Chapter 12

Chapter 12

It would be unrealistic to think that things would change simply because she had shared a single night with Dorian. It was not as though he had made her any grand, sweeping promises. Only that he would return. Life carried on in just the way it always had.

So why did she feel so changed?

It was not as if she were doing anything shocking. She was still tending to all of the same matters as she had been doing for months now. The only true difference was that today, of all days, she was able to take a short break from her duties.

Presently, Alice was setting up a lovely tea spread out by the modest gardens behind their home. It was a small ritual that Claire refused to miss with her daughter. At least once a month, they shared an elaborate tea together. Any of the household staff was always welcome to come, but given that Eleanor tended to drop mud pies on the table at some point during the proceedings, they opted to skip it.

Alice was the only one guaranteed to attend.

As she arranged a few small sandwiches on trays, the tea finished steeping.

"Eleanor, come and have a seat, please," Claire called out to her daughter.

Eleanor's head popped up over a row of strawberry plants starting to sprout. Was she lying on her belly in the dirt? One would think Claire would have grown accustomed to the unorthodox way her daughter tended to conduct herself in their private life, but she was still shocked from time to time. As if her running around the yard with her bare feet was not enough.

"Mama, I have almost caught the lizard! I am going to name him Bernard!" Eleanor called back to her.

"That is lovely dear, but it is time to eat. You shall have to catch Bernard later," Claire answered.

Eleanor groaned deeply in disappointment as she pushed herself up. She slapped her small hands at her skirts to try to rid herself of any excess dirt or plant residue. It did not work well, but Claire appreciated that she had at least made some sort of effort.

And she remembered to sit at the table properly. That was also an accomplishment.

Alice served the tea before joining them at the table herself.

"Mama, do you think that someday I can have a horse of my own?" Eleanor asked while accepting her teacup. She was already hungrily eyeing the cookies on the three-tiered platter. She did not even have to ask for Claire to know that she was very eagerly awaiting permission to place them onto her place.

Claire passed her a napkin for her lap and nodded that her daughter could go ahead and help herself.

"We do have a horse, dearest, two of them in fact," Claire told her. She took a small sip of her tea and almost sighed with pleasure. Alice always made the very best tea. She said she only brewed it with plants and spices that she dried from their very own garden, but Claire could not see how that was even slightly possible.

"That is not what I mean. I want a big, pretty horse who likes to eat sugar cubes. Then I can play with her, and ride her, and spoil her with sugar cubes, and apples, and cookies!" Eleanor gushed. "Just like your friend does!"

"I do not think that horses can eat cookies," Claire responded before fully registering what her daughter was implying. "What do you mean, like my friend does?"

"Your friend? The tall man with the pretty horse?"

Claire nearly choked on her next sip of tea. Surely she did not mean Dorian? How could that even be possible? They had been so very careful to sneak him out of the house before anyone could see him!

"What friend are you talking about, dearest?" Claire asked, almost dreading whatever the answer was about to be. Her chest felt tight. She did not have to even glance over at Alice to know she was being very intensely watched for her reaction.

"The man yesterday? Was he not your friend? What was he doing so close to the house if he was not your friend?" Eleanor's innocent spirit shone through with how comfortably she spoke to strangers on the property. "He had such a good horse. He should be your friend. If he is, then he can come back with his horse and maybe he would even let me ride her!"

Claire blinked at her incredulously. How easy it was for her to accept somebody new into her life. If only she knew.

"Perhaps. Was my… friend nice to you?"

"Very!" Eleanor grinned before stuffing a whole cookie in her mouth. Claire was not certain that she was even chewing properly. Though, she was not going to remark on it. At present, it seemed like the least of her worries.

"How about we talk about something else for a while. Perhaps your studies? I have heard you have been troubling your governess again."Claire doubted Eleanor would accept the topic shift even if it was offered.

"But I like talking about horses." Eleanor pouted.

Claire cheated by pushing another cookie toward her daughter. She was not ready to speak about Dorian at all, least of all with her daughter.

"Lady Eloise Brighton down the street just got two new horses, in fact!" Eleanor said, brimming with enthusiasm. "Perhaps you could ask her where to buy horses? Though, I think it was her new father that purchased them."

She tapped her cookie against her chin as she contemplated.

"Perhaps if I had a new father, he could buy me all of the horses I could want! Mama, are you going to give me a new father soon?" Eleanor blinked up at Claire with bright, wide eyes that glimmered with hopefulness.

Claire wanted to change the subject back where it was. That was a wholly less uncomfortable topic, now that she thought about it.

"Is that something that you want?" she managed to ask. "A new father?"

"I want a horse," Eleanor clarified.

Claire knew the relationship Eleanor had had with her father had been very special to her. She and Richard had been two peas in a pod. He fueled her creativity and encouraged her individualism. He was insistent that God did not make mistakes, and as He had gifted them with Eleanor and all of her quirks, she was perfect just the way she was.

He had always had the sort of kindness and optimism that was infectious.

Was Eleanor truly ready to make room for another father figure in her heart? It seemed so sudden. Claire was not sure her daughter even fully understood what she was saying in the first place.

"Or two horses, then they can be friends with each other. Like you and Alice. Or you and the tall man." Eleanor giggled. "Though, I guess if you want to be married then I do not mind so much."

"Really?" Claire asked.

"Really. Lady Eloise says her mother is much happier now. She says they go on long walks like we used to with Papa and her mama laughs so much." Eleanor paused, regarding her mother with her head cocked to the side.

Had she picked up on the fact that Claire was lonely? She had tried so hard to keep it from showing. She did not wish for her daughter to have to worry about such things. She was far too young. The only thing she needed to focus on was the studies that she so often neglected. This conversation needed to come to an end before Claire lost her mind.

"Well, I am so glad I have the approval of a seven-year-old." Claire smirked, feigning impartialness as she helped herself to another cucumber sandwich.

"I will be married someday, will I not?"

"Yes. I should think that you would be married. Hopefully to a kind, wonderful man like your papa," Claire answered, her throat suddenly tight with emotion.

"I do not wish to marry a man like Papa, he was far too old for me, silly." Eleanor giggled again. "I should like to marry a prince! Then he would have plenty of horses and lots of servants to make me cakes and cookies. We could play all day long because princes get to do whatever they want! I will have a large golden tiara with all of the jewels in the whole world on it!"

Claire tried very hard not to laugh at the image that the description provided. "You shall be the prettiest princess that there ever was."

"Yes!" Eleanor slipped from the table. "I am going to go and make a crown now, is that all right?"

She had already started to walk back to the garden before she seemed to realize the mistake she had made. Eleanor rushed back over to the table and spread her skirts wide on either side of her as she dipped into a perfect curtsy. "Thank you so much, my lady; might I be excused from the table?"

Claire leaned in closer to her daughter. "Does that mean that in this little game, I get to be the queen?"

Eleanor kissed her cheek with a quick peck. "Yes! And I shall go and fetch flowers to make both of us crowns then!"

Claire could not say another word before Eleanor had skipped off in search of the perfect bright flowers. Which left Claire alone at the table with Alice, who appeared as if she were struggling to breathe from how hard she was laughing.

"Do not say whatever it is that is making you laugh so!" Claire warned her friend.

"Terribly perceptive, your daughter. Is she not?" Alice wiped away a tear from laughing so hard.

Claire felt as if she were going to die of embarrassment. She would not have been surprised if she was blushing from head to toe. "How did she even come across him in the first place?"

"How does young Eleanor do anything, ma'am? She likely did what she does best—gave her governess the slip and went on one of her adventures around the property. I suppose she must have encountered him on the way out. It is pure luck that she did not see him clamoring down your window," Alice teased.

Why did Claire have a feeling that she was never going to live this down?

"Oh, come off it!" Claire swatted playfully at her friend's arm.

"But you make it so fun to tease you so, ma'am!" Alice's laughter started to simmer into a soft giggle. "She does have a point, though. I know you are keeping the details of your night to yourself for now, but you should not be alone forever."

Until Dorian had come back into her life, that was exactly what Claire had planned on doing. Now, she was not so sure.