Chapter 26

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Johanna took a deep breath as she drove along the coastline. It was a beautiful winter day. The sun was shining brightly in a clear blue sky, lighting up the snow below with dazzling white light.

She was on her way to talk to Marsha, since she felt that her friend deserved an explanation about everything that had happened with her and Everett. She was also eager to talk to Marsha about the whole thing. Ever since her dance with Everett at the wedding, she'd been a bundle of nerves.

It's like I forgot all about how nerve-wracking relationships can be, she thought as she turned onto Marsha's street. But I'm sure some tea and a good talk with a good friend will help settle these fluttery feelings that I'm having.

She sighed as she parked her car in Marsha's driveway. She had to admit, she felt jittery even about talking to Marsha. She knew her friend would have a million questions for her, and although she was looking forward to telling Marsha all about her relationship with Everett and how it had progressed, she also felt a little sheepish about having kept it a secret from her friend. She didn't know how Marsha felt about that—would she be upset with Johanna for not telling her? After all, Johanna and Everett could have told just their close friends and family members about their relationship without telling the whole town. Johanna hoped that Marsha would understand where she and Everett had been coming from.

She stepped out of the car, shivering a little as soon as the cold wind made contact with her cheeks. It was a deceptively sunny day, she thought—it looked warm and inviting, but was actually fiercely cold.

She stepped up to Marsha's front door and rang the doorbell, her heart thumping with nervousness.

Marsha opened the front door, smiling at her as warmly as ever.

"Hi," Johanna said, clasping her gloved hands together. "Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not!" Marsha laughed and gestured for her friend to come inside. "I'm thrilled about the whole thing—you have no idea. Come on in here and we can talk all about it."

Smiling with relief, Johanna stepped inside the house and Marsha shut the door behind her. The friends hugged, and then Johanna hung her coat on a rack by the front door.

"Come on into the kitchen for some tea and scones," Marsha said. "I baked them especially for us."

"Wonderful," Johanna said, noticing a sweet, faintly citrusy aroma in the air. "I can't wait to try them."

They went into the kitchen together, where Marsha set out little China plates for the scones and teacups for the tea.

"Choose any kind you like," Marsha said, handing Johanna a well-organized basket of tea bags. "I recommend the elderberry and echinacea. Or cinnamon with some milk and honey added is always very nice."

"I'll go with the elderberry and echinacea," Johanna said, smiling. "Thanks for having me over, Marsha. You always make our visits special."

"Well, I'm always happy to have you here," Marsha said, smiling warmly. They settled down at the kitchen table together, holding their hot teacups carefully. "So," the craft maker continued, "tell me about dating Everett."

"Oh my, where to begin." Johanna patted her cheeks breathlessly, feeling all her jitters return in a rush. "It all started when he stopped by my house. I mean, he didn't stop by on purpose. He happened to be passing, and—well, I'd gotten myself locked out, and—"

"Take a deep breath," Marsha advised, laughing good-naturedly. "We're not in a rush. Take your time. Besides, I want to hear everything. Hearing Everett say that the two of you were dating out of the blue like that absolutely floored me. I still feel stunned. I want to know about all of the details."

Leaning back, she took a sip of tea.

Johanna sighed and smiled gratefully at her friend. "Okay." She took the deep breath that had been suggested and started over. She told Marsha all about how Everett had helped her get back into her house, and how afterward they had started talking.

"I just found that I liked him," she said, feeling herself blushing a little. "It was like—well, underneath that rough exterior, he has a heart of gold."

"Look at you, you're smitten!" Marsha crowed. "Oh, I'm thrilled. I'd thought there could be something between you two, and then everything at the dinner party made me think that I'd been wrong about that."

"Oh, the dinner party," Johanna groaned, covering her face with her hands.

Marsha laughed. "I'm sure he wasn't all that offended by your comment."

"He wasn't—he says he has thick skin. But I still feel so embarrassed for not having realized that the smell was coming from him."

"You'll get used to our country ways soon enough. Look at how well your knitting is coming along."

"Oh! I did want to tell you, but I knitted a whole sweater for Everett. Personally, I think it looks pretty sloppy, but he loves it."

"Goodness, I can't wait to see it. We should go on a double date sometime and you should ask him to wear it!"

"I could." Johanna laughed. Her heart fluttered at the thought of going on a double date with Marsha and Willis. "He's worn it a few times when we've been on the boat together, but I asked him not to wear it out in public yet in case anyone asked him where he got it."

"That reminds me—tell me more about how you two were keeping your relationship a secret. I can't believe you managed to fool all of us! Were you two dating when we all went bowling?"

"Yes!" Johanna pressed a hand to her face, feeling giddy all over again at the memory. "We were. We kept stealing glances at each other and whispering things to each other. I felt sure that someone was going to catch us at some point."

Marsha laughed, and Johanna shook her head at the memory. But inside, her stomach was still fluttering with nerves. She knew that she should bring up her concerns to her friend, but she didn't know where to begin. And she felt a little embarrassed and inclined to be secretive about the worries she was feeling. She felt a little ashamed of them, as if she shouldn't be feeling that way. She wondered what Marsha would think of her if she brought them up.

"Well, I never did." Marsha smiled. "You had me completely fooled. I bet when you tell everyone else they'll say the same thing."

"Dane already knows," Johanna said, grimacing a little. "I'm very curious to hear what he thinks about all this."

"You haven't talked with him about it?"

"Not yet. I'm going to soon, though. I wonder if it's strange for him to see me dating someone again."

"I think it probably is to some extent," Marsha said, nodding sympathetically. "But he loves you and he wants you to be happy. You are Everett are just darling together."

Johanna nodded, feeling her nervousness flutter inside of her again. "Thank you. I think you're right."

"About you and Everett being darling together?"

"No!" Johanna flushed, laughing along with her friend. "Well—I guess maybe we are. But I mean I think you're right about Dane wanting me to be happy."

Marsha nodded. "I'm sure he does." She took a bite of her scone, and Johanna did the same.

"Oh, these really are marvelous," Johanna said, savoring the sweet, crumbly bite. "Would you give me the recipe?"

"I'd be happy to. But first, tell me more about you and Everett. After he took you out on the boat, what happened?"

Johanna continued to tell her friend all about the way her relationship with Everett had grown. "We've gotten closer every date it seems like," she said, staring into space and smiling a little when she thought of him. She thought about his eyes gazing at her warmly, or his strong arms wrapped around her while they stood on the boat. "We've had so many conversations, and in many ways I feel like I'm just starting to scratch the surface of who he is as a person, and in other ways it feels like we've known each other for years. Did it feel like that with you and Willis?"

"Well, in our case we had known each other for years—or at least we'd known each other in the past," Marsha said, laughing. "It had felt that way at first, though—when we dated each other when we were young." Her eyes took on a faraway look for a moment. "Now our relationship is like a combination of getting to know how he's changed, and rediscovering who he always was."

"I think that's beautiful," Johanna said, meaning it sincerely. "You two are so lucky to have found each other again after all these years."

"And you're lucky to have found love again." Marsha tilted her head, lifting an eyebrow. "If I may be so bold as to call it love."

Johanna blushed, declining to answer. She told herself that now would be a perfect opportunity to bring up what she was nervous to tell her friend, but she swallowed the words. She felt she didn't know where to begin.

"What do the two of you talk about?" Marsha asked with a smile, seeming to notice Johanna's blushing and tactfully changing the subject.

"Oh, well, everything now," Johanna said, relaxing a bit and leaning back in her chair. "At first, I didn't think we'd have anything in common. But it turns out we have a great deal in common. We're both fond of wine and old movies, and stargazing is what really brought us together."

"Stargazing?" Marsha asked, entranced. "I didn't know you enjoyed stargazing."

"Oh, I do. It's a passionate hobby of mine."

Johanna realized as she spoke how little she had opened up to people—even to her friends, like Marsha. Perhaps that was what made her relationship with Everett so important to her. She shared things with him that she didn't share with anyone else. "And he loves stargazing as well. We talk about astronomy all the time. Oh, and he has the most amazing telescope. That was one of our first dates. I went over to his house to look through his telescope with him."

"You'll have to tell me all about stargazing sometime," her friend told her. "I would love to learn more about it, and you sound like an expert."

"I would love to tell you about stargazing," she said, her heart lifting with excitement. "I think you would love it. Perhaps that's what we could do on our double date. We could all stargaze using Everett's telescope." She realized that she'd missed out on an opportunity to share her hobby with her friend by keeping too many things to herself.

I need to learn to open up more, she thought. I suppose I am learning—I've gotten much better at that since coming to Blueberry Bay. But I should share my thoughts with Marsha now.

Her stomach twisted at the thought. She still felt nervous about opening up to her friend. Sharing her feelings wasn't something that she usually did. She told herself that she would tell Marsha what she'd been wrestling with later on—not quite yet.

"I'm just so thrilled for you," Marsha said, clasping her hands. "This is like a dream come true for me. I'm so surprised by the whole thing, and I'm absolutely titillated by the idea of the two of you sneaking around."

"It did feel as though we were a couple of teenagers or something," Johanna said, laughing. "There was one time—well, it was both you and Willis, and then it was Dane—we were in his truck, and we saw you two walking past, and I ducked down and hid." She chortled over the memory. "And then when it was just Dane, we both hid."

"I love it!" Marsha burst out into laughter as well. "I can't wait to tell Willis that we almost caught you."

The two friends continued to talk as they sipped their tea and ate their scones. Their conversation turned gradually to other things, such as how fun the wedding had been and Alissa and Dane's baby. Before long, they'd finished their tea and scones, and Johanna's heart was thumping again.

She kept telling herself that now was the time to open up to Marsha and tell her what had been on her mind, but she felt tongue-tied. She told herself it was silly to feel nervous, but she couldn't help feeling that bringing up her worries seemed like taking a step off a cliff into the unknown. She wasn't quite sure how to voice what she was struggling with, and she worried that she wouldn't be able to find the words even if she did find the courage.

Marsha stood up, smiling, and took their dishes over to the kitchen sink. "As long as you're already here," she said, her eyes twinkling, "how about another knitting lesson?"

"Sure." Johanna felt relieved—she could stay longer and give herself more time to bring up what was on her mind to her friend. "I'd love one. Maybe someday I can knit a sweater for Everett that I don't feel totally ashamed of."

Marsha chuckled. "Even if it's not perfect, a sweater is an amazing feat for a new beginner like yourself. You should be very proud of yourself. Not ashamed in the slightest."

"I don't think I can help feeling a little ashamed." Johanna laughed. "You know how much of a perfectionist I am."

Marsha pursed her lips, her expression almost mischievous. "But what makes something perfect? A lack of mistakes, or a whole lot of appreciation? You don't find fault with Everett even though he isn't perfect. You expect him to be human. Let your sweater be human—metaphorically speaking."

Johanna laughed, but she had to admit that Marsha's advice had stirred her heart. Her friend had made a good point. She didn't criticize the people she loved in the same way she criticized her own work. She realized that she had become less critical of a person overall since coming to Blueberry Bay, because she was learning to value other things more than perfection. Things like kindness, and a genuine spirit—things that Everett had.

She frowned for a moment, realizing how much everything was changing for her. Not only had she moved to a new place and started dating the kind of man she never would have expected herself to date, but she herself was changing. For a moment, she felt completely overwhelmed. Her feelings weren't negative, but there were so many of them that she felt a little as if she was on a roller coaster.

Marsha was busy at the sink in her kitchen and didn't notice Johanna's expression. By the time her friend had turned around, Johanna was smiling brightly again, wanting to conceal the fact that she was feeling overwhelmed.

"Let's go into the craft room and get comfortable," Marsha said. "I think today we should try to tackle a diamond stitch. We can just start with scarves. Something straightforward."

"Sure. I'd love to learn how to do a diamond stitch. Do you think I'm ready for something like that though?"

"Don't doubt yourself, Miss Johanna. You knitted a whole sweater already, remember?"

Johanna smiled and followed Marsha into her cozy, well-organized craft room. Late afternoon sunlight was spilling across the floor in flickering patterns, and the room looked warm and inviting. They settled themselves into a couple of armchairs by the window and Marsha began the knitting lesson.

"Remember that as your fingers get used to the motions, you won't have to think about it as much," she instructed gently, watching Johanna's fumbling fingers with a patient eye. "The more you get used to it, the more your fingers will know what to do automatically. I know it feels like a lot right now, but soon, it'll feel easier."

Johanna paused and lifted her eyes from her knitting. Marsha's words had been about the stitches Johanna was trying to make, but when she heard them, she immediately thought about her situation with Everett.

"Something the matter?" Marsha asked, noticing the way Johanna was frowning a little.

Johanna shook her head, starting to evade the topic yet again, and then she stopped herself. This was the moment. She needed to tell her friend about what she was thinking and feeling. Not only did she need some advice, but she owed it to Marsha to be open with her.

"Well… it's not that something's the matter, not really, but there is something on my mind. What you said about ‘it feels like a lot right now, but soon, it'll feel easier' felt like it pertains even more to my life than it does to knitting."

"What's on your mind?" Marsha asked, setting her knitting down and giving her friend her full attention. "What in your life feels like a lot right now? Everett?"

Johanna nodded, fighting the feelings of embarrassment that she'd been trying to avoid feeling. She felt a little ashamed for having doubts about her relationship with Everett. After all, he was a wonderful man and she was growing exceedingly fond of him. She didn't have any real reasons for having doubts, but it was as if her emotions were happening in spite of herself.

"It's not that I don't want to be with him, I do, I do very much," she began, feeling immediately that she was making a mess of things. She didn't know how to express what was on her mind. "But… well, I don't know. While we'd been keeping our relationship a secret, it felt easy. It didn't seem to have as much pressure as it does now. Now that everything's out in the open like this, I'm starting to question us. I guess I'm scared," she added honestly, and Marsha reached out and squeezed her hand.

"Love is scary," she said firmly but kindly. "Don't feel bad about feeling that way. But love is also worth the risk, especially when it's for someone as kind and caring as Everett."

Johanna nodded, feeling better already. "Everything felt easy and simple when we were sneaking around in our bubble. It was like we were living in our own world, and—well, I don't know, it was like I could pretend the stakes weren't as high as they are. Now that we've told other people about our relationship, I'm suddenly very aware of how it would feel if things didn't work out."

She inhaled, trying not to picture too vividly how hurt she would feel if things between her and Everett ended.

"Do you have any reason to believe that things wouldn't work out?" Marsha asked.

"Well, no, but it seems to me that assuming they're going to work out is na?ve. Shouldn't I be preparing myself for the worst, in case it happens?"

Marsha shook her head firmly. "Absolutely not. If there are warning signs, acknowledge them, but don't go looking for trouble when it isn't there. That's a sure way to create trouble."

Johanna gave her friend a wobbly smile, realizing how right she was. "That's very good advice for me to keep in mind." She sighed. "I need to talk myself out of feeling nervous. I'm starting to doubt things that I wasn't doubting at all before everything came out at the wedding."

"Like what?"

"Well, I'm nervous about what it all means. Everett just blurted that we're in a relationship before we'd talked about sharing that with people. It isn't that I don't want to tell people—I do—but I'm finding myself questioning whether we're really ready for that next step. And I'm questioning why he said it in the first place."

"Hmm," Marsha said, her kind eyes glittering with curiosity. "Why are you questioning whether or not you're ready?"

"Oh, I don't know." Johanna sighed and looked out the window. The snow in Marsha's yard gleamed a dazzling white in the sunlight, and beyond it, the ocean looked serenely blue. It was a calming scene, and it helped steady the way her nerves were still buzzing. "Taking the next step like this implies that we're getting serious. And as much as I like him, that makes me jittery. It all felt so fun and easy before, but now I'm questioning whether or not I'm ready."

Marsha nodded. "Getting serious may feel scary, but think about how you would feel if you stopped seeing him. If he feels ready for this next step, then it's your job as his girlfriend to try to meet him where he is."

"But that's the other thing." Johanna clasped her hands together. "What if he isn't really ready either? What if he just said that I'm his girlfriend because he was reacting possessively because another man wanted to dance with me?"

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," Marsha said. "Besides, there's a way you can find out for sure if he's ready or not."

"There is?" Johanna asked, leaning forward. "What is it?"

"You can ask him," Marsha said, lifting one brow.

"Oh." Johanna sat back in her chair, feeling a little silly. Her stomach knotted with nervousness again. "What if he says he isn't?"

Marsha chuckled. "What is it about love that makes us all start acting like teenagers all of a sudden?"

"Are you saying I'm acting like a teenager?"

"Yes, indeed I am."

Johanna chuckled and then let out another sigh. "You're right. I'm acting absurdly silly. Do you think he'll be honest with me if I come right out and ask him all that? Do men answer those kinds of questions honestly?"

"I don't know about every man," Marsha said, "but I feel confident that Everett will be honest with you. And trust your instincts! You know him better than I do. Don't you think he'll be honest with you?"

Johanna smiled, looking out the window again and thinking about Everett. She thought about a time that he had told her she had frosting on her nose without hesitation, and another time when he'd confessed that the dents in his front door were from when he tried to move a table into his house by himself and ran into a great deal of trouble. He'd never seemed to shy away from honesty in the least, so why should she expect him to shy away from it now? "I do. You're right. I do think he'll be honest with me."

But what if, when she asked him, he said that he had jumped the gun a little bit and he wasn't feeling all that ready to date her seriously?

"What are you worrying about now?" Marsha teased. "I can see you frowning again."

"Oh." She groaned. "What if he says—"

Marsha held a hand up. "No pessimism without warning signs. Have you gotten any warning signs?"

"No," Johanna admitted. "I haven't."

"Then don't worry. Besides, even if he says he isn't feeling quite ready yet, that doesn't mean he won't be soon. And what about you? How are you feeling about the whole thing? Do you think you're ready to start dating Everett seriously?"

"I—" Johanna felt the butterflies start to dance in her chest again. "I feel nervous."

"Do you see it going somewhere?"

Johanna closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She imagined getting to see Everett every day. She imagined kissing him on the doorstep before he left for work on his boat. She imagined cooking dinner for him at night, and baking cakes for him on his birthday. She imagined dancing with him at every wedding for the rest of their lives.

Her eyes opened.

"Yes," she said, her heart lifting up. "I do see it going somewhere, I really, truly do." A bright smile spread across her face, and she couldn't stop grinning. "He makes me happier than I've been in a long time."

Marsha reached over to give her a hug. "It sounds like you already have your answer then."

Johanna took a deep breath. "I still feel nervous, but I know how to deal with that now. I'll just focus on how I feel about Everett. That will help keep me steady when I go to talk with him."

Marsha squeezed her hand. "Good. And don't worry at all in the meantime. I have a feeling that things between the two of you are going to work out beautifully."