29. Chapter 23

How is it that the more time I spend with Brie the more I like her? She looks like the biggest fangirl in all that gear, and all I can focus on is how freaking adorable she is. The kids, no surprise, adore her—she has a knack where they're concerned. And with every interaction I get a peek into how she must be with her students.

She smiles at one of the kids and my heart stutters as her whole face lights up. I wonder how many of the boys have crushes on her? If she were my teacher, I'd have a crush on her. Heck, who am I kidding? I've always had a crush on her. Spending all of this time with her is making me realize that I may have put her in a permanent friend zone but the crush was always there.

"She's amazing." Finn pats me on the back.

"Yeah, she is," I respond with admiration, never taking my eyes off Brie.

I can feel Finn's stare, but don't turn to meet his gaze. "From the way you're looking at her, I'm not so sure this is fake anymore."

I take a deep breath and slowly exhale as the truth of what he says out loud hits me. "Nope."

"Well, well." Finn chuckles. "Josh Owens is officially off the market, ladies."

I shake my head at his antics, grateful to have him on my side even if he does like to tease me. He gives me another pat on the back with a chuckle before he walks off.

Just then, Brie's gaze meets mine and the gleam in her eyes makes my stomach dip and my heart race like I just ran a marathon. She waves me over, and looks back at Olive and her dad. Olive has been beating the odds for a while now but today I see a tiredness I haven't seen in her eyes before.

"Hey Olive, Dan. How are you?" I look toward Brie with a crooked grin, give her a kiss on the cheek, and put my hand on her lower back. "I see you've met my better half."

I look at Olive to see laughter in her eyes. "Yes. We were talking about how ridiculous the nickname Tea Time gave you two is."

I roll my eyes at her and she laughs. "I know, right? Why couldn't we get something really cool like ‘JoAnne'." I waggle my eyebrows and they all burst out laughing. "Get it, Jo for Josh and Anne for Brianne?"

"First off," Brie slaps me on the stomach, and I pretend it hurts. "That's a real name and not fun at all. Second, Olive had a much better one." She looks at Olive expectantly.

"Wowens," she says sheepishly.

"Hmm," I put my finger to my chin, cock my head and pretend to think. Then look at Brie with what I hope is a forlorn expression. "It's good, but why are you always first?"

Everyone laughs at me like I just said the silliest thing in the entire world. I pretend to look even more hurt.

Then Olive reaches out, touches my arm and says so sincerely that my heart melts. "Because letting a lady go first is the gentlemanly thing to do. And you are a gentleman." I feel tears sting the back of my eyes as this little girl, whose time is most likely coming to an end, reaches in and touches my soul.

I lean in and give her a kiss on the cheek. "You are the absolute best, Olive Jacobs, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise." I pull back slightly to meet her eyes, trying to push home my sincerity when she once again gets me with her wit.

"I know." She gently taps my cheek multiple times. "It's about time you recognized it."

I throw my head back and laugh. "What can I say, I'm a slow learner."

"Tell me about it," she says, and then looks to Brie. "You've got your work cut out for you."

"Don't I know it," Brie responds with a roll of her eyes.

"Hey." I grab my chest, like I was mortally wounded. Looking directly at Brie, I smirk. "I think I did pretty darn good on our date. Did you tell her about that?"

A rosy color pops up in Brie's cheeks. Can she be any more adorable? "See," I throw at Olive. "That look says it all."

"He was pretty good." Brie looks at me from the corner of her eyes, as the rest of her face takes on the same rosy tint. I put my arm around her shoulder, pull her in and kiss her on the top of her head.

Then I hear Olive. "I taught him everything he knows," she says, with a mischievous glint to her eyes. "He's a good student."

I put my hands up and bow to her. "Thank you, oh wise one. I bow to your wisdom." Everyone chuckles and I lean in to give Olive another kiss on the cheek, one I fear may be my last. "We will see you at our next visit."

I catch a glimpse of sadness pass her eyes before it's quickly replaced by a smile on her face. "I'll be here." She gives me a high five and I pat Dan on the back.

"As always, it's been a pleasure visiting with the two of you. Please tell Dana that I said hello." Dan smiles at us and Brie waves.

I put my hand around Brie's shoulders and she leans into me like she has the entire time we've been here.

"She's not going to be here next time is she?" As a lump forms in my throat, and I work to push the words past it.

"I'm not sure," I slowly respond, and give Brie a quick squeeze before dropping my arm. "But she definitely looks more tired than the last time I saw her." I feel her eyes inspecting my face, and I force a smile.

"You're a good man, Josh Owens," she says as she stands on her toes to give me a peck on the cheek. When I turn to look at her, the warmth in her eyes makes me stop in my tracks. When she entwines her hand with mine I feel a rush push throughout my entire body.

She turns to face me, grabs my other hand and starts to pull me forward. "So who's next?" she asks.

"Anyone we haven't talked to yet," I shrug, trying to calm my racing heart. "You pick." She giggles and turns. As she pulls me with her, I feel a lightness break through the darkness that overcomes me when I know that the kids I get to know and care for won't make it home. It's the hardest part of doing these events.

The fact that this woman is with me today, helping me, shows me something I never knew was missing. The gift of being able to share my burdens with someone who is willing to carry some of the weight makes everything a bit lighter. For the first time in my life I understand what my parents have, and I want it.

With Brie.

"Thank you for coming today," I say to Brie as I pull next to the curb in front of her house and put the truck in park.

"I had a really fun time! It's heartbreaking and hopeful all at the same time." I reach over and pick up her hand, moving it back and forth between mine. I feel her gaze on my face and I look up to meet it. Her eyes are bright and she has a crooked grin on her lips that I can't help but stare at.

She clears her throat and tries to pull her hand back but I hold on a bit tighter and move my glance back up to her eyes. Her hand relaxes in mine.

"I'm glad you did. It's one of my favorite charity events to do. I just wish that I could somehow magically fix all of them, you know?" This time she gives my hand a squeeze, and lays her other hand on mine. I meet her gaze again to see a softness in her expression that warms my entire body.

I let go of her hand and push a strand of hair behind her ear before resting my hand lightly on her neck. I notice her take a slow deep breath as her lips part.

"Brie," I say softly, wanting to confess everything that I've been feeling about this fake dating, to her. I want to tell her that I like her, that I've always liked her. I want to tell her that I want to try dating for real.

She's looking at me with wide eyes. My mouth is suddenly dry, my throat tight and my heart is pounding so hard I'm sure it's going to escape my chest. I look down and finally push the words past my lips.

"Susie was right." I look up to her surprised look. I never admit my sister is right, at least not out loud. She laughs, which immediately breaks through the tension and I smile.

"Oh would she be playing that on repeat if she heard you say those words."

I lean in a bit closer and whisper conspiratorially. "Which is why we aren't going to tell her."

"Are you asking me to keep a secret from my best friend, Owens?" The teasing glint in her eyes matches the tone of her voice, and I laugh.

"You mean to tell me you've never kept anything from Susie? Ever?" I quirk an eyebrow at her.

"Well—"

"Exactly what I thought," I needle her. "Since that's the case you can keep quiet about this one too. She would never let me live it down."

"Definitely not before she got her dollar's worth out of it." Brie chuckles. "So what was she right about?"

The grin on her face makes my heart race. I feel the words getting stuck in my throat. Why is this so hard? I've told girls how I felt before, it was never this difficult. Why can't I just tell her that I like her. I let my hand fall from the side of her neck and see a question in her eyes.

It's because it's Brie. If I tell her that I like her, then it changes everything. Our families are not just neighbors, they are like family. She's my sister's best friend and I've known her my entire life. If I tell her I like her and things don't work out, it will forever be awkward.

I feel doubt warring with the certainty of my feelings. The choice between what I want and what could happen. For the first time in my entire life I'm not sure what to do. It's a feeling I'm not used to.

"Susie was right about what, Josh?" Brie's question interrupts my thoughts. I meet her gaze and is that hope I see? Is it possible she feels the same way? My heart is pounding in my ears so loud that I barely hear the words fall from my lips.

"I like you, Brie. I like you a lot." The smile that splits her face causes my face to respond in kind.

"Of course you do." She gently punches my arm. "I'm pretty amazing."

"You're more than amazing," I whisper, and the teasing glint leaves her eyes as she suddenly realizes not just what I'm saying but what I mean.

"Are you being serious right now?" I can hear the pitch of her voice change, and I nod my head.

"As a heart attack. I like you." Her mouth drops open and I can't help but laugh out loud.

"If you're being serious, why are you laughing?"

I laugh harder at her question. "I'm nervous. I laugh when I'm nervous." I push a pretend strand of loose hair behind her ear because I just need to touch her. She stares at me with her mouth open. I can see a million emotions passing through those expressive eyes of hers and I squeeze her hand again before letting go.

She surprises me when she doesn't let go. I look down at our hands and then back up at her face. The smile there nearly has me bursting with excitement. I feel a crooked grin come across my face as I suddenly feel shy.

"I like you too, Josh," she whispers, and my heart starts to race again. "But—"

My stomach falls at that word and all its implications, but before I can process anything she pulls my hand toward her and quickly continues.

"I think we should really consider if this is us actually liking each other or if this is just because we're in this current situation. You know?" I can feel the logical Brie getting ready to show up and I smile at her. "Pretending can sometimes cause emotions that aren't there to come up. Look at all the actors and actresses who think they're in love with their co-stars. I am a firm believer that that's why relationships of famous people don't last. Look at—"

"Brie," I interrupt her analysis of movie stars and their relationships. Her eyes widen and her mouth drops open. "That's not it, I swear."

Her adorable mouth forms an "O" and I continue. "Why do you think I've always picked on you?"

"Cause you really enjoy ribbing people and it's a sign that they're someone you consider a friend," she answers confidently.

"True. I do thoroughly enjoy it," I respond with a smirk. "But it's always been slightly different with you. Your reaction was one that I enjoyed more than anyone else's. So much so that I craved it, and went out of my way to antagonize you."

She stares at me, eyes wide, and for the first time I think I've left Brianne Woodbury speechless.

"I did it because I liked you. I always have." I search her face for any sign of understanding and acceptance.

"Josh—" she says, looking down.

"I know I have a reputation of being a player, but it's just that, a reputation. Will you give me a chance to prove to you that I mean what I say?" Fear is written all over her face and I realize for the first time that I've seen that look before. It's one that shows up whenever someone Brie was casually dating wanted to take things to the next level. It's Brie getting ready to run. "Look, we are already doing this whole relationship thing. Let's just see where it takes us. No expectations, no pressure. Just us seeing where this goes. Unless you don't want too, then you can just—"

"That's not it. It's just scary for me to get too close to anyone since my parents died," she whispers. "There's always this fear that if I let someone in and really love them, they'll leave."

"Oh, Brie." I squeeze her hand as understanding fully dawns on me. Now everything about Brie's relationships make sense. "I didn't even think about that. You don't talk about them often."

"I know." She fidgets in her seat, her face downturned. "It's not something I really connected to my relationships until recently."

I put my thumb under her chin and lift her face up. Her face is so vulnerable and fear is apparent in her eyes. I take a deep breath and gently exhale.

"Look, I do like you and I would really like to see where this thing between us," I gesture with my hand back and forth, "Can go. But I want you to feel the same."

"I do," she says, strained. She drops her chin again. "But I'm scared."

"I'm scared too." I lift her chin up again. "But I'm willing to take the risk with you."

Her eyes search mine as if trying to read my mind. I don't look away even though I feel completely transparent and more vulnerable than I can ever remember feeling.

"Okay." A smile cracks her face.

"Okay?" I respond smiling from ear to ear.

"Okay," she says with a chuckle.

"Okay." I blow out a breath, my body sagging as the tension I was holding in my shoulder flees. "Great."

"Great." We sit grinning at each other like two kids who have completely lost the ability to communicate.

All I want is to kiss this girl, but I don't want to push past what she's comfortable with. I lean in and look into her eyes while I let her decide how to proceed. This feeling of giving up control and vulnerability is not something I am used to. I feel like I'm left hanging by a branch with no ground underneath me, until she leans in and touches her lips to mine.

Shock waves run through my body, but I don't do anything as I let Brie dictate the pace. She lifts her hand behind my neck and pulls me closer, deepening the kiss and everything else fades away.

When she starts to pull away I follow her. She laughs at me and I open my eyes to see the most beautiful creature staring back at me. She gives me a quick peck.

"I have to go." I groan at her words, and she laughs again. "I have to finish grading some homework for school."

"Fine." Disappointment drips heavily from that simple word.

"You have an away game this week, right?" I nod. "Your first game back."

I nod again, my eyes drifting back to her lips. All I want to do is keep kissing her and it's leaving my brain lacking the ability to form any type of conversation.

She moves to get out of the truck but I grab her arm, lean over to kiss her on the cheek before saying. "I'll call you."

"I look forward to it." She smiles at me and gets out of the car. I watch her walk to her house and through the door. I wave as she waves at me. When she closes the door I pick up my phone.

Me:You are the most adorable creature, Brainanne. silly grin emoji>

Brie:You really have to come up with a better nickname, Owens.Brie: ...Brie …Brie: I think you're pretty great too.

Me:Good night, Brie.Brie: Good night. kiss emoji>

I start the engine and pull away from Brie's house with a permanent grin on my face. I think of Susie's smug smile and I groan. I hate when my sister gets to tease me. That image is quickly replaced by Brie and I realize I don't care that Susie was right. I think for the first time I'm actually glad that she is. She can gloat all she wants.