Chapter 30

Mishka

Istared at the ceiling, not yet fully awake. I was in a hotel room, I realized. I was in New York. We were on a journey around half the world and this was only the first leg.

A sense of excitement warred with a sense of dread inside me. The further we got from home, the further I was from my father. The further I was from any sense of myself or familiarity.

I would have to get used to waking up in strange, but luxurious places, I realized. Not something most people would complain about. All things considered; I was very lucky. I felt a bit like Cinderella, if she had been sold to the mafia to pay a family debt.

Actually, if I was in a fairy tale, it was Beauty and the Beast.

I rolled to my side, letting my thoughts float like leaves on a stream.

I remembered the plane ride and the nearly perfect day we had had. But I had no memory of getting into bed. I closed my eyes again, not ready to face reality. I did not know what time it was, or where my employer was. It was extremely disorienting.

Anton… he had surprised me yet again. The girls in the department store had been right. He was treating me more like a doting lover than a captor. But that wasn't it exactly. He was not making demands of me. Not in that way. He was treating me with respect.

He had so many sides. It was impossible to put him into any one category. Anton was a known killer. Ruthless. A monster. To the outside world, he was hardly tender, and yet I would call him tender. He had been more than once. He had been tender and protective towards me many, many times.

And that was the least of it.

I was starting to suspect that he had created this entire situation, this unusual arrangement, simply to help while allowing my father to save face. And perhaps, just perhaps, because he wanted to get closer to me. I could not imagine why. I knew I was talented and passably pretty. But he had bedded some of the most famous and beautiful women in the world. He had his pick.

Was it possible that he had developed true feelings for me during my service? Or had he arranged all of this for a chance to be close to me? That was madness. An impossibility.

And yet it rang true. Whatever was happening between us, there was more than met the eye, that much was certain. If it was the chicken or the egg that came first, I could not tell. Perhaps it did not matter.

But he did care for me. I knew it. It was more than simply wanting to believe it. The truth was, I would not have dared even dream it if he had not put so much evidence in front of me, time and time again.

Or was this just his behavior on this journey? When we returned to Moscow would he go back to the aloof master who ignored me much of the time? The man who only cracked his hard shell when playing chess, or when touching me, or kissing me?

If that happened, I did not think I could bear it. The thought of it alone was enough to make my stomach tighten in despair. With Papa so far away, I already felt so alone. If Anton returned to coolness or cruelty, I might crumble.

I would remain cautious, I decided. I had no choice. I could not allow myself to become so vulnerable. I was already at his mercy. I could not give him my heart and my very soul.

My eyes were shut against the racing thoughts in my mind. But suddenly they opened. I smelled something delicious, distracting me from my thoughts.

I smelled coffee.

My eyes opened and I saw the sun coming in around the curtains. I wanted to open them. I wanted to start the day.

I wanted to see him.

Whichever version of him I might get…

Monster. Captor. Criminal. Gentle giant. You never could tell. But somehow, I could not help but want to know every single part of him.

I threw the covers back and almost ran to the windows. We were leaving New York soon. I wanted to soak up every moment of it.

I looked out into the sunshine. It was early, but I was well rested. I must have fallen asleep during dinner, I realized with embarrassment.

But how had I gotten back into my room? Into my bed? There was only one way. Well, two. And I had never walked in my sleep before.

Anton must have carried me. I looked down at my body. I was fully dressed. It wasn't embarrassing. But it was shockingly intimate. He was my boss, not my lover or my father.

He was not even my friend. Or was he?

I shivered and ran to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face. I combed my hair and applied lip gloss. I decided to shower after breakfast, if it was provided in the suite. I wasn't sure what to wear for the day, so I decided to brave the kitchen area of the suite in my loungewear. I was that desperate for coffee.

I was also famished… had I eaten dinner? I remembered taking a few bites and starting a movie… but then nothing. My cheeks were burning with the realization that I had definitely dozed off in front of my boss.

In front of him.

Anton was not a typical boss. The situation was highly unusual. What I felt for him wasn't even a normal crush. Crushes like the schoolgirl crushes some of my classmates had had on this teacher or that teacher, or a famous actor or sports star.

I had been too shy to even really think that way. I loved music and my father. That was about it. I liked books and being out in nature. I just had not paid much attention to boys.

Not until now.

I was crushing pretty hard on my boss. More than that even. I was afraid I might be falling in love with him.

But I could not. I did not dare. I had never been in love before. And this was not the time to start. Anton was not the right man for an inexperienced girl like me. He wasn't even expert level. He was in the stratosphere when it came to money and power.

I was in way way way over my head.

Even if he had not been the head of the Aslanov Crime Syndicate, I would have been in over my head. As it were…

"Good morning, Mishka. Would you like some coffee?"

I blinked. I was barely out of my bedroom and he was there, leaning against a wall and giving me a sweet and solicitous look. He made me a cup just the way I liked it. I accepted it, marveling at the change in his attitude. I wasn't sure if it was being away from the family estate, or something else.

If it was me.

"Hungry? I ordered breakfast."

"You did?"

"Or we could go out," he gave me a cute little smile. "Or we could do both."

"Two breakfasts?"

"Sure, why not?"

I laughed. I couldn't help it. The man did seem to love feeding me. I let him lead me towards the kitchen, where there was a full spread laid out on the gorgeous marble on the island.

"We could eat here, or on the terrace."

"This is fine. It's… nice," I said shyly. And it was. It might be a palatial super luxurious five-star hotel suite, but it was still… homey. Especially compared to the compound we usually lived in.

Of course, he had grown up like that. So that might feel more homey to him. This was probably small. Claustrophobic.

"Please help yourself," he said, watching me carefully. He was already dressed in custom fit wool trousers, with a white shirt that was open at the neck. He was freshly showered, and his hair was doing that adorable thing it did when it was wet and curled over his forehead.

I almost curtsied. Thankfully, I stopped myself. I set down my coffee and started to explore what the options were. There were Eggs Benedict over salmon under a silver cloche. I looked at Anton and he gestured that I should take it. I added fresh berries to my plate, as well as some salad greens. I eyed the tiered serving tray with pastries.

"Go ahead."

Anton was smiling at me. I bit my lip.

"Maybe after," I said. "Sir."

He let out a sharp laugh.

"Please, do not hold back. You should eat your fill. You missed dinner for the most part," he said, taking a sip of his coffee. Then he casually asked; "Did you sleep well?"

I nearly choked on the first bite of my eggs, which were delicious. I said nothing. I took a glass of tomato juice with a piece of celery sticking out of it. I took a deep sip to cover my embarrassment, before realizing that it was not tomato juice.

It was very spicy, and I was pretty sure there was alcohol in it.

"What… is that?" I asked, looking at my glass with fascinated horror.

"Haven't you ever had a Bloody Mary before?"

"No, I haven't," I said, my cheeks burning. I was not going to call him sir again. And I wasn't going to show how inexperienced I was either! I took another deep sip and his already knowing smile widened. He was so smug!

I was eating standing up, as was he. I squelched the urge to stomp my foot. Barely.

Warmth spread through me as I sipped. He only smiled wider. Before I knew it the drink was empty, and the straw was dancing in slowly melting ice.

"Another?" He asked solicitously. I nodded, lifting my chin proudly. I would enjoy my Bloody Mary. He said nothing, just poured me another drink. He leaned onto his folded hands and watched me.

This time I ate a few bites before taking another sip. The flavor was rapidly growing on me. It was delicious. In fact, it was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted.

Suddenly I was in a very jovial mood. I smiled at him and started eating in earnest. I finished my meal and most of my second drink, the coffee largely forgotten. Anton graciously offered to bring some pastries in the limo with us when we set off for the day. He topped off my spicy red drink and sent me into the bedroom to get changed.

I was floating on air as I got quickly showered and dressed in the clothing provided for me. It was another wool sheath dress with matching coat, this time in a gorgeous rich camel color. It complimented my skin beautifully; I realized as I looked into the mirror. There were matching kid leather gloves, soft taupe tights and brown calf height low heeled leather boots that I did not remember trying on.

The leather was sumptuous. Everything was sumptuous. I touched the leather and wool with a sense of awed reverence. Not unlike the way Anton looked when he cupped my cheek the day before, I realized.

Somehow, everything he had purchased for me fit perfectly. It was magical. The sales women had known what they were doing, I thought with admiration.

I applied a bit of the makeup and skincare provided. It was nice to pamper myself a bit, once I got used to taking time for myself. And my skin could have gotten dry from the cool weather, as it did sometimes during the colder weather in Moscow, particularly with all the flying we were about to do.

I skipped the blush since the apples of cheeks were already pink and healthy looking. The truth was, I was glowing. I gave myself a smile and tousled my hair so it didn't look overly styled.

With the elegant clothes and heavy gold jewelry that had been waiting for me, I could have looked stuffy or mature. Instead, the ensemble was classic and effortlessly cool.

I felt good. Really good. The spicey drinks might be helping with that, I thought with a shrug. I was having fun and enjoying myself. And I really loved the way I looked and felt when I looked in the mirror.

That was a first, and it was lovely. I felt… feminine, for lack of a better word.

I tucked my phone into a soft leather handbag that matched the boots and gloves, along with lip gloss and a small tube of hand cream. I didn't have a wallet with me, I realized. I was completely dependent on Anton. He had my passport and all the money.

It gave me pause. I felt my stomach clench. But it passed quickly. Anton would take care of me, just as he had taken care of my father. He was a natural provider. It was in his nature to be protective of those he cared about who were not as strong or powerful.

And really, no one on earth was.

Papa and I had been texting steadily, and Facetiming almost every day, at least before I had left Moscow. His condition was improving. His doctors had not said that a complete reversal was possible, but I still held out hope that a miracle was happening. If nothing else, they had bought him precious time.

Precious time that I longed to be spending with him, though it was not part of our arrangement. Perhaps soon, I could visit him. I would ask Anton the next time we spoke of my father.

I was so grateful that he was no longer in pain. I could see it when we video chatted with each other. He looked more relaxed than he had in years. I knew he did not fear death, per say. But he did not want to leave me alone without family.

Something had given him hope. I must honor my father and let myself feel hope to. Hope that everything would actually work out for the best. My dear Papa's health… my music career… perhaps even my complicated relationship with my equally complicated master'.

I was feeling good again as I left my room and joined Anton in the main lounge area of the suite. He was so still and quiet, deep in thought and looking out the window. He turned to look at me and froze. His eyes were shocked, then he blinked, and his gaze changed. Now it was filled with warm, male appreciation.

"You look incredible, Mishka. You are remarkably lovely in that color."

He might be overstating, but I knew that he meant it. I felt beautiful in that moment. I smiled shyly.

"Thank you. For the dress. It is lovely."

"Hmmm," he started but then stopped, saying nothing.

"What is it?"

"The dress is benefiting from your beauty, not the other way around, Mishka."

"Oh," I said, feeling heat fill my cheeks. It was a good thing I had not applied blush that morning, or I would look like a performer, ready to take the stage.

"Shall we? Or would you like another drink?"

"Not right now, thank you," I said, a bit indignant. Must he tease me about the drinks? We both knew quite well that I hadn't expected them to be so strong.

The truth was, I was quite tipsy.

He offered me his arm. I took it. I was not surprised that once again there were four men waiting in the hallway outside. As we passed, I saw that there were two more waiting by the elevator. I knew that two would stay behind to watch the suite, and four would travel with us, in addition to the limo driver, and the drivers for the security team. One SUV would be in front of us, and another behind.

Anton had assured me that he often traveled with more security, not less. It was strange how quickly I was getting used to his ways. As much as it was strange, and we were a spectacle, the men were actually very good at blending into the background.

But I could not help imagine walking with Anton, like normal people, a normal couple in love, would be a dream… a dream that could not happen, I reminded myself harshly. Remember who he is. Remember what he is.

He might be interested in bedding me, and he clearly was, but I had no idea what else he intended or what he planned to offer me.

He escorted me out and then we were sliding into the limo. I was in a haze as he smiled at me, and we were off, this time to Brooklyn. We drove over a bridge. I stared out the windows while he smiled at me, pointing to famous landmarks out here and there. We spent the morning strolling hand in hand through the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens, which were spectacular, and quite romantic.

We had lunch at a tiny restaurant nearby, in Park Slope. It was barely visible from the street, and had apparently been there for fifty years or longer. It was warm and unassuming. Anton ordered for us both, including an expensive bottle of red wine that made the waiter's eyes widen for a moment.

I was still feeling warm and loose from the Bloody Mary's. Normally I would have refused, but it felt like we were on a holiday. I decided to throw caution the wind and indulge him and myself. The wine was delicious. And when we left, they brought another bottle of the same vintage out, opened it, and handed it to Anton. He carried it to the limo with a smirk.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?" I joked. But I was astonished.

"If we are going to day drink, we might as well keep the party going," he said with a wink.

And keep the party going, we did.

We drove around, stopping here and there to go into shops and bars. Before I knew it, we were pulling up outside an enormous building I had only seen in pictures.

And then he did something that shocked me. He took me to BAM. Of course, it was not open. Not yet. But somehow, we were not only allowed in, but escorted onto the stage itself.

I walked around, taking in the sight of the empty theater, from the perspective of the stage. When I turned around, Anton had something in his arms.

A black faux leather case, curved to shape the instrument hidden within.

"My violin?"

"You don't have to play… But I thought you might want to experience playing on a stage of this caliber. I am sure it will be the first of many."

I stared at him in awe. He was so arrogant. High handed. So… thoughtful. Creative. Imaginative. Kind.

"You want me to play for you."

"No. This is not for me. This is for you," he held the case out, saying solemnly "I would like to play for me someday. But this is not that. In fact, I will step outside if you prefer."

I exhaled, suddenly feeling shaky. I did want to play. It was such a generous offer. How could I resist?

I nodded quickly, before I could chicken out. I swallowed any insecurity that threatened to rise. Now was not the time.

He turned to go but I stopped him.

"Anton…" he glanced at me, something vulnerable in his eyes. "Please, stay."

He nodded, then moved backwards to give me space. He looked happy. Hopeful. Even joyous.

Desire to play rose up in me. I knew instantly what to play. The audition piece I had been practicing endlessly. It had been days since I touched my violin, but it settled into my arms like an old friend.

Lights clicked on heavily above me. With another loud noise, the house lights dimmed. I heard footsteps and looked around. I was on the stage alone. I had no idea where Anton was, or if anyone else was there, but it did not matter. Everything faded away other than the warm wood in my hands. I lifted my beloved instrument to my shoulder, closed my eyes, and began to play.

It felt like flying. It always felt magical when I was in the zone. I knew the curves of the wood like the shape of my own body. I knew this piece of music inside and out. I didn't have to think about my finger placement, or the tempo. I just left the music come through me, and soar out into the theater.

Playing in a space like this, even with my eyes closed, felt different. It felt magical. It felt profound.

And then it was over. The music had ended too fast. It was much shorter than I remembered. Or was it a full half an hour later? I had played the piece in its entirety. At least I thought I had… I realized I lost any else of time and space. I had forgotten myself in the music, in a way I never had before.

I exhaled and opened my eyes.

Strong slow claps rang out from the side of the stage. I heard footsteps approaching. Then Anton was beside me. I turned to look at him. Joy was streaming from me in every direction. But it was the look in his eyes that surprised me.

I knew in that moment that I need not doubt how he felt about me. He loved me. There was no way he could manufacture the look of adoration and awe on his face.

This was not merely lust. It was not merely love. It was a forever love. The kind that existed outside time and space.

"My God, Mishka" he breathed as he stared at me. "You are brilliant. Remarkable. A true artist, my sweet."

I let his words sink in, instead of thanking him, or minimizing my talent. I was not a fan of false modesty. I was talented and I knew it. But for the first time in my life, I'd felt the spark of genius while playing. It was not all the years of tireless work. Something else had happened. I felt… changed.

Perhaps it was the alcohol giving me a sense of grandiosity, but it felt like I just graduated from promising schoolgirl to true artist.

He took my wrist and turned it slightly so he could press a kiss to the back of my hand. My entire body felt lit up and alive. My heart swelled with something. Love, most likely.

The lights clicked on. The spell was broken, but a sense of pure magic still lingered in the air. I was smiling as Anton led me down the aisle through the dark theater to the lobby. I saw that workers had gathered outside the theater doors. As we passed through the crowd, they turned to stare. They started to applaud for me. My cheeks reddened. I was not used to this.

"Better get used to accolades," he whispered to me with a grin. I ducked my head but turned to give a small wave of thanks to the group, still applauding my performance. I was walking on air as we climbed into the limo. This time, Champagne was waiting for us on ice.

"Ready for the next stop?" Anton asked as he handed me a glass. I nodded happily, sipping and staring out the window as we travelled back through Brooklyn to Manhattan.