1. Thorn

My fingers slip and the egg falls into the metal mixing bowl, the shell shattering as it hits the bottom. I purse my lips, another flare of nerves rushing through me as I stare at the shell swimming in the yellow pool.

It’s alright, it’s only the third egg in the bowl.

I bought twenty-four just in case.

Pushing a quick breath out through my nose, I try to contain myself as I take the bowl to the sink and wash it out.

I’ve cleaned every room in my flat twice, changed bedding, blankets, even the rugs. Mopped, dusted, rearranged my bookshelves, even reorganised my pantry in a burst of anxiety yesterday. I began preparing the food at four thirty, so it will be ready in plenty of time before Luca arrives at six. Though it still feels as if it isnt enough. I want everything to be perfect for him.

I’ve hidden anything embarrassing, such as the A3 poster I have of us from our Calvin Klein shoot in my bedroom, and the candid shot from a year ago of him laughing on a beach on Instagram I love so much I printed it out and put it on the side table in my living room.

My clothes are laid out on my bed - Ill get changed at half five. I’ve put the plates, knives and forks in order and readied them in the centre of the dining table - Ill heat the plates and set them out properly after Luca is here. I’ve spent hours making a playlist of Lucas favourite songs - already downloaded to my phone in case he wants to listen to music. It doesn’t surprise me that he likes fast and messy music, and there are softer songs I can put on in the background that will hopefully create a relaxing mood.

I’m sure Ive covered everything, but it doesnt stop the shake of my hands, or the tight anticipation that’s been humming in my chest since I invited him to my flat two days ago when he came back to London.

Luca is booked with shoots for six months across Europe and Asia, and it gets harder each time he leaves. But this is the lifestyle we chose. Apart from the three day Versace shoot with Hayden last month in Tuscany, Ive stayed in London for work.

I’ve spent a week preparing for this, running through every possible scenario in my mind, though I never get it right. Luca always surprises me, and he makes everything so much better than I originally planned.

Taking the bowl back to the counter beside the fridge, I scan the kitchen in case I’ve missed anything. I just hope he likes the warm palate of my flat. I enjoy muted tones, and I’ve painted my kitchen in a light yellow that matches the white fridge and surfaces. Luca prefers bright splashes of colour which occasionally feel as if they are shouting at me, depending on my state. I sigh happily at the bowl as I remember how, since I’ve told him, he always asks me what I’d prefer before we meet.

Smiling softly, I reach for the first carton of eggs to start again.

I really am so lucky.

The only person I allow in my flat is my dad, and that’s on very rare occasions, such as birthdays or Christmas. But I’m ready for this.

Technically, Luca and I only said we liked each other four months ago. It’s occasionally overwhelming that someone as wild as him wants to be in a relationship with someone like me. I never knew the Luca who used to bully and tease me on shoots would also turn out to be so soft and gentle.

I roll back my shoulders, steadying myself before cracking the egg on the side of the bowl one-handed. A quick glance at the clock above the door while I whisk the new mixture tells me I still have an hour. I dont need to worry so much. There’s plenty of time.

Though I have to make sure there are no mistakes.

For years I’ve been dreaming of ways to entice Luca to me, spending hours planning how to show him how I feel. As soon as I found out wed be on a shoot together, I would craft meticulous schemes about conversations we could have, ways to flirt with him, even ask him out to dinner. But they all involved actually talking to him, and that’s where I fell short.

Cooking for him in my flat has been steadily climbing up the list since our Calvin Klein shoot, and we’re finally here.

I just hope he won’t be disappointed when he arrives.