Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Josie took a deep breath. She was sitting on her bed, hugging her knees and staring at her phone, which was resting on the edge of her night table.
"You can do this, Josie," she whispered to herself, trying to psyche herself up. "You can do it."
She'd decided to call her mother that day and talk with her about coming to the wedding, but with certain boundaries and guidelines in place. Her heart was fluttering in nervousness—she loved her mother and she wanted to talk to her, but she knew from experience that sometimes conversations with her mother were hard and left her feeling drained. And in this case in particular, she felt nervous about what her mother was going to say. What if Josie offered her a wedding invitation but with stipulations, and her mother said that she wasn't going to come to the wedding at all?
She took one more deep breath, then reached for her phone. She dialed her mother's number and listened to it ring three times with a thumping heart.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Mom, it's Josie." She forced a smile onto her face so that it would be audible in her voice.
"I know, I have caller ID. Hey, hon."
For a second, there was an awkward pause. Josie's mom seemed to be waiting for Josie to explain why she was calling.
"Do you have a minute? I have something I'd like to talk with you about."
"Okay, well shoot. I'm not doing anything at the moment." For a moment, Josie wondered if her mother's words had a second meaning, and she meant to imply that she was currently sober as a reassurance to her daughter.
"Great. So—I told you about that guy I was dating, right? Wesley Cliff?"
"Paige's social worker? Yeah, you told me."
Josie swallowed. She knew her mother was still unhappy with the fact that Paige had chosen to live with Josie in Blueberry Bay instead of return home to live with their mom once she'd gotten out of rehab. But Josie knew that Paige had made the right decision, and that their mom needed to learn to do the hard work of recovery before she could be a good person to live with.
"Well, we're engaged."
There was a long pause, and Josie winced, wondering what her mother was going to say. But when she spoke again, her mother sounded as though she might be crying a little bit.
"Josie, that's wonderful. I'm so happy for you."
"Thanks, Mom." Her heart warmed at her mother's words. "He's a really great guy. I know we're going to be happy together."
"That's great, kiddo."
"And—well, we didn't want to waste any time before getting married. We're getting married very soon."
"Oh?"
Josie could feel things becoming tense again—she sensed that her mother was wondering if she was going to be invited to the wedding or not.
"And I want you to be there to celebrate with us." Josie took a deep breath. "But as part of the invitation, I also want to go over some boundaries that are important to Wesley and me. Things we're expecting from all our guests," she added, so her mother wouldn't feel too singled out.
"Yes? What are they?" Her mother's tone sounded a little stiff, but Josie continued.
"It's important to us that there isn't any kind of drama at the wedding. We expect everyone to be sober, and we expect people to stay away from any conversations that might cause a lot of tension for the other guests. So in this case, no conversations that might make Paige feel bad about her decision to stay in Blueberry Bay."
"So no guilt-tripping?" her mother said flatly.
"Well, I—"
"It's okay. I know I've been manipulative in the past. I'm sorry. Part of that was the substances making me too emotional."
"Thanks for saying that, Mom." Josie felt a little stunned by how gracious her mother's words were. She hadn't been expecting them.
"I'm sure Paige told you that I tried to get her to help me escape from rehab. She refused, so I didn't leave. And that was really good for me. I learned a lot of important things there that are helping me do better."
"I'm really happy to hear that, Mom," Josie said warmly, meaning it sincerely. "I'm really proud of you."
There was a long pause on the other line. "Well, thank you, sweetheart. I'm in a better place now, and I understand what you're saying. That makes sense."
Josie nodded, her stomach twisting with emotions. Part of her felt relieved, but she knew better than to think that the road to healing was linear. She was thrilled that her mother was doing better, but she wasn't sure how bumpy the path to recovery was still going to prove to be.
"The decision on whether or not you want to come, based on those guidelines, is up to you, but it would really mean a lot to me to have you there."
There was another pause. Josie winced, wondering if her mother was starting to change her mind about what she'd said. She knew that her mother's reactions were anything but predictable, and they often changed multiple times in one conversation.
"I want to be there. I don't love the way you're asking me to not have an important conversation with my own daughter. I think that's pretty unreasonable."
"I'm not asking you to not talk to Paige, and I'm not asking you to never talk with her about her moving away. But please do it respectfully when you do, and please don't have that conversation on my wedding day."
There was a pause, and then Josie's mother inhaled. "All right. I hear what you're saying."
"Thanks, Mom."
"Well, let me think about it, but I do want to be there. You know what—I don't need to think about it. I'll be there."
"Yeah?" Josie said, wishing she could just feel happy but instead feeling worried that her mother would end up changing her mind, or become unable to attend for some other reason. "That's awesome, Mom."
"It's your wedding. Hopefully your only wedding. I'll be there."
"Okay, that's great. Don't forget about what we talked about though, okay?"
Josie's mother sighed. "I won't. You run along now and start picking out a wedding dress or whatever it is you need to do. I'll talk to you later."
"Okay, Mom. I love you."
"I love you too."
They said goodbye and hung up. Josie sat for a while on the end of her bed, staring at the floorboards and trying to figure out how she really felt.
I feel all kinds of things at once, she decided finally. Nervous, happy, relieved, and a little sad. I love my mom. I wish things weren't the way they are—but it does seem like they're getting better.
She took a deep breath, worried that her mother's recovery wasn't going to last, and worried that her mother wouldn't end up coming to the wedding after all.
She reached for her phone again. She knew exactly who she needed to talk to in that moment, and she dialed another number and listened to it ring a few times.
"Hey, Josie!"
Josie's face lit up into a grin as soon as she heard her sister's voice on the other end. "Hey, Paige! Do you have a minute?"
"I do! I'm walking across campus now, on my way back to my apartment. What's up?"
"Oh, I just wanted to talk for a little bit," Josie said, not wanting to suddenly bring up what she knew was also a difficult topic for her sister. "How are classes going?"
"They don't feel like classes." Paige laughed. "They're the best part of every day. I love baking. All the information I'm learning here feels so exciting. And even the business classes, even though they aren't as fun, make me happy. I know they're preparing me to open my own bakery once I graduate, so I'm always happy to be in class."
"That's great," Josie said warmly, pride filling her chest as she thought about Paige acing all her classes. "But I'm not surprised at all to hear you're doing amazing work."
"Thank you!" Josie could hear in her sister's voice that she was smiling. "I miss you! I can't wait to come back for the wedding. I'm so excited about it!"
"I am too," Josie said, smiling.
"How's all of that going?"
"Good. I did the hardest thing on my to-do list today. I called Mom and invited her to the wedding."
"You did?" Josie couldn't tell if Paige's tone was eager or nervous. "How did that go?"
"Pretty well, I think. Well—I mean, on a surface level, it went great. She said she understood why I was asking for the boundaries I laid out, and she said she's going to be there."
"Good. I'm proud of you for calling her and telling her your boundaries, Josie."
"Thank you." Josie felt glad that she had her sister to lean on—Paige understood just what she was feeling and knew how to be sympathetic.
"I hope it works out," Paige said, sighing. "I really want to see her. And I really want her to be there for you."
"I hope so too," Josie said.
Neither of them said it out loud, but they'd both learned that it was better to not get their hopes up in relation to their mom, so neither of them felt too certain that she would actually come to the wedding. But Josie let herself be fairly hopeful—after all, her mother had said yes on the phone, and she said she was doing better after rehab.
The two sisters continued to talk for a while. They talked about their mom at first, and then their conversation turned back toward Paige's studies and the fun things she had planned with her college friends. After that they talked about how the remainder of the wedding preparations were going, and Paige was touched by Josie's story of how her friends had banded together to help her fix the wedding invitation typo.
Finally, Paige said she needed to go, and they said goodbye and hung up. Josie smiled down at her phone after the screen had gone dark, feeling better. She was grateful to have a sister like Paige—someone who understood and supported her.
After sitting quietly by herself for a few minutes, she stood up. She stretched and made her way into the living room, where Wesley was sitting on one end of the couch, reading a book.
He looked up as soon as she stepped through the doorway.
"Hey," he said, reaching for her as she came to sit next to him. "How did talking with your mom go?"
"Pretty good," she said, nuzzling up against him and resting her head on his shoulder. "It went as well as I could have expected it to go."
He stroked her hair, seeming to notice the way she was frowning a little. "What did she say?"
"She says she'll be there. So hopefully it does all work out."
He nodded, not needing her to say out loud what was between the lines of her words. "That's good, sweetheart," he said. "That's awesome that she said yes."
He wrapped his arms around her, and they sat there together quietly for a while. She felt a sense of peace and happiness, thankful that he was there with her, and that she got to spend the rest of her life with him.
"Hey, Wesley?" she asked after a little while.
"Yes, Josie?"
"Thank you for loving me."
He squeezed her tighter. "I always will."
She took a deep breath and snuggled up closer against him. Outside, snow began to fall in twirling patterns.
"I love snow," she whispered. "It seems like a promise that everything can be made new again."
He kissed her head. "I like that. That's a good thing to think about." He paused and was quiet for a few moments. "And even if things don't work out with your mom for our wedding—and I bet they will—it doesn't mean she isn't going to continue to heal and make progress. You can always be hoping for that."
"You're right," she said, feeling a glow of reassurance from his words. She smiled and closed her eyes.