17. Katrin

Chapter 17

Katrin

L ike the day, the darkness here was muted, incomplete. Night fell and the sky turned to dark gray, the fog too thick to be pierced by the moon or stars. I was coming to find there were no opposites in this low-contrast world, nothing so simple as black and white or good and bad. There could only be more of something or less. In the night, it was more dark than light. I was more alive than dead. The Ferrier was more arse than not.

He'd clearly come over here to show he knew which room I occupied. What benefit that knowledge offered, I didn't know. Perhaps it was a show of power, but I didn't get that impression. I was grateful that he let me know he was leaving. The manor, Tyr Anigh , seemed less intimidating with him gone. I'd peeked my head out long enough to confirm the living shadows still lingered in the corridor and decided exploring was not in the cards for me that night. Their amorphous bodies ebbed and flowed around the flickering light of a candelabra. While they appeared harmless, I didn't like the idea of them reporting all of my movements back to the Ferrier. Not that I had anything to hide.

The hours ticked by slowly with nothing to occupy my time. I dozed a bit, waking to a still darkened sky. Hunger gnawed at me, and I recalled that I'd eaten very little at dinner the night before and only an apple since. I forced down a bit of cheese and meat, wishing I had some bread to go with it. Despite my intent to ration, my waterskin was nearly emptied by a couple gulps after my meager dinner.

Still hungry, I tucked away the rest of my provisions, determined to make them last, even if they'd be pointless to save without more water.

I stared out the open window, wondering if I'd traded one type of prison for another. This one was temporary, at least, though it may only be a stay of execution. The task of finding a cure was too daunting to take on in the late hours of my first night here. I didn't know where to start. The only example I knew was my father's failed research attempts.

Exhaling heavily, I drew my gaze to the landscape beyond the window. Very little pierced the fog surrounding the manor. If I squinted, I could picture the walled-off land as an island surrounded by calm waters. The occasional tree limb broke the surface like pieces of a shipwreck. It was like nothing I could have imagined, stretching farther than I could see. A vast, secret world between life and death.

My room was just as dark as the world beyond with no candles to light, but I was no stranger to the darkness. I allowed my thoughts to drift as the horizon slowly lightened.

True to his word, the Ferrier returned about half an hour before dawn broke. He tended to the horses as he had the day before with quick, practiced motions. I waited to see if he would remove his cloak, but even without my presence, it remained a constant shroud.

His head tipped up as though sensing my attention. I darted back from the window, but couldn't tell if he'd spotted me. I suspected my room had the only open window, making it easy to pick out among the many pointed arches. My breath caught in my chest. Though he'd done nothing of ill-intent since I'd met him, everything about him radiated danger.

The playful confidence I'd managed on little sleep had fled after the day's rest. I trembled as I recalled what I'd said to him. It was a wonder he didn't hand me over to Death then, but I'd felt the strength that hid within those robes, and I knew if anyone could keep me safe, it was him.

When I glanced back, he had gone.

I watched the sun rise like spilled milk across the sky. Though it did little to lighten my mood, it was enough to illuminate the interior of the moody mansion. I needed answers and I wasn't getting any on this side of the door.

With a fortifying breath in, I eased it open. The creeping shadows retreated from the light, those who had ventured closer springing away with haste. I held the door firmly between us as I peeked out.

The darkness shifted and whirled, stark compared to the natural shadows of the hall. If I didn't know better, I'd say they were observing me in return. Possessed by a sudden surge of bravery, I slipped my hand through the narrow opening. The shadows paused their motion as they focused on me.

Before I could think better of it, I waved to the shadow nearest me. I felt every bit a fool until a small bit of shadow separated from the main body and proceeded to mirror my movement.

Definitely sentient, then.

I gave the shadows a vulgar gesture, sticking out my tongue for maximum effect as I swung the door wide open.

They scattered as the weak light permeated the hall, clearing my way to the door across the hall. With nothing better to do, now seemed as good a time as any to explore the other rooms.

As I searched the other rooms, I left their light to merge with the first until the third floor practically blazed with the filtered sunlight.

After exploring several identical rooms, my stomach growled its discontent. It was time to find some real food and, hopefully, water.

Unfortunately, after nearly an hour of searching, the kitchen proved useless. I knew as soon as I walked in and saw the empty hearth, but that didn't stop me from looking through every cabinet and pantry for a crumb of bread or vegetable. Aside from a couple bundles of dried herbs, there was no food to be found.

Did the Ferrier even need to eat? Probably not, but I did. At least, I thought I still needed to eat, and my rumbling stomach seemed to agree.

A stray shadow scurried beneath a table, startling me as I stepped from the room. I sighed but couldn't hide the faint smile that twitched at the corners of my lips. If I looked closely, I could pick out another of the Ferrier's shadows hiding in a dark corner beneath the stairs.

While part of me loathed their spying, I could admit their presence dulled the sharp edge of loneliness.

A thought occurred to me, and I shook it off as nonsense. Then, I looked around, remembered where I was, and thought better of ignoring my gut instinct. Facing the shadow closest to me, I bent down until I was eye-level with it. It shrank under my direct focus.

"Can you show me how to get outside? To the garden?" I pointed to the nearby window in case it couldn't understand my language. In all my wandering, I'd found myself in the belly of the manor. While I was certain to find my way out again, this way would both expedite the process and confirm my suspicions about the shadow's capabilities.

The shadows seemed to converse with each other silently. As they discussed, I thought about how they reacted to the light. It was possible any light was harmful to them.

"If you can't, I understand," I added, not wanting to cause them pain.

As though a dam had broken, the shadow beneath the table oozed out. The amorphous shape entered the light without any ill effects, though it appeared more transparent. It hovered in front of me about waist high as though giving me a chance to change my mind.

Tentatively, I reached out a hand, expecting to encounter some resistance. It passed right through the shadow, a slight chill the only sign that it was there. The shadow reciprocated the movement, reaching toward my face. This time, I was surprised to feel something cold and solid touch the tip of my nose. I jerked away and laughed, slightly uncomfortable, but also amazed at the marvelous creature.

"You weren't hiding from the light at all, were you?" I asked. "You were hiding from me."

The shadow bobbed, which I took for assent, and headed out the door. As I followed, the second shadow creature eased into position behind me. Maybe they weren't spies. Maybe they were guards. The thought brought a smile to my face as we traveled through the dim corridors.

We reached an exit that was different than the one I had first entered through. The world beyond the glass-paned doors looked just as unwelcoming as it had when I'd arrived, but if there was food to be had, I was determined to find it.

Both shadows passed easily through the door. It took me some time to force it open, and I cringed at the squeal emitted by the rusty hinges.

The silence in The Between was remarkable, like the dead of winter when no creature dared to stir. Only here, not even the air moved.

I, however, was a walking clamor.

Brittle, brown grass crunched beneath my feet as I stepped outside, skirts swishing with every step. I sniffed and rolled my eyes at the noise.

For years, I'd perfected the art of being unnoticeable. I'd practiced standing in a crowded room and forcing the attention away from me—drawing in on myself until I became indistinguishable from the furniture around me. Fading away had been preferable to derision, hatred, and outright fear I'd seen reflected in the eyes of those around me—those I'd once considered friends.

I halted, struck immobile by the memory. Self-pity was a plague, one I refused to fall victim to. Squeezing my eyes shut, I willed away the images of my past and the accompanying resentment. I was here after all. I was changing my fate. And then I'd return to those people that scorned me. I'd let them see the woman that became of the girl they shunned, and then I'd leave forever. Somewhere in this vast world was a better life, a better place for me. If I could track down the Ferrier of Souls, I could find my paradise too.

Tilting my chin up to the sky, I opened my mouth and screamed. The cry that poured from me was eight years of pain, eight years of silence, eight years of pretending I was fine when all I wanted to do was rage. It crashed through the silence like a thunderclap.

My knees buckled, and I collapsed to the ground in a graceless heap, utterly spent.

I gasped for air, but breath was not all I'd expelled. With a single sound, I'd let go of everything I'd been. It was the farewell I hadn't let myself make. Goodbye to my old life. Goodbye to the cursed destiny I refused to accept.

Now, I sat, an empty vessel ready to be filled, a blank page with endless possibilities.

The shadow guards, who had scattered at my sudden outburst, creeped back into my periphery.

I stared at my hands, one light and one shadowed. Part of me had hoped the shadows would disappear when I'd made my bargain. If I'd changed my fate, why was I still marked?

The sound of approaching footsteps startled me into motion. I scrambled to my feet, hiding my affected hand behind my back and angling my face away out of habit. The steps were unhurried, deliberate, and they were getting closer.

For a moment, I considered the time it would take to rush back into the manor, but then I remembered. I was through with hiding. With a deep breath in, I turned to fully face whoever neared. If it was the Ferrier, he'd already seen the worst of me. I'd assumed we were the only two in The Between, but maybe that assumption had been wrong.

A shiver coursed through me, but I held firm, even as a man dressed in black stepped around the corner of the stable.