Chapter 9

9

Acid

I rev my bike and maneuver it in front of the club van, Adam driving while Killian sits beside him.

Steal takes the passenger side, Cannon take’s the driver’s side, while Piston rides behind as we guide the prospects off the exit, heading to Wincher to meet with the Rebels.

I wasn’t supposed to be on this trip, but Steal took one look at me in the ring last night, my knuckles bloody, and demanded I sort my shit out, ready to leave first thing.

I didn’t argue.

I fucking tainted her, the most precious person in my life, and I tainted her with my fucking filth.

All those women, the men that held me down, Aiden, I tainted her with their touch….

Bile rises for what seems like the hundredth time, and I try to ignore it as I pull up outside the welcome sign, Anchor, the Rebel’s Road Captain, who, yes, has the same road name as our VP, which can be confusing as fuck sometimes, gives me a nod as I pull up next to him.

He raises a dark brow at me. “I didn’t realize you were coming today.”

I sigh, about to come up with some bullshit, but Piston opens his mouth, “He fucked Perrie.”

Son of a?—

I drop my head as Cannon and Steal walk over, hearing my brother's words as Anchor confirms, “His best friend?” while I try and figure out how in the fuck he knows until it hits.

The fucking cameras….

Piston answers Anchor, “Yeah,” before he shocks the shit out of all of us when he announces, “I had to get her out of jail last night.”

I turn and look at him and demand, “Say that a-fucking-gain!”

He chuckles, running a hand through his dark blonde hair, his dark green eyes locking with mine. "She called Nat. I answered, concerned about the unknown number. She got picked up for speeding. 120.”

My mouth parts as Steal chokes, “Well, that’s one way to try and run from heartbreak.”

I flinch.

I never should have touched her…she deserves better than me….

“Fuck,” I rasp, and Piston gives me a sympathetic smile and says, “She was okay. Natalie drove the Mustang back to the apartment while I came to the club. They had a girlie night with Aurora, though I don’t think she’ll be telling them anything, just wanting a distraction.”

I breathe deeply, trying to ignore the bile wanting to come up yet again.

Anchor tilts his head. “Do you love her? Like she would be wearing your cut if it weren’t for your past?” he asks, and I nod, knowing there’s no point lying. He sighs. “I can’t tell you what to do, and neither can your prez, where she is concerned, but you need to decide whether your love is something that can help you overcome your demons, or whether it’s strong enough to let her go and see her move on with someone else.”

I swallow hard but nod at his words, knowing he’s right.

I either get help to slay my demons, or I let her go, allow someone to make her theirs, and watch her fall in love, losing her from my life….

Fuck.

A Week Later

I nod to Cam and accept the scotch before taking a big sip.

I haven’t seen or spoken to Perrie since that day in the diner. Instead, I’ve spent all my time in the ring in the basement with Piston, trying to get my head straight, while he fights his own demons—both our demons wearing the same face, Aiden’s.

Most brothers think I’m overthinking shit and that she’ll understand the abuse we endured, but they don’t know how far my abuse went, what I was forced to do.

They don’t know how fucking dirty I am.

I sigh, running a hand through my hair; Anchor’s words have echoed in my head all week, and as much as I’d love to fight for her, to seek help for my problems, I just fucking can’t.

What I went through haunts me, and the thought of her knowing, of feeling disgusted and dirty, of seeing her look at me differently—I can’t, not after years of her looking at me like I’m her hero.

I know that seems cowardly, but my past, it’s my ruination.

I need to let her go. I need her to hate me so that what happened last week doesn’t happen again.

But if she hates you, she’ll want nothing to do with you , a voice whispers in the back of my head and, suddenly, I feel like I can’t breathe.

Fuck.

I take a bigger sip of my scotch, enjoying the burning sensation while ignoring the party going on behind me before someone sits down next to me.

I hear a sniffle and silently groan because I really can’t be fucking bothered with drama tonight.

The woman sniffles again when I don’t look her way, but she does it again. Rolling my eyes, I huff before turning, ready to tell her to fuck off especially when I see it’s Andrea.

I raise a brow at her as she wipes away her tears before I notice her outfit. Instantly, I know she’s about to create some sob story, hoping I’ll fall for it.

Fuck’s sake, she’s putting the clubwhores to shame with the bra and a short skirt, where you can see her dark blue G-string.

A cheer echoes behind me, and I turn to see that despite the party in the background, the game is on. I snort at the five brothers surrounding the TV, ignoring the hang-arounds who’re all sulking.

“Acid…” Andrea hiccups, and I roll my eyes again and turn toward her.

I raise a brow and state, “Whatever bullshit you're about to spill, save it. You’re dressed like a clubwhore, giving them a run for their money, hoping to get my attention because, for some reason, in your fucked up head, you want everything Perrie does. Now, I heard her mom had an affair, and I’m guessing that was with your dad; why else would you always be around her mom? And now you’re trying to take the man she loves, and it’s not going to happen, so do yourself a favor and fuck off.”

Her bright blue eyes harden, and I snort, turning back to my drink.

I know Perrie loves me—that’s a given because I love her, too, but my past, what I went through, and what I did to make sure it didn’t happen to Piston, is consuming, and I won’t allow it to taint her any further, even if I feel like I’m dying inside.

Andrea sniffles, putting the act back on, ignoring my words, and cries, “Perrie, she-she’s barely there for her mom, and she snapped at her. She needs help, Piston. She’s not the same since her dad died.”

I roll my eyes and state, “You mean when she found out her mom strayed from her kind, caring father?” I stand and down my drink before slamming the glass on the bar and looking at her. I furrow my brows at the glint in her eyes before saying, “Turn around and leave. You’re not welcome here, Andrea, and stay the fuck away from Perrie, or you’ll regret it.”

That said, I walk toward the officers’ rooms. I do have a blue two-story house on club land, not that far from Piston’s log house, but I just can’t be bothered to drive home.

I clear my throat as I get to my door. My mouth is suddenly dry, and dizziness overtakes me. I grab hold of the door frame.

Fuck….

I blink several times as I try to get my door open before stumbling inside.

I close the door behind me, not aware that I left it unlocked, and stumble to my bed, my eyes blurry. I remove my cut, placing it on the bedside table—or at least I think I do—and undo my jeans before climbing into bed, the room spinning.

I try to move sideways to grab my phone and call Medic because I think I’ve been fucking drugged, but blackness covers me.

“Come on, Acid, get hard for me, baby,” a whiny voice whispers.

I groan, blinking my eyes, but everything is blurry, dizziness taking me.

Fuck, the room is spinning….

I feel someone tugging on my cock and I try to shove them away before blackness hits me again.

“That’s it, I knew you wanted me,” the voice says again before she snaps, “No, fucking stay hard!”

Bile rises in my throat, and I blink, trying to wake up when I feel a hand move up and down my cock. It doesn’t twitch, and blackness takes hold again, my nightmares taking over, at least, I think they’re nightmares….

“I swear to fucking God, Acid; you will get hard; I fucking mean it. You are mine. I wanted you from the moment I saw you. Perrie didn’t deserve you. She’s a spoiled bitch. Daddy wanted Trudy, I know he did, but she chose Perrie, which means I’ve lost my lavish lifestyle, and now, I’m taking everything from her!”

Nausea hits as I groan, blinking my eyes. My head pounds, my mouth dry.

Fuck me, what happened?

I move to sit up but freeze at the feeling of the body next to mine and slowly look to see a naked sleeping Andrea before I look down and see I’m nude as well, a condom still on my cock.

No, no, no….

What did I do? What the fuck did I do?

My heart pounds and true fear hits for the first time since I was eleven.

Perrie won’t forgive me for this; I’ll lose her completely….

I roll and stumble out of bed before rushing to my bathroom. I lift the lid just in time to vomit. I grip the toilet seat hard and heave until nothing comes out.

“Baby, are you ill?” I hear Andrea near the door.

Fury takes over, and I slowly look at her. She bites her lip, looking at my body, but narrows her eyes at my chest.

I growl, “Get dressed and get the fuck outta my room before I bury you six feet under.”

Her eyes widen in shock. “But-but we-we?—”

I cut her off, “I don’t know what the fuck happened last night, but what I do know is that I told you to fucking leave only to wake with you in my bed. Get out, Andrea, or I will kill you.”

Her face pales as my breathing quickens with fury, and she quickly turns to grab her clothes.

I stay in the bathroom until I hear my door shut, and then walk into the bedroom, my eyes going to the bed and then down to the empty condom on my flaccid dick. Empty condom means I didn’t fucking come.

Nothing is adding up.

I remember her eyes glinting after I drank my drink. I remember telling her to fuck off and getting to my room, feeling sick and dizzy, then nothing.

I squeeze my hands into fists before punching the wall, knowing it doesn’t fucking matter that I don’t remember fucking her because Perrie will never forgive this.

I pull my fist back and hit the wall two more times, feeling my knuckles bleed before going to my shower. I turn the heat as far as it will go, then climb in, scolding my skin.

“Move your hips faster, boy….”

The voice from my past that haunts me echoes in my mind, and I squeeze my eyes tight.

“Get hard, baby…” Andrea whispers.

Fuck, fuck, fuck….

Slowly, I turn and slide down the bathroom wall, allowing the heat to burn me and my bile to rise again.

What the fuck did I do?