Chapter Twenty-Two Cromwell

Chapter Twenty-Two

Cromwell

“Bonnie! Bonnie!” I shouted as she slumped in her seat. Her right hand clutched her left arm, and her eyes started to close. Panic rushed through me like a river.

Bonnie’s eyes fell on mine, and all I saw was fear staring back at me. Then her eyes shut. “No! NO!” I shouted and moved over her. My hand searched for her pulse. It wasn’t there. I didn’t think. I just let instinct rule my actions. I took Bonnie in my arms and carried her to the dock as quickly as I could. I laid her down and started resuscitations, something my dad had made me learn years ago. “Come on, Bonnie,” I whispered, my blood running cold when her pulse didn’t come back.

I kept going, breathing into her mouth, pushing at her chest, when suddenly someone came beside me. I looked up to see the canoeist. “Call 911!” I shouted, not daring to take my hands off Bonnie. Because she had to live. She couldn’t die. “Tell them she has heart failure. And to hurry!”

It was all a fog. I kept going and going until someone pulled me aside. I fought them to get back to Bonnie. But when arms held me down, stopping me, I looked up. The EMTs were here. “She’s got heart failure,” I said, watching them take Bonnie from the dock and onto a gurney. I sprinted after them and climbed into the back of the ambulance and stayed frozen against the side as the paramedics worked on Bonnie.

Her hand had fallen over the gurney. And that was all I could see. Her limp hand, one that only a short while ago was holding mine. The doors to the ambulance started to close. When I looked up, the man in the canoe was gone.

The ambulance pulled out, and the whole time I stared at Bonnie’s hand. I called her parents. I didn’t even remember the conversation. I followed the gurney through the hospital as doctors and nurses swarmed around Bonnie like bees. I heard the beeps and whirrs of the machines keeping her alive. And I heard the pounding of my heart in my ears. The colors flew at me like shrapnel, hitting me with every strike. Emotions buried me until I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I stayed against the wall, watching Bonnie’s hand that still hung over the gurney. I wanted to hold it. Wanted her to know I was here, waiting for her to wake up.

“No!” Bonnie’s mother’s voice rang out behind me. I turned to see her father and brother coming in behind. Bonnie’s mum tried to run to the bed, but Mr. Farraday held her back. Easton stood in the doorway, his eyes fixed on his sister, a scarily calm look on his face. Like he wasn’t even there. Like he wasn’t watching his sister fight for her life.

Tubes and machines were all over Bonnie, drowning her dark hair and slim body. And all the time, I was buried further and further under colors and noises and shapes and feelings. Feelings I didn’t want.

I stood there, watching the girl who had brought back my heart fight to save hers. I stood there until I was led away. Mrs. Farraday steered me into a room. I blinked when the noises stopped and we were plunged into silence.

A doctor came into the room. I glanced up. Easton was beside me. But his eyes were vacant. His face pale.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion as the doctor started to speak. Only certain words made it through to my brain. “Cardiac arrest…terminal…no more than a couple of weeks…no going home…top of the list…medical help…machines…”

The doctor left the room. Bonnie’s mother fell into her husband’s chest. Crimson red filled my head as her cries filled the room. Mr. Farraday reached out for Easton. Easton was pulled into their arms, but he didn’t hold them back. He just stood there, eyes vacant, his body eerily still.

Bonnie was dying.

Bonnie was dying .

I staggered to the wall, and finally my feet gave out. I hit the floor and felt the shield of numbness drain out of me…only to lower my defenses so much that the emotions assaulted me, blanket-bombing me with images of Bonnie slumping in the boat, holding her arm, calling my name…

My head fell forward, and the tears I had held back came pouring out. I fucking fell apart on the floor until a pair of arms came around me. I knew it was Mrs. Farraday, but I couldn’t stop. She was her mother. Getting told her daughter would only have a couple of weeks…but I couldn’t help it.

Bonnie was it for me. The only one who understood me.

I loved her.

And I was going to lose her.

“She’s gonna be all right,” Mrs. Farraday kept whispering into my ear. But her words were navy blue.

Navy blue. Motherfucking navy blue.

“She’s gonna be all right.”

Navy blue.

* * *

My feet were leaden as I walked into the room. The rhythmic beating of the life-support machine was deafening. Mrs. Farraday’s hand squeezed my shoulder as she passed me, shutting the door and leaving us alone. The room stank of chemicals.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them again. My feet edged closer to the bed, and I almost fell down again when I saw Bonnie in the bed. Tubes and machines surrounded her, her eyes closed, depriving me of her light. A chair waited next to her, but I pushed it aside and carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. I took Bonnie’s hand in mine.

It was cold.

I pushed her hair from her face. I knew she liked it when I did that. “Hi, Farraday,” I said, my voice sounding like a scream in the quiet room. I squeezed her hand then leaned over her, careful of the tubes, and kissed her forehead. Her skin was ice-cold. My eyes watered. Moving my mouth to her ear, I said, “You made me a promise, Farraday, and I’m not letting you get out of it.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I love you.” My voice cracked on the last word. “I love you, and I refuse to let you leave me here without you.” I swallowed. “Just fight, baby. I know your heart is tired. I know you’re tired too, but you have to keep fighting.” I paused, pulling myself together. “The doctor said you’re at the top of the list now. You’re going to get a heart.” Of course I knew that wasn’t guaranteed, but I had to say it. More for myself than for her.

I glanced down at Bonnie’s chest. A machine made it rise and fall. It was a perfect rhythm. I kissed Bonnie on the cheek then sat on the chair beside her. I kept tight hold of her hand. Even when I closed my eyes, I didn’t let go.

* * *

“Son?” A hand on my shoulder woke me up. I blinked, dimmed lights shining above me. Confusion clouded my head, until those clouds dispersed. I found Bonnie on the bed, eyes closed and machines loud. Then I looked down at my fingers still linked through hers.

“It’s late, Cromwell.” Mr. Farraday nodded his head toward Bonnie. “She’s in an induced coma, son. She won’t be waking up for a while yet. A few days at least. Her body needs time to get stronger.” I stared at her pretty face, pale and covered in tubes. I wanted to push them all away, but I knew they were keeping her here.

“Go home, son. Get some sleep. Something to eat. You’ve been here for hours.”

“I don’t…” I cleared my hoarse throat. “I don’t want to go.”

“I know you don’t. But there’s nothing we can do now. It’s all in God’s hands.” He waved his hand for me to follow. I stood and kissed Bonnie on the cheek.

“I love you,” I whispered into her ear. “I’ll be back soon.” I followed Mr. Farraday out into the hallway. “I’m coming back in the morning.” This time I wasn’t asking permission. They weren’t keeping me away.

Mr. Farraday nodded. “Cromwell, you kept my baby alive until the paramedics got there. I’m not making you go anywhere.”

“My dad was in the army. He taught me.” I didn’t know why I said that. It just came out.

I saw the sympathy in Mr. Farraday’s eyes. And I knew he knew about my dad. “Then he was a good man.” He squeezed my shoulder again. “Go. Sleep. And come back tomorrow.”

I turned and headed for the main doors. I wasn’t thinking, just letting my feet lead the way. As I stepped into the cool night, I saw someone on a bench in a small garden across the road. As soon as I saw the blond hair, I knew who it was.

I dropped beside Easton on the bench. He didn’t say anything as we stared at the statue of an angel in the center of the garden. It was minutes before he rasped, “She has a couple of weeks, Crom. That’s it.”

My stomach tightened, so much that it made me feel sick. “She’ll be good,” I said. But I didn’t even convince myself. “She’s at the top of the list now. She’ll get a heart.” Easton was silent. I turned to him. “How are you?”

Easton laughed without humor. “Still here.”

“She needs you,” I said, worried by his words. “When she wakes, when they bring her around from the coma, she’ll need you.”

Easton nodded. “Yeah. I know.” He got to his feet. “I’m going back in.”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I watched Easton walk back into the hospital. I stayed staring at the angel. Tonight ran though my head at a million miles an hour. Then one part kept coming back. “Who has synesthesia?” I pulled out my phone and typed the question into my browser. My stomach fell when what Bonnie said was mostly true. I told myself I must be one of the exceptions, but a little voice started whispering in the back of my brain.

“You don’t look anything like your dad…Your mum has blond hair. You have black hair…You’re tall. Your mum and dad are short…”

My heart fired like a canon in my chest. Adrenaline rushed through me, and thoughts and memories bombarded my mind. My feet moved to the taxi rank, and I grabbed a cab back to the lake. I went to my abandoned truck, not even looking at the lake, where Bonnie had collapsed in front of me. Instead I drove. I drove and drove until my body was exhausted. But my mind wouldn’t shut off. Bonnie was dying. She needed a heart. Easton was falling apart, and yet…that question…that bloody question still stuck in my head.

I slammed my truck to a stop outside my dorm and looked in the rearview mirror.

My eyes were my mum’s. My lips were my mum’s.

But my hair…

“Why are you pushing him on me so much?” I asked my dad.

“Because he understands, son. He understands what it’s like to be like you.” He sighed. “Just give him a chance. I think you’ll like him if you get to know him. You should know him, son.”

No. It couldn’t be true. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be.

Hands shaking, I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone. Everything was too much. Everything, my life, falling apart. I pressed the contact and waited until it connected. “Cromwell! Baby, are you okay?” My mum’s faint South Carolina accent drifted into my ears.

“Was Dad my real dad?” I blurted.

My mum paused on the other end of the phone. I heard her struggling for words. “Cromwell…what…?”

“Was Dad my real dad? Just answer the question!”

But she didn’t. She was silent.

It said everything.

I slammed my hand down to end the call. My pulse was sprinting, and before I knew it I was out of the car. I started running, and I didn’t stop until I got to his house on campus.

My fist pounded on the door until it opened. Lewis stood there, dressing gown on, wiping the sleep from his eyes. “Cromwell?” he said groggily. “What—?”

“Who had synesthesia, your mum or dad?”

It took him a while for the question to sink in. “Um…my mama had it.” And then he looked at me. He saw me glaring. And I watched the arsehole’s face pale.

“How well did you know my mum?” I asked, voice strained.

I didn’t think Lewis was going to answer, but then he said, “Well.” He swallowed. “Very well.”

I closed my eyes. When I opened them again, I noticed Lewis’s black hair. His build. His height. And I knew. I backed away from the door, pain and shock and Bonnie being in a coma all melting into one fucked-up pot.

“Cromwell…” Lewis stepped forward.

He was my father. My phone rang in my pocket. I took it out to see my mum’s name. He must have seen it too. “Cromwell, please, I can explain. We can explain.”

“Get the hell away from me,” I said, backing over his garden. But he kept coming, and my feet ground to a halt. “Get away,” I warned again, and I felt something in my chest rip open when I thought of my dad. Of him trying to understand me. My music. The colors…

And I wasn’t even his.

Lewis kept coming. He came closer and closer, until he was right in front of me. “Cromwell, please—”

But before he could say any more, I sent my fist flying across his face. His head snapped back. When he turned around, his lip was busted. “You’re nothing,” I spat. “You’re nothing compared to him.” I rushed out of his garden before he could say anything else. I ran and ran until I found myself back at the lake. But the minute I was back there, all I saw was Bonnie, and whatever was left of my heart shredded into fragments.

I sank down to the dock and hung my feet off the end. My head dropped, and I let everything come out. I couldn’t hold it together.

Bonnie.

My dad.

Lewis…

Tipping my head back, I stared at the stars in the sky and had never felt so insignificant in my life. I couldn’t be here. But I had nowhere else to go.

No. That was a lie.

I drove back to the hospital. When I walked into the waiting room, the Farradays all looked up at me. They hadn’t left.

“I’m not leaving her,” I said, voice broken and raw. I knew I must have looked a sight. I knew because Mrs. Farraday stood and took my hand, bringing me back to a seat beside her. Easton came and sat beside me too. The window on the other side of the room showed Bonnie, lying in the bed. So I focused on her. Wishing on the stars I’d just seen that she would pull through.

I needed her, and I wasn’t sure what the hell I’d do if I didn’t have her in my life. So I would wait. I’d wait for her to wake. And we’d pray for a heart.

Or I was pretty sure I’d lose the beat in mine.