Chapter 4

brOOKE

"Harper, I can't talk about it. I'm sorry."

"You just disappeared for a month, Brooke, you can't just turn up at my house and expect me to not have questions."

I'm sitting on Harper's bed right now. It's so funny she has a giant house to herself, but here's us sitting on her bed. Figures. She's not happy, and it doesn't help that the boys freaked her out.

"I just needed time to deal with losing Nate, Harps. That's it. The guys were freaking out over nothing. I promise."

She grabs my hand, looking into my eyes with concern. "B, you can talk to me, you know."

Guilt consumes me because I can't.

What would I say?

Well, Harper, the last few weeks, I had a bit of a breakdown. I stole Jax's phone, which basically had a hit list of this organization that goes around raping and kidnapping women to sell them to others. So, I decided to go and murder a few of them off the list. But hey, I'm good, no need to freak out.

Sure, that would go down well.

I nod, "I know, but honestly, I'm okay. Everything that happened at the beach, it just took its toll, that's all." I swallow hard, knowing I'm lying to my best friend. I'm a fucking hypocrite.

"You weren't the only one affected, B," she whispers.

Fuck. In all the hate and anger I got swept up in, I realize I left my best friend to deal with the fallout on her own. How selfish am I? I never thought for one second Harps saw her best friend murdered in front of her too, and she doesn't have all the information like me either.

"Oh god, Harps, I'm sorry, I didn't think…"

Her eyes well up with tears. "He's gone, Brooke, really gone. I keep waking up, and then it hits me all over again…that night. I watched a guy hold a gun to your head before he shot him, and I have no clue why. Who was he? I heard everything from the house. I don't get it—it just doesn't make sense. Why? Why did he do any of it? And…and Asher killed him like it was nothing. He didn't even blink."

I pull her into a hug as she begins to sob into my hoodie. "I know, Harps, I know." We stay like that for a while as she breaks down on me. Her tears soak through my clothes. I wish I could say something comforting right now, but anything I could say to explain, to answer her questions, just leads to more horror and tragedy.

"He told the police to stop investigating, you know, Nate's dad. They barely started. The boys went to the station with Chase's dad and the next thing you know, it was done. Just a tragic incident. I don't get it. Why wouldn't he want to find out what happened to his son?"

She wipes the tears away with her sleeve. "Why wouldn't Chase? I know they didn't get along, but he was his brother. Someone murdered him. It's not exactly a normal way to die. And the stuff that guy was saying to you and Chase. Something more is going on here, and no one's doing anything to find answers."

I get up off the bed because this conversation isn't going anywhere good, and when Harper gets something in her thoughts, it's hard to get her to drop it.

"You know Chase's father has a lot of power in this town, but to have his own son's murder investigation stopped…"

I cut her off, almost shouting. "When was the last time you went out? Left this house?"

She shakes her head. "Not since the funeral."She sniffles. "I can't…I see him everywhere."

"Harps, that was three weeks ago. You need to get out."

"I don't want to; I just keep thinking about everything going around and around in circles. If no one else is gonna figure this out, then I am."

I grab my phone, texting Jax an idea, and within seconds, he replies.

Sure, it's been a while since we threw one. My house, 9 o'clock.

I smile, putting my phone in my back pocket. "Okay, sitting here is not good for you. Party tonight at Jax's house."

"B, I don't want to go to a party, I look like shit, I feel like shit."

"You need to get out of here, Harper. Have some fun, flirt with some hot guys, get drunk with me."

She stares at me. Seconds pass as she tries to read my face. I try to keep it sincere like I'm not hiding anything from her.

"I can't party when Nate is in the ground. It doesn't feel right."

A sinking feeling hits me because I truly know how she feels. It takes everything in me to drag myself out of bed every morning. I relive Nate bleeding in my arms. His final words to me. I dream about saving him. He doesn't die in that hospital. He's fine. I saved him instead.

"Harper, I…I really need this. I need to get back to some sense of normality, and Nate, he wouldn't want us to stop living. I know it."

She looks at me with sympathy and I feel like I'm playing her a little, but the truth is I do need this. I need to put Chase behind me once and for all, and a party is a good first step for both me and her to try to get some semblance of normality again.

"Fine, I guess a party wouldn't be so bad."

I start pulling her clothes out of the walk-in closet, happy she's given in. "And you need to look fire. I'm thinking this…"

I pull out a black bodycon dress that I know will cling to every one of her curves. It's dusted with a light glitter too, so it will catch the light. I grab a pair of stilettos out with gold heels. "And these."

She nods her head in approval. "Good choice."She laughs.

I laugh, "Well, duh! I learned from the best."

She jumps off the bed, pulling me into a hug. "Thank you, B."

I smile at her genuinely. "I'm back now, okay? No more of this. Nate wouldn't want us living like that. Stuck on what happened to him."

God, I suck. Like really suck. How can I tell her not to worry about the past, and there's me obsessed with it, with trying to make it right? Not that it will ever be right again.

She nods, but honestly, I'm not one hundred percent convinced. I need to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't find any trouble here. She has good questions, but ones she can never find out the answers too.

"You've changed, you know. I can't describe it, but there's something different about you."

"Are you surprised?"

She shakes her head. "No, but just don't change too much, B. You were perfect the way you were."

You're perfection, Tink.

Nate's words ring through my head, and I turn away from Harper, freezing as that memory splits me open. Trying to gather myself as a sharp pain daggers my heart. She touches my arm, and as I turn to face her, I know she can see me blinking tears away. She throws her arms around me, pulling me back on the bed and squeezing me tightly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No," I choke out. "It's just Nate said I was perfect the way I was once."

"You can cry, you know. It's okay, it's normal."

I shake my head furiously. Wiping the tears from my eyes as I pull myself from her arms. "No, I can't. If I start, I won't stop."

"Have you spoken to Chase?"

I look at her blankly, and she looks at me curiously. "Did something happen to you two?"

"We're not together anymore."

"That fucking asshole. I swear I'm going to kick his fucking ass for pushing you away."

"No, it's not like that. It's my choice. I can't be with him, not anymore."

I love how she immediately thought it was him. Guess she got used to him playing games with my heart, too.

"Brooke, Nate wouldn't have wanted that."

"You have no idea. He hated me for breaking up with him and starting something with Chase. Some of the stuff he said to me before he…he died was awful."

"I know, I know exactly what was said. I spoke to him after you left with Chase."

I look at her, my heart clenching. "You what?"

She nods. "He asked me to go for a walk with him. He told me everything that went down between you two the day before. He was hurt and angry and didn't understand why you didn't choose him. "

I throw my hands up. "See? He wouldn't want me with him."

"No, B. That's not how the conversation ended. The next morning, he said he wanted to talk to you. He just needed time. He wrote you something. I think he was practicing it and wanted to organize his thoughts. But he knew why you couldn't be with him."

She leans over, opens her drawer, and pulls out a piece of paper that looks like it was folded and unfolded a few times. "I swiped this from his room. The police raided the place, but I didn't think they needed to see this. I figured it would bring up more questions than needed because me and the boys covered for you. When you left the hospital, we got questioned, but we all agreed to say you weren't there when he was shot. I think Jax said you were out for a run or something and came back just before the ambulances arrived, so they didn't need to speak to you. You went through enough that night."

She passes me the note, and my fingers tremble as I take it from her.

"Did you read…"

"No," she cuts me off. "I found it and read the first line and realized what it was. I didn't read anymore as soon as I knew it was this."

I exhale, my breath so shaky and uneven. I hold the paper, feeling the weight of what I have in my hands.

"Are you going to read it now?"

I shake my head, tucking the paper into my jeans. "I can't. It's too soon."

She nods, getting it. "I'm here when you do. Okay?"

"So, uh, I'll pick you up at eight thirty? I need to go home for a bit. My parents…they get I needed time, but they're not exactly happy right now."

"Sure, sure, go. Will you stay at mine tonight? My parents haven't come back from their summer in Europe, and I need to not be alone for one night."

I nod, knowing we probably both need the company. I pull her into another tight hug before leaving her alone in this huge, empty house of hers.