Chapter Twenty-Six

"What the fuck are you doing with him?" Jordan's anger pushed against him like backdraft from a fire. As long as he'd known him, Drew couldn't remember his friend exhibiting such hostility.

"I'm still not sure why you think I need to explain anything to you." His voice remained deceptively calm, but Drew's eyes narrowed in anger. "Since when have you appointed yourself my keeper?"

"Since you started making such fucking stupid decisions, man. What the hell is wrong with you lately? First you marry that cheating bitch; now you allow yourself to be taken in by some self-centered prick." Jordan ran his hand through his hair, causing the usual neatly styled arrangement to stand up on end.

Drew's temper snapped like a worn-out rope. "Enough. I don't know why you, Rachel, or Mike think you have the right to voice opinions on my choices in life. I'm not fucking four years old on the playground anymore."

"Then stop acting like it, and use your brain instead of your dick," Jordan sniped, his blue eyes icy cold. His usual cockiness had been replaced by the sneering arrogance Drew heartily detested. From childhood, Jordan had consistently believed his decisions were always best, stemming from his natural-born confidence as the oldest and therefore the leader in their group. As children, Drew had always found it easier to follow in Jordan's wake instead of asserting his own independence.

It had never mattered that much until now.

Almost desperately, Drew put a hand on Jordan's arm in an attempt to salvage the conversation and perhaps their friendship. Because he knew that no matter how important his friends were to him, if he was forced to make a choice, he'd choose Ash.

"Don't you understand? I don't want to make this choice, and I shouldn't have to. Why are you forcing me? How would you feel if I told you I didn't like Keith? Would you break up with him?" Drew watched as a look of disbelief flashed across Jordan's face.

"You actually have the nerve to compare Keith to that arrogant piece of shit? I'll bet he's never told you how he feels about you. And you're too trusting, like always. You'll never learn, will you?"

"Well, well, Jordan. Why hold back?" Ash sauntered over, and Drew winced at the harsh planes of Ash's handsome face. Where moments before he'd been relaxed and carefree, now his eyes flashed steel and his mouth had hardened to granite. "Let everyone know how you really feel about me." Glowering, he folded his arms. Drew didn't want this to descend into a shouting match between the two men.

Keith stood next to Jordan, as usual, trying to calm him down, his hand caressing the nape of Jordan's neck. This time, however, Jordan wouldn't be denied his say.

"Don't tell me not to care when I see my friend making a mistake. Especially after the last one he made." He looked around the room, pushing Keith's hand away. "Doesn't anyone else see how wrong this whole situation is?"

Drew's voice rose, uncharacteristically loud. "I've already told you my life is not yours or anyone else's to run or control. Leave my personal life alone, or leave. Period."

The room fell silent. Drew could hear Mike asking Rachel what had happened, but she shushed him. Jordan's laugh rang uneasily. "Don't be ridiculous. We're best friends. You wouldn't choose him over our friendship of thirty years."

He loved Jordan like a brother, but Drew couldn't take his pushy manipulation any longer. "It's not me choosing him. You're forcing my hand. I don't need you to fight my battles for me anymore."

"I didn't say anything when you married Jackie, even though I knew she was wrong for you, and now look where you are. Divorced after not even a year. Maybe if I'd spoken up, you wouldn't be here today, throwing a party to celebrate a failed marriage."

Rachel's gasp filled the room. If a knife flayed open his chest, Drew wouldn't have felt as much pain. He'd always known his friend's arrogance and opinionated nature didn't win him many popularity contests, but he'd thought it was done out of love. After hearing those hurtful words, Drew now questioned the very foundation of their thirty-year friendship.

"I don't owe you or anyone here explanations for what takes place in my life. Like I said. You don't like it; you know where the door is." He stood face-to-face with Jordan, watching his eyes widen with shock.

Ash's hand came down on his shoulder, heavy yet comforting. "Don't make snap judgments. Being the oldest in the group, he feels protective." Ash's hand gave a quick squeeze. "Strangely enough, I can understand that."

As the oldest and self-appointed protector of his foster brothers, Ash would understand Jordan's position. It made sense that he could relate. All Drew wanted was for his family to get along together, but Ash was his lover, and he would defend him to his friends and family.

"Are we good, Jordan? Please?" Drew didn't want to fight. For the first time since he could remember, his life seemed to be going smoothly. He had no desire to see a ripple in the water disturb his fragile peace. "Come on, man."

Keith leaned over and murmured in Jordan's ear. Whatever he said turned the tide as Jordan relaxed into Keith's embrace. "I'll accept it, but I don't have to like it. However"—he put up his hand—"I won't sabotage you, Davis. My concern is Drew. If you hurt him, disappear before I find you." He stalked off.

At that moment Peter and his wife walked in, and the tension in the room eased as they greeted his grandmother. Ash left their group to greet his friends, and Drew followed his progress across the room.

"You really care about him, don't you?"

No use in hiding the truth. Keith's question brought a smile to Drew's lips.

"Yeah. You all don't know him because you only see his public face. There's so much more to him that you can't imagine, but it isn't my story to tell."

"You're in love with him."

Drew stiffened at Keith's words. "Are you planning on giving me as hard a time as Jordan? If so, then please don't say anything else."

"No. But let me give you a piece of advice."

Drew faced him. "Yes?"

"Don't wait for the right time or a special moment, if that's what you're doing. Believe me, I know better than anyone, being a cop. I could leave one morning and never come home." For a moment wetness glimmered in his eyes. "The regrets some people live with are crushing. It may sound clichéd, but I don't ever take what I have with Jordan for granted, because I know how easily it can all disappear." With that, Keith left Drew's side and slipped his arms around Jordan's waist, kissing the top of his head.

Tonight , Drew thought.

By this time, Rachel and Mike had joined him. "I know you say you're together now, but you were never interested in men before. And, your willingness to throw away a lifetime of friendship isn't the brother I've known all my life. Since you met Ash, you're like a different person. In spite of our talk, I still don't understand." The confusion and concern in Rachel's face clouded her eyes and caused a furrow in her normally smooth brow. "And don't think I'm still not concerned about Ash's reputation. I kind of get where Jordan's coming from."

"Will you excuse us, please?" Drew took his sister's arm and steered her toward his bedroom, where he sat on the bed and indicated she should do the same. He rubbed his hands on his thighs, warming himself up for this talk. To know she'd come through her darkness, a strong secure woman, with so much love to give and receive, was all the knowledge he needed to decide his own life had been put on hold long enough.

"Look, you know we've never been ones to place a label on anyone. When you experimented in college and introduced me to your girlfriend, I didn't care. As long as you were happy."

Rachel's lip curved in a small smile. "Yeah, Samantha was fun to be with, but we never took it seriously. It was about finding our way, and sex was a part of it."

One thing Drew had been curious about. "Have you told Mike you were with a woman for a few months?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah. And typical man, he got all excited and wanted to know if we'd taken any pictures. Honestly, sometimes you men are such pigs." She laughed, but the nervous winding of her necklace around her fingers indicated she still had concerns.

"Good, because you don't want secrets. Ash and I don't have secrets either. He knows me, Rach. Really knows me. I think he knows me better than I know myself."

"But when did you realize you were bisexual?" Her color rose. "You're obviously sleeping with each other, but you've never done that with a guy before. Right?" Her green eyes held his, but there was no condemnation in her regard. Merely curiosity and love.

"Look, there are things I've never spoken of because, well, it was personal to me. So it isn't that I've never been with another man; this has nothing to do with sex. It's that I couldn't be with anyone else but Ash. He's the difference here, not my sexuality. There's something about him that brings me peace. He's taken away my loneliness."

"Was it that bad?"

"Yeah." He pushed the hair away from his face. "I blamed myself for Mom and Dad's death. If I hadn't been such a baby, so afraid to be by myself, I wouldn't have needed them to come up that weekend to hold my hand and tell me everything would be all right. They died because I was afraid to live my life. And for years afterward, I let Jordan and you guys push me in whatever direction you thought was right for me, without ever questioning what I wanted."

Tears trickled down her cheeks. "I didn't mean to do it. It's only because I love you and want the best for you."

With the pad of his thumb, he swiped at her cheeks. "I know. And the one time I asserted myself I married Jackie, and look where that got me."

She sniffled but smiled through her tears. "Yeah. But, it found you Ash. You know I'm a great believer in fate. Maybe you needed that mistake to lead you in the direction you were always meant to be."

God, he loved her. Every day was such a precious gift. He couldn't imagine life without her. "I love you. And maybe you're right, but I'm still finding my way."

"Well, if you want my opinion—"

He clapped a hand over her mouth. "I know you mean well, but it's time now for me to do it my way with all the bumps and bruises that may come along with it. Do you understand?"

Before she had a chance to answer, the sound of a throat clearing broke the anticipatory silence. When he glanced toward the door, a smile broke out across his face. "Hi."

Ash leaned his long torso against the doorframe, and although to the average bystander he might seem relaxed, Drew knew better. Those broad shoulders strained, tense and tight against his shirt, while his silvery eyes glittered with repressed emotion Drew had become too familiar with. It hurt to see Ash so wary around him. Especially after all they'd shared.

"I didn't see you for a while and wondered if everything was okay." Ash's gaze settled on Rachel. "I'll leave you two." He turned to go.

"No, please." Rachel jumped up and gave Drew a quick hug. "We're finished, and I'm leaving." When she passed Ash in the doorway, she stood on her tiptoes and brushed her lips to his cheek. "He's all yours."

Rachel disappeared down the hallway, but Drew only had eyes for Ash.

It didn't come to him like a big bang, with the proverbial trumpets blaring. Ironically, the quiet intensity of it made it so much more real and potent. His chest ached, and his heart raced. Every hair on his body rose and quivered, his skin prickling at the mere thought of Ash's touch. He longed for this man. Never in a million years had he thought another person could turn him inside out so the absolute rawness of his feelings lay right at the surface of his skin.

And the fact that he was drawn to a man? Irrelevant. The strength of that hard body coupled with the softness of Ash's touch nearly had him whimpering out loud with repressed desire.

He loved him.

Tonight, he'd tell him. Tell this wonderfully complex man, who was brave yet fearful, honest yet still so hurt and hidden, that he loved him with all his heart.

Drew held out his hand. "I'm glad you came to find me. It's nice to have a moment of time together, without all the negative judgment surrounding me."

Ash pulled Drew into his chest, and Drew sank into the embrace, resting his chin on Ash's shoulder, while their hips and groins nestled together in a familiar position. Nothing gave him peace and contentment like being held in Ash's arms.

"Is everything all right with you and Rachel? Is she okay with us?" Ash's hands massaged Drew's back in a soothing circular motion.

He smiled against Ash's shoulder. "Yeah. She is. I think it's all going to be fine."

A brief press of lips against the top of his head and then Ash stepped away. "We should go back." His normally unruffled voice sounded ragged and harsh. "People want to talk to you."

Bemused, Drew nodded but slipped his hand into Ash's and tugged. "Together, right?"

"Yes. Of course."

They walked back into the living room, and he found himself surrounded by his friends. Peter and his wife were there, as well as Ryder Daniels and his husband, Jason Mallory. They'd brought along Connor Halstead, who, as a Legal Aid attorney, had become an invaluable resource to them in navigating the convoluted mess of the child welfare system. Connor's wife Emily had recently given birth to their first child and chose to stay home.

Drew returned to his grandmother's side and found her in an earnest conversation with Jordan. Upon his approach, Jordan's expression shuttered, returning once again to an impenetrable icy shield.

Rachel tapped a glass filled with sparkling champagne. "Quiet, everyone." She raised the glass in a toast. "To my darling brother, Drew, whom I love with all my heart." She hugged him tight. "I hope you have your heart's desire. I love you so much."

Drew squeezed her close. "I love you, baby girl," he whispered into her hair, loving her clean, fresh scent. "I'm working on it."

He hugged her hard. After filling a flute with the golden bubbly wine, he raised his glass in a toast.

"Thank you to all who helped me through this, no matter how big or small a part you played. You must know how invaluable you've been to my psyche. Whatever's left of it."

Everyone laughed, and then he continued. "An extra-special thanks to my family, who stood by me from the beginning to now, the way families should, whether or not they agree with what I did." He raised his glass. "To family."

"To family," everyone shouted.

Drew had finished his glass of champagne when there was a loud crash, then the sound of breaking glass from the far window of the living room. Rachel and Lisa screamed while his grandmother looked about, a confused expression on her lined face.

On the floor of the living room was a large brick with a paper tied to it. Keith raced over to where the brick landed. "Drew, do you have any plastic gloves and a clear plastic bag?"

Drew ran to the kitchen and opened the cabinet doors under the sink. He always kept a supply of gloves for cleaning the litter box, so he grabbed a pair along with a plastic bag, then sprinted back to the living room and handed them to Keith. He pulled them on and slipped the note out from under the twine.

They all crowded around Keith to read over his shoulder. Drew saw the bold black letters, and his blood ran cold.

Next time the old lady won't be so lucky. Close down that faggot clinic.

They all stared at each other. Keith slid the note into the plastic bag and handed it to Drew. "Take this and call 911. Tell them what happened and that I'm here at the scene, off-duty but with my weapon." He then pulled out his service revolver and motioned everyone away from the window.

Drew made the call and returned to the living room. Keith instructed them to stay away from the window, then went downstairs to meet the police officers. Red lights flashed against his windows from the street, indicating the police cruiser had arrived. After about twenty minutes Keith came back upstairs, in full police mode.

"Drew, have you had any threats at the clinic before?" Keith had his little black notebook with him, and his laser sharp eyes never wavered from Drew's face.

"No. Never. Everyone in the neighborhood has been so supportive." There had to be something else. He remembered when his grandmother was hospitalized and the two young men who pretended to help her with gardening but shoved her around. "What about the two kids who pushed her around the night she fell ill? You know those kids in Stevie's neighborhood have hassled him about working at the clinic with me."

Keith made a note. "And we know their penchant for violence. It's a good place to start. I'll talk to them tomorrow then take Esther to the station and have her look at some pictures. I wanted to wait until she was stronger, but I think we have to move fast on this."

Drew's lips tightened. "Don't let her stay too long. She won't admit it, but she still gets tired."

Keith patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry. She's special to me too. To all of us."

Drew smiled briefly, and then he searched the room until he found his grandmother sitting with Ash and Rachel. His heart squeezed.

His family. He'd do anything to protect them.