36. Valerie

36

VALERIE

I sit at the dining room table, chewing on my bottom lip. I can’t seem to come up with the words to tell Will that I won’t be accepting his job offer.

The opportunity is incredible, and I appreciate him thinking I have what it takes to help his company succeed. But there are more important things than work. I know that now. But I’m unsure how to communicate that in an email in the right tone.

Maybe I should just call him? It’s too late now, but I can text him first thing in the morning to ask him for a good time to talk.

With that plan in mind, I close the email I’d been creating and start to clean up my inbox.

“The kids are finally down.”

I look up. Carter stands in the doorway. He’s still wearing his button-down and slacks from his meeting with his lawyer, but his hair is ruffled and he’s switched his contacts for glasses. And damn if he isn’t the sexiest man I’ve ever seen.

“That’s great. They had a big day.” Abby was so hyped up from winning that I wasn’t sure she’d ever calm down enough to fall asleep.

“They did.” Carter leans a shoulder against the doorframe and crosses his arms. “Corey told me about Sara.”

“Oh.” My smile fades. “Honestly, I forgot all about that.” I stopped thinking about the crazy woman after she was escorted out of the science fair.

“I called Davis on my drive home from the school. He’ll start looking into getting a restraining order tomorrow.”

My eyes widen. “Is it that serious?”

“Yes,” he doesn’t hesitate. “Trust me. It’s for the best.”

I’m missing information, but I don’t need to know the details. I know Carter will take care of everything. “I believe you.”

“So, what happened with the job?”

The abrupt subject change makes me pause. I take in Carter’s stiff stance and see the muscle twitch in his jaw,

“I got the job.” Pain sparks in his gaze, but I’m quick to try and douse it. “Don’t worry. I’m not taking it.”

His eyes search mine. “Why not?”

I frown. “What?”

Carter straightens and clears his throat. His features are stony. I feel like I’m about to be on the receiving end of a lecture. “Why aren’t you taking the job?”

“Because I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

My forehead creases. “I’m sorry. I’m confused. Did you want me to take the job?” And move fifteen hundred miles away?

“I just want to know why you’re turning it down. You told me it sounded like a great opportunity.”

“It did.”

“And that it’s not every day someone your age can become the CFO.”

“It isn’t.”

“Then why would you turn it down?”

I can’t tell if his question is sincere.

In case it is, I gently remind him, “If I take the job, I have to move to California.” I’d like to think there’s a chance he forgot that. But there’s no way… Carter isn’t a fool. He wouldn’t forget that piece of information.

“So?”

“So?” I croak and search his expression for an explanation for his behavior.

I find nothing in his stoic features.

“Yeah,” he says with zero emotion. “A good opportunity is a good opportunity. Why would distance make you turn it down?”

I don’t know what to think.

I don’t know what’s happening.

Carter is pushing me away, but I can’t imagine why. Just last night, we stayed up late watching a comedy show together. We ate popcorn and snuggled on the couch like everything was perfect.

And it was.

What the hell changed?

“What is going on, Carter?” I channel the confused energy into my no-nonsense tone.

He averts his gaze. “I think you should take the job.”

My heart fissures. “Are you being serious?”

He hesitates, but it only lasts a second before his determined eyes return to mine. “I am. We both know that being a nanny isn’t your long-term goal. You have an opportunity in front of you that could turn into something great. You shouldn’t let it pass you by.”

He’s not wrong, but there’s one thing he’s not addressing.

“What about us?” I hate how weak the words sound when they come out, but I can’t help it. I’m not stupid. His demeanor. His tone. The way he can’t hold my gaze for longer than a few seconds at a time… this conversation feels like a breakup. And I’m so blindsided that I’m unable to hide how much it hurts.

He clears his throat. For the first time in this conversation, there’s a crack in his stoic fa?ade. “I think we both know what’s between us can’t last long distance.”

The fissures in my heart go even deeper.

“Then why would you want me to go?” I whisper, then take a breath and ask with more strength, “Is this about Laura? Or Sara? Whatever is causing these thoughts, let’s talk about it.”

Carter is a good guy. I’m sure this conversation is motivated by the desire to do what’s right for me.

But that’s the thing. He is what’s right for me.

This relationship, my work-life balance, the wide open future for my career… it’s all perfect. I’m exactly where I want to be in life. I’m no longer scared of the unknown. Instead, I embrace it.

I’m confident more job opportunities will find their way to me. I don’t want to chase one in California when it means I’ll be leaving so much behind. I refuse to.

I plan to say as much to Carter. I plan to reassure him that my decision, while influenced by our relationship, is not made based solely on it.

“This isn’t about anyone but us,” he tells me before I can speak. He swallows the lump in his throat. “But this relationship is going to run its course eventually, and I’d rather not feel guilty that you stayed in Texas when it does.”

The fissures in my heart expand until the organ shatters.

Blood roars in my ears and my vision blurs.

“Are you serious?"

Even through my watery gaze, I see the determined set of his lips when he nods and says, “Yeah, I am.”

Pain like I’ve never felt stabs every inch of my body like hundreds of needles are piercing my skin. All plans to reassure Carter fly out the window, and I’m left reeling at the choices left in front of me.

I can fight for our relationship.

I can insist Carter is wrong—that our relationship isn’t doomed to fail like he implies.

That me staying in Texas is about more than him and me.

That I want to still be his nanny while I figure out what’s next for me.

But I won’t.

This hurts like hell, but I won’t beg someone to be with me.

Not even someone as wonderful as Carter Jones.

“I assume this means we’re breaking up?” My voice doesn’t even sound like my own. It’s lifeless. Almost robotic.

Another flicker of pain breaks through Carter’s mask, but his voice is strong when he says, “Yeah… it does.”

With those three words, my life dims into a dull existence, and I’m not certain how long it will be before light will brighten my world again.