Chapter 2

2

" S ay again?"

"You heard me, brother. What did you think? She was going to sit around and wait for you for the rest of her life? Actually I'm shocked it didn't happen sooner," Ethan told me.

"A date?" I growled.

"Not just one. Multiple."

"What the fuck?"

"Carter…" My brother's tone changed. The softness and understanding pissed me off. "I'm sorry. I wanted to be the one to tell you. We all knew something had changed when that dick Derek Lowe took her and Mercy. And then months passed and the wedding…." He trailed off.

Yeah, the wedding. He didn't need to elaborate. I remembered the goddamned wedding like it was an hour ago. I remembered every pained word Delaney said, every one of them a bullet piercing my soul. I would also never forget what the dick Lowe had done to my woman. If Mercy hadn't ended his life that day, I would've.

Ethan was right, something drastic had changed. Everyone knew it, saw it, asked about it but Delaney had refused to talk about it. It went beyond the terror of being kidnapped and beaten, something had broken inside of her and months later it was deep and not getting any better.

"Still haven't heard from her?" Ethan gently asked.

"Not a fuckin' peep. Three months of silence."

"Shit," he mumbled.

"Haven't talked to Dad yet, so I'd appreciate you not saying anything but I signed my separation papers today."

"Come again?"

"My contract was up and I didn't reenlist."

"Holy fuck. Seriously? I thought you said you were a lifer?"

"I know what I said. But things have changed. I need to come home."

"But—"

"It's time. I'm not losing her. Besides, I'm missing out on watching my niece grow up. You and Honor are having another one, I want to be there for that. And Meadow and Nick, finally after all these years are parents. I've given up enough. It's time to come home."

"Given up? Since when have you looked at serving as a hardship?"

"It's not a hardship. I'm proud of what I've done. But, brother, I've given up a lot more than most and I'm done."

What I wasn't going to discuss with my brother was the reoccurring nightmares I had. I didn't want to burden him with horrors I'd seen and what my failures had caused. Not a fucking night went by I didn't relive what my hesitation had triggered.

"You didn't have to give her up. She would've gladly followed you," he reminded me. "Man, I love you, but you have to know you're fucked-up. Just like Dad. He left Mom because he didn't want that same shit for her. But do you not remember what Mom went through? She still cried over a casket she thought carried Dad's dead body. She still mourned him. She still went to that stupid gravesite that wasn't even his for twelve years and never forgot him. Not a single day, Carter. That'd be Delaney whether she was your wife or your side piece of ass."

"Watch your mouth," I growled. "She's never been a piece of ass."

"Really? ‘Cause that's how you've treated her for ten years, longer actually. When we were in high school you wouldn't date her, but you'd put out the word she was yours, therefore untouchable. You left for the Naval Academy, and she dutifully waited for your return. That summer after she graduated, you finally claimed her, and I mean, physically since you'd verbally done it when you were fifteen. Never had a man, never a date, never even looked at anyone else. And someone who looks like Delaney Walker, is funny like she is, loyal, smart, sweet, should not be alone. If that's not a side piece of ass I don't know what is."

My gut twisted hearing my brother talk about how I'd pushed Delaney away. He had a few facts wrong but I wasn't going to squabble over the details when the overall point he was making was a direct hit.

She knew I was holding back because of how much I adored her, not because I didn't.

She had to know.

"Is that what you think? That all these years, I've viewed Laney as a piece of ass? I haven't touched another woman since the night she graduated high school."

The thought of my brother thinking so poorly of me killed.

"No," he whispered. "But that's only because I know you. I know you're just like Dad, identical. But above all of that, I've always known how you felt about her. And not just me. We all saw it. You and Delaney thought you were keeping this big secret, so no one talked to either of you about it, but just because it was never said, we all knew there was something going on between the two of you."

I wasn't an idiot, I'd never tried to mask my feelings for her, or I didn't once she was of legal age.

"It's good you're coming home," Ethan continued. "Carson misses you and we haven't made the announcement yet, but you're gonna have a nephew."

I tamped down my jealousy and told him, "Damn happy for you and Honor."

That was one of the things I'd given up, being a father. I wanted a family. One Delaney and I created together. I wanted to see her carrying my babies. I wanted what my brother had. What Jason had found with Mercy and damn if he didn't deserve some happiness in his life. Nick and Meadow had stuck it out and waited until the two babies that were meant to be theirs entered the world.

I'd waited long enough. I'd done my duty. I'd served my country; made all the sacrifices I was willing to make.

I had zero regrets separating from the Navy. The only discomfort I felt was the rock in my gut because Delaney hadn't answered any of my messages. With the news that she'd done what she'd threatened to do and had moved on, that rock was a boulder so fucking big I was afraid I wouldn't be able to carry it.

"She bring him around the family yet?" I asked.

"No." My relief was short-lived. "Jackson and Tuesday are having a get-together next week at The Manor. Word is she's bringing him."

Motherfuck.

"I'll be there."

"Thought you would be."

"I'll call Dad later today, but this stays between us. All of it."

"Don't need to remind me." Ethan's irritation made me smile. No, I didn't need to ever remind him, he was the bearer of all my secrets. More than a brother, Ethan was my best friend. He'd hit some bumps early in life, but had stepped up in a big way and proved he was a good man, even at sixteen when he should've been a kid. He was a damn good father and I was proud of him.

"Thanks, brother, see you soon."

"Seriously happy you're coming home. Know I said Carson missed you, but I have, too."

I closed my eyes and allowed my little brother's words to sink in. Most of the time I felt disconnected being away from everyone. They all still got together and were close.

Then there was my cousin Moira, who went by her middle name, Liberty, and me, the only two out of the ten of us who decided to serve in the military. More often than not I felt like an outsider. And I knew Liberty did, too, she was coming up on her four-year mark in the Army and got home less than me. Uncle Levi and Aunt Blake traveled to Germany to see her at least three times a year.

"Miss you, too."

"Later."

Ethan hung up and I tossed my phone on my couch and looked around my studio apartment. It was basically empty. A couch, a coffee table, a bed, and my electronics—that was all the furniture I owned. None I would take back to Georgia with me. This was nothing more than a crash pad. Delaney's place was my home.

She'd never been here, one more effort I'd made to hold her apart from my life in the military. I never discussed any missions with her, where I'd gone or what I'd done. That wasn't because I didn't want her to know, though it was a happy byproduct. It was because when I was with her, I was me. Just me. The real Carter Lenox. Not Special Operator, Lieutenant Lenox.

I loved being a SEAL. Loved my team, and the men I served with.

But more than anything I loved being Delaney's Carter.