45. Evander

Chapter 45

Evander

I erupted in pain.

Invisible blades stabbed through my gut. Fire seared through every limb. My skin ached. My clothes chafed. Even breathing became too much. I fell to the ground, hardly registering the damp earth as it soaked through my trousers. Wave after wave of pain crested and broke against me. I heaved and trembled, awaiting an end that was too long in coming.

Finally, the torture receded, and I sat back on my heels. My muscles spasmed in the aftermath, my body still trying to fend off the invisible attacker.

"What was that?" Katrin's voice held more anger than concern, but when I looked up her eyes shone with unshed tears, with fear.

Fear for me, not of me.

The thought was enough to throw me off balance. I stumbled as I stood and Sam saved me the trouble of answering as I dusted off my rumpled pants. "He's been resisting his duties."

"Why would you do that?"

Katrin's glare burned white hot, but I didn't balk from it. I faced her head on, taking in her light and dark halves. Two sides of the same coin, one that pulled her toward death and the other life but nothing tethering her to this world. Like all, she would pass from The Between into whichever world would claim her, and here I would remain.

"Because you needed me," I answered honestly.

She jabbed a finger toward the portal we'd passed through. "Those souls need you."

"They can wait." I held up a hand before she could interject. She scowled but remained quiet. "You are my priority. I am made to ferry the dead, but I promised to protect you, and so I shall."

"To free yourself?" There was a question in her eyes, a vulnerability that she hadn't allowed me to see before.

Stepping into her space, I gave her time to retreat before placing my hands on either side of her face. I willed her to see the truth in my eyes, to hear the conviction in my voice. "To save us both, Kat."

Her eyes flicked to Sam who shrugged as if to say "what can you do". When her gaze returned to mine, she nodded. The movement was subtle, unsure, but it was there.

"Shall we?" A phantom pain tugged below my chest, but I ignored it as I gestured to my carriage. Katrin looked as though she wanted to say more but turned and entered the coach.

"Good luck with that one," Sam said as we clasped hands.

"You're sure you don't want a ride?" I offered as distance was a curious thing in The Between.

"Van, you couldn't pay me to enter that carriage right now." He laughed, but I sensed it for the act that it was. His expression quickly sobered, his other hand coming up to grip my shoulder. "This will be an uphill battle."

I nodded. "It already is. Thank you for all you've done for her, for us. It means a lot."

"She deserves better."

"We all do," I said, clapping him on the back. "Next time I see you, bring allies."

"I hope this is not farewell, my friend." With a dip of his chin, Sam released my hand and strode into the mists.

I felt it then, not the pull of the soul, but something greater, like game pieces being set into motion. But if Behryn was king, and Katrin queen, did that make me a knight or a pawn?

Halfway through the journey to the manor, I heard a rustle of fabric as the curtain of the small front window was drawn aside. For several long moments, the galloping hooves were the only sound. As the silence stretched, I worried she was expecting me to speak first. I opened my mouth, but no words came out.

What was there to say?

I wouldn't apologize for my actions. I'd vowed to protect her, and if that meant shirking my duties as Ferrier, so be it.

"Does it hurt when the souls call to you?" Katrin's voice floated to me in the dark like an apparition, tentative and fragile.

My comfort had always been the furthest thing from my mind, and it took me a moment to answer. "Not usually. It can be unpleasant like a persistent tug, but over time, the tug grows stronger."

"What happens if you ignore it completely?"

I lifted my eyes from the trail, considering. "When I was first enslaved, I fought it. I refused to answer the summons for days. At first, it was distracting. Then, it became painful. By the fifth day, the physical compulsion overpowered any will I had. It dragged me like a man possessed through the Corridor and back to the world of the living. That first night, I ferried three souls. To this day, I do not know if it was the length of time or the number of souls that finally beat me."

"That sounds awful."

I shrugged though she couldn't see me. "It is the price I paid."

"And what price shall I pay?" Her voice was little more than a whisper. I wasn't sure if she'd meant for me to hear her, so I remained quiet, hoping she'd never have to pay a price and at the same time, suspecting that she already had.

We reached the manor and I pulled to a stop inside the gate. Dropping to a crouch, I spun to face the window and sought out her mismatched eyes within. "Your bargain is with me. If we fail, I'll not hold you to any repercussions."

"But Fate will."

"Somehow, I got the sense that Fate was on your side." Slipping from the driver's seat, I made quick work of closing and locking the gate behind us—the first time I'd done so since Katrin had come. She looked at me curiously as I returned to the carriage and opened her door.

"It won't stop Behryn," I explained. "But it should help keep out anyone else that comes around or, at least, slow them down." I made a show of commanding two shadows to stand guard at the gate as well, messengers who would alert me if anyone or anything came near. There was still Death's Fangs to consider.

I sent two more shadows to sweep the manor while I untacked the horses. My fingers slipped into the familiar rhythm as Katrin waited for them to return.

"Sometimes, I think I made a mistake. That I was foolish to chase life instead of making the most of what I had. What if I've traded away the last days of my life for nothing?"

My hands stilled. She didn't intend the words to be hurtful, but they struck me like a fist to the gut. "You have always been free to return home if that is what you desire."

I didn't look at her as I spoke, but I sensed her ire anyway.

"That is not what I meant." Impatience sharpened her tone, and she exhaled a slow, steady breath. "It is only that I left my family without saying goodbye, hoping that I would see them again. Now, I'm not so sure. I did not expect Death to learn of my presence in The Between. That I've been compromised puts everything else into perspective. He could find me, take me away, and my parents would be none the wiser."

"The choice you made was one of desperation. No one can fault you for the path you chose when you thought there was nowhere else to go."

I paused my task long enough to seek out her form in the darkness. She nodded, but her eyes remained distant, her mind likely forging a dozen other possible scenarios.

I knew the taste of regret. It was not something that could be easily washed away.

The shadows returned, and I waved her forth. "Go on, take your Midnight and Thunder or whatever you call them and take a bath."

"Inky and Storm." Her tone was serious, but a slip of a smile ghosted across her lips.

"Of course. How could I forget?"

"Be sure it doesn't happen again," she said, sauntering toward the entrance.

I took my time freeing the horses and returning everything to the stable. In the manor, I looked for anything amiss, furniture out of place, doors open that should be closed.

When I could avoid it no longer, I passed by the bathing chamber Katrin occupied. The door was shut, as expected. Though my mind conjured a million excuses to open it, I settled for pressing my ear to the wood.

The faint sound of lapping water could be heard within. Unbidden, my mind conjured an image of Katrin shoulder deep, every part of her yet unknown to me hidden beneath frothy suds.

I pushed the thought aside.

Even before our last conversation, I knew there was no future for us. The Between was a temporary escape for her, but it was my prison. If we were not cleaved apart by Death, we would be separated by life.

The doorknob gleamed in the candlelight, so close and yet utterly out of reach.

I shoved away, needing to put distance between myself and my dark thoughts.

Katrin's voice echoed in my mind. For a moment, I thought I'd imagined her calling my name until I heard it again, clearer.

"I can hear you brooding out there."

She couldn't know I was there, unless…my eyes strayed to the shadows around me, and I cursed. Betrayed by my own creatures.

Still, I could leave. Leave and ignore every instinct, every ounce of my blood urging me forward. Walk away , my mind commanded, but each step only brought me closer to the bathroom door. My hand found the knob, though somehow I had enough sense to leave it only partially ajar.

Steam billowed out, scented with jasmine and rose. I breathed in the heady aroma and closed my eyes.

"You can't possibly," I replied dryly.

Her throaty chuckle caught me off guard. I went as taut as a bow string, hand clutching the door to keep from flinging it open.

"Was I wrong?" she asked. I could hear the smile in her voice.

"I didn't mean to intrude."

"And so you haven't. I was just finishing anyway."

Did I imagine the disappointment in her voice?

Water sloshed, and I pictured her rising from the bath like a siren, water dripping from every glorious curve. Were I a weaker man, I'd have pushed open the door and seen for myself. Her mark tormented me. I longed to see what parts of her were covered, longed to follow the dark trail with my hands, my tongue.

My own shadows shifted, sensing my restlessness.

The door swung wide. I released the handle in time to avoid stumbling after it, but my knees buckled anyway at the sight of Katrin wrapped in only a dressing gown, her hair tied back in a hasty chignon.

My eyes dipped to the swell of her breasts beneath the thin, dark fabric. Her nipples were peaked despite the heat billowing out from the bathing chamber.

"Say something," she breathed.

My mouth opened and closed as I willed my tongue to form words. I pulled my gaze back to her face, to her eyes, so wide and vulnerable in that moment.

"You never wear your hair up."

It was the wrong thing to say. Her face fell. It was a blink of pain, of hurt, so quick I might have missed it if my focus hadn't been wholly intent on her. She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"I don't have to hide here." She glanced down, fingers playing with the lace that edged her robe. "It's nice. Refreshing, actually. I don't have to care what anyone thinks of me."

I dared a step closer, close enough to mark her trembling hands as she feigned composure. "And what about what I think?"

Her head snapped up, teeth capturing her bottom lip.

I licked my own lips, remembering their pillowy softness.

"What do you think, Evander?" She looked up at me through half-lidded eyes.

"I think that you have driven me mad since the moment you halted me at that crossroads." I closed the distance between us, snaking a hand around her waist as I pulled her body flush against mine. "You are the most captivating creature I've ever met, and I would like nothing more than to—"

Shadows danced around us, a frenzied rush of darkness that demanded attention. I cursed. Katrin's brow furrowed with confusion, and I pulled away with a growl.

"It's Behryn," I tried to explain. "He's—"

"Here."