4. Lewis

4

LEWIS

I 'd finally fucking parked!

I hated trying to get a car parking place at Hope Liberty Hospital.

It felt like I had been driving around the car park for the last hour, but in reality, it had only been twenty minutes or so before I spotted a car pulling out and I grabbed a place the furthest distance from the entrance of the cardiology unit. I knew every other fucker here would be concentrating on those spaces by the door to the unit, whereas I knew how to play the game by now. It just meant stretching my legs and giving that new heart muscle of mine a good old workout once I'd parked up.

At least I'd given myself that extra hour just in case so I wouldn't be late for my scheduled appointment. I mean, the first appointment after lunchtime was probably one of the busiest of the day apart from the dreaded nine am one. I was glad I'd escaped that one along with the early morning traffic and parking wars.

I was a little out of breath after the fast-paced walk I'd done across the parking lot, but I'd been exerting myself harder the last few weeks in the hope to get my fitness back and hopefully in peak shape. My hope was that if I passed today's checkup, I could push a little harder and get back a little of the old me that I remember. I needed to show to myself that guy was still deep within me —not long gone.

"Lewis Havenshaw, please," the nurse called as she looked down at the file in her hand before glancing out at the crowded waiting room. "The doctor is ready for you now."

"That's me," I chirped out as I placed my palms down on my thighs and pushed myself to stand, making my presence known to the nurse, before making my way towards her. "Be glad to get this over with."

"I'm Nurse Lovett," she introduced herself to me. "And I don't think anyone likes hospitals, my dear." She replied, "Today, you'll be seeing Dr. St. James. Can you follow me this way, please?"

"Of course," I replied back, as I kept up with the bubbly older nurse as she directed me to the consultant's office, as I allowed the wash of nerves to kick in. "I should know where most rooms are after spending so long coming here," I blurted out in haste wishing someone could have kicked me in the shin to shut up and stop making a fool out of myself. I ran my fingers through my sun-kissed dirty blonde locks and let out a long nervous chuckle at my words hoping that the nurse didn't say anything back to me. I mean, come on, sometimes you need to think before you just blurt something out?—

I knew this was just a checkup but, in my guts, I couldn't help but panic even though I was doing everything to the book—I hadn't felt this good in a long time. The pile of medications I had to take were a minute inconvenience to what I had gained and I wouldn't change that in the slightest.

Finally, we stopped outside the closed room of two-hundred-and-eighty-nine and Nurse Lovett knocked twice before a deep, familiar voice answered.

"Come in."

My heart thudded as I reached my closed palm over my chest as Nurse Lovett opened the door for me to enter. As my gaze lifted up, I caught the consultant sitting in his chair at the desk facing me. The same man who only last night I had managed to get him chanting my name from his lips as I drained his rock-hard length with my superb mouth fucking skills. Fuck! This just can't be happening to me… I gulped at Alexander… I mean Dr St. James… shit!!

His dark brown pupils widened as they locked onto me—the realization hitting like a ten-ton truck that I was here in his consulting office as his next patient to be seen. He couldn't hide the heated lust burning back at me for that couple of seconds before he quickly averted my own gaze and he composed himself, stood up and reached for my hand to shake. In my own mind it was as if for those few seconds Nurse Lovett didn't exist in the room. Alexander was definitely behaving in a completely professional manner. I could see his tight shoulders and could feel the tension the moment my hand clasped his.

It was as if what happened just over twelve hours previously never occurred. I was just a tick box and number on a list for him today—a way to ensure his wages hit his pocket. Screw anything else.

"Why don't you come and take a seat Mr.… erm… Havenshaw and we can start with a quick recap on everything that's been happening in the last few months since you had," he quickly checked, scrolled down the screen and gulped harshly before turning to me, "your transplant."

"Of course," I replied, schooling my features hoping the emotions that I find so hard to hide were not blaring across my face as I walked over and took a seat in front of him, accidentally brushing my knee against his as I sat down and pulled my chair in.

"Nurse Lovett, would you mind grabbing me some water, by any chance?" Alexander asked her. "It's just…" He covered his mouth with his fist and attempted to clear his throat as she looked at him. "I'm sorry I should have brought a bottle in with me. Rookie mistake."

"Not a problem at all. I'll be five minutes," she stated as she made her way out of the door and closed it behind her.

The moment the door closed the tension in the air grew immediately, but I knew I had to say something before these precious moments Alexander had got us were gone and we were stuck in a place where nothing could be explained at all. It was professionalism or get out of the room without making a scene, and that was a near enough impossible task to contemplate doing. I really did need this appointment.

"Alexander… I didn't know. I really didn't…" I blurted out quickly, leaning forward and catching his eye before turning my neck and keeping myself on top alert for Nurse Lovett to walk back through that door. "If I had known… fuck I would never had…" I said in a low tone before letting out a sigh. "Fuck…"

"How on earth could we have known? It's not like I saw your zipper scar, is it?" he replied as I felt the wetness suddenly drip down on my cheeks, wiping the tears away as quickly as they had appeared. In my heart, I wished he would have just reached forward and swiped away those tears for me, soothed the emotions within me and took control of the situation so I didn't have to, but I knew he was thinking with his head. The way I needed to quickly look like I needed to get on board with it. "Lewis, last night I wasn't your doctor. You weren't my patient, okay? But that means…"

I gazed up and my mouth parted before I froze, wishing that I could stop the words that were about to exit his mouth after his next breath. That I could rewind time and take that cardiology appointment in New York a few months later on. I could have coped that little while longer. It would have been fine, and I could have met up with Finn and then…

"Alexander… I mean Doctor St. James. Fuck! This is so hard, man," I uttered the instant pull of attraction for this guy in front of me not easing in the slightest. If anything, I knew it would grow if I spent more time by his side. It just seemed fate wanted to tear us apart rather than push us together. "I…"

"We can't be anything… you know this." He breathed out slowly. "Last night needs to remain a memory and always that," he whispered, slowly. "It doesn't mean that…" He sighed. "You're my patient and…" Just then the door opened, and Nurse Lovett appeared in the doorway with a glass of water in her hand. "So, Lewis, have you been experiencing any side effects from the anti-rejection medication?"

I don't know how I managed to get through the twenty-minute conversation without breaking character and breaking into a bumbling tearful fool. Nurse Lovett noticed my red-tinged cheeks and patted me on the shoulder, with words of comfort about how a transplant is a big deal and embracing the change is important. Deep down my heart clenched at her words knowing that this second chance at life should be what's making me be overcome with feelings—not the consultant in front of me.

"Do you want to go behind the curtain and remove your shirt and lay down on the couch for me?" Dr St. James asked me as I gulped hard fighting the need to raise an eyebrow. It was as if he could read the questions running through my head—dirty, wild and inappropriate. "I need to examine your scar and have a listen to your heart."

The moment Dr St. James placed his stethoscope onto my heated skin, I gritted my teeth hard and dug my fingernails into the underneath of the leather couch in response. Fuck! I never knew how much I wanted or desired his hands to be on my chest. I shouldn't have found this moment at all sexual, but my cock was twitching and definitely not getting the memo, even with my deep breathing. It was the last thing I needed either of the two people in the room to notice and I willed myself to calm down as he continued his exam.

"Everything sounds great. I'll book you to come in for some additional tests just to check the cardiac output and activity, but I'm pleased to say everything is looking great at the moment. I'll do a follow-up once I have the results back," Dr St. James announced as I sat myself up and dangled my legs off the edge of the couch as I started to put my shirt back on and watched his tight ass as he pulled the curtain back for Nurse Lovett and then walked out himself.

I stared at the curtain as my nimble fingers worked away letting his words wash over me. I was fine. I was healthy. My heart was in perfect shape.

So, why did I want to scream back at him to double check I was fine as the stabbing and clenching of my heart made me think I was broken and damaged all over again…