Chapter Ten

T he devil! How on earth had that outrageous question popped out of his mouth? It must have been the worrisome knowledge that they were running out of one precious commodity he could not replace. Andrew Marvell’s “winged chariot” of time was soaring without slowing.

And just like the narrator in that famed poem, Adam hoped Mrs. Malcolm would set aside her inhibitions and let him tup her.

Certainly, the more he thought about never seeing Alice again, the more he wanted to hold on to her with both hands. But binding her to him in matrimony was out of the question. She was meant for a Mr. Malcolm type of man, except loyal and kind and not a cheating bastard. A man who wore a beige coat made of cheap kersey, who went to work at a mercantile or, if very fortunate, at a bank. She would give him children, which she would raise to be smart like herself, and stay at home to keep house, maybe hiring a woman to do the laundry.

If Alice could cook, which he didn’t know, perhaps she would have a nice dinner on the table when her husband came home, needing his feet rubbed.

Ugh! The whole thing, while he knew it went on in hundreds of thousands of households across Great Britain, seemed a mean life for a dazzling woman who had the quality and fineness to take her place in any salon in Mayfair or Paris.

Yet Adam could hardly imagine the uproar in London if he returned with Alice on his arm, dressed her up like a lady, and then people found out her true identity.

Luckily, she seemed to have realized the ridiculousness of his proposal even before he did, and he wasn’t forced to retract it.

“Kiss me again,” Alice demanded, which was better than her storming off in a fit of pique because an eager nobleman had asked her to marry him and then instantly changed his mind, regretting it.

In any case, he had no problem complying with her request. His arms went around her, and she plastered herself against him. He let her feel his desire, and she didn’t recoil. She crushed her breasts to his chest and held on while he ravaged her mouth.

It was not the perfect end to an evening. The perfect ending would have been if she’d allowed him to take her back to his grandparents’ townhouse on the west end of the Royal Crescent.

Adam rattled around with the most minimal of staff inside the five floors, not that he ever went into the large cellar or the spacious attic rooms. He would have dearly loved to slip Alice inside and up to his bed.

Still, it was as close to bliss as he was going to get that night.

Having weathered the ill-advised proposal, he decided to think with his head before he spoke. He tried. He focused on the path in front of their horses or the view from a bridge in the park, the divine music of an orchestra or the tragedy of a well-performed play.

Yet oddly, nearly every time they were together, Adam could imagine asking her again if she would become his wife. There was always a single moment in which he had to struggle not to let his heart speak.

He was certain she knew he was falling in love with her. For every time he wanted to tell her of the dreadful battle raging inside him, between what was proper and what he wished could happen if the situation permitted, she asked him to kiss her once more, thereby thoroughly distracting him.

“Please,” he asked one Sunday after they’d been to the Theatre Royal, the luxuriously red-and-gold appointed venue in the middle of Bath. “It’s one of the most sought-after tickets.”

Adam had arranged entrance to a ball at the deceased William Beckford’s former residence, the Lansdown Estate. Reputedly one of the wealthiest commoners in Britain, the novelist and art collector had donated his land and residence to the Methodist Kingswood School. With the grand opening of the exclusive preparatory school, a festive evening was expected in the large common rooms of the main building. Everyone in the upper echelon of Bath society wanted to attend.

Being an earl’s son had some benefits, and tickets became instantly available at his asking. However, when Adam surprised Mrs. Malcolm with them, it was he who was surprised when she flatly denied him.

“I do not wish to go to a ball,” she said. “Not any. Never.”

“I know you can dance and even enjoy doing so,” he argued. “Don’t tell me you’re still smarting over the incident with that silly shawl.”

“I have told you before that I have no interest in fancy dinner parties or dances.” She crossed her arms over her beautiful breasts, which he could easily imagine worshiping with hands, lips, tongue, and teeth.

“Fine!” he said, feeling tweaguey. “Either agree to run away with me to deepest, darkest Peru or dance with me at this ball. One or the other. Those are your only two choices.”

“You are absurd,” she said, but there was laughter in her voice.

“I tell you, Mrs. Malcolm, I am not going to take no. Wear that burgundy gown and come to a single dance with me.”

When she hesitated, he gave her a look his mother used to say would melt butter and make one think they’d swallowed sugar at the same time. With his blue eyes held open wide and his lower lip pulled up into a pout, he hadn’t used the expression since he was a youth trying to get an extra helping of vanilla sponge cake.

It had worked then. It worked now, too.

Alice put a hand to her chest. “Oh! Very well. I shall come to the dance if you make me a promise.”

“You have made me extremely happy,” he told her, wondering if he should use the look again to get her to go to bed with him or if that would be pressing his luck too far.

“Will you promise not to try to maneuver me back to the Royal Crescent again?”

She was on to him. His heart sank for he could not make such a promise.

“Ever?” he asked, starting to make his meltingly sweet face again.

“At least for the duration of the ball,” she said.

“I can promise that,” he agreed, thrilled to think of having her in his arms again even for a waltz.

And she did wear the dress, but nearly spoiled it with a lace fichu across the décolletage, hiding her splendid cleavage. What a marplot!

The Kingswood School was decorated with everything that school boys would never need nor even be allowed to see, solely for the sake of Bath’s elite and for those down from London for the event. Lanterns covered the grounds around the massive residence, summer flowers filled vases, and the aroma of fine food filled the air. The tickets had been absurdly expensive to raise money and to make certain only one class of people would be in attendance. And these party-goers expected the best of everything.

“I see friends from London and as far away as Edinburgh.”

As if overwhelmed, Mrs. Malcolm said nothing, head down, her gaze upon the floor. She seemed smaller and shrunken as if she might vanish entirely.

“You are the loveliest woman here,” Adam vowed, hoping to quell her nervousness.

Her head shot up, and she looked at him, nodded, and regained some of her usual spirit.

Keeping her arm safely tucked under his so as not to lose her in the throng, they made their way through people who were eager to see whether the Queen and Prince Albert had come as they were rumored to do. He didn’t care as much about royalty as dancing with Alice. The crowds made it difficult to get through the entrance chamber and into the school’s common room turned into a ballroom.

As soon as the next piece began, however, they were on the dance floor.

Alice wished she had never agreed to attend. She was nearly certain she recognized people from her old life, although no one whose name she knew. It had been many weeks since the dance she had chaperoned, weeks since she’d had the pleasure of being in Adam’s arms, except for a few precious kisses that left her breathless and light-headed.

She’d given in to him, donning her only ballgown, because of her intense desire to dance with him again. However, with the crowd of Londoners attending, she knew this was a mistake. As they crossed the polished floor, she wished she could disappear beneath it.

After ten minutes without incident — no one had called her name — she relaxed slightly. Because of the rarity of this treat, determined never to put herself in this perilous situation again, Alice decided to make the most of the music and dance every dance.

“I shall take no other partner all night,” Adam vowed during their first waltz. “After all, who is to stop us from enjoying only one another?”

“No one, I suppose,” she agreed. Although she wondered if they would draw unnecessary attention by doing so. But in such a crowd, perhaps no one would notice. Thus, they didn’t vacate the dance floor after the piece ended, but continued on to the next one.

“Your eyes are sparkling like gems,” he said.

Alice smiled. This was the best night of her life, without doubt. In the warmth of the room, his cologne tickled her senses, making her long to give in and go with him to his home. She could learn if his promises of bliss were true or some wild fantasy he’d made up.

After an hour, they needed a respite.

“At this ball,” Adam predicted, “there will be faultlessly chilled champagne, even if ice had to be carted from the North Pole itself.”

In what would become the students’ dining hall, they found every manner of refreshment. Not only the aforementioned beverage but little pastries, trays of fruits and cheeses, and thinly sliced bread, morsels intended to satisfy the partygoers until the late-night supper.

“There’s a good view of the gardens from the far end,” their server informed them, nodding toward the double doors opposite.

With glass in hand, they carved a path through the other guests seeking claret, lemonade, or the champagne Alice and Adam now sipped while traversing the long room toward the back. Double doors of clear panes showed an estate lit with a hundred lanterns.

“A romantic place, don’t you think?” he asked.

“It is,” she agreed, not remembering the last time she had felt this happy. “Rather at odds for a preparatory school.”

“Maybe we should go outside and enjoy more than just a view,” Adam suggested.

Side by side, they peered out. She knew it would result in another astonishing kiss. Thus, she nodded.

Out upon the terrace, Alice considered how far into the garden she would go with Adam, both figuratively and literally as they surveyed the expansive lawn, hedges, and playing fields.

“We won’t go too far,” he said, and she wondered at his meaning. In any case, they strolled down one path away from the main building, and eventually stopped beside an ancient stone wall.

He raised his glass of champagne. “To your health, Mrs. Malcolm.”

She raised it, too, seeing his expression had grown quite serious.

“What are you thinking?” she asked, looking at him over her glass as she sipped.

“That we are meant to be together.”

She rolled her eyes. “You said you wouldn’t try to entice me back to the Royal Crescent tonight.”

“I am not,” he vowed. Then his face broke out into his usual wickedly handsome grin. “I wouldn’t stop you if you agreed, of course. But I meant something else entirely. I meant I am of the firm opinion that we ought to be together permanently .”

A small gasp escaped her, but he rushed on.

“Let us make this courtship a real one. We have Lord Beasley’s blessing, but I know you fear for your position as his family’s governess. Thus, I am telling you that in the long run, it will not be an issue.”

Alice knew Adam meant she would not need employment in the future because his ultimate goal was marriage. It was a headstrong young man’s fancy.

She shook her head. “We have kept company barely two months,” she stalled. And then Alice lied to him. “You cannot have formed that strong of an attachment.”

For her part, she was entirely taken with him. Her heart was filled with thoughts of Adam during the day and dreams of him at night. Always, there was the anticipation of heartbreaking sadness when he finally left. But she had to convince him he was dealing with unrealistic fantasy. “The courtship would be longer than your time in Bath.”

“I was rather hoping you had formed an equal attachment,” he said. “After all, we have spent many more hours than I did with Lady Susanne. Yet with those fleeting encounters I had with her, a concert, a few minutes in the drawing room, and a single ball, no one would have raised an eyebrow had I said I’d fallen desperately in love and wished to become engaged to her. That is how these things are done amongst my class.”

She breathed deeply, staring at him. She had to make him understand. For her, there was no going back to London, not while Gerald Fairclough still threatened her freedom and her finances. Debtor’s prison was almost preferable to the alarming way he’d accused her of murdering his brother, with no way for Alice to prove she hadn’t. After all, she had been there when Richard died, so close she’d seen her husband’s nasty final moments.

“You truly do not know me, nor I you,” she warned him.

Adam tapped her glass with his, then drank the last of it down. “Everything I do know, I love. And I shall endeavor to make you feel the same.”

Alice squeezed her eyes closed a moment. Her earlier actions and decisions had shadowed her right up to that instant, making the future she wanted a hopeless whim. When she opened them, she had to tell him once more how impossible was his pursuit of her.

“You are heir to an earldom. That much I already know. The only son of a powerful family. I am not suitable for you in any manner, neither my widowed status, my age, nor my current position as a governess. Your parents will put a stop to our mutual admiration as soon as they learn of it.”

“Is that what worries you?” Adam’s face brightened. “I can assure you Lord and Lady Diamond are kind people. Open-minded and open-hearted. They would never interfere with my private matters of the heart. Besides, I have my own townhouse in London and have lived separately from them for the past three years.”

If he thought that would smooth things over, he was wrong. A powerful earl such as his father could make many things happen to his liking.

“That will make no difference. I know your world,” she said carefully.

“Do you?” He smiled indulgently, thinking she did not.

After all, how could a governess understand the ton ?

“ I barely understand them,” he said, “and I have grown up with their strict rules and somewhat peculiar manners.”

“I know of what I speak,” she insisted. Yet what could she say about her experience without giving away her past? “When I was in London, I was in the household of more than one family. Bitter, strident, judgmental people, each and every one.”

“Gracious!” he said. “You were a governess for the wrong families, I warrant.”

“I was involved with the wrong people, to be sure, but I believe in this case, when an earldom is at stake, I will not be welcomed as your blushing bride.”

“How can I convince you otherwise?” he asked.

Her laugh was mirthless. Having to convince him of her unsuitability was painful. She turned away from his dear face and started to walk back the way they had come, despite knowing it would prevent her receiving another of his kisses.

As he fell into step beside her, she asked, “How many heirs marry women who are not virginal young ladies, recently presented at court? How many marry widows? Can you name even one?”

Adam hesitated, probably casting his thoughts to the people he knew.

“Strangely, I cannot come up with a single marriage as you describe. But that matters not in the least.”

She wanted to stamp her foot with frustration. “It does, my lord. More so if the female has a history. And mine is all wrong and unacceptable.”

“I have thought much about this,” Adam insisted. “Indeed, I have fought my own innate prejudice about taking a governess as my wife. Selfishly, I wanted to make you my mistress and nothing more, but that’s no longer enough for me. Besides, no one in the ton would know or care about your prior marriage to Mr. Malcolm.”

“If they did know, they would care. You are fully aware of that. It is why you fought against your saner, more reasonable self.”

Eventually, she might have to tell him more — how she’d been thoughtless and reckless, bringing the curse of a marriage to Richard upon her own head and the ramifications upon her family. If he pressed her, she would make him understand that her being a governess was the least of her worries.

“I appreciate what you have told me of your parents. But I maintain that apart from attending a few events in Bath, there can be nothing more between us. Please, Adam, let go your romantic notion,” she begged, taking the steps to the terrace.

“Lady Fairclough?” said a female voice at the top of the steps.

With her blood instantly thick from fear and her skin clammy, Alice forced herself not to turn, flinch, or make any sign of recognition.

Adam, however, looked in the speaker’s direction.

“I believe this lady is addressing you,” he said.

Alice glanced sideways at him, hoping the stranger would go away when she ignored her.

“Lady Fairclough, is it you?” the voice persisted.

Adam hesitated. Alice turned at last, keeping her face placid. Staring at the woman, Alice frowned as if she had no idea who she was or why she was speaking to her. In truth, she recognized her as a ballroom acquaintance from years earlier who might have been an old friend of her late husband, too.

“I am sorry, you are mistaken,” Alice said firmly and continued past.

As they re-entered the Kingswood School’s main hall, she held her breath for a moment or two, stiff with worry the woman would call out after her. Heads would turn, others might know her name and know her, as well.

When nothing happened, Alice released a sigh of relief. If Adam wasn’t holding her arm, she might fall to the polished wood floor from the rush of terror that had surged through her, leaving her shattered and exhausted as it dissipated. Just like that, the best night had become the worst.

“What was that about?” Adam asked.

“I know not,” Alice said, her voice weedy, but then she tried to make a joke. “Someone in need of spectacles, apparently.”

“Indeed.” He set his glass down and hers, too. Ignoring their unfinished conversation, he asked, “Shall we dance?”

She knew him well enough — he was postponing the discussion of marriage until he had her alone in his carriage. Strange to be back in a life of champagne, festive ballrooms, and persuasive, titled men.

How had she let this happen?

Of late, Alice had detected an unwelcome restlessness during the long hours she spent playing her part with her Beasley pupils. Where before she had accepted the tedium of a dull, chaste life, Adam had awakened in her the desire for a richer existence.

Having grown up with parties and concerts, a library at her disposal, scintillating conversation across many a dinner table, and dashing, sparkle-eyed suitors after being presented at court in the Queen’s Drawing Room, Alice had given it all up. A governess enjoyed none of that. And in exchange, she had stopped worrying, stopped looking over her shoulder.

Now, thinking she should tell him her head ached and leave immediately, she was desperately clinging to that boring, lonely, secure life.

The alternative was too frightening, represented by a stranger outside who’d called her name.

But Alice didn’t claim a megrim, and they didn’t leave. When she allowed him to take her again upon the dance floor, she soon spotted another familiar face from London — an acquaintance who would probably also yell out “Lady Fairclough, where have you been?” if she were noticed. It signified the end of her time in Bath.

“I am ready to go home,” she said.

Alice would have to do something drastic. Even before that evening, he had mentioned her moving to London after he left. For he had been clear in his determination to make her his lover, while she was equally determined not to give in.

Tonight, Adam had asked her in earnestness to become his wife. Tears pricked her eyes again as they exited the grand hall. If she told him the truth, he would feel duped and possibly hate her. If she didn’t tell him, he would not allow her to slip back into her secluded world, despite her professing her absolute delight at being a governess for the rest of her days — an outright lie.

Worst of all, Alice couldn’t resume her easy-going enjoyment until the Autumn. For if she continued this dangerous game of going into society, dressed as though she were still a member of Mayfair’s upper echelon, her ruse would be revealed. Eventually, another person would say her real name in Adam’s presence.

The horrible past and everything she had lost would be on display for anyone to pick over, like a falcon with a rabbit in its claws. She could not face such humiliation once more. Worse, if her brother-in-law found her, she would be dragged back to London, possibly in chains.

“Is anything amiss?” Adam asked when the music ended.

Possibly everything, Alice thought, unable to shake the feeling of dread.

“No, not at all.” Only that she was already planning her escape, something she had known might be necessary when she agreed to let him escort her around town. Having loved every minute of his company, she would pack the memories in her trunk along with her belongings when she fled Bath.

He squeezed her arm.

“You are awfully quiet.”

“A little tired is all.” In fact, each time they went out, she felt the wearying strain of living a lie. And tonight, her worst fears had materialized, draining her of any joy.

Within minutes, they were in a horse-drawn fly heading back to the Beasleys’ residence. Finally, in the seclusion of the small two-seater cab with the driver in front of them, he turned her face toward his with a finger upon her chin and seared her mouth with his own.

When his lips touched hers and she slid her arms up and around his neck, holding on to him, sorrow slithered through her. When he tilted his head and his strong hands roamed her, his palm coming to rest on her breast, she wanted to weep for missing out on this man for the rest of her life.

“You smell divine,” he murmured against her mouth.

“As do you,” she returned. He always did, and she would remember his scent for the rest of her days.

He nibbled down her neck, and her body responded, thrumming and throbbing with need. In the morning, she would wish, as she always did after denying them both, that they were actually a couple.

If only Adam Diamond could truly be hers to love.

All she had wished for was to enjoy the small Season with him before he returned home. It was becoming clear her wish could not come true.

She had allowed her heart’s desire to risk the new life she’d made for herself.

It had been worth it!