15. Meiko

On the day of the wedding, I'm so nervous to face Mustaf that I think I might be sick.

And at first, I wonder if I'm just freaking out because of all of the stress that has been put on my body and my mind. I can handle this, I try to reassure myself over and over. But every time I think about seeking him out, my courage fails.

Then the thought that I'd be upstaging the bride sinks in, and my stomach turns with more nausea and nerves than before.

It doesn't get any better when I actually see him. If possible, he looks even more attractive than I remember. Especially dressed up in a suit that molds torturously to every curve of his body.

As if he can feel my stare, his eyes find mine.

Gone suddenly are the thoughts that I was ready to tell him about his child inside me. My confidence wilts at his stare, my body retracting into the throng of people. Now is not the time.

I navigate through the crowd at the reception, dodging and weaving to avoid any chance of Mustaf catching up to me. My heart races as I hear his name being called out by other guests, but I refuse to turn back. I can"t face him, not now. Not when my mind is in such turmoil.

I make my way to the bar, hoping that a glass of ginger ale will help settle my stomach. As I wait for the bartender to pour my drink, I glance around nervously, making sure Mustaf hasn"t somehow managed to track me down.

To my relief, he"s nowhere to be seen. I take a deep breath and try to compose myself, sipping my drink slowly. But the questions continue to swirl in my mind. Should I suck it up and tell him? How will he react? What am I supposed to do?

I feel a hand on my shoulder and nearly jump out of my skin. But it"s just Sandra, smiling warmly at me.

"Hey, there you are!" she says. "I"ve been looking all over for you. You okay?"

I force a smile, trying to hide the inner turmoil I"m feeling. "Yeah, just a little overwhelmed, you know?"

Sandra nods sympathetically. "How are you feeling?"

Thankfully, someone calls out to her, sparing me from having to make up some lame answer and lie to my best friend any more than I already have.

She leaves me to my contemplation, and I hide by the bar until they announce dinner is ready to be served.

Seated at the dinner table, the rich aromas that once would have been appetizing now send a new wave of nausea crashing through me. I take a deep breath, trying to steady myself as the sickness passes. I glance around the table, hoping no one has noticed my discomfort. To my relief, everyone seems to be focused on the couple of the evening.

Dragan stands up, a glass of champagne in his hand. The room quiets down as he begins his toast.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for being here today to celebrate the love between my beautiful wife, Lalaine, and myself. We are truly grateful for your presence and your support," he begins, smiling broadly.

I try to pay attention, but the words all seem to blur together. My mind is still racing with thoughts of Mustaf and the tiny life growing inside of me.

"I can honestly say that she is the most amazing woman I have ever met," he continues proudly. "She is kind, caring, and incredibly intelligent. She has a heart of gold, and I feel so lucky to have her by my side."

I glance around the table, trying to distract myself. That"s when I see him. Mustaf. He"s seated across the room, but his eyes are locked on me. I feel a flutter of panic in my chest. He"s going to come over here. He"s going to try to talk to me. I can"t let that happen.

As the toast comes to an end, the servers begin to bring out the first course. I force myself to take a few bites, not wanting to draw attention to myself.

But as I take a bite of the delicious-smelling chicken, I feel a sudden and undeniable wave of nausea wash over me. I jump abruptly to my feet, slapping my hand over my mouth to make sure I don't do anything mortifying right in front of everybody.

"Excuse me," I mutter, hurrying away from the table. I can feel the eyes of the other guests on me as I make my way towards the bathroom.

But as I rush past Mustaf"s seat at the table, I see him instinctively get up from his chair and start following after me. My heart begins to race as I quicken my pace, but it's no use. He's relentless and determined. Before I know it, he's right by my side.

I push open the door to the women"s bathroom and rush inside, relieved to finally be away from Mustaf"s prying eyes. But my relief is short-lived as I hear the door creak open behind me.

"You can"t be in here!" I say, turning around to find Mustaf's feet striding through the doorway.

"Look at me," he commands, his voice low and intense.

I hesitate for a moment, then slowly raise my eyes to meet his. His expression is serious and concerned, and I can feel my heart begin to race.

"What"s going on with you?" he asks, taking a step towards me. "You"ve been avoiding me and acting strange all night."

"I"m just not feeling well," I say, trying to keep my voice steady.

"Is it morning sickness?" he demands, his voice barely above a whisper.

I feel my breath catch in my throat. How could he possibly know? The bridesmaid's dress I'm wearing is empire-waisted, tight at my ribs but flowing from there down, successfully covering the small bump that has begun to form. Surely he can't see it?

"What are you talking about?" I ask, trying to sound nonchalant.

"My cousin went through the same thing," he says, his eyes never leaving mine. "She was always feeling sick, no matter the time of day."

I swallow hard, trying to find the words to deny it. But I can"t. I can"t lie to him. So, instead, I don't say anything.

"Meiko," he addresses me in a way that leaves me nowhere to run. "Are you pregnant?"

He knows! He knows about the baby, my mind screams at me.

"It's not yours," I blurt out suddenly.

Mustaf"s hands tighten around me for a moment before loosening as I pull away. His eyes are filled with confusion and hurt. "What do you mean it"s not mine?" he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

I fumble for words, trying to come up with a reason to keep him at arm"s length. "That it isn't yours," I say lamely. "Which means that it's also none of your concern."

But his expression says otherwise. His eyes are flicking from my face to my stomach, and I can see the realization dawning in his eyes. "Meiko, are you for real? You say the words, but you won't even look at me," he asks, his voice laced with disbelief.

I feel a lump form in my throat as I realize the truth. I can"t keep lying to him. He deserves to know the truth. "I… I don"t know what you"re talking about," I stammer, avoiding his gaze. "I just… I can"t do this right now."

Before he can say anything else, I push past him and rush out of the bathroom, my heart pounding in my chest.

"Meiko, stop!" he calls after me.

I don't bother listening, letting my feet carry me as far away from him as they can. The cool night air hits me like a wave, and I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing thoughts. But it"s no use. My mind is spinning out of control.

I place my hand gently over my belly, wishing I could apologize to the little life growing there. It deserves so much better than a fling for a father, and a mother that isn"t anywhere near ready to raise a child.

Sitting there on the bench for what feels like an eternity, I wait dreadfully for Mustaf to come out and join me. But as the minutes tick by, I realize that he"s not coming. I feel a twinge of disappointment, but I also feel a sense of relief. I"m not ready to face him yet. I"m not ready to have this conversation.

Taking a deep breath, I stand up with the decision to take a walk through the gardens to clear my head. The cool night air is refreshing, and the sound of the wind rustling through the trees is soothing.

As I wander through the gardens, my mind drifts to the baby growing inside of me. I still can"t believe it"s real. I never thought I would be in this position.

I wonder what Mustaf is thinking right now. Is he angry? Hurt? Confused? I wish I could read his mind.

I come across a small pond, and I sit down on a bench to watch the koi fish swimming lazily in the water. It"s peaceful here, away from the noise of the party. I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths, trying to calm my racing thoughts.

I don"t know what the future holds, but I know one thing for sure. I will do everything in my power to protect this little life.