CHAPTER SIXTEEN

‘M R L ANDRY ? Miss Courtney is here to see you.’

Cade’s gaze rose from his laptop, propelled by the surge of emotion at the mention of Charlotte’s name.

‘Charlotte’s here?’ he managed, before the woman herself—the woman who had haunted every one of his dreams and all his nightmares for a week, the woman who he’d had to stop himself returning to a hundred times—marched into the space behind his executive assistant, Grady.

‘Yes, Mr Landry...’ The young man glanced round, only to be mowed down by Charlotte. ‘I’m sorry, Miss...’

‘Thank you so much, Grady,’ she cut the poor kid’s protests off at the knees.

Cade stood and came out from behind his desk.

The emotion turned to pride and a powerful sense of relief. The stunned sadness of a week ago was gone. The sadness he’d caused and hadn’t been able to forgive himself for.

‘Please, Miss...’ Grady began.

‘It’s okay, Grady,’ he said, finally managing to find his voice around the tight, painful feeling in his throat. ‘Leave us alone and hold all my calls.’

He hadn’t meant to hurt her. But he knew he had. It was just one of the things that had tortured him—the guilt as well as the longing.

Grady left the room and closed the door behind him.

Charlotte stopped beside the drawing table, where he had been working late all this week so he wouldn’t have to go back to his apartment alone and think about her.

‘It’s good to see you, Charlotte,’ he said. And meant it.

He didn’t know why she was here, and he really didn’t care. Because he felt like a starving man eating for the first time in days as he devoured the sight of her in tailored pants and a fitted blouse, her silky hair rioting around her face.

She sucked in a breath, her expression a vivid combination of anger and determination.

‘I need to know the truth...’ she said carefully, but he could see the swirl of sadness in her eyes, alongside the storm of outrage. ‘Did you tell me you wanted this baby when we found out I was pregnant simply to keep me with you until Labor Day? To win Helberg?’

‘What...?’ The accusation came so far out of left field, he couldn’t make any sense of it.

‘I deserve to know...’ she said, her voice rising, her face rigid now with hurt. ‘Because Adam believes you did, and the way you left... I need to know exactly how much you used me and the baby to win the bet. So I can start to forgive myself for falling in love with you.’

Falling in love with you...

The words made the ache in his throat sink into his heart.

He stared at her, desperately trying to figure out what to say. Part of him knew he should tell her she was right. That he’d never really wanted this baby, that he’d used the pregnancy the same way he’d used her. Wouldn’t it be better for all of them? It would be the final nail in the coffin of this relationship. The relationship he’d been so terrified of nurturing or even acknowledging a week ago, when they’d seen the baby for the first time.

But somehow the words which would set him free, which would set them both free, wouldn’t come out of his mouth. Because he had missed her, so much, and he still wanted her, and he couldn’t bear to lie to her again.

So he continued to stand there dumbly, absorbing the sight of her, unable to say anything at all.

She stepped forward, the sound of her pumps somehow deafening on the office carpeting. The sheen of moisture in her eyes twinkled in the afternoon light pouring through the windows...and everything inside him became harsh and jagged. The intense longing to touch her again, to hold her, to never let her go was like a kudzu vine wrapping around his heart and squeezing hard enough to make his breathing stop.

‘I didn’t set out to hurt you...’ he said at last, which was at least the truth. But how could he have known she would come to mean so much?

‘You coward...’ she hissed, the single tear running down her cheek like an arrow to his heart. ‘You can’t admit it even now, can you? Why did you say you wanted the baby? When you didn’t? How could you use the pregnancy just to win a bet?’

He should let her believe it, but the pain in her voice broke him.

‘Because I didn’t. The bet had nothing to do with my feelings for the baby...’

Or you.

She walked forward, lifting her fists, and pushing them against his chest. ‘You’re lying. I know you’re lying.’ Her sobs wrenched at his heart. ‘Or why would you leave as soon as you won?’

‘It wasn’t about the bet...’ He grasped her fists and tugged her into his arms, no longer able to stop himself from holding her. ‘Not even in Italy.’

He felt the anger drain out of her until all that was left was the hurt.

She looked up at him, her ravaged face somehow so brave. ‘Then why did you leave me?’

He cupped her cheeks, brushed the last of her tears away with his thumbs. The brutal agony washed through him all over again. That terrible feeling of never being good enough, strong enough, to matter.

But he’d mattered to her. And he’d thrown it away.

‘I’m not sure I can explain it,’ he said, so glad to have her in his arms again he was scared even now to tell her what a coward he’d been.

She shook her head, then dragged herself back, out of his embrace. He felt the loss like a blow to the chest. She was trembling, the pain in her eyes unvarnished, but despite the hurt he could also see her strength, which only made him love and respect her more.

‘That’s not good enough, Cade. You made me believe it was my fault, but worse than that, when Adam mentioned the bet...’ She drew in a ragged breath. ‘I realised I didn’t know you well enough to tell if it were true. Because you always kept so much hidden.’ She swung away from him and walked to the glass wall, which looked down on the city he’d conquered. Achievements which meant nothing without her. ‘And that made me blame myself. Made me think it was my fault somehow...’

‘Damn it, Charlotte.’ He walked towards her, grasped her shoulders from behind, and pressed his face into her hair, unable to stop touching her, needing to hold her again. ‘You have to believe me,’ he said, inhaling the scent which had become a drug over the past weeks. ‘I didn’t walk away because of the bet.’

She turned to face him, dislodging his hands. And wrapped her arms around her waist to ward him off. ‘Still not good enough, Cade. You have to tell me why you left.’

He sighed and drew back. And turned to stare out at the view, not able to look at her when he told her the truth.

They were so far above the manic energy of Manhattan. He should have been safe here, in the ivory tower he’d built to protect himself from ever needing anyone again.

But she’d breached it, just like she’d breached his heart.

‘Because I was terrified of my feelings for you,’ he murmured. ‘Seeing the baby felt so real, but what was worse was knowing that eventually I would let him down. And you down. I had to leave you first, before you decided to leave me, like she did.’

Charley stood shaking, the emotion coursing through her almost more than she could bear. But then slowly, Cade’s words registered. The fear behind them, but also the simplicity of feeling, the strength of his longing. Like hers.

But she didn’t want to give in too easily. To be that needy girl again who had internalised all the hurt, the longing, the loneliness of her childhood. Now more than ever, she needed to be strong. She wasn’t going to give him a free pass. If he loved her, really loved her, he had to prove it to her. She deserved that.

‘But then why did you still close the deal?’ she asked, her voice thick with tears. ‘If you wanted to be with me? If you were simply scared of your feelings for me...’ She let out a heavy sigh. ‘Which I get, because frankly, I was pretty terrified of my feelings for you,’ she added. He finally turned to look at her again, the shame in his expression giving her the strength she needed to say the rest of it. ‘Why did you still claim Helberg?’

He dropped his head, shoved his hands into the pockets of his trousers, his stance so tense she could see what it was costing him to find words for feelings she doubted he had ever confronted before.

He lifted his head at last, his blue eyes dark with the emotion he’d refused to let her see...until now.

‘I thought if I claimed Helberg,’ he said, his words measured, but the tone brittle with self-loathing, ‘I could get back the feeling of being safe again. Of being invulnerable.’ He shook his head. ‘But it didn’t make any difference. Even though I’ve been working to acquire the damn brand for...’ He sighed and looked down at his feet again. ‘A long time.’

‘Why?’ she asked, because she wanted all the answers to questions she’d never felt able to ask him before. ‘ Why was Helberg so important to you?’

He raised his head, the scar on his eyebrow levelling as he frowned. But just when she thought he wasn’t going to tell her, he let out a rough, guttural, hopeless sigh.

‘It’s pretty dumb,’ he said.

‘Not to me it isn’t.’ She wouldn’t let him off the hook.

He looked away, but when he began to talk, she knew the monotone of his voice masked a deep emotion she doubted he had ever revealed to anyone before now.

‘The department store...in Baton Rouge,’ he said, but then his voice trailed off.

‘The place where your mother abandoned you?’ she prompted.

His gaze met hers. And he nodded. ‘It was Helberg’s flagship store in the South. She used to take me there when she wasn’t too strung out. She knew I liked to play in the toy department. And the staff were kind. They’d let us stay for hours and never threw us out.’ He hitched his shoulder, the gesture somehow both wary and ashamed. ‘I loved that place so much. It was clean, and everything was perfect. It’s the only good memory I have of her. She wasn’t much of a mama, but she was so young and messed up. I think, deep down, I figured if I could own Helberg, restore the brand, bring it back to its former glory, I could prove she had loved me once, too.’

She stood trembling. The picture he’d painted was so sad and so vulnerable. And she realised however much he had tried to leave that boy behind, that abandoned child had always been there inside him. Scared to love. Terrified to ask for more. In case it made him that vulnerable again.

No wonder he had been frightened of the love building between them, too.

She walked to him, banded her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to the rigid muscles of his chest. ‘Oh, Cade, you idiot.’

He wrapped her in his arms, the deep sigh making his muscles relax. ‘Can you forgive me for being such a dumbass?’

He shifted back, framed her face in his palms, then pressed his forehead to hers. ‘If you’ll give me another chance, I swear I can make it up to you,’ he vowed. ‘Every damn day. I love you, Charlotte, so damn much. I’m gonna sell Helberg. It never meant what I thought it did anyway.’

The hope blossomed inside her, stronger this time. And so much more sure.

‘I don’t want you to do that, Cade. Especially if Helberg is your only real connection to your mother.’

He gave her a weak smile, but she could see the same fierce hope reflected in his eyes.

‘Don’t you get it, Charlotte? I don’t need Helberg now.’ He boosted her into his arms, the smile becoming a grin as she stroked his hair, his cheeks, the rough stubble on his chin, letting him know they were good. They were okay again. That she had already forgiven him. ‘Not if I’ve got you. And our baby.’

She chuckled, elated, as he captured her face and began to kiss her as if his life depended on sealing their connection, exploiting it. And glorying in it.

And as he showed her how much he loved her, she knew exactly how he felt.

Because her life depended on it, too.