Chapter 22
22
Perrie
Rain dances on the window, and I blink, trying to focus on it. The sky is pitch black, and only the moonlight filters through the window.
Last I remember, I way laying on Ollie’s chest after Cass helped me shower, and stitched up my head. I woke up about half an hour ago, alone in a quiet house.
The rain pours, the noise soothing me as my mind tries to play catch up.
I was kidnapped. They were going to rape me, and yet, I don’t feel traumatized as I had with the Aldo brothers. All I feel is anger. I should have killed that man when I had the chance. He hurt Ollie, he hurt Eli….
It doesn’t matter what happened between Ollie and me, the pain, the lies, and the confusion; he’s still my best friend, and he was hurt for years by someone who should have protected him.
Tears fall again as each scar on Ollie’s back flashes in my mind, the large ones, the small ones—so many scars…. Over the years we sparred, and he never took his shirt off, and now I know why.
I should have killed that man. And Coby, that psycho….
I hear a bike then spy a light shining in the distance from the floor to ceiling windows, and everything in me relaxes.
He’s back….
It’s not lost on me that he has a hold on my body and my mind; I just wish there wasn’t so much pain between us.
After the rumble of the bike goes quiet, I hear the front door open and close a few minutes later, then a rustling before the stairs creak, but I don’t move. Instead, I keep my eyes on the window, watching the rain.
I know I should go home, but I just want a little time with him before reality hits tomorrow, and I have to go find Andrea, and distance myself from him again.
It won’t stop my heart from breaking, though, will it?
I hear footsteps outside the door before it opens slowly. I don’t move, even as I hear rustling, before the sheets are moved, and the bed dips.
Ollie presses his body up close against mine, his cold skin sending shivers down my spine as he slowly puts his arm beneath my head, his left arm around my waist, and his face into the crook of my neck.
“I know you're awake,” he whispers after about five minutes of listening to the rain. “You love the rain; it soothes you….”
I half smile. “You remembered.”
He hums, his arm tightening around me, before saying, “Of course, I did, just like how I remember that spiders scare you, and how, when you’re lying, you twist your ring, and that you cannot stand cherries but love cherry smoothies….”
“You remember a lot, huh?” I surmise, and he hums again.
“When it comes to you, Tinker, I remember everything,” he whispers, gently pressing his lips against my skin.
“Is he dead?” I ask. He nods, and I ask, “Including Coby?” He nods again. I relax into him, my back pressed against his chest, and I can feel every hard inch of his body against me.
I know I shouldn’t be happy, but that’s two fewer evils in the world.
“What about Coby’s job?” I ask, trying to hide my fear that this will come back on Ollie and the club.
“Over $40,000 was transferred from the law firm accounts into his, then transferred again three more times before being placed in several different charities. Prospects are on their way to make it look like he’s run off. It turns out the fucker was looking after The Killers; Piston’s managed to implicate them as well.”
I nod, my heart calming, and the fear diminishes.
“I’m proud of you, Perrie,” he says after a few moments of silence. “He took you after failing to take Natalie, knowing what you mean to me, and instead of cowering, you fought.”
I shrug and murmur, “I had the three best teachers a girl could ask for growing up. You, Dad, and Piston, you all taught me to be strong, to fight.”
His grip tightens around my waist.
“I love you, Perrie,” he rasps against my skin, and my tears fall. “I love you so much, I always have, but I knew you deserved better than me. I knew you deserved to have the best life.”
I swallow, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat, and ask, “And that couldn’t be with you?”
Ollie moves even closer, ensuring no gap is between us, and he admits, “No, I didn’t think it could be. I’d bring you down, dirty you up. I’m broken, Tinker; I have been for a very long time. Do you remember that angry boy in the ring when we first met? He hasn’t gone; he’s still deep inside me, and most days, I struggle to breathe.”
Tears drip off my nose at his words, and I ask, “Why?” as a horrible feeling drops into the pit of my stomach.
Ollie kisses my neck, his hold on me so tight, like he never wants to let me go, contradicting his words.
“Because from the age of eleven to fifteen, my father pimped me out to pay off his debts.” My body freezes in shock at his admission, my eyes wide as tears fall. He continues, “After I finally got big enough to fight back, I became his drug mule and thief just to ensure he didn’t put Piston through what he did to me.” My breathing sharpens with each word he speaks. “I was forced to fuck fifty-four people while being held down, or forced to move by wretched body by men who would threaten to fuck my ass if I didn’t pleasure the women.”
I feel his body shake, and I let out a sob as he says, “I tracked down and killed fifty-two of the people who raped me when I was a child.”
Oh God…that’s why he left me on the counter….
“I love you, Perrie, but when I finally had you, I went from feeling at home to feeling sick because I dirtied you up, put my filth on you, and I couldn’t live with it,” he admits in a whisper. “You deserve so much more than me, but the thought of not having you in my life makes it hard to breathe, and the thought of seeing you move on makes me want to fucking run and never come back.”
My body shakes with my silent sobs at his admittance.
Ollie takes a deep breath against my skin before he croaks, “I’m leaving, Tinker….”
My breath stutters, my stomach sinks as my heart breaks, and I quickly turn in his arms, my hands going to his chiseled jaw as our eyes connect.
More tears fall, and I plead, “Please, don’t leave me….”
He tightens his hold on me, his eyes sad, and he admits, “I have to, sweetheart.”
I shake my head, grip his jaw tighter, and beg, “No, please, Ollie. I can’t live without you. Don’t leave me, please….”
He drops his forehead against mine. “I have to,” he repeats, and I squeeze my eyes tight as I sob. “I love you Perrie, but I have to do this. I need help, Tinker.” He gently kisses me, and I look at him. “I’m going to a facility that may be able to help me. I have nightmares, sweetheart. I wake up in a sweat every night. I have flashbacks, that shit with Andrea made things so much fucking worse.” He cups my cheek. “I want a life with you, Perrie, I always have, but while my past is still in my present, then we can’t have a future.”
Tears trail my cheeks, and I ask, “And if you can’t come to terms with your past?”
He licks his bottom lip before admitting, “Then I won’t be returning to New York.”
I sob, my heart breaking at the thought of not seeing him again, and he quickly presses his lips against mine, and without thinking, only reacting, I open my mouth instantly, allowing access for his tongue. He kisses me long and hard, full of love, and I grip his hair. He moans and moves us so I’m beneath him, and instead of panicking, I wrap my legs around his waist, deepening the kiss.
His taste and touch set my body on fire, burning for more.
Ollie gently slides up my shirt to just above my waist, his fingers going between my legs. He groans when he realizes I don’t have any panties on, and that I am wet, something that rarely ever happens. It’s him; it’s what he always does to me.
He moves, unzipping his pants, and placing his cock head at my entrance. Slowly, he pushes in, and I gasp into his mouth as he stretches me, and instead of panicking, instead of tensing, knowing he hasn’t got a condom on, I moan and tighten my legs around his waist as he bottoms out.
Gently, Ollie runs his fingers up my arms, causing me to let go of his jaw and hair, before linking our fingers beside my head, and making love to me. His thrusts are slow but hard, his hips tilted, ensuring to hit the spot deep inside that makes my stomach tighten, my walls flutter, and I moan.
His grip on my hands tightens as our kiss heats up and his hips thrust harder.
My stomach tightens, and my breathing picks up as he breaks the kiss and places his forehead against mine, our gazes connecting.
“Come for me, Tinker,” he rasps, his breath mingling with mine, and just as I’m about to tell him I can’t, that I never have before, pleasure like no other consumes me, and I gasp as wetness spills between us.
Ollie groans, thrusting one, two, three more times before pushing deep inside me, stilling, and for the first time, panic doesn’t hit; instead, I tighten my legs around him, and press my lips against his as his member pulses inside me, filling me with his cum.
Ollie moans, tangling his tongue with mine, and instead of unlinking our fingers and rolling off me, he moves his hips again, his member still semi-hard, getting ready for rounds two, three, and four….
My Tinker,
I didn’t want to wake you, didn’t want to say goodbye because I knew I’d just say fuck it and stay after last night, but I knew I couldn’t.
I love you, Perrie, but we both know I need to do this. Last night meant everything, sweetheart, and it made me realize that I can’t live without you. I’m going to work hard to get my past out in the open and finally deal with it.
I won’t allow Aiden to take you from me.
I know we're both hurting, but that’s because we’ve both been through so much, and instead of fighting on our own, I want us to fight together to have a future. I want you to wear my cut on your back, and my ring on your finger.
I want it all with you, Tinker. You’re my best friend, my heart.
Write to me. Tell me your feelings, and I’ll tell you about my past so you can understand why I pulled back from you that day in the gym, when I only wanted to hold you close and never let you go.
Don’t let your fear and trauma take away what we have. Fight for me, Perrie because I’m fighting for you.
I love you, my Tinker.
Forever Yours.
XX
Slowly, I place the letter on the glass coffee table and wipe the fallen tears. I’d woken this morning to an empty bed and the letter on the pillow, along with the shirt he wore yesterday.
He’s gone.
Sobs climb up my throat, loneliness kicking in now he’s gone.
I thought I could handle not having him in my life. All those years, I convinced myself we could never be after I was raped, not realizing he was going through the same, that he went through worse, but I was still seeing him, still hearing his voice, and now he’s gone. I feel like I can’t breathe….
“Perrie?” I hear behind me from where I’m sitting on Acid’s dark brown leather couch, wearing his shirt. I shake my head, the sob tearing out of me as my body trembles.
“Fuck,” Steal curses and rushes around the couch, kneeling before me as he grips my cold hands. “Darling, how long have you been sitting here?” he asks.
I struggle for breath as I stutter, “A-an hour o-or t-two.” He curses again and sits next to me, pulling me into him as he wraps his arm around me, and I cry, “He-he was raped, h-hurt, and-and now he-he’s gone….”
Oh God, he was raped, abused….
Steal’s hold tightens on me, and he promises, “He’ll be back, Pez. He loves you so much he’s gone to get the help he needs, and he’ll be back for you. I know you hate me for what happened with Cass, but I will be here for you, day and night; you won’t be alone.”
My body shakes as I cry, gripping Steal's shirt, wishing Ollie was still here, and that he didn’t have the life that he had forced upon him.
I wish I had held on tight to him at sixteen instead of pulling back. Maybe things would be different now, and he’d be mine.