26. A Night Off

Chapter twenty-six

A Night Off

Mila

S houts of anger echoed through the hall. As I reached the quarters belonging to the baron and baroness of Arick, the door swung open, and Lord Kazimir came out, his face contorted with fury. I cringed, but he didn't spare me a glance as he stormed past. Alexey, following the baron, wore a grim expression. He caught sight of me and stopped.

"Is something wrong?" I murmured.

He grimaced. "Lady Yelena was sick in front of the baron. It dirtied his shoes, and…" He shook his head.

"Grigorovich!" Lord Kazimir yelled from down the hall. "I don't pay you to stand around gossipping with the help!"

"Coming, my lord!" he called back. He turned back to me. "Your training is coming along nicely. I thought we could take the night off, da? We could have supper, maybe take a walk through the city."

"I'd like that." After almost a month of daily training sessions, I deserved a break. And Alexey wasn't inclined to conversation while sparring, so maybe an evening of leisure would loosen his tongue.

"I'll come to your quarters when he's finished with me." He pressed his lips together and inclined his head toward me before following the baron.

Lady Yelena was reclining on a low divan in the sitting room. "Sofia Stepanova." She smiled at me, then winced and pressed a hand to her piebald face. "Apologies. I fell this morning, and I believe I have a bruise forming."

The white patch of skin around her left eye was swollen and red. My stomach clenched as I pasted on a smile. The bastard had hit his wife for nothing more than being ill? I knew how brutal he could be—I'd been on the receiving end of that brutality, after all—but I would have expected him to be kinder to the woman he married.

"Not at all, my lady," I said. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm afraid I may be too late, but I wondered if you might be able to make me something to wear for Prophet's Day? My lord is to be granted a new title during the celebration, and he wishes me to be dressed as befits his station."

"Not too late at all," I assured her. The baroness was my social superior, but she was so polite, almost deferential. It was a welcome contrast to the demanding noblewomen I'd come to expect. "I have some designs here, if you'd like to look at them." I drew the papers out of my pack and set them on the table in front of her.

Lady Yelena picked up the papers and rifled through them. "I do hope I'm not ill on Prophet's Day." She glanced up at me with a wry smile. "I haven't been able to keep any food down this week. It seems capital food doesn't agree with me."

I nodded sympathetically. "I know what you mean. The food here is quite rich."

She held out a page. "This one would be perfect."

It was a simple sarafan, wide-skirted, with a sleeveless dushegreya vest lined in fur. I'd made similar styles for myself dozens of times; it would take next to no time to make. "I'll just need to take your measurements, and then you can choose your fabrics."

She stood, and her maidservant, who had been hovering unobtrusively in the shadows, stepped forward to help her up onto a stool. I took out my measuring line and looked up as the baroness blanched.

"My lady!" The maidservant caught her arm before she fell.

"Are you alright?" I asked, taking her other arm and helping her to the divan.

"I'm fine. Just a tad dizzy. As I said, I haven't been eating well lately."

"Let me get you a drink." On a shelf across the room was a crystal bottle filled with amber liquid—medovukha, I assumed—with matching glasses next to it. I picked it up.

"Oh, no, not that!" Lady Yelena exclaimed. "That's my lord's. He never allows me to drink from it. There's a pitcher of water to your left."

"I apologize, my lady." I poured her a glass of water and handed it to her.

She took a sip. "Thank you. Truly, I haven't felt myself this week. There must be something in the air." She smiled weakly, setting down her glass.

Dizziness, nausea, an inability to eat…I'd had similar symptoms during the first weeks of my pregnancy. A wave of grief hit me hard, and I blinked away the stinging sensation in my eyes. Was it possible the baroness was pregnant? It seemed unlikely that she hadn't already made that assumption, but she was young, no older than twenty, and from what I understood, she'd been orphaned as a child. Maybe she hadn't received the proper education about childbearing.

"My lady," I began, then cut myself off. It wasn't my place to educate a noblewoman.

"Yes?"

"Nevermind." I caught the maid's eye and saw a similar understanding in her face. "I spoke out of turn."

The baroness looked between me and her maid, frowning. "If there's something you've noticed, speak plainly."

I hesitated. "Is it possible that it's not the capital air causing your illness?"

"What do you mean?"

"I hadn't said anything because I thought you knew," the maid said. "My lady, it's been almost eight weeks since you last bled."

A look of comprehension dawned on the noblewoman's brown and white face. "You think I'm…with child?"

Her maid nodded. "I'm sure of it."

"Oh, thank Otets!" she gasped. "Thank Otets."

"I offer my congratulations," I said. "What a blessing." Even if the child belonged to Kazimir Vladimirovich.

"Yes, my lord will be pleased." She placed a hand over her stomach and mumbled absently, "Thank Otets."

***

"A second sunrise in one day," Alexey said as I opened the door. "Truly, this day is blessed." His expression was serious, but his dark eyes twinkled mischievously.

"Good evening, Alexey." I rolled my eyes but smiled in spite of myself.

He stepped back from the doorway, arm swept out toward the exit. "Are you ready?"

I took my coat from the peg next to the door. "I am now."

As we left the trade quarters, he offered me his arm. I accepted, grateful for the warmth his proximity offered against the biting cold. The moon sparkled on the fallen snow, lending an enchanted air to the palace grounds.

"How was the baroness this afternoon?" I asked as we walked.

"Better than this morning." He glanced at me. "She had an announcement for the baron when he returned."

I put on a guileless expression. "Did she? What was that?"

Alexey narrowed his eyes. "Why do I get the feeling you already know?"

"I haven't the slightest idea." He frowned, and I couldn't suppress my grin. "Yes, fine. It may have come up in conversation."

He squeezed my arm. "I'm glad for her. If nothing else, this should give her some reprieve. Whatever else Lord Kazimir may be, I don't believe he'd risk hurting his heir."

I stopped, turning to him. "Why do you work for him? If he's so cruel, why stay?" I couldn't reconcile the kind, caring man I'd come to know with someone who would profess loyalty to such a villain as Kazimir.

He let out a sigh. "I thought it would be a good position for me. He had a reputation, yes, but he's close to the tsar. I'd like a permanent position at court eventually, as a guard for the tsar or something equally respectable. I thought working for him would grant me more opportunities."

"And now?"

"I wish I could leave, but who would be there to temper him?" He shrugged. "At least while I'm there, I can draw his attention away from the baroness. Keep him distracted."

"I see." I rested a hand on his arm, feeling the strong corded muscles through his coat. "You're a good man, Alexey."

He held my gaze, placing his hand over my own. "You don't know how much that means to me."

I swallowed and looked away, a hot flash of guilt going through me. I shouldn't be leading him on like this, letting him believe there was something between us. I was married.

No, not married. Not anymore. I had another purpose here, one that couldn't be pushed aside on account of something as trivial as guilt.

"Lord Kazimir must trust you a great deal," I said as we began to walk again. Flatter him. Gain his trust. Find the knowledge he had access to, and use it to bring Miroslav and Kazimir down.

"I suppose so. I strive to be trustworthy, no matter what I think of him personally."

"And the tsar?" I glanced up at him, seeing the moonlight silhouette his sharp face. "Has he noticed you at all?"

He shook his head. "Tsar Miroslav is too busy fighting a war to notice me. And it's not really his attention I need. He doesn't oversee the hiring of his household himself. I'd do better to earn the regard of his advisors."

"I can't imagine who could be more deserving of his attention than the man who promised me he would single-handedly end the rebellion." I nudged him with my elbow, giving him a flirtatious smile. "Surely honoring you should be his highest priority."

He inclined his head toward me, a smile playing on his face. "Much as I appreciate your esteem, fair sun, the rising tensions with Vasland and the Grand Duke's rebellion take priority over even me."

Rising tensions with Vasland? Our northern neighbors had allied with Miroslav during the previous uprising. I hadn't heard about any conflict between them and Inzhria since. "I thought Vasland was our ally." I injected a tremor into my voice. "They won't back Borislav, will they?"

He patted my arm. "No, they won't join Borislav. They're angry that Tsar Miroslav hasn't paid them for their aid at Barbezht, but they won't want to risk allying against him and going unpaid. They're more likely to try to take the country for themselves."

And if Vasland attacked while Miroslav was still on the throne, they wouldn't be likely to stop their attack once Borislav took the country. I frowned.

"There's no need to worry," he said. "I'm sure Tsar Miroslav will resolve things before it comes to that."

"I hope so."

We'd reached the Frozen Boar, the inn near the palace. It was busy, the court's return having brought life back to the capital. Alexey led me to a table in the corner and ordered our supper.

"So, what happens next?" I asked as the barmaid left. "Against the rebellion, I mean. It's been over a month since the last battle." A minor battle had been fought somewhere in the midlands, concluding in another victory for Borislav. "Will you be leaving to join the army again?"

"I don't know. The Grand Duke's army is still traveling, so Tsar Miroslav may send Lord Kazimir to oversee an ambush soon, or he may choose to keep him here as an advisor."

"Where?" I asked, then realized my mistake. If my questions were too eager, he might grow suspicious. "I'm sorry. I only mean—they won't be near Tsebol, will they?"

"Not at all. They're heading toward Sevken. Their path shouldn't take them anywhere near your home."

I filed that bit of information away for later. "So you'll be heading toward Sevken, too, if the baron goes."

"Much as it pains me to be from your sunny countenance…" He grinned as I pursed my lips. "Yes, if Lord Kazimir is sent away, I'll go with him. Wherever he's sent."

And if the baron chose to attack another defenseless woman?

The thought came from nowhere. Alexey hadn't been with the baron when I was attacked. He would have stopped it. Not like the soldiers who'd been there. I would never forget their faces, the bloodlust in their eyes. How they did nothing as Lord Kazimir murdered my housekeeper and beat me. How they'd held me down for him, helped him violate me and murder my son…

"Sofia?"

I flinched. My nails dug into my palms where I'd clenched them, and bowls of solyanka sat on the table between us. When had the barmaid returned? I forced my muscles to relax, inhaling a deep breath of the salty, vinegary steam rising from the soup before me. "Sorry. I was lost in thought."

He reached out and took my hand. "Is something wrong?"

I smiled brightly at him—possibly too bright, given the curious look he gave me. "I'm fine. How long have you been working for Lord Kazimir, anyway?"

"Four months now."

Just after the attack. Had he been nearby? In Tsebol, or possibly even closer? No, he'd told me at one point that he'd never been to Tsebol. I scooped a spoonful of sour cream into my soup and took a bite.

While we ate, he kept the conversation light, entertaining me with stories of his childhood in the capital. When we finished eating, he stood and held out a hand. "Come. I want to show you the best view in the city."

He led me back outside and toward the city proper. The capital wasn't silent—it never was, even when the court was absent—but we walked down side roads, away from the noise of the busier streets.

As we walked further from the city center, the sound of crashing waves grew. The air was thick and wet, and the smell of salt was stronger than at the palace. The temperature had dropped; I tugged my coat tighter around me.

"Close your eyes," he said.

I narrowed them suspiciously at him before doing as he asked. He guided me a few more steps, around a corner, and stopped.

He let go of my arm. "You can open them now."

We were on an ocean overlook. A stone wall marked the edge of the cliff, and down below, white-capped waves crashed onto the rocks. The full moon lit up the scene in brilliant light. I gasped. "It's beautiful."

"Yes, it is."

I turned to see Alexey staring, not at the scene in front of us, but at me. A laugh burst from my lips.

"That is the most ridiculous, trite thing you could have said," I told him, still laughing. "Did you honestly think I would fall for that?"

"Ridiculous, trite…and true." He brushed his thumb over my cheek, the corner of his lips tugging upward. "How could I look at the moon when I have the sun standing next to me?"

"I believe you are teasing me, sir." I tried to keep my tone light, but the earnestness of his gaze made my breath catch in my throat.

"Not at all." He stepped closer, and I took an involuntary step back. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?" He put a hand under my chin.

I should have stopped him, but I was transfixed. His dark eyes held a passion so intense it was almost frightening. His thumb brushed my bottom lip. "You are divine. Whenever you're near, I find it impossible to look away."

Warmth flooded my body. This wasn't supposed to be happening. I was using him. I wasn't supposed to feel anything. But I didn't pull back from his touch. He smiled that half-smile and leaned closer. I closed my eyes.

Then his lips were on mine. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close, his kiss both soft and demanding. I opened my mouth, letting him in.

He pushed me up against the stone wall, and I was trapped. His breath turned foul, his hands suddenly larger and more forceful. I shoved him off with all my strength.

He stepped back, holding his hands up. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—I'm sorry."

Alexey. It was Alexey in front of me. Not Kazimir Vladimirovich, not him and his vicious companions. "No." I shook my head, hands clenched in the folds of my sarafan. "Not you." I stared at the ground, counting pebbles as I took deep, gasping breaths, my whole body shuddering. "Wasn't you."

"Sofia."

Sofia. He wasn't Kazimir, and I wasn't Mila. I was going to give myself away. I forced my breathing into a regular rhythm and looked back up into his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Alexey. I just…everything is happening so fast."

He gave me an odd look and held out a hand. I took it, focusing on each breath as he led me to a bench and sat down next to me.

He pulled something from his pocket. "I'd meant to give this to you later, but…" He held it out.

It was a dagger in a leather sheath, simple but made with expert craftsmanship. I stared at it. "I can't take this."

He placed it in my hand. "You should feel safe." I opened my mouth, but he shook his head. "That—" He gestured at the stone wall. "That wasn't just fear of moving too fast. And you didn't agree to train with me for fun. Someone hurt you. I don't know who it was or how it happened, and I don't need to, but I do need you to know that I would never hurt you." He wrapped my fingers around the dagger's hand. "You're safe, and you will always be safe with me, my sun. But you can keep yourself safe, too."

What could I say to that? I looked at him with wide eyes. Han had never even considered that I could defend myself.

Han.

He'd not even been dead two months, and I was letting another man kiss me and give me gifts.

Tears blinded me. I blinked, and they spilled over. Then I was crying, every emotion I'd suppressed for months pouring in hot streams down my face. Alexey pulled me to him, and I sobbed into my shoulder.

I hated myself.