12. Juliet

"We deserve answers!"The cry from the back of the dorm is met with angry shouts of agreement, fists waved in the air, nodding heads.

The red-headed vamp raises her hands for quiet. "I know you're all anxious!" She's barely audible over the angry crowd in front of her. "I know you're all scared."

"Fucking right we are!" Matt yells, clasping on to my hand.

The new dorm is much bigger than the old one, more space for the angry voices asking for an explanation as to what's happening, why this happened, why fifteen people are now dead, to echo off the walls. I was in such bad shock I had to stay in sick bay for two days, and I still can barely eat or sleep a week later.

"Listen, please, I can assure you, you're all safe," the vamp says, and she's met with boos and cynical laughs.

"What are you doing to keep us safe?" One of the younger men demands. "You keep saying we're safe, we're safe, but last week those zombies made it all the fucking way in here!"

"We don't know what happened," the vamp says. "It was a failure of the alarm system, but we're increasing security and it won't happen again."

"How do you know?" Matt bellows, and everyone gets louder again. "We want to fucking know what you're doing!"

"Everything we can!" The vamp calls.

"Tell that to all the people who died!" Gina clutches a hand to her mouth, tears running down her cheeks. The woman beside her puts an arm around her shoulders, and the crowd quietens a little. "We've all lost enough!" Gina's voice cracks, her lips quivering. "I don't feel like sitting here waiting to be torn to shreds if it's all the same to you."

"I promise you, we will protect you all." The red-headed vamp looks almost sad as she looks down at Gina. "I know this was frightening, but I assure you, we've upped our security and it won't happen again."

Gina begins to cry, and the anger in the room dissipates to weariness. Everyone disbands, walking back to their beds. I feel sick. I wobble back to my bed, collapsing onto it heavily. Matt sits down beside me, holding my hand.

"I'd ask if you're OK, but that seems like a stupid thing to ask right now."

I huff out a laugh. "Yeah, I'm not OK, so…" I look up at him and shrug. "I hate this. It's all scary. I feel like something really bad is going to happen."

Matt pulls me close and strokes my hair. "I'm sorry."

"It"s not your fault." I sniffle, trying not to start crying again. I don't know what else to say. I don"t want to live like this anymore, but I don't want to die. I want some kind of promise that my life can be normal, that there's some light at the end of this blood-soaked tunnel, but I can't see one. I can"t think about it too much, because it's just too depressing.

Matt's still looking at me with concern and an air of hopelessness. I get to my feet quickly, pulling my hand from his.

"I just need to go to the bathroom," I say, and head for the door where the red-headed vamp is still talking to the guards. They all turn to look at me as I approach. "I need the bathroom."

They wave me out the door impatiently, and I step out into the floodlit compound. A light drizzle is falling from the dark sky, and I pad across the damp path to the bathroom block.

"You OK?"

The voice from the shadow of the building startles me, and I stumble back a few steps.

Silas steps out into the light, running a hand through his hair in the increasing rain. "You OK?" He asks again. "I didn't mean to scare you."

I shake my head. "I'm fine. I dunno. I don't feel anything anymore."

Silas winces, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm so sorry."

"You shot people," I say, and my voice is so hollow that it almost has its own echo, drumming through my skull as I look at Silas's pained expression. "You shot them, right in front of us. You executed them."

"Juliet-"

"And you know the worst part?" I think I'm smiling. I'm so numb. So fucking numb. "I actually thought to myself that y'all were doing them a favor. That you were being kind. Because they'd die anyway, right?"

Silas takes a step towards me, the rusty eyes lit up in the harsh glow of the floodlights. "We have to protect you all."

"Y'all keep saying that.." My teeth are chattering now. "You say it, over and over, and I know all of that."

"I know it"s cold comfort."

"Yeah, you can say that again." I tip my head up to the rain, droplets landing on my lashes. "What do you call this feeling? Where you want to live, but you don't, and you don't want to die, not really, but you don't want to live anymore?" An almost hysterical giggle leaves my lips as I meet Silas's gaze. "What do I call that?" I hiccup out a sob over the laughter. "I don't want to live like this, but thinking I was going - I was going t-to d-die… L-like-" I cut off as my chest begins to burn.

Silas's brow furrows and he steps closer to me, putting his hands on my arms. "Juliet, I need you to breathe, or you're going to pass out."

"Maybe I want to pass out." I clutch a hand to my throat, which feels like it's closing up. "Maybe I want-"

Silas has me off the ground and in his arms before I can protest, before I can even register what's happening. Then I'm in the shower block, and I'm under warm water.

I wrap my arms around myself, trying to breathe. Silas is standing next to me, not touching me, his hand braced against the shower wall, frowning. We just stare at each other for a while, as we both get soaked in the warm water. Droplets run from his hair, down his face. He just stays there, looking at me. After a while, he gives me a little smile.

"Alright?"

I nod, water running into my mouth as I suck in jerky breaths. "Maybe? I don't know?"

"Well you'll be warm at least." He holds up a hand. "I'll be right back. I'll get you some clean clothes and a towel."

"Why do you care?" My voice cracks, frayed at the edges with weariness. Silas frowns at me. "Why?" I demand. "Why do you care so fucking much? No one else does."

He opens his mouth then purses his lips, his eyes searching the floor then lifting back to mine. "I just do, alright? You deserve better than all this."

I want to laugh in his face, I want to sneer at him. I want to believe he's lying. Maybe I even want to believe he's just doing this because he sees me as nothing more than a piece of ass. Believing he actually cares hurts too much. The way he's looking at me, those rusty eyes filled with compassion and concern, they're too much. It's all too much to have someone like him look at me in a way no one has ever looked at me in my life.

"Will you hold me?" I murmur, and he visibly flinches.

"What did you say?" He asks, moving closer to me.

"I-I… Never mind." I cover my face with my hands, shivering despite the warm water. I don't even know why I asked him that.

I gasp as his arms move around me. I don't look up at him, just lean into him, trembling.

"It's alright, Jules," he murmurs. "I've got you, OK? It's alright."

Jules.He called me Jules. No one's called me Jules in years.

"What's going on here?" A woman's voice snaps across the bathroom, and I jerk with panic, burying my face in his chest. Silas keeps his arms around me.

"She collapsed," he says, his voice commanding. "I needed to get her warm, I was worried she'd go into shock."

The woman makes a sound of contempt. "This looks like more than treatment for shock, King."

"I can let her go if you want her to hit her head, Simpson." The way he emphasizes the other vamp's name is like a whip of authority, and footsteps retreat quickly.

Silas notches his fingers under my chin and tips my head back to look up at him. He smiles at me. "Come on now, let's get you dried off and warm, yeah? You need to sleep."

He ushers me into the locker room, and just as he hands me a towel, Matt comes in. He looks us up and down with confusion, and shakes his head.

"What the fuck is going on here?" He asks, moving to my side and putting his arms around me. "Are you OK, babe?"

"I'm fine, I just - I nearly collapsed and Silas caught me."

Matt is staring daggers at Silas, who holds his gaze. It's like being caught between two bulldogs who want to tear each other apart over me. Matt pulls me a little closer to him, and Silas's eyes flicker down to me for a moment.

"She needs to be kept warm," he says, looking back at Matt. "Clean clothes, and a warm bed."

"I know how to keep her warm, don't you worry," Matt snaps.

Silas quirks an eyebrow, and tucks his hands into his pockets. "Perfect." He backs off with a nod. "It's probably obvious to say this, but don't try to keep her warm by fucking her."

"Fuck off," Matt growls.

Silas's eyes blaze, and his mouth curls into a cruel grin. "Not that we'd need to worry about her working up a sweat in 10 seconds I suppose." He turns on his heel as Matt yells obscenities after him, calling him an asshole. He's so angry he's shaking.

I falter a little, and Matt quickly turns to look down at me.

"Babe? You OK?"

I nod. "I'm just tired, and I'm getting cold."

"Of course sorry, come on, let's get these wet clothes off you." He helps me get undressed, and rubs me all over with the towel until my skin is pink. He pulls sweatpants and a tank top from one of the lockers, and I shuffle them on, starting to shiver again.

"Did that guy touch you?" Matt asks quietly, his voice dripping with anger.

I frown at him. "Yeah he did, but I wanted him to."

Matt's eyes widen. "You wanted him to?"

I shake my head adamantly. "No, not like that. I mean, he didn't touch me without my permission. He was just helping me. He was being nice."

"Nice?" Matt scoffs. "Nice? These feeders aren't nice, Juliet. They're monsters. I don't want that guy coming anywhere near you."

I'm too exhausted to argue. I just nod and let Matt take me back to the dorm. But I can't get Silas's voice out of my head.

It's alright, Jules. I've got you. It's alright, Jules. I've got you. I've got you.