28. Adrian

Chapter 28

Adrian

T wo weeks passed, and I'd only seen Ava three times.

Our schedules started colliding. My meetings would overlap with hers, or Lucas would beg me for an evening of just the two of us, or she would be at her Dad's when I finally had time. Each time we'd managed to line up, she'd come over after Lucas had already gone to bed, and we only had a handful of hours to ourselves before we'd inevitably pass out from exhaustion.

I'd mastered the art of sneaking her out in the morning without Lucas noticing, though.

But I fucking missed her, even if I shouldn't. My guard was up, and for good reason—but it felt uncomfortable.

So when she'd turned up unexpectedly at my door at ten in the evening with her hair a mess, her clothes soaked, and her eyes puffy, all I wanted to do was erase the struggle the last two weeks had been. I wanted to hold her, wanted to keep her here for longer than she'd let me, wanted to unashamedly have her here in the morning when Lucas woke up. I wanted to have her properly.

I cupped her cheeks, held her to me as I stood in the doorway with her.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

She shook her head. "I'm just so fucking stressed," she said. Her bloodshot eyes went glassy, her lower lip wobbling. "And I missed you."

Slowly, gently, I removed her dripping jacket from her shivering form. "I missed you too," I breathed. "But you're going to get sick again going out in this weather. We need to warm you up."

Quietly, I took her upstairs to my bathroom, starting the shower for her. She sniffled in silence as I undressed her, taking each bit of damp clothing and peeling it from her flesh. She practically hyperventilated more and more with each layer I took off of her.

"I'm sorry," she said, but her voice warbled. "I know you wanted tonight with him."

"He's in bed," I insisted. "It's okay."

I helped her into the shower and followed closely behind her, stepping under the hot water with her. There wasn't a single part of this that felt sexual to me—something was clearly wrong, and I just needed to fix it. I just had to piece this back together. Just add one more puzzle to the pile.

"What happened?"

She shook her head before burying her forehead in my bare chest. "I can't stop panicking. I feel like I've been having an anxiety attack for three days straight. Em wasn't answering my calls and I just…" She took a few deep breaths, but they sounded more like gasps. "I didn't know where else to go."

I wrapped my arms around her body and leaned against the wall, holding her freezing, shivering form to me. I knew how she felt—I'd been feeling it too lately. "I'm sorry," I said. "I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?"

She didn't answer, but the little choked wheezes coming from her told me plain enough that she was crying. I couldn't remember if I'd ever seen her cry before. Certainly not as an adult.

"You're okay," I whispered, holding the back of her head as it slowly began to warm up. "You're okay."

————

It shouldn't have bothered me when I'd offered for her to stay the night and she'd said no. It shouldn't have bothered me when she'd declined to stay a little longer and have a drink with me.

But it did.

She'd calmed down enough after the shower, and after a handful more apologies and my insistence that she at least borrow some of my clothes and use my driver to get home, she'd left.

And that was it.

An hour, tops, of time with her—enough to get her stable and thinking somewhat clearly. But her refusal to stay at all left me questioning things.

I almost felt used, but I wouldn't ever assume she'd come here just to leave me feeling empty. But that was the result anyway, and although I didn't want to push her on it or make her feel any more uncomfortable than she clearly was, it felt almost as if she was pulling away.

As if she was struggling to separate herself from all of it.

As if she needed a quick hit and was weaning herself.

I'd been distant, sure, and I knew it wouldn't be easy for either of us. But I couldn't stop myself from worrying that maybe she was rethinking everything. Maybe she was considering this done and over despite my insistence that wasn't what I wanted.

But maybe it was what she wanted. And that was fucking horrifying to think about.