33. Chapter 26

I tossed and turned all night and woke up with a foggy head and a heavy heart. I don't want to believe what I saw in Tea Time, but they say a picture is worth a thousand words, right? That picture is definitely telling a story, but is it telling the story that it appears to be? My hand rubs my chest as I head to the kitchen to make some coffee. There is no way I am going out today.

Oh dang! I'm having lunch with Aunt Marie and Uncle Rich. Maybe I'll call them and tell them I'm sick. I mean I am sick, but not sick sick. I blow out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I'm sure they know what happened, and they are not going to let me hide away—just like they didn't when my parents died.

When I pass the kitchen table, I pick up my phone and see a few missed calls and some more texts from Josh. My heart pounds, and my stomach drops. Nausea overtakes me. I want to believe Josh wouldn't do something like this, but I can't get through the fear that is overwhelming me. Everything inside of me is telling me to flee, flee before it hurts more than it does.

I know what grief feels like. For most of my life, I've worked to avoid ever feeling the intense emptiness that consumed me with my parents" deaths by shutting down my emotions before they became too big to handle. It's something I've done with anyone that I could've ever possibly had strong feelings for, unconsciously protecting myself.

But I was never guarded with Josh.

When I moved to Pleasant Hollow for good, my aunt, uncle, Susie, Josh, and their parents were the ones who helped me grieve after my parents died. They were my safe place where I could be me with all my feelings.

They didn't understand, but they just let me process my feelings.

I felt safe with them to feel whatever emotions came up. It was exactly what I needed. Josh and Susie were the perfect duo when it came to making me feel protected. Because of that, my usual self-protection never even batted an eyelash throughout this entire situation with Josh.

He was already on my safe-to-trust list. It was easy to get lost in the feelings and relax, something I've never let myself do with anyone else. And now I remember why.

I take a deep breath, hoping to ease the ache in my chest, and slowly walk to the fridge to grab my coffee creamer. The smell of my favorite coffee is not having its usual effect on me, and I feel numb as I go through the motions. I hear my phone ring, and my heart stops.

I thought I turned off the ringer.

My heart is stuck in my throat and vibrating throughout my entire body as I walk over to look at who's calling. I feel the pressure release as I see Susie's name.

"Hey, Suse." I put the phone on speaker as I walk back over to get my coffee ready. "What's up?"

"What is that noise?"

"Just me adding cream and sugar to my coffee."

"I see," she says in that I know what you're doing voice that I completely ignore. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm not sure how to answer that without caffeine."

"Rough night?" Just then, I hear a knock at my door.

"Hold on, Suse, someone's at my door."

"Remember to look out the window first; it could be a serial killer." I shake my head and laugh at her.

"Can you please stop reading those real-life crime books?" But I do as she says and look out the window first, only to see Susie standing on my porch. I open the door to find her holding out a bag from the bakery on Main Street.

"I thought you could use some comfort food," she says as she walks into the kitchen and puts the bag on the table. "Did you make enough coffee for two?"

I'm still holding the door open, watching her make herself at home, and I feel the pressure in my chest start to loosen. This is exactly how she got around the wall I put up after my parents died. Susie doesn't ask permission to come into your life; she just assumes she can.

She's an ask-for-forgiveness later type of person. In fact, all of the Owens' are. They just have a way about them that makes what could be considered pushy by other people feel like love. It's hard to describe if you've never experienced it. But they will never let someone they care about suffer alone.

I experienced it myself when they helped my aunt and uncle. They just always knew when to show up and what to do.

Just like Susie is doing now.

I am grateful for a best friend who ignores what I want when it's not good for me. Even if it annoys me. Like the fact that when she called me, she had already stopped at the bakery and was on her way to my house. She knew that after yesterday I wouldn't want to face anyone in town today.

"Have you talked to Josh?" She asks, taking a sip of the coffee she made for herself.

"He called yesterday and sent a few texts."

"A few?" She arches a brow. "He sent me what felt like a few thousand."

The vice around my heart loosens a bit at the fact that he's reaching out to his sister about me, but I give it a few twists to tighten it back up just in case it wants to send any messages to my mind about how what this looks like, isn't what it is. As much as I believe that Josh would never embarrass me like this, there must be some story behind the picture. The truth is that this situation is reminding me of why I've never let anyone in before.

Grief is a pain that takes over your entire life and surrounds you in darkness. It's like a weighted blanket that tries to suffocate you. This situation is giving me a very small taste of what that feeling is like again. There is no way I'm even giving it the possibility of taking root again. Ever.

"I sent him a text telling him not to worry, that it was all good." I hear Susie gasp, but I don't look up as I continue. "We knew this was fake and it's okay. I'm okay."

"Brie." Susie reaches out to touch my hand, and I look up at her. In her eyes, I see a gentleness that surrounds me with warmth. "Everything will be okay. I promise."

"I know," I say as I grab a piece of the crumb cake, but I'm pretty sure we're talking about two different things.

She sees the moment my emotional wall comes up and changes the subject. Her eyes gleam with excitement, and I can't help but chuckle. I'm always impressed with the way Susie can run through emotions so easily.

She stands up, turns around, and lifts her hair. I didn't even notice she had on a Maverick Jersey, but now I see the name on the back. She turns back to me and claps her hands. "Adam sent it to me."

"So we are officially wearing his jersey, now?" I grin at her. "That was fast."

"Was it, though? I mean, come on." She waves a hand in the air dismissively. "I've been crushing on him since spring training. I just never thought I'd be able to get through the wall that is my big brother." We both laugh at that.

"He can be a bit over-protective."

"A bit?" She narrows her eyes at me, and I laugh.

"Okay, more than a bit," I take a sip of my coffee, but the warmth doesn't provide its usual comfort. "Guess it was a good thing that he wasn't really paying much attention to the two of you."

"It was indeed." I can hear the change in Susie's voice as she realizes where our conversation is leading. It's hard not to talk about Josh, it's been the three of us for a long time. He's always been part of my life, and mine and Susie's conversations. Susie reaches out and grabs my hand again. "I'm sorry, Brie."

"Stop," I chastise. "I'm really excited about you and Adam. He's perfect for you. Josh and I will be fine!"

She narrows her eyes at me again, but this time, her look is quizzical. It's the look that sees through all my defenses, Josh has it, too, and it's completely unnerving. I take the last sip of coffee and bring my mug to the sink just to get out from under her scrutiny.

"I need to take a shower. I'm heading over to Aunt Marie's and Uncle Rich's for our usual Sunday lunch. Thanks for stopping over; I appreciate it." I start to walk out of the room when I hear her yell.

"Do you mind if I come with you?" I chuckle to myself. The mama bear is out and there is no way I am getting rid of her.

"Of course! I'm sure they will love to see you."

As soon as I walk into my Aunt and Uncle's house I hear sports news. Uncle Rich is a huge fan of the Mavs, which was another reason I didn't want to come today. I was hoping to crawl under a rock and not hear or see anything about Josh's first game back.

What Josh Owens will we get on the field today? The announcer says. Will we see the number one receiver in the league or a frustrated player making amateur mistakes? It's going to be one heck of a game for sure. The Mavericks have been playing great, but with a focused Owens—

"Hey! I'm here, and Susie's with me," I yell, and immediately the sports conversation stops.

"Hey, honey. Susie," Aunt Marie yells. "Come on into the kitchen."

"It smells so good, Marie!" You know your lunch is my favorite," I say as my Aunt turns away from the stove and gives us both a kiss on the cheek. Then she gives me a thorough look-over. I look away, not wanting to be seen.

"It will be okay, honey." She touches my arm, and I give her a forced smile.

"I know."

"Grab the plates and set up the table." Aunt Marie immediately gives us a job, knowing that a busy me is best. She then yells to my Uncle. "Rich, come on in and help the girls."

"Already up." I jump at Uncle Rich's voice being so close. Gah, I'm on edge today. I feel like my last nerve is fried. He gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Hey, beautiful girls. How is my favorite duo?"

"Good," we say together. As Susie grabs dishes, Uncle Rich notices the number on her jersey.

"Is there something you'd like to tell us, Susie?" A small smile creeps on my face. I can feel my heart swell at her happiness. She is so amazing and really deserves to be with a great guy. And Adam is a great guy.

"Well, maybe, but it's still—" Her voice trails off as I take the plates into the dining room and start setting the table. I can still hear them talking in the kitchen, but I'm not really listening. I take a deep breath.

Okay, Brie, enough. This will pass. Enjoy this time with your family, and just be here.

I slowly let out my breath and take another. I can feel the tightness in my chest loosening as I focus on this moment and this moment only.

"She's not telling you the truth," I interject, my voice almost normal. "They are totally smitten with each other and it's ridiculously adorable."

"Brie, you don't—" she stops as she sees my teasing look. "Okay. Well, maybe you're right. No, she's right. He's so adorable I can't stand it!"

As if taking my cue, Aunt Marie and Uncle Rich start talking about Susie and Adam. I participate in the conversation just enough to keep their focus off of me. But even I'm not na?ve enough to believe that they aren't fully aware of what I'm doing.

They're just letting me, and I'm grateful for the distraction.