Chapter Eleven

“Did you smell bleach?” I asked Hades.

“What?” He was getting distracted by the 1960s sex toys, his stare lingering on a psychedelic butt plug.

“Lets move this conversation to another room,” Mr T suggested.

His wife was ahead of him. Mrs E. strode past me with her stare locked straight ahead. The Navajo Goddess of Change was not looking for bedroom inspiration.

Pan, however, lifted something and asked Jesus, “Can I borrow this? I just want to use it as a prototype to make one for myself. I wont actually use it.”

“Sure thing.” Jesus waved at the little glass item.

“Why do you need a prototype of a pipe?” Thor asked.

“Its more than a pipe,” Pan whispered to Thor. “And you know how much I love playing my pipes.”

“But thats a different kind of pipe.” Thor frowned, still not getting it.

“Yes, I know. I was making a joke.”

“But—”

“Exactly,” Pan said.

“Huh?”

“With this, I can literally blow smoke up someones ass.”

“Did you know they actually did that?” I asked Pan. “That was a medical thing. Doctors would slide a tube up there and blow smoke up it.”

“I did know that!” Pan pointed at me. “Humans are funny.” He shook his head. “Smoke up the ass makes more sense as a sexual kink than medical treatment.”

Thor went fire engine red.

Jesus burst out laughing. “Theyre teasing you, Thor. That pipes meant to blow your mind, not your bottom.”

Thor was back to being confused. “So, it is a pipe to smoke out of.”

“Yup.” Then Jesus winked at Pan. “After youve used it for other things. Ive never used it for the backdoor, though. Mainly, because I like to double toke, if you know what I mean, and I dont want to inhale whats been up there.”

“Oh, thats brilliant!” Pan said. “I thought it would just be a bit of fun to see a beautiful bottom smoking. So many jokes. But now, Im rethinking things.” He set the pipe back down. “I dont think I need to borrow it. Ive got it firmly in mind now.”

“We all do,” Brahma drawled.

“If you ever think about sliding a pot pipe in my divine flower, I will crush you,” Sarasvati said to Brahma.

“Never, my darling. Never would I ever dare to disrespect the glory of your perfect channel with toxic smoke.”

Everyone groaned and finally left the room.

As we walked out, going back into Jesuss comparatively sedate bedroom, Teharon, the Mohawk God of Healing, murmured, “Im glad Karni had other obligations today.”

Karni Mata, the Hindu Goddess of Rats, was Teharons girlfriend. Yes, rats. Get over it. I have. Granted, its taken me a while.

Free from the grip of the holy sex room at last, I tried my question on Hades again, “Hades, did you smell bleach?”

“Did I . . .” He frowned and slid his glasses back in place. “Oh, in the Underworld. Yes, I did. They covered their trail.”

“Definitely the same god then,” Torrent said.

“As if that was in doubt?” Finn asked.

“Hey, watch your tone with my man,” Artemis growled. “If he says something obvious, its because Torr is always the smartest person in the room, and he never knows whos up to speed with him.”

Finn took one look at the badass Goddess of the Hunt, dressed in jeans, a T-shirt, and a leather jacket, and said, “Ease back, Hells Angel. Were all friends here.”

“Im Greek.”

“No, sweetheart. Hes referring to the infamous motorcycle club, Hells Angels, because of your jacket,” Torrent said.

“And her attitude,” Finn grumbled.

“What the fuck is wrong with my attitude, asshole?” Artie demanded.

We all went still. Artemis could be aggressive, but never like this. Thats when I noticed she was still holding that springy snake.

“Artie, drop the snake!” I said urgently.

“What?” She scowled at me, her brown puppy dog eyes gone feral.

Torrents eyes widened. “Sweetie, the snake. Youre still holding it. I think its enchanted.”

Artemis looked down at the bright pink snake in her hands and flinched. “What the hell?” Her hand clenched instead of opening. “I cant let go!”

“Artie!” Torrent reached for the snake.

“Dont touch it!” I shouted. “Torr, stand back.”

“What are you going to do?” Torrent asked urgently.

“Burn it.”

“Burn it?!” Torr and Artie screeched together.

“I can be precise,” I said.

“No! Ill handle this.” Torrent growled as he glanced around the room to make sure there were only people he could trust nearby.

“Shoot,” I whispered. “Sorry. I was so worried that I forgot.”

But Torrent was already focused on the snake. His eyes shifted as if he were reading something, then the snake crumbled into pink dust. Artemis took a deep breath and shuddered.

“Ive got you, babe,” Torrent said as he pulled her into his arms. “Its all right.”

Hades shook his head as he watched them. “He may be the greatest power among us.”

“He would be,” Thor said. “If he started using that magic as a weapon. But Torrent would never do that.”

Torrent lifted his head and met Thors gaze. “Yes, I would. If it meant protecting those I loved, I would use it in a heartbeat. I would unmake anything and anyone who tried to hurt us.”

“Good answer, Torr,” I said. “But for now, we keep that power under wraps.”

Torrent nodded.

“Im sorry, but . . . what the fuck in the fuck room was that?” Morpheus asked. “She couldnt let go of that thing. Was it turning her vicious?”

“Like a viper?” Viper asked with a lifted brow.

I looked around and met only worried stares.

“This is beyond a prank,” Odin said.

“Its a game,” Re said.

Hades growled at Re, “Taking my dogs is a game?”

“Hades, maybe its not the nicest thing to call Cerberus your dog,” I suggested.

Hades blinked. Thought about it. “No, he likes it. He calls himself the Hound of Hades.”

I just shook my head.

“This is a game,” Thor said. “They meant for us to find these things.” He looked at his father. “Dad, can you take a closer look at the wand?”

“Without touching it,” I added.

“Why dont I just look at it?” Torrent said. “I can tell you if its enchanted.”

“Can you tell us what kind of enchantment?” Thor asked.

Torr squished up his face. “Only if Ive seen something similar before.”

“My father knows magic,” Thor said. “Why dont you both take a look?”

Odin waved Torr ahead of him, back into Jesuss sex room. But first, Torrent had to check on his girlfriend.

“Are you all right, Artie?” Torrent asked, his platinum blond hair falling into his face as he lowered his head to look at her.

Artemis lifted her head and squared her shoulders. “Im good. Go on.” She gave him a push. “We need to hunt.”

Torrent was the kind of guy to take people at their word. He didnt hover and keep asking if she was sure. He just nodded and went into the room with Odin.

They came out a few seconds later.

“Its not there,” Odin said.

“What do you mean, its not there?” I lifted my hands to make a what-the-hell motion and lo and behold, there was the wand, still in my hand. “Tinkerbells tiddlywinks! Im still holding it!” I tried to let go, but my hand wouldnt open. “I cant let go!”

My husbands started to come closer.

“Stay back!” I accidentally waved the wand and glittering dust fell from it. “Crap!” I backpedaled so it wouldnt get on me, but the dust rose to circle me anyway, as if drawn to me. It circled me, going upward in a spiral before coming back down in a glittering rain that coated my body. As it fell, it turned pale blue, becoming a frilly, fluffy ballgown. “Oh, fruity pebbles,” I whispered. “No, it cant be.”

“What? Cant be what?” Sarasvati asked.

I looked up at my men. “Im the Fairy Godmother.”

Morpheus snorted before he could catch himself. Under everyones glares, he said, “Sorry. But its kind of funny.”

“Yeah, it was,” I said. “I thought it was hilarious when I first made the joke. Back, oh fifteen thousand years ago in the Faerie Realms past.”

Morpheus gaped at me.

“This person knows that you went back in time,” Thor said.

“Not just that. They know that I went back into a fairy tale. And they know that I called myself Cinderellas Fairy Godmother!” I almost lifted the wand again, but controlled the urge.

“Torrent,” Odin said in a low, dangerous tone.

“On it!” Torrent focused on the wand.

I felt a shimmer of energy coast over my body as the dress burst apart, then the wand crumbled in my hands. I breathed out in relief and opened my hand to fling it free of dust.

“Wheres the gravestone?” Thor asked.

“I set it on the table.” Trevor waved at a bedside table as he hurried over to me.

“Torrent, could you, please?” Thor asked.

“Sure thing.” He started for the table.

As he went, my men surrounded me, holding me between them. I wasnt sure if it was just in relief or if they were trying to form a living shield between me and that gravestone.

“Theres no magic in it,” Torrent said.

I gently pushed at Kirills chest. “Come on, babe. All of you. Stand down. Im fine.”

The men backed up so I could see Torrent holding the gravestone. He shrugged and handed it to Hades.

Hades looked down at the image of the little dog. “This is a threat. Theyre going to kill my dogs.” He lifted his head. “What kind of spineless, worthless, piece of shit kills defenseless animals?”

“Well, Cerberus isnt exactly defenseless,” Morpheus muttered.

Hades focused on Morph.

“Sorry, but its true. Hes the Guardian of the Underworld.”

“He is,” Thor said gravely. “And this person took him.” He looked at Hades. “Was there evidence of a fight?”

Hadess expression went blank. “No. No, there wasnt.”

“So, how did they do it?” Thor looked at me. “And how did they know about Vervain?”

“Or that I would be the one to pick up the wand?” I added.

“This is not good,” Blue said. “Very not good.”

“So much more than a prank,” Eztli added. “This is a declaration of war.”

“I dont think so,” Jesus said.

We all turned to look at him.

“If they wanted a war, they would have kept the Ark whole. And kept it. The Ark is a weapon. An incredibly powerful weapon that even humans can use. So, why dismantle it? No, this isnt about war. This person has left us clues. They want us to find the dogs.”

I looked at the marker still in Hadess hands. “If love could have saved you.”

“What?” Hades demanded.

“Hes right. The marker is a clue,” I said. “If this is a game, then that is our invitation to play.” I pointed at the gravestone.

“If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever,” Hades read the engraving. “If love could have saved you.”

“So, love is not the key to finding them,” Odin concluded.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Hades demanded.

“It means that you need to stay out of this,” I said. “Go home, Hades. Your involvement may end up killing Cerberus and Princess.” I glanced at the gravestone. “Well, maybe just Princess.”

Hadess face twitched. He loved that dog more than he let on. I knew it. “Very well. My wife needs me to comfort her anyway. Please, uh, text me.”

“As soon as we know anything, we will,” Thor said.

“Thank you.” Hades handed the gravestone to Thor and looked around at us. “They are dear to me. Please, do not fail.”

“We wont, Hades,” I said and hugged him. “I promise.”

Hades hugged me back, then stepped out of the hug, and nodded. “If you need it, you have the backing of the Greek Underworld. Just say the word.”

Then he walked out.