15. Valerie

15

VALERIE

When I first told Megan about my agreeing to become Carter’s nanny, she insisted the job would come with perks.

At the time, I was too busy coming to terms with working for the man who gave me the best sex of my life to consider what those perks might be. After all, I was just going to be his nanny. I didn’t expect to fly on private jets or stay in luxury hotels or anything.

But as I follow the Jones family into the suite at the Rough Riders stadium, I have to admit, this is a pretty sweet perk.

Two rows of padded, luxury seats are positioned at the edge of the open-aired box, giving an unobstructed view of the football field below. A kitchenette stands off to my right and four cocktail tables with high stools are to my left. A sleek leather couch faces a flat-screen TV in the middle of the space. The Rough Riders pre-game show plays on the screen.

I didn’t know what to think when Carter invited me to join his family to watch the team’s first regular season home game. I would’ve thought I was invited to watch Abby and Andy, but Carter insisted it was my day off. He was inviting me as a guest. And the way the star linebacker had smiled when I finally agreed to come made me wonder if he really wanted me to watch him instead.

Don’t even go there, Valerie.

Carter and I have done a decent job of acting like nothing has changed between us since the night we kissed. Per our agreement, I moved into his guest bedroom two days after the accident, much to the delight of Abby and Andy.

Carter’s lawyer had been quick to draft a new employment contract. My work hours and compensation haven’t changed as a live-in nanny, but the contract now protects my “off-duty” hours and includes a section about a food stipend and the ability to use household items freely.

The food thing threw me for a loop, but Carter made the situation easy when he gave me access to his online ordering app. He told me to add whatever I needed to the list, and he’d have the grocery store deliver the items every Thursday.

It initially felt weird to have Carter buy my groceries. I’d spent at least half an hour debating if I should include the feminine hygiene products I needed or if I should just find time to buy them myself the next time I left the house. Eventually, I forced myself to stop behaving like an awkward teenager and added the items I needed. Carter hadn’t even batted an eye when he took them out of the grocery bag while we were unloading them in the kitchen. I suppose he was used to seeing boxes of pads and tampons after growing up with a sister.

After the second round of adding my shopping list to Carter Jones’s, it didn’t feel as weird. I mean, my college roommates and I would often pick up groceries for each other. This is kind of the same thing.

Except this kind of feels like you’re playing house with the sexiest man you’ve ever let see you naked.

I immediately shove the thought out of my mind before it has the chance to ruin the restraint I’ve shown these past two weeks.

Aside from a lingering look here and there, or the one time I caught Carter coming out of the shower with his shirt off and almost drooled on the living room sofa, I’ve been able to hide my burning desire for the muscular man who looks like Clark Kent in his dark-rimmed glasses.

As for Carter, I have to say, he’s kept his promise. His behavior has been nothing but professional. I haven’t even seen a hint of the attraction he showed me when he had me pinned against the fridge and devoured my mouth with his.

Much to my ego’s dismay.

“Valerie, look! Hot dogs!” Andy grabs my hand and pulls me over to the massive stone island in the kitchenette. Chips, cookies, hot dogs, pizza… all of the twins’ favorite foods cover the surface. Carter must’ve ordered it for them as a surprise.

“Wow, look at all that food.” Mr. Jones, the twins’ granddad, stands behind Andy, ruffling his wavy hair. “Think I can eat all of it?”

“No way!” Abby appears at her brother’s side. “You have to share.”

“Of course, Granddad will share,” Carter’s mom states. She takes a bottle of water out of the fridge. “He’s just teasing. Right, Granddad?” She levels a pointed look at her husband.

“Right.” He nods with a twinkle in his eye. “I’m just teasing.” Abby and Andy grin at their granddad’s mischievous look.

Mr. Jones takes the twins over to the plush stadium seats near the box’s railing. I watch them ooh and ahh over the view, pointing excitedly at the massive jumbotron situated in the center of the ceiling.

I smile kindly at Mrs. Jones as I move past her to grab a water bottle for myself.

A low whistle travels through the suite. “Damn. This is nice.”

I look towards the entrance and see a blonde young woman wearing tall wedge sandals and a pretty blue sundress. Carter’s sister, Carlee Jones, is gorgeous. I feel underdressed in my skinny jeans and the oversized Rough Riders t-shirt I borrowed from my dad.

“Language, young lady!”

“Sorry, Mom.” Carlee winces. “I didn’t see you there.”

“That shouldn’t matter,” Mrs. Jones chastises her daughter. “Your niece and nephew are here. They don’t need to hear that sort of language.”

I glance at the twins and confirm they’re too preoccupied taking in the sights to have heard what their aunt said.

Still, Carlee replies, “I know. I said I was sorry.”

Mrs. Jones hums a noncommittal sound.

Carter’s mom has been nothing but warm and welcoming the few times I’ve interacted with her since becoming her grandkids’ nanny. But she does give off a no-nonsense, Southern manners kind of vibe. I always make sure I’m on my best behavior when she’s around.

“Yeah, Carlee.” A tall, muscular figure walks into the suite. It’s Corey Johnson, Carlee’s boyfriend and Carter’s best friend since childhood. “ Language.” The baseball star wraps a strong arm around her shoulder and shoots her a cheeky grin.

“Knock it off, Corey,” Mrs. Jones demands. “I know hanging around you and her brother is the reason my daughter is so quick to use obscenities these days.”

“Mom.” Carlee rolls her eyes. “I’m not five.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” the matriarch clips, but not without a smile of her own. She walks away to join her husband and twins without another word.

When she’s a few feet away, Carlee slides out from under her boyfriend’s arm and pushes him away playfully. “You’re the worst.”

“Sorry, babe. You know I’ve got to try and stay on your mom’s good side. She’s terrifying.”

“Sure. But you don’t need to throw me to the wolves in your place!”

“Agree to disagree.”

I smile, amused by the couple’s banter.

From what Carter has told me, Corey is like a brother to him. He, Carter, and Carlee grew up together, but things turned romantic for his sister and best friend when they were teenagers.

What little I know of their love story sounds like something out of a romance movie, but their teasing makes it lean more toward a romantic comedy. At least from the outside looking in.

Shaking her head, Carlee moves away from her boyfriend. She walks into the kitchenette area. “Hey, Valerie! How are you doing?” She gives me a quick hug.

“I’m doing great. How about you?”

“I’m good.” Her eyes fill with concern. “Carter told me about the accident. I’m glad you weren’t seriously hurt.”

“Me, too.”

The cuts and scrapes on my face are no longer noticeable underneath a thin layer of makeup. Even the scab on my bottom lip is gone, and my lip gloss hides the slightly discolored skin.

I knew I was lucky to not be more injured after hitting that deer, but it’s truly miraculous that I don’t have any other evidence of what happened to me. Other than my totaled car, that is.

Seeing the luxury car towed away from Dad’s condo had been hard. Not because I was particularly attached to it, but because it was paid off. Dad always harped on never carrying a car loan, and it was something I took to heart when I got my first big girl job. I’d used my savings and signing bonus as a hefty downpayment for the vehicle and then paid down the small loan as soon as I could.

It's been nice not having a car payment to worry about since quitting my accounting job. Now, I’m back to square one.

At least my insurance company cut me a decently sized check to cover the cost of a replacement. Thank God Dad told me not to skimp out on the coverage when I signed my first policy.

Mom had given the opposite advice.

She’d told me to use my bonus on something more valuable like designer clothes to wear to my new office job. As usual, I’m glad I listened to Dad’s advice over hers.

Even so, I still can’t get rid of my mom’s voice in the back of my head, telling me to buy another foreign luxury vehicle to replace the one I lost. It’s hard to ignore years of hearing her harp on the importance of image and how others perceive you. The desire to earn her approval almost made me give in, but I held strong.

I purchased a hybrid SUV with a high crash test rating and large trunk space. I know I told Carter that the accident was a one-time thing, but the experience affected me more than I let on. I feel much safer driving in a larger vehicle. Especially when I have Abby and Andy in the car.

“Dallas! Get to your feet to welcome your Rough Riders!” The MC’s voice fills the stadium along with upbeat rap music as both teams prepare to take the field.

I’m surprised when Andy and Abby run back towards me rather than look for their Dad.

“Dad said he bought new puzzles for us,” Abby tells me without preamble. “Can we find them?”

“Of course!” The twins enjoy watching football, but their attention spans only last so long. Carter’s genius for providing additional activities to occupy them.

“Are you sure, Valerie?” Mrs. Jones asks me from where she and her husband stand near the end of the suite to view the field. “I can play with the twins. It’s technically your day off.”

“I don’t mind,” I reply with an honest smile. The game is long. I’ll have plenty of time to watch. But it’s not the worst that I can’t spend the entire time admiring my attractive boss from afar.

Carter’s mom returns my smile. “Okay, let me know when you need a break.”

I won’t. But I say, “I will.”

Abby, Andy, and I search the suite and find a stack of puzzles, board games, and a deck of cards in the cabinet underneath the wall-mounted TV. Carter went all out. I’m not surprised. He’s a thoughtful dad.

Together, the twins unwrap a one-hundred-piece puzzle depicting an astronaut floating in space and get to work. I offer minimal assistance.

The game has barely begun by the time the edges of the puzzle are intact. Satisfied with their progress, the twins decide to take a break to eat. I’m helping them fill their plates when Mr. and Mrs. Jones appear behind me and insist on taking over.

Not one to argue, I give them an appreciative nod, grab my water bottle, and move toward the end of the luxury suite. I sit at the end of the second row next to Carlee. Corey sits beside her.

When the whistle blows for a coach’s timeout, Carlee politely draws me into conversation, “Carter said you used to live in Houston.”

I nod. “That’s right.”

“Do you miss it?”

“I miss my best friend, but that’s pretty much it.” Houston is a crowded, busy place. And while humidity is high in most parts of Texas, Houston’s humidity is at another level. Not to mention, I associate the city with stress and being overworked. I’m enjoying the change of pace in Dallas. Or, rather, Rose Hill.

“Carter said you were an accountant.” Corey leans forward to look at me across his girlfriend.

For a second, I lose the ability to speak. You’d think living with a guy as attractive as Carter would’ve made me immune to the effect of a good-looking man’s attention, but Corey Johnson’s bright blue eyes and chiseled jawline make my stomach flutter. And I’m not even interested in him.

I swallow the lump in my throat and say, “That’s right.”

“What made you want to be a nanny?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say I wanted to be a nanny. It just sort of happened.”

“Hm.” Corey’s eyes travel my face, searching for the answer to an unspoken question. It strikes me that Carter might have told his best friend about what happened between us the first time we met.

The thought makes my cheeks heat. I take a sip of my water in hopes of hiding the reaction.

“Well, I’m glad you’re the twins’ nanny,” Carlee says, smoothly moving past the awkward silence that’d settled over us. “Abby and Andy talk about you all the time when I see them.”

Her words draw my gaze back to the twins. Their grandparents are carrying plates stacked high with snacks towards the luxury seats. Abby and Andy follow close behind, two hands wrapped around each of their cups of water.

“I enjoy hanging out with them, too” I reply.

The twins and their grandparents move to sit in the row in front of us. Abby shoots me a shy smile just before she sits. Her granddad hands her a plate. Andy’s grandmom gives him his. They begin eating the variety of greasy, delicious food.

I shake my head with a knowing grin. They’re going to be in a carb coma in an hour, tops.

Movement out of the corner of my eye catches my attention. A beautiful woman is staring into the suite from the one next to ours. She looks somewhat familiar, but it’s the way she looks like she’s searching for something gives me pause.

That pause turns into unease when her eyes land on the twins and her features illuminate with triumph.

The unsettling feeling in my gut only intensifies when the woman turns to speak with the equally beautiful young woman next to her and I see she’s wearing Carter’s jersey number.

Is she his ex?

I glance at Carter’s family, but no one notices the woman. Or if they do, they aren’t concerned with her presence.

I’m probably just being paranoid.

There are hundreds of people in this stadium wearing Carter’s jersey number. It doesn’t mean anything. She’s just a fan.

I repeat those words in my mind more than a dozen times throughout the first half when I continue to see her peering into our suite every so often. I consider she might be looking at Corey, but she barely gives the famous pitcher more than a glance.

What is her deal?

At halftime, I’m relieved when Abby and Andy drag me back to finish the puzzle. But even with the distraction, I can’t stop thinking about reasons why the woman would be so interested in watching our suite.

She’s probably into your boss and is waiting for him to drop by after the game or something…

Ugh.

This is ridiculous.

Even if the woman is interested in Carter, it’s none of my business. He and I aren’t a couple. I have no right to let the thought sour my mood.

Carter and I agreed to step back and keep things professional. We had one hiccup the night of the accident, and it won’t happen again.

Annoyance lances through me when I acknowledge the thought makes me sad.

Half-time is nearly over by the time we finish the astronaut puzzle. Andy convinces me and Abby to play a game of Go Fish. I deal the cards and pick up my hand my phone buzzes in my pocket.

I take out the device and am unsurprised to see Carter’s name on the screen. Ever since the car accident, Carter’s check-in calls and texts have doubled from their already frequent number. He’s always worried about the kids when he’s not around, but now it’s like he expects some unknown side effect of my accident to take hold while I’m alone with the twins. His anxiety is starting to give me anxiety.

I don’t know if it’s the idea of being micromanaged or my lingering discomfort caused by the beautiful blonde wearing his number, but I answer the call with a clipped, “The twins are fine. Stop hovering.” I end the call before he can respond. I turn the phone on silent and then place it face down on the table in front of me.

I look at the cards in my hand, too flustered to really see them, when I feel attention on me.

My eyes lift and I see Abby and Andy looking at me.

I tilt my head to the side. “What?”

The twins share a look, along with a grin. “Was that our Dad?” Abby asks.

I nod. “It was.”

“He calls a lot,” she observes.

“He does.” I look back at my cards and realize I have a match. I take the two nines and put them down in front of me.

“He worries about us.”

I knew this little girl was smart, but I had no idea she was so in tune with other’s emotions.

I meet her knowing gaze. “Well… he is your dad. It’s normal for him to worry. He loves you.”

“We know.” Andy and Abby exchange another look. Then, the observant little girl adds, “He smiles more since you became our nanny.”

The hand brushing a stray strand of hair from my eyes freezes in midair.

What in the world am I supposed to say to that?

I lower my hand and try to keep the awkwardness from my voice when I say, “Oh.”

Smooth, Valerie. Real smooth.

I clear my throat. “That’s a good thing. Right?”

Both of their little heads nod.

Andy speaks up, “Dad likes you. And we like you, too. We’re glad you’re our nanny.”

Abby nods in agreement.

My heart swells. “I’m glad I’m your nanny, too.”

I mean it.

Despite the recent drama and smoldering chemistry I have to tamp down daily, I feel very lucky to have landed this job. I enjoy spending time with the twins, and it’s nice to feel like I have a purpose while figuring out what my next step is. The only downside is I haven’t taken advantage of my new work-life balance like I should.

With Megan back in Houston, most of my free evenings are spent binge-watching a television show alone in my room. That was true at my dad’s condo, and it’s true at Carter’s, too.

Other than my parents, I haven’t spent time with anyone in the area. Maybe I should change that. Going out could provide a much-needed distraction from my hunky boss and the feelings that warm my chest every time he turns those warm brown eyes on me.

The edge of my phone illuminates. It doesn’t make a sound, but I know I received a text message.

I consider ignoring it, but when I admit to myself that hanging up on Carter had been immature, I swallow my pride and turn the device over. I tap the screen and open Carter’s message.

I’m going to pretend like you didn’t just hang up on me.

I wait for him to send more. Part of me expects him to call back when I don’t immediately respond, but several seconds pass without another notification.

Maybe he’s distracted with preparing for the second half.

As much as I tried not to focus on the linebacker while watching the game, it was impossible not to notice how well he’s playing tonight.

The last thing he needs is to be distracted with worry for his kids because his nanny decided to act juvenile.

Sorry. That was childish of me.

There’s no point denying it.

Three flashing dots immediately appear on the screen. I guess he’s not busy preparing for the next half, after all.

Don’t worry about it. Is everything good with the twins?

A fresh wave of guilt washes over me.

Carter could’ve easily reprimanded me for my petty behavior. Or, at the very least, he could’ve demanded an explanation. Instead, he’s letting it slide and choosing to focus on what matters to him: his kids.

“Valerie, it’s your turn.”

I look up at Andy’s voice and see he and Abby have five cards fanned out in their hands, watching me expectantly. I scan my cards quickly and then ask Abby for a seven.

“Go fish.”

I take a card from the pile and half pay attention to the game as I pick up my phone and reply.

Yes. We’re playing Go Fish. Good idea having activities here to keep them entertained.

What can I say? I’m a good dad.

You’re the best dad.

Belatedly, I wonder if my response is appropriate, but it’s too late now.

Thanks. That means a lot. How are you enjoying the suite?

It’s great. So fancy.

You’ll have to experience it again when the twins aren’t demanding your attention.

How does he know that? I pause reading his message and look over at his family. Carlee is on her phone. Did he text her to ask about the twins after I hung up on him?

Maybe you can convince Megan to come into town for a game.

I read the second part of Carter’s message twice.

Is he saying he’d purchase the suite again… for me?

I shake my head at the screen.

That’s too much.

I don’t even know how much a suite costs, exactly, but I know it’s far too expensive for him to offer it to me.

But rather than say that, I change the subject.

How are you texting me right now? Shouldn’t you be busy planning how to sack the quarterback in the second half?

I’m never too busy to text you.

A thrill rushes through me, followed swiftly by frustration.

Carter isn’t flirting with me. He hasn’t flirted with me since the accident. His message is, no doubt, referring to texting me at any time because I look after his son and daughter. It isn’t meant as a declaration that I matter to him or anything…

I’m foolish to think so for even a moment.

Not knowing what to reply, I send a thumbs-up emoji like an idiot.

Before I let myself get roped back into the conversation, I put my phone back down and focus my attention on the twins.

We finish the game of Go Fish. Abby wins, much to Andy’s annoyance, but the little boy agrees to play again despite his disappointment.

I try, I really do, but the entire time I’m playing with the twins, I can’t get the text exchange with Carter out of my head.

I can’t keep doing this to myself.

I can’t keep allowing any innocuous comment to send butterflies fluttering in my stomach or a glance to cause hope to swell in my chest.

Even if we hadn’t recently agreed not to allow anything romantic to happen between us again—even if Carter wasn’t my boss—he and I still wouldn’t be a match.

He’s a dad.

I’m twenty-three years old and having a quarter-life crisis.

Our life circumstances mean we aren’t well suited.

Carter values me as his kids’ nanny more than a woman to sleep with. Which is honorable. And it should make me happy.

But it doesn’t.

Carter’s honor… his sense of humor… the way he cares about his kids… everything about him makes me want him.

It’s so damn heartbreaking to admit that no matter how much I wish it could be different, he’s never going to be mine.

And I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to get over that.