Ash. Talk to me. Let me in already. Doesn't it get lonely living in the dark? Are you going to spend the rest of your life in the shadows?"

Luke tensed, but Jordan held tight, forcing him to stay, not run and hide from the past like he normally did. If anyone could understand, maybe it was Jordan. The honesty and tenderness in those blue eyes were for him. It hit him then that maybe he didn't need to face life alone anymore.

Did it make him weak that he'd do anything for Jordan, to see him happy?