16. Davon

Chapter 16

Davon

T hat evening, I stood against the wall of the dining room, watching as Maggie danced for the king and his guests. The grandeur of the room was lost on me, though it was unlike anything I'd seen before in my life. I lived in a simple structure, one that could be dismantled quickly and packed for travel. I carried few possessions, like everyone else in my clan. We didn’t hang artwork on the wall, and gilt didn’t swirl around the inside of our coarse fabric structures. We didn’t place rugs on the floor either. The ground worked well enough for our feet.

But we were happy.

I sensed many in this room were not. They were here to cater to the king and would be grateful when he allowed them to leave.

Anxiety churned through my stomach. The king's gaze remained on Maggie, and I didn't like the way he looked at her. His intentions remained unclear, and fear for her had me on edge. I was as trapped here as her, my actions restricted. I'd tried to make friends with some of the staff earlier, but they'd universally ignored me. I was an outsider, and it might take years to get them to warm to my presence, years I refused to spend in this place with my mate.

As Maggie moved gracefully across the platform they’d quickly erected earlier for her show, her hips swayed to the beat of the music. She was pure beauty. A sunrise casting rippling shadows across the desert. The sway of the leafy canopy in the wind. A cool, sparkling oasis I longed to sink my body into.

With no weapons given to me, all I could do was stand near the platform, watching over her, keeping everyone away while my heart slammed in my chest.

Finally, the guests finished their meal and left the room.

Maggie stopped dancing, her eyes meeting mine. Close, but not allowed to touch, a fact that gnawed at me like a predator. I craved to give her reassurance, to hold her, but I didn't dare.

The female Veerenad, Oolah, who'd brought clothing earlier that day entered the room, striding over to stand in front of me. “Take the human back to her room. Lock her inside. Remain in the hallway beyond her room to keep anyone from entering.” Her eyes snapped up to meet mine, her gaze piercing. “Except the king.”

Fuck, no.

“He can't have her,” I snarled.

“He can do what he pleases.” She paused, her lips peeling back from her teeth. “Never fear, Zuldruxian who must remain a bodyguard though he watches the female with lust in his eyes. The king doesn't want her in the same way.”

My spine loosened, but I didn't relax my guard.

“If he did,” she added as she strode away, “he'd have her, and you could do nothing to stop him.”

Swallowing hard, I led Maggie from the dining room, her small hand fitting perfectly in mine. The feel of her skin against mine made warmth course through me, but I didn't dare do more than touch her in this way.

The weight of Oolah's words and the thought of the king's possible intentions kept my guts churning.

As we walked back to her room, silence echoed in the halls. I wanted to speak, to find words that might give her comfort, but I had nothing to offer beyond my presence. And that would be taken from her if I wasn't careful.

When we reached her room, I unlocked the door and pushed it open, revealing the small, dimly lit space that had become her temporary home. She looked up at me, her eyes filled with fear. My heart ached for her, for the situation we were both trapped in.

“I'll be right outside,” I said, squeezing her hand.

She nodded, her body limp from dancing for hours. I wanted to pull her into my arms and protect her from the world, but I couldn't. Not here, not now. So, instead, I simply smiled, hoping she'd find reassurance in that.

“Rest,” I said softly. “I'll keep you safe.”

Maggie sat on the bed and patted the space beside her. “Sit with me? I'm going to bathe, but I'm too wound up to sleep yet.”

I shook my head, my chest tightening. “I can't. It's too risky. I won't jeopardize your safety.”

She nodded, her shoulders slumping. “I understand. It's just . . . I feel so alone.”

“I know.” I leaned against the wall beside the door. “I'm here, even if I can't be close.”

I watched her, taking in every detail of her face, her posture. My heart swelled with adoration, but fear gnawed at my control. I had no plan to get us out of here, no way to ensure her safety. Just like with my parents . . . The weight of my failure pressed down on me.

Why had I kissed her? Why had I let her know my feelings? It only put her in danger.

“Tell me about yourself,” Maggie said. “What was it like growing up in the desert?”

I took a deep breath, memories flooding my mind, shoving aside my self-recriminations. “Life in the desert is different than here in the Veerenad city.”

“I lived in a city. I can't imagine living in a wide-open space. And the desert seems so stark.”

“It’s hard to see its beauty, but once you do . . . It will amaze you.”

“It must be harsh at times.”

“Too harsh. Too deadly. My clan are nomads, always moving with the seasons. Our homes are thick cloth structures with supports that can be packed in a short time. We travel light, carrying only what we need.”

“That sounds so free,” she said, wonder in her voice .

I nodded. “It is, in a way. But it's also stark. Lonely at times despite having the members of our clan around us. Water is precious, food can be scarce. From the time we’re small, we learn to read the land, to find hidden oases and edible plants in the oddest places.”

“What about your family?” she asked. “You mentioned a younger brother.”

I grinned. “Coovik is seventeen, and he feels he's ready to challenge the world like any other grown male.”

“Is he?”

“No, though I give him as much freedom as possible to make mistakes and learn from them. I take him hunting and show him how to survive. He enjoys traveling, but he longs for places my clan has never visited. The forest. The mountains. Even life near the sea.”

“Wanderlust. A few of my friends feel that way. They get their fix from traveling to far-off places. On Earth, we have vehicles that can take us long distances, some flying through the air, others along the ground.”

“Beasts? The Dastalon Clan raise enormous birds and fly from one location to another with them.”

“Ours are machines, metal things. They're not alive. They make a lot of noise, but they can take a person halfway across our huge planet in a day.”

I shook my head. “I can't imagine such a thing.”

“It allows you to go somewhere warm when it's cold where you live or vice versa. Or travel to see family or friends. People live far apart from each other. The machines that fly in the sky are called airplanes. We don't have creatures large enough to carry us, though we ride in things called cars and trains on the ground. They’re also machines made of metal. They move swiftly, but they can't travel the same distance in such a short time as our flying vehicles.”

Such a wonder. I couldn't picture what she meant. One day, I'd ask her to draw them in the moist dirt along the shore of an oasis. Then I could better imagine what they were like.

“What about your parents?” she asked. “Mine died. A car accident.” Her voice choked off. “They were both killed instantly. Talia and I were left to raise ourselves, but we did alright. We were the same age as your brother, seventeen. Somehow, we survived, and many would say we thrived.”

“What would you say?” I asked.

She shrugged. “We did okay.” Her gaze sought mine. “You told me Talia’s safe, but I can't stop worrying. I'll feel better when I can see her. Touch her. We've rarely been apart. But tell me about your parents?”

My throat tightened. “They died two years ago. A sandstorm. They thought they had time to reach the oasis, but they didn't.”

“Oh, Davon. I'm sorry.”

I hesitated, shame burning in my gut. How could I share the burden I'd carried since then? I was a useless male, one struggling to prove his worth to his clan all while knowing I never would. Not completely. What I'd done couldn't be swiped clean like a mark smoothed by the wind across sand. This mark on my soul would remain forever. But Maggie deserved the truth. “After they died, I . . . I left my clan. I wandered for a long time. There are parts I don't remember clearly.”

I couldn't look her way. I couldn't bear to see the disappointment I was sure she'd feel. A lost male rarely finds his true path again. For that, I supposed, I could feel proud. I hadn't left forever, just when my clan needed me most.

“You must’ve been frightened by their loss.”

Was I? I couldn’t remember. “I traveled for a long time, and I do not remember.”

Maggie's eyes widened. “You blanked out?”

I had to think about her words before their meaning became clear. “Yes, my mind was blank.” I was blank and for too long.

“You were alone in the desert?”

“It was a dark time. I was lost, not just physically but in here.” I tapped my chest. “I abandoned my responsibilities, my brother, my clan. I'm not proud of this.”

“Oh, Davon.” Maggie stood and took a step toward me, then stopped, remembering the rules. “That must have been incredibly hard. Grief can make us do things we regret.”

“I stole another traedor's sword.” She wasn't supposed to understand or be kind to me about this. She should be stoic and stern and judge me like the elder in my clan had. I still had much to make up for. “I plan to return it with my apology.”

“Will the traedor be angry?”

“I hope not. I'll explain and await his judgment.”

“He won't punish you, will he?”

I sought her gaze but couldn't hold it. So much kindness there. No anger. No disappointment. Why not? “He should.”

“You could find a way to make amends.”

“Perhaps.” I'd think about this. She was right. What could I offer Aizor that would make him feel better about the theft? I'd return his sword, of course, but there must be something more I could do.

Her understanding loosened something in my chest, the weight I’d dragged behind me since my parents died and I fled. “I should’ve been stronger. My clan needed me then, as did my brother. But I couldn't find the will to face the duties I knew I had to accept.”

“You returned to your clan though, right?” Maggie asked.

“I did. They . . . allowed me to return, to take on the burdens I should’ve on the day my parents died.”

“We all handle grief in different ways. Some cry. Some get angry. And some run away. Emotions can be hard to deal with. I can understand feeling as if you needed to flee. There were times when I thought about telling my sister that we should stop trying. It was hard surviving even though we had each other. Too hard. We had help here and there, but when it came down to it, we were alone.”

“But you didn’t run.”

She shrugged. “I wanted to.”

It wasn’t the same thing, but I appreciated her understanding. “I offered your sister and her mate shelter with my clan during a sandstorm.” I couldn't let them die like my parents, not when I had food and shelter I could offer. “That’s how I met Talia and heard about her missing sister. You, Maggie. I would’ve walked forever to find you.”

“To make up for walking away when they tried to hand you all that responsibility while you were still grieving? That’s not a burden anyone should carry.”

Yet I did.

“You're here now, trying to help me because she asked you to do this,” she said. “That shows strength.”

“I did come back.” My heart felt . . . looser. My shame would never go away, but speaking of this helped in a way I hadn't expected. “It took time to earn my clan’s trust again, but they accepted me. Coovik forgave me, though I'm not sure I deserve it.”

Maggie stepped close enough to stroke my arm. “Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves too. You survived a terrible loss and yes, you were lost for a time, but you found your way back. That's something to be proud of.”

Her words washed over me like cool water, soothing a wound I'd thought would never heal. For the first time in years, I felt the weight of my shame lighten.

“Thank you,” Emotion roughened my voice. “For understanding.”

“We've all made mistakes,” Maggie said. “What matters is how we move forward after.”

I nodded, feeling a spark of hope. Maybe, just maybe, I could find redemption. And perhaps, with Maggie by my side, I could become the male I was meant to be .

“You should bathe,” I said. “Rest. I’m keeping you from both.”

She yawned, and I hated bothering her with the shameful story of my past. “I’ll see you in the morning?”

“You will.” Nothing would keep me away from her. As she sat on the bed, I walked close, leaned down, and whispered one final promise into her ear. “I'll always be here for you, Maggie.”

I left her room and took my post in the hallway, determination a living thing inside me. I would do everything in my power to keep her safe for as long as I could. I would do for her what I was unable to do for my family.

My heart ached. It hurt to be apart from her. It hurt to think about what I’d done after my parents died.

But my senses remained heightened, attuned to the slightest sound or movement. In this palace filled with uncertainty, I found comfort in the fact that Maggie was only a short distance away. She was my world, my hope, my reason for fighting.

I would not let anyone take her from me.

As the night stretched on, I continued to remain in the hall, analyzing the sounds of the palace, the distant laughter and music, the footsteps of guards and staff. It might take time, but I was going to learn all I could about this building and everyone who worked here.

I’d use that knowledge to break us free from this trap.