21. Zarios

Chapter twenty-one

I awoke wrapped around Sorcha. Even my tail circled her ankle. I pulled away, careful not to wake her. When I got up, I took a moment to look down at her. She was gorgeous.

But that was still a distraction.

I left and went to the shower. I couldn't stop thinking about the previous night. Her taste, her smell, her sounds. It played on a loop since it happened. I even dreamed about it—except my dream ended with me buried in that sweet cunt.

I shook my head as I lathered soap over my fur. This was a distraction. She was my intended in name only. When we caught the person attacking the kingdom, she would probably end up with some human lord.

The thought made me seethe, so much that I crushed the bar of soap to pieces in my grip. This was a problem. I couldn't become attached. Attachments meant mistakes, and I couldn't afford any of those. Last night should have proven that to me. I couldn't react like that any time another man talked to her. It wasn't rational.

I finished my shower quickly, dressed, and moved to the bedroom .

When I got there, Sorcha was sitting against the headboard, her hair mussed like it was last night. Her night slip hung low in front of her, showing a bit of her breast.

"Morning," I said.

"Good morning."

We stared at each other in silence. What was there to say? I shifted on my feet as she played with her nails.

"About the last few nights," she started. "It was..." She trailed off.

"A way to get it out of our system," I said, finishing her thought.

Her eyes widened for a moment before settling to neutral. "Yes. That's all. We've just been…close."

"Yes," I agreed, my tongue feeling heavy with the lie. "It's better for us not to repeat it."

"Agreed." Something flickered in her eyes briefly, something that might have mirrored this sadness I was feeling. "We can go back to normal."

I cleared my throat. "Agreed."

The silence was tense. Everything I said felt wrong, but I knew it was right. "I have a meeting in the morning, but we have the main event in the afternoon in town. I'll be back around eleven, and we can do some walking around beforehand."

"Sounds good." She hopped off the bed and went to the bathroom, clicking it closed and effectively shutting me out.

I quickly grabbed my things and left. As I did, my stomach dropped. I stood there for a moment behind the closed door, allowing myself to wallow in my feelings for a few seconds more. That conversation felt wrong, and walking away from it felt even worse, but I couldn't allow myself to make a mistake, to get caught up in anything that felt as real and raw as she did.

I had lied about the meeting, just needing to put some space between us before I did something unintelligent.

Like toss her back on the pillows and plow her through the bed.

When I finally got myself moving, I decided to look for Naram and found him exactly where I suspected he'd be—lounging out on the patio, drink in hand, bathing in the sun.

"Zar," he said, waving his drink in greeting. "I didn't think I'd see you until the afternoon, not with the way you hauled your intended from the party last night."

Naram shrugged. "I wouldn't have done what I did if someone didn't need it."

My brow rose. "I'm sorry?"

He set his drink down, sitting up a bit. "It was obvious you needed a little…push."

"A push?" I parroted.

"Yes," he said, sounding exasperated. "We've been friends for a long time. I could tell something was off, so I tested her."

"Why?" I asked. I didn't like the idea of anyone testing Sorcha.

"I worried she was just with you for the title. You're not much of a catch," he said with a wink.

"She's royalty in Peradona," I said flatly.

"Second in line," he countered .

"She doesn't care about that." I was sure of it.

"Oh, I could tell," he said with a laugh.

My brows drew up in confusion. "How?"

"Because someone only in it for the power would have easily folded to my charm," he said simply.

I let out a short huff. "Not everyone falls for that."

He quirked his brow. "Have you ever seen it not work?"

I stayed silent because I couldn't argue. "I wanted to see if she was actually interested in you, or your title. And she passed."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "How could you tell? Just because she didn't fall for your flirting doesn't mean anything." I didn't know why I was arguing with him. It was better for him to think it was real, but for some reason, I felt the need to know what he saw, to know why he thought that.

"The whole time we talked, her eyes rarely strayed from you."

His words made me pause. I hadn't noticed. My mind replayed every moment we'd been together. Not the times we'd been together in front of others, but the moments when no one was looking. The unnecessary hand holding, the lighthearted jabs we took at each other. I hadn't put much thought into it, but maybe that did all mean something.

"So that still leaves me wondering," Naram said, interrupting my thoughts, "as to why you're here instead of there with that beautiful woman. "

I sat down in the lounge chair next to him with a sigh. I obviously couldn't reveal our plans, but it would be nice to have someone to speak with.

"We had a bit of an argument," I confessed.

"Oh, tell me everything," he insisted.

I sighed. "It wasn't even really a fight. It was just…tense. I needed some space."

He nodded. "Did you try to talk about it?"

I cocked my head at him. "Talk?"

He let out his own sigh, setting his drink down. "My poor, non-communicative Grand Clarak. Sometimes, and by sometimes, I mean all the time, you don't communicate the things you're feeling."

Communicate my feelings? "But what if they aren't logical?"

He shrugged. "The best ones usually aren't."

I thought about his words. He was right, but I didn't know what I would say, what I could say. A servant came around and brought tea and breakfast. We ate, Naram adding some gin to his tea before drinking it.

I scrunched my face. "I can't believe you're still able to drink like that."

He laughs. "The trick is to never stop. Pickles the liver and keeps you young forever."

We shared a laugh. He swirled his glass. "Damyr seems better now," he commented.

I sighed. "He is, I think. Did he stay after we left?"

"No, actually," Naram said. "He left not long after, I assume right back to his room. I'm glad he seemed okay. After everything, I worried he would go right back to his old ways. Or hate us."

I shook my head. "Why would he? We did what was best for him."

"People don't always sees it that way. But he seemed better," he conceded.

I nodded, thinking back to all those years ago. I had just become Grand Clarak and quit the partying life all together. Naram and Damyr were still very much in it, staying in Mertis. That was, until Damyr's father, Chamil, the previous Clarak of Mertis, reached out to me. Apparently, Damyr wasn't just indulging on his days off. He was ignoring his responsibilities, going on multi-day benders, from drinking, to drugs, to brothels. It was getting out of hand, and that was when Chamil asked Naram and I to do something for him.

After much discussion and many failed attempts at keeping him away from it all, his father helped us send him up north to Thvetharion. It was emptier out there, and he would have some time to clear his mind and focus on what was important.

Chamil left his post not long after, and Naram became Clarak of Mertis. It was my first choosing ceremony, and while we were friends, he was objectively the most qualified. He also won in the arena, which could hardly be challenged. Though he seemed like your average charming guy, he was a beast beneath it all.

When Damyr came back, I offered him a job as head of guard in the castle. He took it, and he has seemed alright ever since. I was proud of him for getting away from that lifestyle.

"Well," he said, snapping me out of my musings, "I'm just glad it seems to be water under the bridge."

"I agree."

We finished breakfast, and I excused myself to find Sorcha once more. With some time away, I felt as if my lust filled brain has had a break. What I did this morning was the right thing. I was sure of it.

At least, I was until I walked back into our rooms. She wore a yellow dress today. This one was from Peradona, with a fuller skirt and a slightly higher neckline. The sleeves were slightly puffed. She looked like she did when we met, which now seemed so unlike her.

"You ready?" she asked, pulling her slightly heeled shoes on.

"Yes," I said. "Is that what you're wearing?"

She paused to look at me. "Is there something wrong with this?"

"No," I quickly amended. "I just want you to be comfortable."

"Well, I'm plenty comfortable," she said, lifting the skirt in a practiced way and stepping around me towards the door. There was obviously something wrong, but I wasn't sure what or how to even ask.

I followed her out, and she walked at a much brisker speed than normal. I easily kept up, but normally, I was slowing my pace for her.

Once we left the main entrance, she didn't know where to go, so she paused, letting me take the lead. The silence between us felt tense, and I hated it. The only sound was the shifting of her skirts. "What did you have planned?" she asked. She never made eye contact with me.

I didn't have a plan, but now, I felt like I needed to do something. "Would you like to go to the pier?" I said quickly.

"Lead the way," she gestured. No attitude, no fight back. None of her normal spark.

I huffed in annoyance but led us there anyway. With the celebration of the Grand Clarak's intended happening that night, it was much less busy than normal. The beach was almost empty, save for a few lone fishers.

The water glittered, clear and blue. The sand was soft beneath my hooves. Even holding it up, I could see her skirt dragging through the sand, and the heeled shoes made it hard to walk.

"Would you like to wade?" I asked.

She looked to the bottom of her skirt. "I'm fine."

I shrugged and bent down to roll my pants up a bit. While bent, I noticed her staring at my ass. It warmed something in me, but that feeling needed to be stamped out. I walked into the water. Though the air was a bit cool, the water was still warm from the summer.

She stood on the edge, right where the water couldn't touch. "The water's nice," I taunted.

"Great," she said, crossing her arms.

We both watched as a large wave rolled in, and before she could react, it rolled up higher and swept the bottom of her skirt and on her feet. She sighed loudly .

"I guess you might as well come in now," I commented, trying to keep my laugh to myself.

She grumbled something I didn't pick up as she plopped down in the sand and pulled her shoes and socks off.

I walked over and reached my hand out to help her up. She glanced at it for a moment before helping herself up and stepping around me towards the water.

This woman. At least she seemed a bit more like herself. I was sort of glad she didn't take my hand.

I followed her in as she waded to mid-calf, her dress floating around her.

"The water is nice," she said after a moment.

"I told you," I said. "You don't have to be so stubborn all the time."

She sniffed. "I'm not always stubborn."

The laugh that came out was involuntary. She looked at me, mouth open. "What?"

I looked at her in confusion. "You are the most stubborn woman I've ever met."

She gasped. "Am not."

"Are too."

She narrowed her eyes. "How mature."

"It's not always bad," I said. "It makes you strong too."

She didn't say anything to that, just letting her gaze go back to the waterline.

Soon, another large wave rolled in and pulled her skirt. She lost her footing. I went to catch her and lost mine as well. She screamed as I twisted us and fell into the water on my back, her on top.

We sank, but I quickly scrambled us back up. The water wasn't deep, so when we sat up we were easily seated above the water.

Sorcha brushed her hair out of her face and turned to me. My fringe was blocking the view a bit, so I moved it out of the way.

We stared at each other for a moment before we both broke out into uncontrollable laughter. We must have looked mad, in the ocean, off season, in regular clothing, but it was hilarious.

"We may need to change," I commented as I stopped.

"We may," she agreed.

"Why don't we pick something up so we don't have to go all the way back to the castle?"

"If you're sure," she said.

"Of course. You in?"

She stood and held her hand out to me this time. "Let's go."

I took it. "Let's."