Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

Kenzie

“He said he couldn’t deal with us being apart.” I pause, my gaze going to the floor. “That was the excuse Liam gave me for why he cheated. I felt like he was blaming me. Like it was my fault because I’m the one who stayed home to go to community college. But it’s not because I wanted to. It’s because I couldn’t afford four years here. Liam said he understood. He said we’d make it work.”

“He has no right to blame you,” Jace says. “He cheated because he’s a selfish bastard who was only thinking about himself. Let me guess, did he use some line about how guys have needs and those needs have to be met?”

“He didn’t use those exact words, but yeah, that’s basically what he said.”

“That’s bullshit. I mean, sure guys have needs but so do girls. And you didn’t cheat.”

“He doesn’t think that way. He thinks it’s different for guys.”

“But you know that’s bullshit, right? You know he was just saying that to try to defend what he did, blaming it on you so he wouldn’t have to take responsibility.”

“I guess.”

Jace puts his hand on my shoulder. “Kenzie, look at me.” When I do, he says, “Do not for one second blame yourself for this. That’s what he wants you to do, but don’t fall for it. Because I’m telling you, he cheated because he’s a selfish asshole who isn’t capable of caring about someone else. It has nothing to do with you going to community college. If he didn’t like having a long distance relationship, he could’ve ended it a long time ago.”

“Then why didn’t he? Why didn’t he at least end it before he started dating someone else?”

“Who the hell knows? Some guys like having more than one girl. It makes them feel powerful. Feeds their ego. I don’t get it, but I know plenty of guys who do it.”

“Even if what you’re saying about Liam is true, I still feel like my world has ended. Liam was my future, and now he’s gone. The future I thought we’d have together is never going to happen.”

“You wouldn’t have wanted that future. He wasn’t the right guy. He didn’t treat you well and that wasn’t going to change.”

Jace is right. Everything he said is true. Even if part of me doesn’t want to believe it, I need to accept the fact that Liam just wasn’t the right guy for me. I loved him, but he didn’t love me back. Not the way he should have.

“It still hurts,” I say.

“I know.” Jace sighs. “Believe me, I know.”

He puts his arm up behind me, and without even thinking, I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder. He runs his hand up and down my arm and then holds it there, gently squeezing me to his side.

“It’s going to be okay. It doesn’t seem like it now, for either of us, but I swear, it’ll get better.”

I bring my legs up on the couch, hugging my knees, then move closer to Jace, resting my body against his, my head still on his shoulder. His arm remains around me and we stay like that, not saying anything.

She didn’t deserve him. I don’t know Jace’s ex-girlfriend, and will probably never meet her, but she didn’t deserve a guy like Jace. How could she cheat on him? He’s kind, funny, caring, and was still doing romantic things for her, even after dating her for two years. And he’s hot. Extremely hot. When he came out here not wearing a shirt? I couldn’t believe he was that ripped. I’ve never seen abs like his—an eight pack—and those muscles that make a V down to… the area I shouldn’t be thinking about.

I’m really trying to turn off my attraction to him but it’s not working. And seeing his muscular chest and those abs and that V definitely didn’t help matters. Why does he have to be so damn hot? And super nice, and fun to hang out with? And smell good?

I can still smell his cologne. He must’ve put a lot on for his night of romance that never happened. Damn, he smells good.

“You asleep?” he whispers after a half hour has passed.

“No.” I sit up slightly. “Sorry. I’ll give you some space.”

“Don’t be sorry. If you want to keep using my shoulder as a pillow, go ahead. It’s all yours.”

I hesitate, wanting to accept his offer but knowing I probably shouldn’t.

“I could put a shirt on,” he says. “Actually, I should’ve done that earlier.” He gets up. “I’ll be right back.”

Put a shirt on? I was enjoying the sight of him without one. But it’s probably for the best that he puts one on so I stop having dirty thoughts about him.

He returns wearing a blue t-shirt. “Need anything before I sit down? Water? Soda? Whiskey?”

I laugh at the whiskey suggestion. “No, but thanks for offering.”

“That’s why I came out here earlier.” He sits beside me in the spot he was at before, so close our bodies are touching.

“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to ignore the heat rising inside me. The same thing happened during laser tag. Our bodies kept touching as we moved to hide, or shoot, or make our way along the narrow trail. By the time we were out of there, I was so hot I was sweating. He was too. We both blamed the game, saying it was too hot in that room, but that wasn’t the reason I was burning up inside.

“I came out here to get a shot of whiskey to help me sleep,” Jace says. “Actually, if I hadn’t found you out here, I might’ve finished off the bottle.”

“But now you don’t want to?”

“No. It’s not gonna help. Even if it did knock me out for an hour or two, I’d wake up feeling sick and I don’t want to feel that way. I’ve got shit to do tomorrow.”

“What are you doing?”

“Not sure.” He turns to me. “What do you want to do?”

“We’re spending the day together?”

“Only if you want to. But before you answer, I should let you know that I’m very entertaining, which you got a glimpse of tonight during laser tag.”

“I did take note of that,” I say, smiling.

“Also, you shouldn’t be alone on what’s technically your first full day here. I assume you don’t know anyone besides your ex?”

“Only his former roommate, who graduated last spring.”

“Then what do you say? Want to hang out tomorrow? Or I guess it’s later today, given that it’s after midnight. I could show you around town. Give you a tour of campus. Or we could just stay here on the couch. You could use me as a pillow as we watch hours of infomercials and I spend my next paycheck on things I’ll probably never use.”

“I’d like that,” I say, happy knowing I won’t be alone, and even happier knowing I’ll be spending the day with Jace. “I mean the part about hanging out, not the infomercial part.”

He laughs. “Yeah, that’s probably a bad idea, although I am really excited about those fry pans.”

I yawn. “I want to sleep, but I don’t think I can.”

He points to his shoulder. “Try this. It might help.”

Laying my head on his shoulder, I lean toward him but don’t get as close as before. But then his arm goes around me and I can’t help but rest my body against his. He’s warm and he smells good and his shirt is really soft. It makes me want to lay my head on his chest instead of his shoulder, but I can’t do that. A guy’s chest is girlfriend territory. The shoulder is meant for friends, or roommates in our case, although I think we’re starting to become friends.

His phone dings from the coffee table.

“You want to get that?” I ask, moving off him so he can reach his phone.

He grabs it and we resume our position.

“It’s nothing,” he says, tossing his phone aside.

It dings again and he checks it. He sighs and uses the hand that’s not around me to text back, then sets his phone down.

“What’s wrong?”

“This girl. She won’t leave me alone. She must’ve found out I broke up with Nikki.”

“Already? How would she know?”

“I’m kinda well known on campus because of basketball. Even though I’m not playing anymore, I’m still in that world. I hang out with the team. Go to their parties. People still talk about me, so when something like this happens, word travels fast.”

“And now some girl wants to date you?”

“She didn’t say anything about dating. More like… doesn’t matter. I told her no.”

“She wanted to sleep with you? Already?”

“It’s how some people get over an ex.”

“Would you have told her yes if I wasn’t here?”

“No. It’s too soon.”

“How soon before you’ll date again?”

“I’m not sure. I haven’t thought about it. I need to let some time go by and see how I feel.”

“But you’re staying away from relationships, right?”

“For now, yeah. I’m not ready for another serious relationship.”

I turn to him. “I have an idea.”

He looks at me. “What is it?”

“What if we helped each other out?”

“Meaning what?”

“What if we helped each other stay out of a relationship?”

He looks confused. “I don’t get it. Why would we need help?”

“Maybe you don’t, but I do. I’ve been in a relationship for so long that I could easily see myself getting into another one without even realizing I’m doing it. But that’s not what I want. My heart needs time to heal before I get serious with someone again. I want to do like you’re doing and just date with no strings. No commitment. So will you help me?”

“Um, sure,” he says, still seeming confused. “But what does that mean? Is dating someone more than a few times a relationship?”

“I don’t know. What do you think? What’s your criteria going to be?”

“I don’t really have any. I’m just going to be honest and tell the girl I just got out of a long relationship and I’m not looking for anything serious.”

“And you think she’ll be okay with that?”

“If that’s what she wants too, then yeah. You’re not the only girl looking to date without it becoming serious. This isn’t just a guy thing. Anyone who’s been hurt needs time to get over it, but that doesn’t mean they stop dating.”

“Then maybe I’ll do what you’re doing. I’ll tell the guy upfront that I don’t want anything serious.”

“Um, yeah, you may want to tweak your wording. To a guy, that means you just want sex.”

“Oh. Okay, well, I’ll figure it out.”

“You sure you want to start dating again?”

“No, but like you said, sometimes getting out there and dating again helps you move on.”

“Just be careful, okay? Guys can be jerks, and I’d hate for you to get hurt again while you’re still hurting from what happened.”

“I could say the same for you. Girls can be just as bad as guys. Look how much Nikki hurt you.”

“Yeah, but she’s the exception to the rule. Most girls want to commit, not cheat.”

“But the ones who don’t want to commit are the ones you’re looking to date.”

“Date, not get serious with. And who knows if I’ll date at all? Maybe I’ll decide to take some time off from women and focus on school and pick up more hours at work.”

“Well, if you do decide to date again, I’ll keep you from letting it get too serious. And you’ll do the same for me, right?”

“Sure.” He smiles. “And if you want me to go beat up your ex, I could do that too. Just tossing that out there.”

“Thanks, but you don’t need to. I’m sure this new girl will break his heart and then he’ll know what it feels like.” I lay my head back on Jace’s shoulder. “I don’t want to talk about Liam. Let’s find another infomercial to watch.”

Picking up the remote, Jace flips through the channels.

“That one,” I say as he passes it. “Go back.”

He does, and then says, “What’s this for?”

“Hair extensions.” I watch as a guy with a foreign accent talks about how life-like the hair is while he secures what looks like a comb with hair attached to the model’s head. He arranges her real hair over it then turns her toward the camera so we can see the before and after. “Did you see that? My hair could be six inches longer within minutes!”

“Your hair’s already long,” Jace says.

“It’s just below my shoulders. That’s not long. These would make it go almost to my waist.”

“I think it’s a bad idea. One of Nikki’s friends had hair that long and got it stuck in a car door. More than once.”

“But that’s why extensions are great. You can take them out whenever you want.”

“I’d pass on the extensions. Your hair looks good the way it is.”

“Guys like long hair. I’d get more dates, and they’d never have to know about the extensions because we wouldn’t date long enough for me to have to tell them the truth.”

“So you’d be lying?”

“Just about my hair.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea, but if you really want extensions, go for it.” He points to the TV. “Look. They’ll throw in a brush if you order now.”

I laugh. “I was kidding. I don’t want extensions. I can’t have hair that long. I’d be like that girl, always getting it stuck in the car door.”

“Then should we continue our shopping on another channel?”

“Yes. Continue.”

Jace finds an infomercial selling some kind of vegetable chopper, but I fall asleep before it ends. When I wake up, I find myself lying on the couch, covered in a blanket, a pillow under my head. Jace is at the other end of the couch but sitting up, my feet on his lap. He’s asleep, his head bent forward in a position that doesn’t look at all comfortable. I’m worried he’ll be in pain in the morning.

“Jace.” I nudge him with my foot. He doesn’t move so I nudge him again. “Jace, wake up.”

He mumbles something, then jerks awake, his head lifting up. He rubs his neck. “How long was I asleep?”

“I’m not sure.” I pick up my phone to check the time. “It’s five-thirty. When did you fall asleep?”

“I don’t know.” He stretches his arms out and yawns. “Guess we should go to bed.”

I sit up, gathering the blanket. “Where’d this come from?”

“I put it over you. I didn’t want you to get cold.”

“And the pillow?”

“I gave you that too. I didn’t want your neck to hurt.”

I get up from the couch. “Thanks for doing that, but you could’ve just woke me up. I could’ve gone to my room.”

“I wanted you to get some sleep. I wasn’t sure if you’d sleep if you went back in your room.”

It’s true. When I was in there before, I couldn’t sleep. All I did was stare at the ceiling and think of Liam, and when I closed my eyes, I kept seeing him with that girl. Being out here with Jace, I didn’t think about Liam and was actually able to sleep.

“On second thought,” I say, “would you mind if we stayed out here?”

“You too?” He glances at me. “I can’t sleep in my room either. There’s something about being in there that just…” His voice trails off.

“Trust me, I get it. I feel the same way.” I take my place back on the couch. “But you can’t sleep like you were before. Sitting up like that? It’ll hurt your neck.”

“I don’t really have a choice unless I sleep on the chair, but I’ve tried that and it’s even worse. Threw my back out on that thing.”

The chair is barely big enough for me, so it’s definitely not big enough for someone Jace’s size.

I motion to the other end of the couch. “Put your head there and lay down.”

“I don’t think it’ll work. I’m six five. My feet will be at your head.”

“Not if you bend your legs. Just try it.”

He does, and even in a curled up position, his feet are in my face.

“I’ll just go to my room,” he says, getting up. “You stay out here.”

“I can’t sleep if I’m alone,” I say as he walks away.

He turns back. “I thought being in the bedroom was why you couldn’t sleep.”

“That’s part of it, but also being alone. When I’m alone, I can’t stop thinking about what happened.”

“So what are you saying?”

I sit up. “Would you mind staying out here with me? You said yourself you can’t sleep in your bedroom so you shouldn’t go back there.”

“But where am I going to sleep? There’s no room.”

“Come here.” I motion him to the couch as I scoot as far back as I can.

“I can’t fit there,” he says, assessing the small space.

“Just try it. If it doesn’t work, we’ll try something else.”

He lays down on his back. His large body takes up so much of the couch that I have to lay on my side, the front of my body pressed against the side of his. But oddly enough, it doesn’t feel awkward, In fact, it’s really comfortable having the soft couch at my back and Jace’s warm body in front of me.

Jace is lying there, not saying anything.

“You’re too cramped, aren’t you?” I say. “I guess it won’t work. At least we tried.” I start to get up, but he stops me.

“Don’t go. We’re good. I just need to move my arm.” He has it wedged against him so tight it can’t move so I sit up enough for him to free it. “Okay, lay down.”

I rest my head on his chest and his arm goes around me. It’s perfect. Comfy and warm and perfect. It’s probably not appropriate for roommates to be doing this, but right now I don’t care. I just need sleep. And it’s not like we’re making out or touching in places we shouldn’t be touching.

Jace moves a little, then takes a breath.

“You’re still not comfortable, are you?” I ask.

“I’m comfortable. In fact, this feels really good.”

“I thought so too. Think you’ll be able to sleep?”

He yawns. “I think I’m already halfway there.”

I close my eyes. “Goodnight, Jace.”

“Goodnight, Kenzie.”

I lie there, thinking about all that’s happened today. When I woke up this morning, I never would’ve imagined this is how my day would end. I thought I’d be in the arms of Liam, the guy I thought I’d be with forever. But all that changed in just a few hours. And now, I’m in the arms of a guy who’s not my boyfriend but who I like more than the guy I loved.