Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33

“You look as if you need some rest.”

Daniel looked up from his documents and glared icily at the Dowager Duchess, who serenely took the seat closest to his desk. In return, she simply smiled back at him.

“Caroline,” he seethed. “I am currently not in the mood to play along.”

“Oh, I would not dream of it, my boy. I know better than to poke the bear, so to speak.”

“So, you should be well aware that I do not want to see anyone right now.”

Last night, it had been Hudson. Now, Caroline was intent on seeing just how far they could test his patience.

Truthfully, he was losing his grip on both his tolerance and his sanity.

“Well, I had the most delightful afternoon at Blackthorn Estate,” she said with a slight laugh. “The new Duchess is a nice young woman. Your friend is certainly very lucky.”

If Colin still considers me a friend.

They had not spoken since the day Colin returned from his honeymoon and demanded that he return Evie to Blackthorn Estate, and as much as his pride refused to admit it, he missed his old friend.

Well, not as much as he missed his sister. But that was another point entirely.

“Your Duchess was there, too,” Caroline continued breezily, seemingly aware of the forbidding expression on his face. “She looked much better than the last time I had seen her, but I suppose you already know that.”

“What do you mean by that?” he demanded.

“I meant,” she clarified with a stern look. “That you still have her maid in your pocket and that you have been keeping watch on her from afar.”

It would seem that she was done beating around the bush. That was well and good, for Daniel was tired of playing games himself.

“So what if I do?” He shrugged. “I merely wanted to make sure she was all right.”

“So you do care for her.”

More than you can ever imagine, he wanted to say. Instead, he bit back the words and chose not to say anything more that might only serve as ammunition for Caroline.

“Well, let me tell you something your spies failed to tell you,” she huffed. “The poor dear looks visibly well, but I can tell that she has hardly been sleeping. She smiles, yes, but only out of politeness and nothing more. There is no laughter in her eyes and in her heart.”

Daniel sucked in a deep breath at her brief summation of Evie’s current state.

She reached for his hand and squeezed it. For the first time, he did not pull away from her touch.

“We both know that if ever there was a person made of sunshine and laughter, that is our dear Evie,” she said softly. “But, Daniel… the woman I saw today could not possibly be her.”

Daniel sucked in a deep breath and stood up. “I think I have had enough of this conversation,” he announced.

The older woman only looked up at him sadly and then hung her head. It seemed to take a great effort for her to rise from her seat.

“In that case, I shall make myself scarce,” she told him.

“There is no need for that,” he snapped, grabbing his coat from a nearby hanger. “I will leave.”

“Where are you going?”

Where none of you may harangue me about how badly I messed up.

“Out,” he said instead.

He did not care to elaborate as he strode past her, calling for Barnaby to ready his coach as he did so.

In times like these, there was only one place he could go to clear his head.

The handsome carriage that rolled up to the front door of St. Martha’s Orphanage never failed to attract whispers from its neighbors. While other carriages had been subjected to vandalism and maybe even robbery at times in the area, even the residents of one of the poorest areas in London knew that there were just some people they could not afford to offend, and the Duke of Ashton was one of them.

So, whenever his carriage showed up in their area, they stuck to their whispers and their curious gazes, but never made an attempt to harm the coach and the footmen who usually accompanied it.

Mrs. Thomas greeted Daniel at the front door with a kind smile on her face.

“Your Grace, we were not expecting you today,” she greeted him, wiping her hands on her apron.

Daniel nodded. “I hope that I am not disrupting any of your activities today, Mrs. Thomas.”

“Oh, no, no, no!” She laughed. “Your visits are always a delight to us. You have to forgive the ruckus, though. The children are just about done with their lessons, and you know how excited they can get outside of the classroom.”

Education was one other thing that Daniel prioritized at St. Martha’s Orphanage. If these children were ever to be given a brighter future beyond its walls, then a proper education would be most helpful, indeed.

He had hired tutors to teach the young ones to read and write, to do their arithmetic, as well as classes in basic etiquette and deportment.

“I hope that their teachers have not acted⁠—”

Mrs. Thomas shook her head. “They would not dare harm the children, Your Grace. I made sure of that.”

Daniel smiled tightly and nodded. Most teachers still regarded corporal punishment as a fine method of discipline, but he had never agreed with that. He knew a great many children who had been harmed simply because it was harder to learn under duress.

“I shall be in my usual spot,” he informed her.

Mrs. Thomas nodded. “Very well, Your Grace. I shall send someone with some food in a while.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Thomas.”

“No, Your Grace. Thank you.”

After the woman left, he walked up to the lone bench under a great tree in the corner of the playground. As he walked past the door, little bodies streamed past him, laughing joyfully as they spilled out into the playground with their toys.

Soon, the air was filled with the cheerful sound of their chatter as they called and played amongst themselves. By the door, a matronly woman kept watch over them as a mother would.

They were orphans—every single one of them. Children whose parents had passed away or had given them up to the establishment, since they were incapable of providing for them. They were the most vulnerable population in society, and yet the easiest to overlook.

Mrs. Thomas and her staff took them in and provided them with food, clothes, shelter, and the affection that was necessary to nurture their broken souls. Daniel provided all the money that was needed to cover such an expensive undertaking, and in return, he would always have his worn bench under the tree in the corner of the playground.

He stared at his hands, worn from toiling and scrabbling to survive. He would make sure that these little ones would never have to experience the horrors he had to go through.

Suddenly, a ball rolled over and bumped into his shoe. Daniel looked up to find a group of children running over to him, their eyes bright, their cheeks rosy with health.

He picked up the ball and held it up for them. “Is this yours?” he asked them.

A little girl stepped forward and nodded. “We were playing with it. We’re sorry for disturbing you, Sir.”

He smiled a little. “You were not disturbing anything. Here.”

He held the ball out to her, and she jogged up to him. She took the ball from his hands and then peered curiously up at him.

There was something in her eyes—the brightness and curiosity, perhaps—that reminded him once more of Evie, and the sharp pain lanced through his chest once more.

“You look sad,” she murmured, her brown eyes softening.

How very perceptive of you.

“I… I lost someone I care for,” he admitted softly. “Deeply.”

“Oh.” Her eyes clouded over with sympathy. “I lost my mama when I was little, too.”

She reached out to pat his shoulder, and with a most solemn face, she murmured consolingly, “There, there… I am certain it will get better with time.”

No, it won’t.

“I am afraid that it will take a long, long time to get better.”

“Why?” she persisted. “Did they go to heaven already?”

“Good grief, no!” Daniel burst out.

If Evie died, was there even a point of living?

“Are they… sick?”

Daniel fought the urge to laugh.

Such morbid questions for such a small girl.

But then, how could he forget that these children were the ones who had been through the greatest misfortune? And yet, they still looked at the world with eyes filled with hope.

It was truly a wonder.

“She is not dead or dying,” he told her.

“Oh.”

He watched as relief flooded her little face before she burst into a wide smile, and he noted a missing front tooth.

Charming.

“Then, in that case, you can always get her back!” She beamed up at him.

“What do you mean?”

She leaned in closer to him and confided in a soft voice, “Sometimes, Johnny and I fight a lot, and it always feels like I’m losing my friend.” She hung her head down. “He can be very annoying, you know.”

Daniel chuckled. “I suppose it does.”

She nodded with utmost seriousness. “But when I talk to him, it always makes things better.” She pursed her lips and pouted. “Saying sorry can be really hard, though.”

“Do you always have to say sorry?”

She shook her head. “Not always. Sometimes, he does, too. But saying sorry makes it all better, even if it is hard.”

“I suppose it does.”

“I do not want to not be friends with Johnny,” she told him with wide eyes. “Saying sorry is easier than losing a friend. Mrs. Thomas always said so.”

“Yes!” the other children chorused in agreement.

Why the hell am I getting advice from a bunch of children?

Daniel inwardly shook his head, even though he found himself thoroughly amused.

Evie would have loved to see this. She would probably take their side, too…

His smile faltered when he thought of her, and then he looked at the little girl before him.

Bright eyes and a toothy smile that saw all the goodness in the world.

If he and Evie had a child, they would probably look just like this little girl before him, with innocence shining in their eyes.

What if we do have a child?

Unlike all the other women he had lain with in the past, he had always made sure to stay in control. That no child would ever come out of such a union.

With Evie, there was none of that.

Suddenly, the thought of her round with his child did not seem so bad. Having children with Evie and raising them with her. Growing old with her…

It sounded like heaven on earth.

He did not think of his father or his petty revenge on a man who had been dead and buried in the ground for years.

All he thought of was Evie, and how wonderful it would be to have a family with her.

She could be carrying his child at that very moment.

And I had turned her away. I cast her out just like my father threw my mother out.

Remorse and a deep self-loathing filled him.

How could he do that to Evie, when he swore that he would never be like his own father?

“I… I need to go,” he muttered, standing up so quickly that he almost threw the little girl off balance. “Need to take care of something.”

“Are you going to say sorry to your friend?” she asked him curiously.

For the first time since Evie left, Daniel smiled.

“Yes… yes, I am.”

The children burst into cheers as he rushed out of the playground. He ran past Ms. Morgan, who was carrying the basket of food that Mrs. Thomas had promised him.

“You are leaving, Your Grace?” the spinster asked him in surprise.

He nodded. “Yes, Ms. Morgan. And please, relay my thanks to Mrs. Thomas as well. Tell her that I am happy with how you have all taught the children.”

The woman turned red and stammered her thanks as Daniel patted her shoulder and strode out the door.

For the first time since his childhood had beaten it out of him, Daniel felt hope.

And it was pointing towards Blackthorn Estate.