Chapter 16

16

Harlow

It takes the better part of two hours to calm all the Brides down. I don’t manage to convince either Beatrix or Mabel’s bodyguard—Sonya is her name—to leave, but no one sheds any blood. It’s not a win, but it’s a solid stalemate. Breaking through to the Brides will take a lot more time and effort.

I sip my cold tea and just let myself exist for a few minutes after they all leave. Today hasn’t been a win, but it hasn’t quite been a loss, either.

A small creak behind me, so quiet that I wouldn’t have heard it if I weren’t sitting in perfect silence. The small hairs on the back of my neck rise. I’m facing the door. No one should be able to enter the library without me seeing them. And yet I am not alone.

I spin around, ready to throw my cup at the intruder’s head, and barely manage to check myself when I recognize the man standing there. Eli. He’s showered and changed and looks remarkably put together in a pair of slacks and a pale gray button-down. He’s still got one hell of a black eye, but the swelling’s gone down significantly in the last few hours. He always did heal quickly.

He’s not worth ruining one of my tea cups over. Then again, he’s been such an unforgivable ass, he deserves cold tea dumped over his head.

I study the wall behind him, but there’s no indication of where the fuck he came from. It’s not the first time he’s appeared in a room when he shouldn’t have been able to, but he’s never answered my leading questions about how the hell he gets around. There have to be passages built into these walls, but their secret is yet another one that Eli’s kept from me over the years. He won’t answer now. That’s for sure.

I turn back around. “Come to call me sloppy seconds again?” Damn it, I didn’t mean to say that out loud. I should be focusing on minimizing the antagonism between us, but I can’t quite manage it. I have too much anger pent up over too many years. I will be able to hold it together for public things—I don’t have a choice—but I refuse to fold into myself to make him comfortable. Not ever again.

“No.” He walks around my chair to drop into the one across from me. He moves without any stiffness at all. Either he’s faking it well, or Abel didn’t work him over quite as thoroughly as it appeared in the amphitheater and during the aftermath.

I sip my tea. It’s unsatisfying cold, but it’s better than sitting here with nothing in my hands while so much hurt spins out in the silence between us.

Finally, Eli sighs. “I fucked up.”

Of all the things I expected him to say, that doesn’t number among them. Still…this is Eli. I can’t take anything at face value. I focus on holding perfectly still. “Elaborate.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have challenged him to that second fight. I put my own feelings above the good of the faction. And then I kept fucking up by increasing the animosity between the three of us instead of trying to smooth things out to ensure Abel wouldn’t punish our people.”

I wait, but it appears that’s all. There’s no reason for the disappointment that sinks its claws into me and rips its way through my heart. Did I really think that Eli would come and tell me that he loves me, he’s sorry for boxing me in again and again over the last five years? Of course he has his eye on the endgame and the bottom line. That’s what he should have done from the beginning.

This is something of an olive branch, and if I’m willing to play with Abel, then I can’t turn away any resources. I stroke my thumb over the rim of my cup. “In hindsight, I’m not sure it would have made a difference. You might have handed him the faction on a silver platter, but he was already here and prepped for war. He and his brothers would have taken the compound regardless, and there would have been bloodshed. All with the same result.” Abel never would have been satisfied with only me as revenge. He always meant to take the faction back. He’s admitted as much.

No reason for that to sting, either. After all, I’m used to coming in a far second to the faction. One way that Abel and Eli are identical. The thought almost makes me laugh, but I swallow the sound down.

“You have so little faith in me, Harlow.”

I hold his gaze. “I have exactly the right amount of faith, I think.”

He doesn’t quite flinch, but he makes an involuntary movement. “I suppose I deserved that.”

“Yes, you did.” Although I’m hardly blameless in this situation. I stayed, after all. I could have left at any time. Instead, I let the resentment grow instead of making a clean break. I stare down into my tea. “Why are you here, Eli?”

He leans forward and clasps his hands between his knees. “I want what’s best for our people.”

Somehow, even when I doubted everything else, I never doubted that. Of course he does. Now that he’s not reacting emotionally, he’s focusing on the only thing that matters. That should make me happy. No matter what my personal feelings are, the faction matters more. I have to remember that instead of striking out at him until he reacts to me the way he does to Abel. I didn’t even realize how much distance Eli’s held me at all this time until Abel showed up and I realized how he acts when that distance isn’t a factor. Oh, he might hate Abel right now, but their history is written all over them. The intimacy of being close friends for most of their lives.

No reason to feel jealous of that. I’ve given up any hope of my happily ever after a year ago when I realized nothing would ever change between us. All I have left is the responsibility to the people who live in this faction. That’s it. “So do I.”

“With that in mind, I…” He takes a slow breath. “We need to put our personal feelings aside and deal with Abel.”

I stare at him a long moment. “Eli.” I take a breath and cling to calm with everything I have. “Please tell me that you’re not going to break your word.”

“There’s nothing in the agreement that guarantees his safety.”

I ignore the spike of fear that sentence brings. I don’t like Abel. I mean, I might kind of enjoy him, just a little, but he’s not a good man. No matter what promises he’s made to me, I can’t trust him beyond this year. I have to remember that. Always. “In fact, that’s exactly what the Bride agreement guarantees. Peace between our people and his for the duration of the year.”

“Peace doesn’t mean he suffers no accidents.”

For fuck’s sake. Eli is just proving that he hasn’t learned anything after all.

“We talked about this. Even if you managed to do something to him, he’s got six brothers who will be howling for your blood and who will turn around and punish our people for your sins. Not to mention breaking one Bridal agreement paves the way for the other factions to do the same. They’ll crush us.”

“The only way I’d stage another coup is if I could take all the Paine brothers out. If I do that, the other factions will have no reason to fight us. Not when their people are returned to them.”

I can’t believe I’m hearing this. I carefully, oh so carefully, set my cup on the tea cart. It’s either that or throw it at his head. “So what you’re saying is that you haven’t learned anything at all. I want no part of whatever you’re planning.” I lean forward and meet his gaze. “You will fail, Eli. He’s too good, and his brothers and his people are too capable. And when you fail, I’ll be the one who’s forced to pick up the pieces and do damage control. Again.”

“Damage control like fucking Abel.”

I push to my feet. “I’m not having this conversation.”

He drapes his arms over his chair, his expression lightly mocking. I’ve seen him with that look in his eyes more times than I can count, but never directed at me. He used to know better than to use his public persona on me. Even bracing for it, his words still lash me. “I thought you got over your knee-jerk reaction to run from things that scare you.”

He did not just say that.

Rage sears every last bit of control I have. I plant my hands on the arms of his chair and glare. “You don’t scare me, Eli. You’re a fool, and I’m scared of the consequences of your actions, but I am not scared of you. If you laid one hand on me, I’d cut it off, and you know it.”

Slowly, oh so slowly, he lifts his hand and presses it to my upper chest. “Prove it.”

I slap his hand away, but he catches my wrist. I yank, but it’s no use. Eli might be built leaner than Abel, but he’s still far too strong for me. “Let go.”

“No.”

Playing tug-a-war on my wrist will only hurt me. So I stop trying to pull free. “You want to know why I fucked Abel? Because it was my duty.”

“The first time.”

“Yeah, the first time.” Poison wells up in my throat, and despite my best efforts to swallow it back down again, it drips from my lips. “You want to know why I fucked him again? Because I am so angry at you, I wanted to hurt you so you’d finally see me. Because it didn’t fucking work, and you hurt me instead. Because when he touches me, I forget everything, and that’s what I need right now. There. Is that what you wanted to know? Do you feel better, Eli? Because I sure as hell don’t.”

He shifts his grip and strokes my wrist with his thumb. The intimate touch nearly sends me to my knees. It’s something he’s done more times than I can count, often when we’re in a room full of people. A subtle possessive code that promises pleasure as soon as we’re alone. Five years is long enough to create an entire language of small touches and significant looks, and I hate that he’s using it on me right now.

“Stop,” I whisper.

The mocking light drains out of his eyes, leaving a man who might be a stranger to me. He’s nearly as cold as Abel is, his hazel eyes hold things I can only begin to guess at. “I’ve changed my mind.”

There’s a tight, wet feeling in my chest. I yank on my arm again. I have to get out of here, because I’ll be damned before I cry in front of him. He doesn’t deserve that kind of trust. Not anymore. “I don’t care.”

“I recognize that I fucked things up. I was doing what I thought was right at the time.” He drags his thumb over my wrist again. “I understand now that that wasn’t what you needed.”

“Great. Congratulations. Let go.”

He shakes his head slowly. “I love you. None of this changes that truth. And when everything is burned away and there’s nothing left, we’ll be the last ones standing. I promise you that.”

Just like that, I stop trying to get free. “You love me? Then promise me you won’t do anything reckless. Promise me that you’ll be the leader you vowed to be when you took over this faction. Promise me that you won’t do anything to endanger our people.”

“I promise.” He says it so easily, so smoothly, it can’t be anything but a lie. “But you’ll give me a promise in return.”

I already know I won’t like what he’s about to say, but I can’t pretend that I won’t crawl through broken glass for the people in this faction. What can he ask of me compared to the depths I’m already prepared to go to? “What?”

“Promise me that you’ll share my bed while you share his. We’ll switch off every other night.”

I blink. “What?”

“We’re not through. I don’t give a fuck if you’re riding Abel’s cock. That’s your choice, and we both have roles to play as Brides. But you will give me a chance to heal things between us.”

A sound erupts from my lips. I’m not sure if it’s a laugh or a sob, but it makes us both flinch. I yank my hand back and, this time, Eli lets me go. “That’s not how healing works.”

He doesn’t drop his gaze. “It is with us.”

Is this really the worst thing he could ask of me? No, but it certainly feels like it in this moment. I trust Eli with my body, but I no longer trust him with my heart. He’ll shred me every time we touch, will cut right down to my core and leave me bleeding out. I straighten slowly. “Are you sure, Eli? After all, that would put me at sloppy thirds for you.”

“I’m sorry.” His expression doesn’t change. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” I turn for the door, but it’s like my feet have grown roots, sinking deep into the floor and holding me captive. I can’t walk out of here without doing everything in my power to keep this faction safe and as stable as possible. I never anticipated that I’d be bargaining my heart in the process.

But then, what worth do my heart and body hold when weighed against so many peoples’ safety?

“You want to bargain? So be it. I’ll share your bed for the duration of this handfasting. Sex is off the table unless I decide otherwise, on a case by case basis. Satisfied?”

“Not yet.” His lips curl into a heart-stopping smile. If only it reached his eyes. “But I will be.”