Chapter Seventeen

Lexie saw the back of Rachel's head as she stepped out of the office. "Rachel!" She ran the few steps to catch up with her, as Rachel turned, eyes a little guarded. She had that rare combination of dark hair and blue eyes, and it was really quite striking.

"Wasn't sure I'd catch up with you," Lexie said, pulling her jacket tighter to her. It was bright and sunny outside, but right now the chill in the air was still biting.

"I was moving quite slowly," Rachel admitted. She had a soft Welsh accent—and the contrast between that and Lexie's own accent was another thing that marked them out as different. "I was hoping you'd change your mind."

"Did Theo tell you he was going to go after me or something?"

"No. But I guessed that's what he was going to do after he stormed out after you."

Lexie scowled and shoved her hands into her jacket pockets. "He's an arrogant coal-eyed demon bat."

Rachel let out a quiet snort.

"Actually that's not really fair—bats get a bad rap and are actually quite cute."

"Theo's quite cute, to be fair," Rachel said.

"No, he's not." Cute was definitely not a word she'd use to describe him. "Shall we walk?" Lexie gestured down the street and Rachel nodded.

Together, they started walking, past some of the shops that Lexie had gotten to know since being here. She imagined it would go away after a year of living here, but for now she loved this, just meandering through Bath, especially on a day like today. There were a few places, in all her traveling around, that made her feel like she belonged, like the place was welcoming her in—and Bath was one of them. It was hard to imagine anyone would dislike it here—the gorgeous architecture always gave you something to look at, and there was always another cool little side street to explore, with a café or an independent shop waiting for you.

"He is once you get to know him. Theo, I mean."

Lexie glanced at Rachel. She had to be around ten years younger than Theo, but still…"Is there something going on between you two?" She figured it would be better to know now, if so.

Rachel laughed, making Lexie feel instantly ridiculous. "No. He's not my type, trust me. We're just…friends I guess."

"You guess?"

"Yeah, well, we'd spend time together with Dad, sometimes, like we'd all have dinner together or whatever, and we sort of…got to know each other, through that." She shot Lexie a glance, like she might be worried about bringing Richard up so soon.

And there it was—another reminder that Theo knew Richard, the Richard of more recent years at least, a hell of a lot better than Lexie did. They took a left, and Lexie knew they were heading toward the abbey courtyard. For a moment they walked in awkward silence. Lexie tried to think of an arbitrary question to ask but came up blank.

They stopped as the courtyard opened up, a decent-size crowd sitting at the cafés on either side and milling about the shops, even though it was a weekday. A building with big sandstone pillars stood to their right, majestic in a way only a café in Bath could be, and up ahead was the Abbey itself in all its glory. Gorgeous stained-glass windows, columns of honey-gold stone, and towers that stretched into the blue sky.

"I really want a coffee," Rachel said. "Don't suppose you fancy one?"

Lexie was trying to cut back, but the smell of it was lingering in the air. So they got one to take away, then sat on one of the benches in the middle of the courtyard, facing the abbey.

"This is awkward, I know," Rachel said, when they couldn't pretend to be busy with balancing their coffees anymore. "And I know it's weird to just show up and I know you sent me that message saying it was all fine, but I…I wanted to talk in person." She took a big gulp of her cappuccino and then winced, like it was too hot.

"About the house?" Lexie asked after a beat. Might as well get it over and done with.

"Yeah. Partly. Mainly."

"Is that why you're over this way? To check up on the house? Because you don't live here, right? You live in Wales?"

"I live in Cardiff now, yeah. And yes, I mean it's useful to pop into the estate agents—selling a house is, apparently, really complicated. But I came here to see you."

Lexie glanced sideways at her. "You drove all the way here to see if I was around?"

Rachel wrinkled her nose, and Lexie had the flash of a little Rachel, no more than five, who had made an expression just like that behind her mum's back when she'd been asked to finish her broccoli. Did Rachel still hate broccoli? Probably not.

"I've been told I can get a little obsessive at times," Rachel admitted.

Lexie found herself laughing, and Rachel gave her a guilty smile. "Good to know," Lexie said.

Rachel lifted her coffee to her lips again, and Lexie caught the glint of a ring on her finger, a blue sapphire.

"Nice ring," Lexie said casually.

Rachel glanced down, then positioned her hand so that the ring was obscured by the coffee cup. "Thanks." It was a weird reaction to just a ring, but Lexie didn't pry—she knew what it was like when you didn't want to talk about something.

"You're selling the house, then?" she asked instead. "You weren't tempted to live there?" Although, at twenty-two, maybe a house would be a bit too much responsibility to take on? It certainly would have been for her, at that age. Come to think of it, it still sounded like a bit too much commitment, even now.

Rachel bit her lip. "I didn't want…I didn't want to move here and, you know, intrude. I knew you were going to be here for a bit."

Lexie wondered how she'd gathered all her information. Theo? Though of course it had been in the will, so Rachel would have known from that that Lexie had inherited half the company. Maybe Rachel didn't know Lexie had run from it at first.

Lexie blew out a breath. "Bath's not mine, " she said. "My mum doesn't live here—she's still in Frome. And I'm only here for a year—less, now, actually. You shouldn't not live here because of me." She hadn't even thought that this would be a consideration.

"It's not just that." She twisted the ring on her left hand, not seeming to notice she was doing it. "I already have somewhere to live. And it's…It's Dad's house, you know?" Lexie nodded, even though she didn't really know. She didn't know what it would be like, to go into his house and see everything he'd left behind—but she didn't think she'd feel the same about it as Rachel did.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said quietly. "About the house."

"Don't be," Lexie said simply.

"But I—"

"Rachel, I didn't think he'd leave me anything at all in his will. The company stuff. I don't know. I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm working through it. But his house—I wouldn't have wanted it." It was true, she realized. It might have been easier, but it would have felt way too personal. She'd gotten hung up on it because it was easier to focus on, to look for proof as to how Richard had valued his two daughters. But that was unfair to Rachel.

Rachel glanced at her, clearly trying to read her, before looking at the abbey again. "So where are you living now, then? With your mum?" Maybe she was returning the favor—changing the subject.

"I was—but I'm living with a friend of mine from school now."

And she'd been amazed at how easy it had been. She'd been forced to share space with a variety of people over the years, but it had been so much nicer sharing with someone who already knew the bad parts of you as well as the good. She knew Fran could afford to live alone, but for now, it was perfect—and Fran insisted that she liked the company. She'd expected her mum to be disappointed, but instead she'd seemed almost relieved. Maybe living with an adult daughter was just as hard on the parent—and perhaps she hadn't appreciated the fact that her mum might actually enjoy having her own space.

Lexie checked the time on her phone. "I should probably get back to the office." No one would blame her if she didn't, everyone very much kept to their own schedule, but still. "We're planning this Madrid trip," Lexie explained out loud. "And I want to make sure I've done all my research." Especially as Theo was going to be with her, and she didn't want to risk things going wrong.

"Oh, that's so fun!" Rachel beamed. "I've been to Madrid. I was only about nine, so I don't remember the ins and outs, but it was so cool—we went to see these Spanish dancers, and we ate all this Spanish food—I remember the patatas bravas, though I just thought they were posh chips with tomato—and they were amazing. It was so hot, and Dad and Mum seemed really happy—though that might have been the sangria. I got obsessed with this Spanish red dress and Dad actually bought it for me and I wore it to every party for like a year and…"

She trailed off, looking at Lexie, and Lexie realized she must have been letting something show on her face. She tried to smooth out her expression, but her gut was twisting, imagining the scenario Rachel was describing.

"Oh my god," Rachel said. "I'm so sorry. I didn't even think."

Lexie shook her head to let her know it was fine, but Rachel plowed on, her voice a touch higher.

"I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry, I—"

"Rachel, it's OK. You're allowed to have memories of him." Rachel looked like she was about to cry, her lip on the verge of wobbling. And Lexie didn't know what to do.

"I shouldn't have…You didn't get to have a trip like that."

"No. I didn't." She heaved in a deep breath. "I wanted to come," she said quietly, figuring she owed Rachel some explanation. "Dad told me about Madrid, said you were all going—and he said I could come too. Not my mum, obviously, but she never let on that she was anything other than delighted at the prospect of me going." Despite how much it must have hurt her, to have Richard invite Lexie along to a holiday with his new family, her mum had kept that to herself in a way Lexie had never truly appreciated until now. "Anyway, a few weeks before the trip, he canceled."

Rachel's expression twisted. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry, Lexie. He never said you were going to come. Although…" She bit her lip. "It might have been my mum, you know. She was very set on family time, and she's weirdly…traditional." She started twisting her ring again. "It might not have fit with her idea of how a family was supposed to look or whatever." Lexie might have thought she was just saying it, trying to make excuses for Richard, trying to make Lexie feel better about it—if it wasn't for the way Rachel's eyes darkened, the way her mouth pulled into a tight line.

Then Rachel closed her eyes, and when she opened them, they were shining with tears—and Lexie was struck again by her complete inadequacy. "Oh, god, Rachel—"

Rachel dashed a stray tear away. "I'm sorry. I just…Dad's gone. He's really gone, and it keeps hitting me—like I keep waking up, thinking it can't be true, and then it is and I…" She swallowed, and Lexie saw how hard she was trying to swallow the tears down, not to break down in front of her. "My mum won't talk to me about it. About him. They separated a few years ago—I don't know if you…?"

"I knew that, yeah," Lexie said quietly. And she'd noticed that Rachel's mum wasn't at the funeral, hadn't she? She wanted to ask why—why Richard had abandoned his second family—but now clearly wasn't the time for that.

She wanted to tell Rachel that she could talk to her. She wanted to be kind and offer an olive branch and be there for Rachel, in the way everyone needed someone to be when they were going through grief—ideally someone who knew the person who had died. But the problem was, she didn't know that person—she didn't know the same dad as Rachel, and it was still hard and confusing to hear the memories Rachel was sharing. Like her dad had dropped one family, picked up another, and not even noticed the first one's absence. Just carried on. Until he'd left that one, too. And of course Rachel would have had a lovely time on those holidays—because when he'd been there, he was the perfect, fun dad. But any memories Lexie had of him being there became few and far between, replaced with memories of him letting her down.

So maybe the best she could offer right now was truth. "I haven't figured out yet how I feel about it all. How I feel about Dad being…" She swallowed the final word, unable to say it. "I don't really know how to process it—I don't know if I'm sad, or if I'm just angry, or what to think. So I guess I'm…I don't know. Waiting?"

"I get that. I think I do, anyway. For me, he was always my dad. He was a bit flaky at times, but in general he was great, and he was there for me when I needed him."

Though he still left your mum, Lexie thought—but she didn't say it out loud.

"I'm sorry," Rachel said on an outward breath. "You must think I'm awful. I would, if I were you."

Lexie gave Rachel a little smile. "Of course I don't. I don't blame you, if that's what you're worried about. You had as much say in it all as I did. I just…I'm not very good at facing up to things, I guess."

Rachel tucked a curl behind her ear. "I know that we don't know each other very well. And I know that all we have in common is Dad, and that he was a different person to both of us. But, I'm just going to throw it out there—things with my mum aren't easy, and I don't have much in the way of family, and I know being sisters might be a bit much after all this time, but I'd…" She shot Lexie a glance. "I'd really like it if we could be friends."

Lexie nodded slowly. You had to admire Rachel, for putting her heart on the line like that. And because she admired it, because she couldn't ignore how vulnerable Rachel was in that moment, she decided the least she could do was meet her partway. "How about we start with something a little easier, and build up to friends?"

To her credit, Rachel didn't look offended by that. Instead she pursed her lips, thinking. "Mortal enemies?"

Lexie snorted out a laugh. "If we're looking for something easier and less intense, mortal enemies isn't the way to go in my experience."

Rachel cocked her head, her curls spilling to one side the same way Lexie's did. "Have many of them, do you?"

Theo's face flashed into her mind. Was that what he was? It wasn't exactly the term she'd use to describe him, though she wasn't sure how, exactly, she would describe him. "Oh, I collect them daily. Look at me—I'm just the right build for someone to pick as an enemy."

Rachel gave her a little look up and down. "You're pretty much the same height as me."

"Exactly. We're little but not too little, so people don't feel mean about picking on us."

"I'm not sure I have any idea what you mean."

"No. Well, you wouldn't be the first."

"So…We'll be something less intense than friends, then?"

"Well, I suppose we can try, at least. I know you like coffee. That's one good thing about you for starters."

"I can't drink too much of it," Rachel said, almost an admission. "I get all jittery."

"Me too!" She was, perhaps, a little too enthusiastic in the exclamation, given people getting jittery on caffeine wasn't exactly a rarity. And surely that wasn't the only thing she knew about Rachel? She tried now—really tried—to think if they'd had anything in common, the few weekends they'd been forced together. But all her mind could conjure up was a memory of Rachel when she was a toddler—Lexie couldn't have been older than ten at the time. Lexie had been baffled by this tiny human—by the fact that this little girl had been all it took to tear her own family apart. She'd been cross and feeling resentful—but then Rachel had made her laugh. The thing was, she couldn't remember what exactly had made her laugh. Something silly, like dropping a toy in a comical way—nothing that stood out. But she remembered laughing. Remembered Rachel laughing too. And she'd seen her dad, standing in the doorway.

Hey, Little Lex. So what do you think? You up for having a sister? He'd said it like it would be inclusive—like she could be part of the family too.

Lexie had looked at Rachel. Maybe. Rachel was picking up a toy now, handing it to Lexie, and Lexie took it almost reverently. Weirdly, she could remember exactly what toy it was—a stuffed tiger. Funny, the things that come back to you.

I don't really know how to be a big sister, Lexie had admitted. After all, she'd gotten used to referring to herself as an only child.

Well, as I see it, there's no right way to be a big sister, her dad had said.

And then Rachel's mum, Jody, had slipped in. And Lexie could still remember her muttering in an undertone. I told you not to leave her alone with Rachel, Richard.

Her dad's sigh. What do you think she's going to do, Jody?

But Jody was already stepping in, picking up Rachel and chatting to her, telling Lexie she'd make them some lunch. And taking Rachel away from her.

In the present, Rachel was watching her, nerves plastered on her face—and Lexie realized she'd been quiet for too long. "I'm sorry I've been so crap," she said quietly. "I'm sorry you felt like you had to literally force me to talk to you."

"Don't be," Rachel said. "Everyone processes this stuff differently. I know that—and I didn't want to intrude, but I…"

"Did it anyway?" Lexie grinned to show she was joking, and Rachel laughed.

"If you'd really sent me on my way, I would have dropped it. For a bit, anyway."

Lexie nodded and stood up. "I really do have to get back."

"OK. I'm going to stay here for a bit."

Lexie wasn't sure if Rachel was just saying that to offer her an out—but then again, maybe Rachel also needed some time to sit, to process. To be in the city her dad had lived in, without anyone watching how she dealt with that. She supposed the fact that her heart broke a little at the thought of that showed she wasn't such a terrible person.

"Rachel?" She waited for her to make eye contact. "Thank you for coming."

Rachel smiled, her eyes shining. "And thank you for coming after me."