Chapter 1

I'm not supposed to be here.

My legs feel like those fucking jello shots that Maureen always whines about. I know I drank a lot last night, but not enough to put me in a fucking coma.

Where the fuck am I?

I squint my eyes at the ceiling. At the fluorescent light blinking from the half-attached lightbulb that dangles over my head. If this is Aries's attempt at a sick joke to get me back for last spring, I'm literally going to murder him in his sleep. My twin brother can be dramatic at times, but he knows better than to piss me off.

This feels wrong.

I blink my eyes a few more times and take in the room. It's stark, cold, devoid of all color. Literally my nightmare . I look down to see that I'm dressed in an outfit that I wouldn't wish to be fucking buried in—green hospital scrubs. What the actual fuck?

I try to sit up, staggering against the hard mattress, my head pounding. "Fuck," I mutter. I look around the room again, and panic sets in. There's not a single window. This doesn't look like a hospital room.

There's a small steel desk on the other side of the room with a folding chair tucked under it. The stark white paint on the walls is chipped, peeling away completely in some places. Yeah, definitely not a hospital room . I push back the scratchy sheet as I swing my legs around and plant my bare feet on the cold linoleum floor.

Am I fucking losing my mind? Did I do something crazy last night? A sharp pain shoots up the back of my neck in response. As I run my hands through my hair, I wince. A thin layer of grease coats my fingers. I shudder. My hair is so fucking dirty. Ugh .

A piercing scream rings out, echoing outside the hollow room. Fuck. Goosebumps prickle my skin, causing all the hairs on my arms to stand up.

My heart races as I stagger toward the door. Each step takes all of my strength, all of my concentration, to not topple over. With every quivering breath, I rack my brain, trying to remember last night. To remember anything that can help me figure out how I got here.

It's not even a blur. It's just… absent . Blank. The last memory I can recall is a party in Hemlock Valley. I was dancing on top of a table with a bottle of gin mixed with nightshade. I close my eyes as a tiny flicker of shame washes over me. And I remember the piles of cocaine being snorted around my feet.

Fuck, I need to get my shit together.

I open my eyes and amble toward the steel door. I jump as another monstrous scream rings out from the other side.

Maybe I died and went to hell.

I take a deep breath and pull on the door handle. My stomach flips. It won't open. Fuck. I try it again… nothing. Hysteria bubbles up in my throat as I yank on it with both hands. "What the fuck?"

I slam my palms against the door. "Hey, let me the fuck out of here," I yell.

This is bad. This is so fucking bad.

I bang my hands on the door, a wild frenzy coming over me as I realize I'm trapped. "Do you know who I am? Let me the fuck out of here!"

No one comes. The screams get louder, echoing from different directions. I back up and sink down on the bed, my gaze trained on the locked door. On my path to freedom.

I've been kidnapped. That's the only explanation.

I fight back tears. My parents will get me out of this. They'll come for me. Aries will come for me.

I bend my knees and hug them to my chest to try and stop myself from shivering.

I should have gone back to Tenebrose early with Villette when she offered to drive me. But I was too fucking indulgent this winter break—obsessed with drowning out all the noise in my head.

After everything that happened last semester with Nocturnus, after what Riot, Valentin, and Atlas did to me, the fucking humiliation they put me through… I needed to escape. I'm happy for Maureen's cozy happy ending with them but my ego, my pride , still hurts.

I know I pushed Riot too far this time, but making me strip naked in front of all those initiates… the lashing they gave me… the way I came so hard from it… I fucking hate myself. And I hate Nocturnus.

But my mental escape has now become my imprisonment.

Without warning, I lose it, and a bloodcurdling scream erupts from my throat. I fly to the door and pound on it like a wild animal. "Open this fucking door!"

My stomach flips when I hear footsteps outside and what sounds like three locks sliding out of place. I back up and ball my fists, ready to fight like hell.

When the door creaks open, all hope of escape dies. Two of the biggest, scariest men I've ever seen in my life glare back at me. Wearing all white, they look like criminals dressed up as hospital workers for Halloween. Their gazes are sinister, their smirks dripping with malice.

"What do you want from me?" I rasp. "My family has money if that's what you're after. Please, just let me go."

The bald one snickers. "She's still confused." He removes a syringe from his back pocket. "We're here to help you. The sooner you get better, the sooner you might be able to leave."

Um, what? "You're not making any sense. I'm Libra Thorn. I go to Tenebrose Academy in Raven's Gate. This is all a mistake. Just call my father, and he'll clear this up."

The other one sighs. "We've been over this before. As soon as you accept this, the better it will be. We can't help you if you won't help yourself."

My heart pounds faster. "Where the fuck am I?"

The bald one looks around the room then back at me. "Your new home. Absentia Asylum."

No.

"You've been here for a while. You don't remember?" the other one adds.

I shake my head. "No. That's not possible." I look past them toward the open door. All reason and logic leave my brain as I make a run for it.

I'm not even halfway through when I'm yanked back. The bald one wraps his large arm around my waist and flings me around. "Nice try, sweetie. But you aren't going anywhere."

"Get your fucking hands off me." I gurgle as I flail in his grasp.

"Fuck, a feisty one. Hold her down."

He pins me to the bed while the other one slips restraints around my wrists and ankles. I thrash against the sheets. "Stop. Please . I'm Libra Thorn. You have to let me go. I don't belong here."

The bald one flicks the syringe before shoving it into my arm. "Shhh, time to sleep now."

No.

I feel the toxin enter my bloodstream instantly, numbing my skin and weakening my limbs. My eyes feel heavy.

They both laugh as one of them whispers in my ear, "We're going to have so much fun with you."

Bile rises in my throat, but before I can regurgitate it, my tongue flops out. I can't even swallow. The thought of either of these creeps touching me makes my skin crawl. I need to get out of here, but my body is paralyzed. I look down at my legs. Please fucking work . They won't budge. No…

I turn my head to watch them laugh as they leave, fighting hard to keep my eyes open. To stay conscious. But the toxin is too strong. It's pulling me under.

And just before they close the door, I see him . He stands there watching me. Watching everything. His blue eyes are murderous and yet full of amusement at the same time. I don't know his name, but I know his face. That evil fucking face .

He's Nocturnus— was Nocturnus. One of the initiates that Riot kicked out. I rejected him at a party last year.

Fucking hell.

This nightmare just keeps getting worse.

Right before the door shuts, he squeezes his cock and smiles at me. Like a villain who's finally cornered his prey.

I try to scream but can't. My voice betrays me. My body is no longer mine to control. All I can do is listen as the three locks on my door are latched.

I can't fight it anymore. The toxin is seducing me to sleep.

So I let it. And before I black out, I wish I really was dead. There's only one place that's worse than hell—Absentia Asylum.

I take a shallow breath before opening my eyes, praying that when I do, I'll be back in my dorm at Tenebrose Academy. That last night was just a horrific nightmare.

My heart sinks as I take in the same stark white walls, the steel desk, and the flashing fluorescent light above my head.

Fuck.

My breath quickens as I lie there, still strapped to the bed. My thoughts race. How could this happen? I can't make any fucking sense of it. My parents are narcissistic and cold, but they would never have me committed to an asylum. It wouldn't look good for their perfect fucking image. There's no reason for me to be here. This is a mistake. And when I prove it, I'm going to destroy every single person who had a hand in this.

I jolt at the shrill sound of the three locks unlatching. Sweat gathers on my back, despite the icy chill in the room. Those bastards didn't even put a blanket on me after they drugged me to sleep.

I ball my fists as the door creaks open, my heart pounding. The bald orderly from last night barrels into the room. His gaze flitters to my restraints. He licks his lips as he admires his handiwork.

Fucking vile piece of shit.

The metal chair screeches as he drags it across the floor and plants it next to my bed. "You better be a good little girl for the doctor, or I'll knock you out again."

Fuck, my teeth won't stop chattering. "I don't need a doctor. I need to be released. This is a mistake."

A petite brunette woman clears her throat. "Hello, Miss Doe. Remember me? I'm Dr. Hall."

The fuck? I've never seen this woman before in my life. I pull against my restraints, frustrated that no one will listen to me. "I'm not a Jane Doe . I'm Libra fucking Thorn. And my family is going to sue the shit out of this place when they find out you're holding me against my will."

She sighs and pushes her wire-rimmed glasses up the bridge of her nose before taking a seat in the chair next to me. She plops a thin manila folder onto her lap. "We went over this when you first came in. I was hoping you would have come to your senses by now, but I see that you are farther gone into the recesses of your own delusions than I'd originally assessed."

I shake my head. No. This can't be fucking happening. "Why won't you believe me? I have no reason to lie. Just call my parents and they will confirm it. They must be worried sick about me." Truth is, they probably think I'm off on another bender. They're more likely pissed off than worried about my safety.

Dr. Hall folds her arms across her chest, wrinkling her white lab coat. "We are not going to bother the Thorn family with this matter. They've already been through enough."

What in the actual fuck is she talking about? I glare back and forth between her and the orderly. "Listen to me. I am Libra Thorn. I grew up in Ever Graves. My parents are Gemini and Rose Thorn. I have a twin brother named Aries. I'm supposed to start classes this week at Tenebrose Academy. But instead I'm stuck here. You've let him tie me up and drug me. I will have this entire place shut down if you don't let me out of here."

She rolls her eyes. "Well, you certainly have the sense of entitlement fa?ade down. But I'm sorry to say you won't be leaving here until you are well. And the first step is admitting that you are not Libra Thorn. I can't help you if you resist."

I try to choke back a sob, but I can't stop my angry tears from spilling out. " Fuck …"

The doctor presses the end of her stethoscope to the side of my neck. I flinch as the cold metal assaults my skin.

"Her pulse is erratic. Give her another dose of valium, Gorman."

Fuck. This is insane. I shrink back as he stalks toward me with the syringe. "Please, no more drugs." I never thought I'd ever utter that sentence in my life. "My heart is racing because I'm scared. If you just unstrap me and let me go to the bathroom, I'll calm down."

She nods to the orderly. He snickers as he reaches down to the floor and brings up a small metal tub. I squeal as he wedges it under my ass. "A fucking bedpan? Are you mad? I'm not an animal. Just let me go to a real bathroom, please."

The doctor sighs again through pursed lips. I'm beginning to despise this woman and can't help but imagine what it will feel like to punch her in her smug fucking face.

"Miss Doe, we aren't drugging you, we're medicating you because you need it. You are being restrained because you are a danger to yourself and others. But tomorrow, we'll begin your treatment. If you can behave yourself, the restraints will come off, and you'll be free to roam around in this wing of the building."

Fuck. There are so many more insults I want to spew at her, but I bite my tongue. If I have any chance of getting out of here, I'm going to have to play along. I nod. "Understood. I'll be good, I promise."

She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Good. Now, Gorman is going to remove your pants so that you can pee in the pan whenever you need."

I choke back another sob. I can't react. I have to stay calm. Fuck. I nod again. "Okay," I murmur.

The doctor turns her back and waits, her nose buried in the folder that I assume is my file.

Gorman snickers as he hovers over me. He whispers in my ear, "I told you we're gonna have fun."

I swallow hard and glare at him as he slowly inches my pants down to my ankles. He undoes the restraints briefly so he can slide them fully off. I try not to flinch as the cold metal bedpan presses against my ass. He licks his lips as his gaze lingers on the sight of my exposed pussy.

"Make sure it's positioned right, Gorman. I don't want her sleeping in a pool of her own piss," the doctor calls out, her back still turned.

"Yes, Dr. Hall." He smirks down at me. "Let's get this nice and tight."

I fixate on the lightbulb above my head, gritting my teeth. As he adjusts the metal pan underneath me, his fingers flick against my ass crack.

I draw in a sharp breath. "Watch it."

Gorman snickers as he probes the tip of his finger between my ass cheeks. "Oh, I'm always watching."

Fuck. Is this asshole really going to feel me up with the doctor standing right there? I glance over at her to see she's completely engrossed in my file.

He slowly removes his finger from my ass, but before he leaves, he presses my thighs down against the pan, giving it another shake to make sure it's secure "I'll be back later tonight to change this out."

Fucking hell. Hopefully, I'll just die in my sleep. If there is a god, I pray that he's merciful.

As soon as they close the door behind them, I burst into tears. I'm going to do more than just shut this place down. I'm going to murder Gorman and Dr. Hall and anyone else who stands between me and my freedom.

I don't want to sleep, but I can't help it. My eyes burn from crying, and the drugs are still in my system. I don't even remember falling asleep.

A noise startles me awake sometime in the night. I have no idea how long I've been out but my head pounds. Shivers race across my skin as the cold draft flitters over my half-naked body.

Fuck. Someone's in here.

I open my eyes and blink the fog out. My stomach sinks when I see Gorman standing over me. "Time to change your bedpan."

I don't even remember peeing. "It's fine. Please leave me alone."

I hear the liquid slosh as he pulls it out from underneath me. "That's a good girl. Filled it up nice and full for me."

He sets it on the floor and comes back with an empty bedpan. I can't stop shaking as he wedges the new one in place. "Now, let's get you cleaned up."

I shake my head. "Unstrap me so I can do it myself."

He clucks his tongue. "You know I can't do that. Doctor's orders." He leaves for a second, then returns with a bucket and sponge.

My teeth are chattering. "Pl-please. This is degrading."

Gormon dips the sponge into the soapy water and rings it out before pressing it against my thigh. "Shhh, this is holy."

Tears stream down my cheeks as he rubs the sponge up and down my thighs. He's slow and meticulous as he makes his way higher up.

He dips the sponge in the bucket again, but this time, he rings it out over my pussy. "You're the prettiest Jane Doe I've ever seen. Prettier than the last one."

Fuck, no. I squirm as the water drips down my slit. "You're disgusting," I growl out.

"That's enough, Gorman," a deep raspy voice growls from the doorway.

The orderly's head snaps to glare at the culprit. "Go back to your room, Fabien. This doesn't concern you."

The man steps out of the darkness and into my room.

Oh, fuck.

It's that fucking Nocturnus initiate.

A flicker of shame streaks through me. I can't stand him, but the idea of him watching me get a sponge bath from this disgusting pig makes me want to curl up and die. I'm Libra fucking Thorn. This should not be happening to me.

"Everything here concerns me. Do I need to remind you of our arrangement?" Fabien barks.

Gormon sighs and gets up from the bed. "You're going to make this about you, too, aren't you? You never let me have any fun."

"This one is off-limits," Fabien barks again.

Gormon nods before gathering up the bucket and soiled bedpan. I watch Fabien glare at Gorman as he slithers past him in the doorway. What the hell does he have on him?

I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you. Is there any way you can get me a blanket?"

Fabien stalks over. Once he's under the light, I can see his face clearer. I'd forgotten how mesmerizing his blue eyes were. They pull me in every time. But there is something different about him. Something unhinged that wasn't there before.

He looks down at me in disgust. "Don't ever fucking thank me for anything. I didn't do that for you. You are ours to destroy, and I don't want him or anyone else tainting you before we do."

I feel my cheeks heating. "Is this because I wouldn't hang out with you after the Nocturnus party last year? That's a bit fucking dramatic."

Fabien grabs my chin and pinches it hard. "I don't give a fuck about dating you. No. This is about you and your fucking family. Nocturnus. It's because of all of you that we're stuck in here."

I almost forget that I'm strapped to a bed with my pussy exposed. I lurch up and growl in his face, "Fuck you, Fabien. You don't know anything."

He grabs my throat and squeezes. "I know you're a spoiled fucking brat who's just been brought down a few notches. Who else did you piss off to get your ass thrown in here?"

I glare back at him and try not to admire his thick full lips. "I have no idea why I'm in here. But you need to tell them who I am. They don't believe me."

Fabien smirks. "Nah. I think we'll torture you for a while first. Before we kill you, that is."

A chill snakes up my back. "You keep saying we … who else are you in here with?"

Fabien yanks the bedpan out from underneath me and throws it to the floor, laughing. "The only other two initiates who survived that night. You know, after your cousin and his friends stripped us of all our sigils." He pulls up his shirt to reveal his torso covered in scars.

My stomach knots. Fuck. He blames me as much as them. All because I'm a fucking Thorn. Maybe I should start pretending to be someone else.

"I had nothing to do with that," I plead.

He shrugs. "Maybe… maybe not. But either way, you're the closest thing we have to them, so I think we'll take it out on you for a while."

I shiver as he slams the door behind him, locking me back in.

How the fuck am I going to get myself out of this mess?