Chapter 2

2

Perrie – Age Sixteen

"Today, we say goodbye to not only a loving father, but also a great man who took kids off the street and gave them a purpose," Hammer, the president of the Huntsmen MC, says as he stands behind the podium.

The small crematorium is packed, people even standing at the back, while I sit next to my big sister in the front row, all while my mother clings to Cass’s hand instead of mine, which I'm glad for because, after last night when she admitted she didn't want me near her because I looked too much like my father, I've distanced myself from her.

"His girls were his main priority," Hammer continues while I stare ahead, not seeing anything.

Ollie sits next to me, holding my hand while his brother Elijah sits on his other side, yet all I can think is, “Why cremation?”

I just don't get why he didn't want to be buried so that Cass and I could visit when we needed his advice.

A tear trails down my cheek, but I ignore it as my mother's hard sobs echo in my ear as she leans on her eldest daughter.

Shouldn't she be allowing us to lean on her?

"From encouraging Cassidy to attend medical school, ensuring her dreams come true, to teaching Perrie how to fight in the ring but threatening to hurt anyone who hurt her…." Everyone chuckles, but I don't react, causing Ollie to squeeze my hand. "He was a good man who adored his girls and did everything for them, and speaking for myself, I know he will leave a big hole in their hearts, in everyone’s hearts."

I hear Cass let out a sob before an arm comes between them. Steal’s cross tattoo comes into view as he wraps his arm around my sister, holding her.

Mom wasn't happy when she found out about them, but Dad—yeah, he was thrilled knowing his eldest would always be looked after.

It turns out he had poker night with Hammer and a few of the MC brothers once a month since they attended school together, yet none of us had any idea.

Hammer sighs, and I look at him to see his eyes on me, concerned, before they slide to Cass as he concludes, "He didn't want to leave his girls, and we all know he would do anything to be here with them, to stop their hurting, but know this: he will always be with them in spirit, in their hearts, and I make a promise to my old friend, they’ll always have me and the MC to fall back on."

More tears fall, but I still don't react.

"I'm worried, Ol, she's barely reacted to anything," I hear Eli whisper. Ollie's whispered, "Yeah, I know, I'm worried, too, Eli," in return still doesn’t make me react.

"Dad?" I question with concern and furrow my brows as he grabs his left arm. He gives me a small smile before pain etches his face and he falls to his knees. “Daddy!” I scream and rush to him, shouting, "Someone call 911!"

Sweat beads at his forehead as I bend over him, pressing my two fingers to his neck like Cassidy taught me, his pulse racing before it slows.

"You and your sister…you're my greatest achievements…. I love you," he croaks out before his eyes close, and I can no longer feel his pulse. I scream before starting chest compressions.

"Please, could we all stand as we say our last farewell to John James Halliwell, a beloved figure in the community, a father," the priest says, and Steal leans over to help Cass up as Mom clings to her, but I don't move. Instead, I keep my eyes on the brown casket, a picture of Cass, me, and our dad at the gym last year, grinning, glaring back at me from beside it.

I feel eyes on me, but I still don't move, even as my dad's favorite song, “Sweet Child O’ Mine” by Guns n' Roses, echoes through the speakers.

"She's got a smile. It seems to me

It reminds me of childhood memories

Where everything was as fresh as the bright blue sky…."

I mumble the words, ignoring everything, keeping my eyes on the wooden case holding the urn holding my dad’s ashes as it slowly rolls into the incinerator while the thick, fireproof curtains close.

"She's got the eyes of the bluest skies

As if they thought of rain, I'd hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain…"

My tears fall, but I continue mumbling the words, my father on my mind.

"Come on Pez, sing with your old man!" Dad shouts over the blasting music, and I laugh as my hair goes everywhere from the wind coming in through the open windows.

We're on our way to the Hamptons in his dark blue 1967 Ford Mustang for a day at the beach. Dad found me in my room crying after Mom and Andrea went out to get their nails done. They did not invite me along, and instead of saying anything, he grabbed my hand and brought me to his precious car.

"Whoa oh, oh, sweet child o' mine," he sings off key, and I laugh before singing with him.

"Woah-oh, where do we go now?

No, no, no, no, no

Sweet child

Sweet child of mine."

The song finishes before it starts replaying, and the priest directs the people out of their seats one by one, but I still don't move.

"H-Hammer?" I hear Cass, but I don't look. "Can you take Mom, please?"

There's a pause before Mom passes, crying.

"Ol, can you give us a moment, please?" she asks, but still, my eyes stay glued to the closed curtains as I mumble the words to the song.

I feel Oliver squeeze my hand, and then kiss my head, before he whispers, "I'll be waiting outside, Tinker." Then he's gone.

I feel another kiss on my head, Eli's, "Love you, Pez," hitting my ears before I feel a squeeze to my shoulder and another kiss to my head, and then it's just me and my sister, my best friend.

"Whoa oh, Sweet child o' mine," I mumble, and Cass kneels before me, her fingers gripping my chin, forcing me to look at her instead of the closed curtain.

Her hazel eyes, a little of Mom and Dad, stare back at me, full of grief.

"I know this is-is hard, but I-I need you to focus on me, just for a moment," she whispers, and I nod.

"I met with Dad's lawyer this morning with Mom. She-she wasn't crying in grief, she was-was crying with guilt, Pez," she admits, and I frown in confusion until she says, "Mom had an affair." My mouth parts, my eyes wide, and she nods, wiping my tears."The reason why Andrea is always around, why she latched onto you in school, is because she was hoping our mom would leave our dad for hers because her mom worked too much to spend time with her. Mom broke up her parents' marriage before refusing to leave dad but allowed Andrea round because they bonded after she spent time with her and her dad…." I grit my teeth at her truth, and she winces. "Yeah, Mom's a bitch and so is Andrea. She’s been using you."

I snort, my eyes going to the curtains, and I rasp, "Dad knew?"

She nods, and I look back at her as she states, "He left Mom nothing. All assets have been left to me to sort out between us. Mom is to get nothing; pictures of the affair were in the files, and, thankfully, Dad had Mom sign a prenup when they married, which stated any signs of fidelity, even after death, and she gets nothing." She sniffles. "He left you the Mustang." I shake my head, letting out a sob. She squeezes my hands and admits, "He also left you the gym, Pez. Mom tried to take the keys from the lawyer, but I grabbed them. It's yours, Perrie…."

"I-I don't want it," I cry, squeezing my eyes tight, not able to deal with this.

"Look at me," she whispers, and I shake my head. She squeezes my hands, and begs, "Please, Perrie, look at me." I do as asked, and she gives me a sad smile. "That gym was Dad's pride and joy, one you helped keep afloat without him knowing." She takes a deep breath. "Perrie, the safe still has 20% of the money you gave him, claiming to be sponsors. He paid the mortgage off on the property, and then the house with the rest, without anyone knowing. Don't waste his memory, please. This is his last wish; we don't need to tell anyone. The gym can stay closed until you are ready. Please…."

I sob but nod, and she continues, "He left the house to us both as well, and he's paid off my tuition, which I'm guessing I can thank you for…."

I cry, and she leans forward, taking me in her arms, and I fall apart, holding her close.

I don't want the house, the gym, or even his car; I want him.

I want my dad….

A few hours later I’m sitting in the ring, my feet dangling over the edge as I look around the room, gently humming “Sweet Child O’ Mine.”

I used to love this place, but now, all I can see is my father's dead body….

A few tears fall, and I wipe them away as the door opens, and I lock eyes with the ones I've fallen in love with.

Ollie, my best friend, my sparring partner, and the guy who has taken my heart without realizing it, gives me a sad smile and walks over. He kisses my head before sitting next to me, and I place my head on his shoulder, his hand going to my thigh.

"It's going to be okay, Tinker," he promises, and more tears fall, landing on his prospect cut.

He'll be an amazing brother.

"Why Tinker?" I ask.

He started calling me Tinker last year, and I'm not sure why.

He hums and admits, "Because you're small like Tinkerbell, but also because you tinker with things like your dad's car…." I snort and move to look at him. Gently, he pushes my hair out of my face, and says, "I hate seeing you cry, Tinker."

I whisper, "Sorry,” making him smile a little.

Dad's gone, my hero is gone, and now, I just feel so alone, except when I'm in Ollie's embrace. My eyes drift to his, and not caring about anything, just needing to forget, I lean forward and press my lips against his, giving him my first kiss.

For a moment, he stills, not moving, and just when I hope he'll kiss me back, he tenses before pulling back. Shame hits me hard at the look of disbelief in his eyes before he says, "Perrie, I-I, you're my friend, and I like you, but I-I…."

I swallow hard at his stutter and shake my head, mumbling, "I shouldn't have done that; let's just forget it," before I quickly jump off the ring, and rush out the door. Ollie shouts for me to come back, but I don't. Instead, I run from my heartbreak, and I don't stop until I'm twelve blocks from the gym and standing outside of a building where I promised Cass I’d not go. The fight.

I promised Cassidy I wouldn't do this anymore right before Dad died, but I need an outlet, and the fact it makes me thousands is just a bonus.

Trying to ignore my guilt at breaking my promise, I open the door and head inside, ready to forget everything.